BOOK REVIEW: "The Power of a Transformed Wife"

[usmcmom]

The book has 205 pages, followed by a couple pages that include a poem by Ken and a small "About the Author" section.  It contains nineteen chapters, the titles of which I will list at the end of this first entry.

The dedication reads: "To those women who dreamed of having a close and intimate marriage only to find out that their marriage was more like a nightmare."  That's it. No promise of encouragement within the pages of the book, no note of thanks that they are trusting her to guide them.  Of course, no mention of her husband whatsoever.

Today I read the introduction entitled "A Note to the Reader," and the first chapter. 

In the introduction, Lori begins with several questions such as "Are you in a difficult marriage...?" "Does it seem like you're moving further away from your husband rather than toward him?" She tells us that these types of questions were important to her because of the difficulties she was having in her marriage as her children were leaving home. She briefly tells the story of taking a walk with Ken and hearing him say he felt there would be nothing holding them together when the children left.  She tells us that all the conflict between Ken and her started on their honeymoon (although later she mentions that they argued a lot while they dated.)  She became angry with Ken on their honeymoon because he ate Ritz crackers with Fake cheese spread and she "was appalled that he would eat something so junky since I was raised to be a health nut."  With that sentence she is sure to let her readers know that anybody who does anything differently than she does is always wrong.  I mean, if she won't eat crackers and cheese, then why would anybody else want to eat crackers and cheese?

She tells us that she gave him the silent treatment for eating unhealthy foods.  Quote: "I thought that if he really cared about my happiness, he wouldn't eat ice cream and deli meats." 

She also thought he watched too much television, was "consumed with sports" and was grumpy with her. She does admit to acting more like his mother than his wife.

"Thank goodness we had children," she writes as she begins a paragraph in which she tells us that she was a great mother (reader's jaw drops here) but a neglectful wife.  She tells us they even argued while they would go out for an evening without the children.  She claims she was heartbroken from Ken's words about their marriage and that she was struck with grief at having no idea how to fix her marriage.  This is where we are first introduced to Debi Pearl's book.  Here she says the book "woke me up to what I was missing in my marriage."  There is absolutely no mention of how Debi spanked her with her words (reader was sad to realize there was no mention of spanking.)

Debi's book made her dreams come true. It transformed her marriage. It made her realize she must give up control. 

Lori then reminds us that Titus 2 holds all the answers.

I will leave it at that for now and be back later to review Chapter One, "My Life Growing Up."

The Chapters: 1. My Life Growing Up  2. Why I Mentor Women  3. Let it Go! (reader instantly begins singing 'Frozen' songs)  4. Allow Him to Lead  5. What Submission Looks Like  6. Easy Conflict Resolution (wait!! Conflict resolution is a sinful modern psychological tool - reader's brain bends)  7. This Thing Called Sex (reader scoops out own eyeballs with rusty spoon) 8. Winning Him Without a Word  9. Teaching and Training Children in the Way They Should Go  10. Birth Control and Having Children  11. The Dating Scene and Sexual Purity  12. Keepers at Home  13. How Are You Dressing? (reader instantly thinks of salad jokes) 14. Talking About Your Financial Health  15. The Disciplined Mind: Trusting God and Doing Good  16. Clutter No More  17. Serving Healthy Foods Means Healthy Families  18. A Way to a Man's Heart  19. The Power to Become a Transformed Wife. 

Side note: In having read just a small portion of the book, I was struck with how often she mentions food and how she relates it to love, morality and control. 

More later, dear FJ readers. 

 

[Loveday]

Chapter 7 should be pretty short. 

Thank you so much for doing this, @usmcmom 

[Fascinated]

So, basically, it's a compilation of her blog posts?

@usmcmom thanks again for taking one for the team.* Can't wait for your next installment!

*I've got my eye on you, though.  If you demonstrate the slightest inclination of becoming a Titus 2 or a Proverbs whateverthefuckthenumberis woman, the rescue ferrets will immediately be dispatched and will forcefully (if necessary) remove the book from your clutches. 

 

[usmcmom]

6 minutes ago, Fascinated said:

So, basically, it's a compilation of her blog posts?

@usmcmom thanks again for taking one for the team.* Can't wait for your next installment!

*I've got my eye on you, though.  If you demonstrate the slightest inclination of becoming a Titus 2 or a Proverbs whateverthefuckthenumberis woman, the rescue ferrets will immediately be dispatched and will forcefully (if necessary) remove the book from your clutches. 

 

In skimming the book, it does appear that many sections begin with "from my blog...." which tells us how she was able to "write a book" so quickly. 

Now I am off to throw away my birth control, shine my husband's shoes and set my love timer for ten minutes. Heh. 

[Fascinated]

22 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

In skimming the book, it does appear that many sections begin with "from my blog...." which tells us how she was able to "write a book" so quickly. 

Now I am off to throw away my birth control, shine my husband's shoes and set my love timer for ten minutes. Heh. 

As to the bolded, see why I'm worried?  The 'heh' indicates you're just joking but, already the ideas are germinating in your brain. Oh, dear.  are packed and awaiting the distress signal (I called in some reinforcements).  And, please, I beg you, PUT THE LUBE AWAY!

[AmazonGrace]

1. My Life Growing Up 

I used to be a young idiot, now I'm just an idiot. 

2. Why I Mentor Women 

Because I like to put people down.

3. Let it Go! (reader instantly begins singing 'Frozen' songs) 

If  eating Ritz crackers makes him happy you gotta be really clever girl. Pretend to let it go. 

4. Allow Him to Lead 

Quote lots of selected scripture to get your way. 

5. What Submission Looks Like 

We're into spanking

6. Easy Conflict Resolution (wait!! Conflict resolution is a sinful modern psychological tool - reader's brain bends) 

Let him think he won the argument. 

7. This Thing Called Sex (reader scoops out own eyeballs with rusty spoon)

Way over-rated. 

8. Winning Him Without a Word 

Sulking and martyr sighs are very effective

9. Teaching and Training Children in the Way They Should Go 

Did I say we're into spanking? 

10. Birth Control and Having Children 

It's not a sin to lie if you tell him you're on the pill

11. The Dating Scene and Sexual Purity 

I dated and look what a lousy marriage I've got. 

12. Keepers at Home 

I have no job and I couldn't get one.

13. How Are You Dressing? (reader instantly thinks of salad jokes) 

I dress however damn I want but your clothing is a sin. 

14. Talking About Your Financial Health 

Hope he earns a lot of money. 

15. The Disciplined Mind: Trusting God and Doing Good 

I'm not really doing anything but I have a blog. 

16. Clutter No More 

If your house is a mess I will judge you. 

17. Serving Healthy Foods Means Healthy Families 

Better yet if it's food that they don't enjoy. 

18. A Way to a Man's Heart 

They say it's through the stomach but it's the lube. 

19. The Power to Become a Transformed Wife. 

Order my next book, please. 

[mango_fandango]

Jesus. I KNOW there's an obesity crisis, but everything in moderation, man!! As long as you mostly eat a healthy diet, the occasional ice cream or cracker won't do any harm. 

Their marriage sounds unhealthier than Ken's diet. 

[polecat]

1 hour ago, usmcmom said:

"I thought that if he really cared about my happiness, he wouldn't eat ice cream and deli meats." 

Oh, Lori and I are polar opposites. If Mr. Polecat wants to show how much he cares about my happiness, he brings ME ice cream. 

[gustava]

Pardon me while I visit the porcelain goddess,,,,,,,,,,,

[Anonymousguest]

Now I have a craving for spray cheese and Ritz crackers. 

[smittykins]

I wonder how many times she'll mention one of her posts GOING VIRAL!!1!1!

Thanks for taking one for the team. @usmcmom.

[PopRox]

Donald Trump is running for president, ex-Governor Goodhair was on the 'Dancing With the Stars,' and now Lori Alexander has written a book?? Is 2016 even real?

[alba]

Donald Trump is running for president, ex-Governor Goodhair was on the 'Dancing With the Stars,' and now Lori Alexander has written a book?? Is 2016 even real?

To be fair, I think "compiled" might be a more apt term than "written" as it sounds like she's just repurposed existing blog content rather than actually writing a book.

[usmcmom]

1 hour ago, Anonymousguest said:

Now I have a craving for spray cheese and Ritz crackers. 

I've been thinking about that (and all her food issues) quite a bit. It seems to me that Lori really never totally submitted because Ken began eating big salads and smoothies. She even controls his meals and snacks. She certainly got her way on that one. Also,  she doesn't frame her nagging with an attitude of caring about his health; but just with "this is what I like; you should like it too."  

On another note, her whole submission story really shines a light on her black and white view of life. Instead of just deciding to treat her husband with respect and dignity, she had to go to the extreme of this over-the-top severe interpretation of scripture. In their world it is either horrible nasty wife or  cmpletely submissive wife who agrees with her husband even when he's wrong. There is no middle ground in their world. That is, of course, assuming Lori is truly a submissive wife, which I highly doubt. 

31 minutes ago, alba said:

 

To be fair, I think "compiled" might be a more apt term than "written" as it sounds like she's just repurposed existing blog content rather than actually writing a book.

 

I think you are right. There is at least one very long quote from The Joy Filled Wife in there. And....I was going to surprise all of you but...ROBERT IS QUOTED AT LEAST ONCE!!

So, yes; it looks as though Lori has tossed together blog posts and comments and called it a book. 

[Koala]

1 hour ago, usmcmom said:

ROBERT IS QUOTED AT LEAST ONCE!!

 

Well, I'll be damned.  The Bull "Wrastler" gets a book.  Well, not really, but he didn't really wrestle that bull either, so close enough.   Congratulations Storage Sociopath. 

[littlemommy]

Cabinetman! Boobert!!! I wish the quote would be the whole "leave her unsatisified 40% of the time" or whatever the hell it was. Oh man, I miss that guy. What a buffoon.

[Koala]

Now that I think about it, he didn't really move to Alaska either.  Lots of plans, that one.

[Hisey]

I don't understand the Ritz Cracker thing. Why would she care what Ken eats? My husband eats lots of things I'd never touch. He even eats things that I think are gross (certain type of raw meats come to mind). So what?

And why would she think she had a right to comment on what he ate? Did she actually enter marriage expecting to eat exactly the same foods as her spouse? 

At that point, Ken was a young man of perhaps 22. So he wasn't really risking a heart attack or anything. Most young guys will eat crap like that. It was 100% his business. I don't know, I've never tried to control what people eat (actually, I usually don't even notice). Is this something other people do?

[louisa05]

28 minutes ago, Hisey said:

I don't understand the Ritz Cracker thing. Why would she care what Ken eats? My husband eats lots of things I'd never touch. He even eats things that I think are gross (certain type of raw meats come to mind). So what?

And why would she think she had a right to comment on what he ate? Did she actually enter marriage expecting to eat exactly the same foods as her spouse? 

At that point, Ken was a young man of perhaps 22. So he wasn't really risking a heart attack or anything. Most young guys will eat crap like that. It was 100% his business. I don't know, I've never tried to control what people eat (actually, I usually don't even notice). Is this something other people do?

I think people do try to control their spouses' eating habits. I have also known women who think that they and their partner have to eat/like all the same foods. One woman I know was lamenting once that she misses eating apples. I said, "uh...buy some apples" and she explained that her husband hates apples so they can't have them. I said, "well, you don't hate them, so you can have them". Then she explained to me that since I was single, I didn't understand marriage and marriage means eating the same things at all times. Not fundies, btw, she is a liberal Presbyterian and he is an agnostic. 

We had my nephew and his girlfriend over last year and grilled brats. We were shocked to discover that his GF had never had a brat in her life. Or even a hot dog. She then explained that her dad doesn't like sausages or hot dogs so they were never, ever allowed to eat them in her life. Me: "You couldn't even get a hot dog at a game or eat one at school?" and she earnestly said, "no, my family doesn't eat them since my dad doesn't like them". Since then, she has told us about a million other things the whole family can't  eat or like or do since daddy doesn't like it. They are not churchgoers at all. 

Lori may have felt the need to change his eating habits out of some notion that she would have to adopt them if she didn't. 

[feministxtian]

When the mister and I got married...I had to "train" him. He grew up eating a lot of mac & cheese and hot dogs. His x-wife was a shitty cook. Single, he survived on mac & cheese and take-out or fast food. I LOVE to cook. He got introduced to all sorts of yummy homemade stuff, and now won't eat out most of the time because it's not as good as my cooking. 

I DO wish I could control more of what he eats now, being that he's a diabetic and eats like shit (we go grocery shopping and he starts putting junk food in the cart). However, it's HIS responsibility to stick to what he should eat, not me...hell, I don't eat junk food generally anyway, I don't like most of it. 

[lawfulevil]

I could've written your post word-for-word, feministxtian. I try to get mine to eat less garbage by cooking healthy meals and buying healthy snacks, but he's got a car and a wallet and I can't stop him from hitting a drive-through. I can't say I can muster much sympathy when he's upset his doctor yelled at him again, though.

[anjulibai]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

I think people do try to control their spouses' eating habits. I have also known women who think that they and their partner have to eat/like all the same foods. One woman I know was lamenting once that she misses eating apples. I said, "uh...buy some apples" and she explained that her husband hates apples so they can't have them. I said, "well, you don't hate them, so you can have them". Then she explained to me that since I was single, I didn't understand marriage and marriage means eating the same things at all times. Not fundies, btw, she is a liberal Presbyterian and he is an agnostic. 

We had my nephew and his girlfriend over last year and grilled brats. We were shocked to discover that his GF had never had a brat in her life. Or even a hot dog. She then explained that her dad doesn't like sausages or hot dogs so they were never, ever allowed to eat them in her life. Me: "You couldn't even get a hot dog at a game or eat one at school?" and she earnestly said, "no, my family doesn't eat them since my dad doesn't like them". Since then, she has told us about a million other things the whole family can't  eat or like or do since daddy doesn't like it. They are not churchgoers at all. 

Lori may have felt the need to change his eating habits out of some notion that she would have to adopt them if she didn't. 

That woman and you're nephew's girlfriend's heads would explode if they knew my husband and I. He's a vegetarian and I'm not. It's not easy, and there are times I wish he'd eat meat, but we do it. We've been together for almost 10 years and married for a little over 7. 

I don't understand parents that won't buy things they don't like but their children do. I've known a few like that, and it doesn't make sense to me. My son likes bananas and I do not. But you know what? I buy him bananas. 

[louisa05]

5 minutes ago, anjulibai said:

That woman and you're nephew's girlfriend's heads would explode if they knew my husband and I. He's a vegetarian and I'm not. It's not easy, and there are times I wish he'd eat meat, but we do it. We've been together for almost 10 years and married for a little over 7. 

I don't understand parents that won't buy things they don't like but their children do. I've known a few like that, and it doesn't make sense to me. My son likes bananas and I do not. But you know what? I buy him bananas. 

I guess at least in the example of the no more apples friend, it goes both ways. She doesn't want to have caffeine, so he doesn't drink any caffeinated beverages, either. Nephew's girlfriend's daddy is ruling the choices of his wife and daughters in many things other than food. And one daughter is a college graduate and nephew's GF is a senior in college. And both seem to feel that they should really continue to abide by daddy's likes and dislikes. Nephew once told my brother that families "should be patriarchal"--this from a kid who grew up completely without religion (he asked us what in the world the point of going to church on Christmas is last year...apparently, he was unaware that it is a religious holiday at all); so I assume if they get married, her tastes will be governed by him. 

I can't have caffeine and rarely drink soda, but husband has caffeinated soda in the house. He hates peas which I love, so sometimes I make him a bowl of broccoli and myself a bowl of peas with dinner. 

 

 

[polecat]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

I think people do try to control their spouses' eating habits. I have also known women who think that they and their partner have to eat/like all the same foods. One woman I know was lamenting once that she misses eating apples. I said, "uh...buy some apples" and she explained that her husband hates apples so they can't have them. I said, "well, you don't hate them, so you can have them". Then she explained to me that since I was single, I didn't understand marriage and marriage means eating the same things at all times.

 

 

I guess I don't understand marriage, either, then (been married 15+ years, too). Mr. Polecat and I have vastly different tastes, and we do not eat the same things at all times. I do the cooking and try to accommodate his preferences, but I am definitely not going without things I like just to humor his pickiness.

As for buying things my kids like, oh, all the time. 

 

[anjulibai]

16 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

I guess at least in the example of the no more apples friend, it goes both ways. She doesn't want to have caffeine, so he doesn't drink any caffeinated beverages, either. Nephew's girlfriend's daddy is ruling the choices of his wife and daughters in many things other than food. And one daughter is a college graduate and nephew's GF is a senior in college. And both seem to feel that they should really continue to abide by daddy's likes and dislikes. Nephew once told my brother that families "should be patriarchal"--this from a kid who grew up completely without religion (he asked us what in the world the point of going to church on Christmas is last year...apparently, he was unaware that it is a religious holiday at all); so I assume if they get married, her tastes will be governed by him. 

I can't have caffeine and rarely drink soda, but husband has caffeinated soda in the house. He hates peas which I love, so sometimes I make him a bowl of broccoli and myself a bowl of peas with dinner. 

My husband is a diabetic and no longer eats sweets or drinks juice. I think we'd be getting a divorce if he demanded I not eat sweets or drink juice along with him.