Duggars by the Dozenty!!11!- Part 22: More threads than Duggars

[samurai_sarah]

Please continue from here:

 

[Bad Wolf]

More threads unless we include the new boy. Of course, he will never be considered a "real" Duggar. I think he'd do better with Jill and Derick. Derick might remember what it's like to be that age and allow him to do normal things. Sports, music scouts, whatever.

[Arix]

7 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

More threads unless we include the new boy. Of course, he will never be considered a "real" Duggar. I think he'd do better with Jill and Derick. Derick might remember what it's like to be that age and allow him to do normal things. Sports, music scouts, whatever.

I think he'd do best with Amy.

[Jana814]

I think I read that the child was living with his grandmother (1 of Michelle's sisters) but moved in with the Duggars because his grandmother had a stroke. 

[fraurosena]

I'm stunned... weren't the Duggers under the scrutiny of CPS only last year? How is it possible that they can now suddenly get guardianship of this poor little guy? I really don't get it... 

[Fascinated]

Taking on this boy is a huge commitment. I actually think he will be better off in the Duggar home, rather than with the Dillards or Seewalds. I don't see any of these four having the experience to cope with this situation. Yes, they've raised their siblings, but I don't think that qualifies them to handle this particular boy.  And I don't know if they have the brain power to understand what his needs may be. 

Now, JB and Michelle have done a piss poor job of raising their kids (except for that time when M was named Mother-of-the-Year, obviously), but at least he will have a bunch of kids to hang out with, plus Jana! (Poor Jana.) I certainly wish there was a better option for him but I begrudgingly give them credit for helping this young man.  I hope their reasons are pure* and that they don't fuck it up. 

 

*as in, not gleefully beating Kelly Bates to that elusive number 20

[Hisey]

Wow, this surprises me because there is so much criticism of fundies adopting kids. Why is it suddenly OK for this fundie family to adopt a kid (assuming the guardianship leads to adoption)? I don't get why it's wrong for other fundies to adopt but it's OK for the Duggars to do so. After all, many fundie families also are financially stable and have lots of kids to play with.

[slp]

1 hour ago, Arix said:

I think he'd do best with Amy.

Amy's not a relative(child is related to *mIchelle's* family, not jim bob's) though, and I doubt his grandmother or mother would place him with her over a blood relative.  This is the South, and while it may not seem like a big deal to some,  parents giving guardianship/legal custody to a relative is not seen with the same stigma as 'giving away your kid'  or 'losing custody'  etc. 

 

A family placement does not have the same legal requirements as a foster care placement.

 

Quick clarification:  I'm not saying that the stigma in the South is ok or right.  I'm just saying, I know in my own extended family, there have been situations, in other people I know that live here there have been situations, and placing a child with a relative was seen as a 'good responsible' thing, while letting the child go to foster care, or 'giving them' up for adoption  was seen as an abandoment of your child almost. 

 

Also, someone made the comment that the child was a legal ward of the state.  This may not be true.  If grandmother Carolyn had custody, then legally placed the child under temporary guardianship of Michelle and Jim Bob, the state does not and did not ever have custody. 

 

 

[CooliePickney]

So the mother broke in to a tow business in Arkansas, I wonder if it could be a duggar tow business? That would make things a little more nefarious.

[slickcat79]

10 minutes ago, Hisey said:

Wow, this surprises me because there is so much criticism of fundies adopting kids. Why is it suddenly OK for this fundie family to adopt a kid (assuming the guardianship leads to adoption)? I don't get why it's wrong for other fundies to adopt but it's OK for the Duggars to do so. After all, many fundie families also are financially stable and have lots of kids to play with.

I'm not sure where you're getting that impression. There are literally dozens of posts (so far) from people who are shocked/dismayed/horrified about the Duggars potentially adopting this boy, and others detailing the problems that could crop up with a child of his background. You've been here long enough to know that this is not a hive vagina. 

Some people MAY be cautiously optimistic about the prospect of the adoption because we actually know a lot about this situation, assuming reports are accurate. The child's mother has already relinquished her rights, so staying with her is not an option. He has no father on record. They tried placing him with his grandmother, but she's no longer able to take care of him. For better or worse, the Duggars are family and he has an existing relationship with them. That's not the case with most fundie adoptions. 

Furthermore, the Duggars are not just financially stable with a lot of other similar-aged kids, they're in the public eye. Their lifestyle may be harmful to their children, but chances of them being able to do something like neglect the child to death are extremely low. Also, they've only been granted temporary guardianship so far. The next step is permanent guardianship, but even if they get it that doesn't automatically grant them the right to adopt. This is going through the courts, and there will be people familiar with the case who will be looking out for this boy's interests. Also not the case with most fundie adoptions. 

I don't think JB&M are a good option. I think any of their married children would be worse options. I'm not sure if they're old enough to qualify, even if they were interested, and it's not recommended that a newly adopted child be older than the existing children in the home. I'm still hoping there will be a plan in place to allow the mother to re-establish custody, or that someone more suitable will come forward. 

[theinvisiblegirl]

I want to believe that this is going to be okay? But I don't. Not in the slightest. While I don't think the boy is currently better off with his biological mother, I certainly don't thin given her situation (whatever it may be), I don't think the Duggars are the best option for any child. Better? Yes, I will give them that, because the only other options for this boy would be living in a car with his mother if she had custody, or foster care. But long term? I think it's a horrible idea.

Not to mention that this boy more than likely knows what it's like to live a non-fundy lifestyle since none of Michelle' siblings are of the same extreme faith as he is. How is he going to cope with the new rules and restrictions of living with the Duggars? I'm sure he's gone to a real school before now, and now he's regulated to a possible forever stint at the SOTDRT.

I know she probably trusts them because that's her family... But seeing the true colors of this family come out in the lengths they went to to keep Josh from prosecution? I don't think this is a good idea at all. I, too, hope something is in place for the boy and his mother to reunite. The Duggars are the last family that should be adopting.

[NewOrleansLady]

If there are CASA volunteers in this small town, could they speak up for the child and against the Duggars getting guardianship.  The Joshgate scandals, the large number of kids, the "off the wall" way they have raised their own children should be brought up.  A "judges chamber" interview with the TLC  crew might sway the judge to take all that info into consideration for the guardianship.  Because the TLC crew would be protected by the judge as far as any info they develge it could work in the childs favor.  Has anyone thought that the judge might ask the child if he really wanted to go to the TTH?

[HarleyQuinn]

Even if they don't show him on their show, Boob and Mechelle will still talk about what a GODLY thing they did rescuing this boy from his HEATHEN mother.

I'm already annoyed. lol

[BlackberryGirl]

Kinship placement seems to be an entirely different kettle of fish.. We got BlackberryGrandkid1 when the state was in the process of placing kid in foster care. CPS  called us and said "Please file suit for custody!"  Which we did. There was a bench hearing wherein we were assigned full legal custody until adulthood, unless her bio parents could get their shit together. It's been almost 13  years.. No improvement.  Blackberrygrandkid2 came to us the day after Christmas  when kid 2 was 14 mos old. Bio mom literally handed kid2 to me and said, "can you take custody?"  Which we did.  10 years now.

Because of the way this was handled CPS/the state/ county has absolutely ZERO interest in the kids. These kids are ours in every way except for adoption. They get our insurance,  benefits etc...down side we are responsible in all aspects. There is no official policy  regarding reunification, and all aspects of visitation are up to us. They have unlimited visitation, but can go weeks/ months without contact.   We allow occasional overnights, but would never allow more than that. Bio mom lives nearby and has significantly more contact than our son, but these kids aren't going anywhere.

 

[Jana814]

47 minutes ago, BlackberryGirl said:

Kinship placement seems to be an entirely different kettle of fish.. We got BlackberryGrandkid1 when the state was in the process of placing kid in foster care. CPS  called us and said "Please file suit for custody!"  Which we did. There was a bench hearing wherein we were assigned full legal custody until adulthood, unless her bio parents could get their shit together. It's been almost 13  years.. No improvement.  Blackberrygrandkid2 came to us the day after Christmas  when kid 2 was 14 mos old. Bio mom literally handed kid2 to me and said, "can you take custody?"  Which we did.  10 years now.

Because of the way this was handled CPS/the state/ county has absolutely ZERO interest in the kids. These kids are ours in every way except for adoption. They get our insurance,  benefits etc...down side we are responsible in all aspects. There is no official policy  regarding reunification, and all aspects of visitation are up to us. They have unlimited visitation, but can go weeks/ months without contact.   We allow occasional overnights, but would never allow more than that. Bio mom lives nearby and has significantly more contact than our son, but these kids aren't going anywhere.

 

You are a saint!!  My mother's cousin has custody of her grandchild who is 9. He is has many problems. Her son does see him but this was not something she wanted to do. 

[BlackberryGirl]

We are beyond blessed. The origional Blackberrykids were......interesting. ADHD, one for sure Aspie (born long before Asbergers was identified) one with minor developmental issues.. Possible Aspie.  

The grands are extremely neurotypical, fun, smart, easy to deal with and amazingly unscathed by the oddness of our family situation. Older grand now attends high school where BlackBerryBoy teaches, and seems to  be having a blast.

the only cloud on the horizon is that BBB will continue teaching til he's at least 70... 4 more yearsGood thing he loves it so.

[Jana814]

3 minutes ago, BlackberryGirl said:

We are beyond blessed. The origional Blackberrykids were......interesting. ADHD, one for sure Aspie (born long before Asbergers was identified) one with minor developmental issues.. Possible Aspie.  

The grands are extremely neurotypical, fun, smart, easy to deal with and amazingly unscathed by the oddness of our family situation. Older grand now attends high school where BlackBerryBoy teaches, and seems to  be having a blast.

the only cloud on the horizon is that BBB will continue teaching til he's at least 70... 4 more yearsGood thing he loves it so.

You are very lucky!!  I said to my mother if her cousins grandson didn't have the problems he has she probably be ok with raising him, but honestly she is to old to have to deal with this. Her son dosen't give a damn and the child's mother ran off. 

 

[Fascinated]

As I await the arrival of my 16-month-old granddaughter, I must say @BlackberryGirl, I don't know how you do it. I know we would take care of our grandchildren if there were no other options but I really wouldn't want to. I'm still recovering from raising our three and I do not wish to do it again. I agree, you are a saint! 

[OyToTheVey]

49 minutes ago, BlackberryGirl said:

Kinship placement seems to be an entirely different kettle of fish.. We got BlackberryGrandkid1 when the state was in the process of placing kid in foster care. CPS  called us and said "Please file suit for custody!"  Which we did. There was a bench hearing wherein we were assigned full legal custody until adulthood, unless her bio parents could get their shit together. It's been almost 13  years.. No improvement.  Blackberrygrandkid2 came to us the day after Christmas  when kid 2 was 14 mos old. Bio mom literally handed kid2 to me and said, "can you take custody?"  Which we did.  10 years now.

Because of the way this was handled CPS/the state/ county has absolutely ZERO interest in the kids. These kids are ours in every way except for adoption. They get our insurance,  benefits etc...down side we are responsible in all aspects. There is no official policy  regarding reunification, and all aspects of visitation are up to us. They have unlimited visitation, but can go weeks/ months without contact.   We allow occasional overnights, but would never allow more than that. Bio mom lives nearby and has significantly more contact than our son, but these kids aren't going anywhere.

 

I had a student that was living with amazing grandparents under kinship placement. I was shocked at how much trouble they had because not everyone knew what kinship was. It's not foster care or adoption. It's a child placed with a close relative for a living situation. Everywhere they went they were asked if he's adopted or their his foster parents. Nope they're his grandparents and he just lives with them full time. Basically the same situation as you described. He's really young so they don't allow overnight visits. He's basically theirs but not adopted. Makes no difference. After what I saw them go through, I don't know how you and them and all grandparents do it. You guys have done an amazing thing for these kids.

[Dandruff]

Hope little Jatron's real name isn't Josh.  That would be very unfortunate.

[OyToTheVey]

Not to take attention away from the 20th Duggar, anyone wonder where Mary went? I don't think she lives with them anymore. Maybe she lives with Deana?

[mstee]

I haven't been hanging out in the Duggar forum much lately, so forgive me if this has been discussed. I wonder if they are allowed to homeschool him right now or if under the temporary guardianship he has to attend a regular school. Poor guy. It must all be a huge adjustment for him. 

[VixenToast]

Wait if the mom gave up custody because she was homeless why the hell didn't the Duggars just invite her and J'nephew to live? Someone upthread mention she robbed an AR tow business.... Could be connected.

or they have no compassion for the unmarried harlot, but will happily take her Jesus Arrow --I mean child.

[VelociRapture]

16 minutes ago, VixenToast said:

Wait if the mom gave up custody because she was homeless why the hell didn't the Duggars just invite her and J'nephew to live? Someone upthread mention she robbed an AR tow business.... Could be connected.

or they have no compassion for the unmarried harlot, but will happily take her Jesus Arrow --I mean child.

Rachel gave up custody to her mother, Carolyn, in August 2015. I believe she broke into the towing business this past April (she is on probation for 3 years). Her mother's stroke occurred earlier this summer and Rachel seems to have decided to give custody to the Duggars at that point. They received temporary guardianship on August 31st and a hearing on permanent custody is scheduled for November.

From what little we know, it sounds as if Rachel made the choice to grant them custody voluntarily. She's posted photos of herself and her son with the Duggars in the past, so it doesn't seem like they've been estranged or anything. Who knows whether they offered to take her in - it's possible she's staying with her mother as she recovers or she's taking care of the house for her or something like that. 

I still don't like the idea at all. I really wish someone else in the family would step forward to take him - but at the very least he seems to be somewhat familiar with the Duggars and at least has a roof over his head for now. Not ideal by any means for so many reasons though.

[Bad Wolf]

He will be sharing a room with adult men, and the boy closest in age is 12. Not suggesting any impropriety, just weird and maybe not comfortable for him.