Jinger and the Jock- I only wanna be with you!

[twinmama]

9 hours ago, alba said:

 

I wouldn't mind contributing to a honeymoon fund or getting something off a honeymoon registry AS a gift, as I'm a firm believer in getting people gifts they'll appreciate, and if that's a gondola trip on their Venetian honeymoon instead of a dining set I'm not bothered. But I think it's harder to do that as a couple compared to an ordinary registry, as many people prefer to get something physical and persistent and perceive monetary gifts (which a honeymoon registry where you pay for a gondola ride or meal at a fancy restaurant essentially is) as uncouth.

 

While I didn't do it for my wedding, I LOVE the idea of those "experience" gifts for the honeymoon. If I spend $100 on a gift for your wedding, I really don't give two shits if it's a few plates, a massage in Bali, a sleeping bag, or whatever you want. Long as you have an open bar. lol 

I have two favorite wedding gift stories. First, my husband's awful judgmental fundie Catholic cousin got married years ago and registered for a Wedding Barbie. I saw that and thought "wow if you are stupid enough to register for it, I will absolutely buy that for you before you even have all your plates!" Second story, friends were filling out their camping supplies on their wedding registry and I totally bought them an REI shit shovel for their wedding (with some other supplies of course). 

[bashfulpixie]

I've been to several weddings where the bride and groom are in their late 20s/early 30s and have been living on their own for years.  Most of them have everything they need house-wise except for bigger ticket items.  Most of them seem to do the honeymoon experiences registry, where they sign up for stuff they'd like to do on their honeymoon (excursions, meals, etc) and then that gets paid as gifts.

It kind of makes sense, especially when it's like a couple of my sibling's friends- they've been together 5 years, lived together for 2 and finally decided it was time to make it official.  They already own the house they live in, they both brought apartments full of crap to it when they moved in.  It was a nice way to give a gift without buying them junk they didn't need

[Alisamer]

26 minutes ago, twinmama said:

While I didn't do it for my wedding, I LOVE the idea of those "experience" gifts for the honeymoon. If I spend $100 on a gift for your wedding, I really don't give two shits if it's a few plates, a massage in Bali, a sleeping bag, or whatever you want. Long as you have an open bar. lol 

I have two favorite wedding gift stories. First, my husband's awful judgmental fundie Catholic cousin got married years ago and registered for a Wedding Barbie. I saw that and thought "wow if you are stupid enough to register for it, I will absolutely buy that for you before you even have all your plates!" Second story, friends were filling out their camping supplies on their wedding registry and I totally bought them an REI shit shovel for their wedding (with some other supplies of course). 

That's totally the sort of thing I'd register for, LOL! I can't think of any standard "wedding gift" things that I would use that I don't already have, and at my age if I ever get married it's not going to be to some dude with a starter apartment and no plates, unless he somehow lost everything or has been a full-time traveler for years. We'd be having yard sales galore and a craigslist sales post a mile long trying to cram two households together.

But fun stuff? Heck yeah! If I thought I could get away with it I'd have craft supplies, Masterpiece Transformers and gift cards for Denver Doll Emporium (plus stuff for whatever hobbies my future mystery husband happened to be into) on a registry before I'd have a Kitchenaid on there. Which is actually another good reason for "experience" gifts - they're less likely to get the side-eye from those "must-be-invited" people than asking for what you really want might get, since they're used to buying china and toasters. My fellow doll collector friends would totally buy me fancy eyeballs as a gift, but my aunt would probably be more comfortable with a spa gift card or paying for a cruise excursion or something. (I would never list a registry on an invitation, but people would ask, I know they would. )

[sta_sha]

13 hours ago, Georgiana said:

The truth is, it's more and more common that by the time a couple is married, they aren't "starting out" anymore.  They may already have most, if not all, of the "stuff" they need for their homes.  

This exactly. My fiance and I have both been on our own for at least 10 years. We own a home and have pretty well everything we need. If guests want to give us a gift (that is in no way expected!!), we are hoping for money that we can use for a honeymoon. However, some of our guests aren't comfortable giving money so we cracked and created a small registry. It's a bit ridiculous though- we don't need dishes etc. so we ended up registering for stuff that we'd like, but don't really need... 

[MamaOdie]

On 9/13/2016 at 10:30 PM, feministxtian said:

I DO think this is the one that JB is going to lose control over. I get the impression that Jinger wants out of the TTH and that Jeremy is NOT at all happy with his future FIL. Time will tell...

Based on the vibe in that clip, I would agree with you. I was very surprised when Jinger made the comment about not really listening to what her father was saying about moving fast. Did that surprise anyone else? It just seemed so out of character to me coming from someone who has been raised under such a clearly defined patriarchal system her entire life. 

Also, I am really puzzled as to why JB is focusing so much on Jeremy and his salary in that clip. I must admit that I am not sure how much a pastor makes but Jeremy seems to have an apartment that contains furniture and the trappings of a functional adult. However much he takes home each month, how could it be worse than what Dereck or Ben are working with financially each month? Also, its not like anyone working for JB and his commercial real estate endeavors is raking in the dough. I doubt JB's offer to move to Arkansas and work for him would make any financial sense at all for Jeremy. I guess JB doesn't have any leverage here- maybe he is trying to plant some seeds of doubt in hopes that he could manipulate the situation and prevent Jinger from moving to Laredo? 

[Four is Enough]

I think JB either thinks it's the father's job or that it's funny to quiz a prospective son in law about finances. He did it on tape with both Ben and Derick. I don't remember him doing that with John, but I could have missed it.

 

Clearly JB doesn't know anything about money except to amass it and keep it.

[scribble]

Having a honeymoon registry wouldn't really bother me at all, but I tend to give money at weddings anyway, so it wouldn't make much difference.

Hubby and I were older when we got married, had two apartments of "stuff" to combine so we didn't have a registry. If asked, we said we really didn't need gifts... we were thrilled to have everyone at our wedding, but if people felt weird about that, they could make a donation to charity in our name. Let me tell you that went over like a lead balloon.... we were flush with mixing bowls after the wedding as that seemed to be the go-to thing to give. (And I'm not criticizing the wonderful people who felt they wanted to give us a gift to celebrate our marriage... just saying that not having a registry apparently doesn't work all that well either.)

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On 9/27/2016 at 9:28 AM, Four is Enough said:

Since I'm a huge proponent of "have the wedding/honeymoon that you can afford" I would DEFINITELY not contribute to a honey moon fund!! Of course, I buy the gift I can afford for the couple; I don't "pay for my own plate", either!

I'm kind of the same way, but I don't begrudge a "honeymoon registry" or a down payment on a house. A coworker I worked with a few years ago was 34 and had been living on her own for 10 years, her hubby to be was 40 and had been living on his own for over 15 years, he owned a house that she moved into. They didn't' need anything for the home and her parents paid for the wedding so they didn't register and said if they wished donations for their honeymoon would be appreciated but not necessary, I don't remember exactly how it was worded but it something like that. She wound up getting close to $3k that they used as their spending money for their 2 week European honeymoon.   I know another couple that set up a house fund and used that for a down payment on their hous. 

[Percy]

The last wedding We went to had a wishing well.  Guests could deposit cards and money that the couple could then spend in their own order of priorities.  I liked the idea as it helped set them up and I did not have to have an anxiety attack choosing a gift.

They spent theirs filling the gaps in their household goods.  We got sheets for our wedding that I never used as they weren't to my taste and I gave them to charity about 15 years later.

[CaptainFunderpants]

Just out of curiosity, with all of the open bar comments, what's the etiquette if the bride doesn't drink? I don't drink, not because of religious reasons nor addiction issues nor anything like that; I just don't. I fully intend to have a dry wedding down to the Sparkling Cider champagne. Is that rude?

[samurai_sarah]

27 minutes ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

Just out of curiosity, with all of the open bar comments, what's the etiquette if the bride doesn't drink? I don't drink, not because of religious reasons nor addiction issues nor anything like that; I just don't. I fully intend to have a dry wedding down to the Sparkling Cider champagne. Is that rude?

Curious question: Why bother with a pretence, if it's all dry anyway?

 

[Rachel333]

1 hour ago, samurai_sarah said:

Curious question: Why bother with a pretence, if it's all dry anyway?

 

Because it tastes good! I much prefer sparkling cider to champagne.

[VelociRapture]

3 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

Just out of curiosity, with all of the open bar comments, what's the etiquette if the bride doesn't drink? I don't drink, not because of religious reasons nor addiction issues nor anything like that; I just don't. I fully intend to have a dry wedding down to the Sparkling Cider champagne. Is that rude?

Does the Groom/second Bride drink? If so, I think some sort of alcohol should be offered because it's his/her wedding too.

Personally, I don't drink much. I've never been drunk - tipsy, yes, but not drunk or hungover. For a long time I wanted a dry wedding - partly because I didn't drink much, partly because it's cheaper, and partly because my dad has a history of alcoholism. Husband drinks more than I do and wanted booze offered at the wedding. And the comfort of our guests was very important to us when planning. So we went with a place that offered an open bar as part of the basic package and we even upgraded to the top shelf option so people could have any liquor offered. It turned out phenomenal, everyone had a blast, and my dad did a great job pacing himself so he wasn't drunk at the end of the night.

So it turned out way better than I originally thought. I would say to just think it over. If a dry wedding is what you both want and makes the most sense to you then I say go for it. 

[VineHeart137]

3 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

Just out of curiosity, with all of the open bar comments, what's the etiquette if the bride doesn't drink? I don't drink, not because of religious reasons nor addiction issues nor anything like that; I just don't. I fully intend to have a dry wedding down to the Sparkling Cider champagne. Is that rude?

We had a dry wedding for similar reasons. Neither of us drink, plus a bar would have tacked on thousands of dollars to our bill. We still had a fabulous DJ and we all had fun! From frequenting wedding forums when I was planning, it seems the only thing that's considered really rude/against etiquette, at least in most of the US, is a cash bar (having guests buy their own drinks).

[JesSky03]

We were only 20 when we got married and my FIL gave us some flack about having alcohol at our wedding. I live in WI- if we hadn't served alcohol we would have gotten much more flack from our guests than from the FIL. It wasn't an open bar but we did have 2 half barrels of beer if I remember correctly and the soda was free too. I only had half a glass of champagne and my husband a few beers. Anyway in the end the decision was more about the comfort of our guests than for us. 

[samurai_sarah]

5 hours ago, Rachel333 said:

Because it tastes good! I much prefer sparkling cider to champagne.

Can't argue with that!

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

10 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

Just out of curiosity, with all of the open bar comments, what's the etiquette if the bride doesn't drink? I don't drink, not because of religious reasons nor addiction issues nor anything like that; I just don't. I fully intend to have a dry wedding down to the Sparkling Cider champagne. Is that rude?

Depends, where I'm from and my family, yes it is considered rude. But this could just be my family & friends.  You can have a cash bar (for mixed drinks and hard liquor) and serve complimentary beer and wine, if you are having a formal dinner and dance reception.  This is also why a lot of couples do the cake and punch reception. It is much cheaper and no snotty comments on the dinner or bar service. from guests.  They know ahead of time its just cake and punch.  

3 hours ago, JesSky03 said:

We were only 20 when we got married and my FIL gave us some flack about having alcohol at our wedding. I live in WI- if we hadn't served alcohol we would have gotten much more flack from our guests than from the FIL. It wasn't an open bar but we did have 2 half barrels of beer if I remember correctly and the soda was free too. I only had half a glass of champagne and my husband a few beers. Anyway in the end the decision was more about the comfort of our guests than for us. 

HA! Most of my relatives live in WI and yeah, drinking is a religion there. 

[PennySycamore]

Of the last five family weddings in the South that I've been to (three daughters, two nieces), we've had more substantial food at the reception.  My oldest daughter had a vegetarian buffet  and her sisters has sit down dinners.  Both nieces had buffet suppers.  Oddly enough, one of my nieces married a soccer player who is now a coach of a MLS soccer team.  One daughter and one niece had dancing, too.

Two fun things about two of my daughters' weddings:  My oldest daughter got married in an old house in our town.  The room with the cake had an actual Monet on the wall.  At my second daughter's reception at The Peabody in Memphis, my youngest daughter and I were waiting for my husband to pick us up when we saw Elvis.  OK, he was an Elvis impersonator, but it was still cool!

[Audrey2]

@PennySycamore, I'm sorry, I must ask. Were the ducks at the Peabody? Patricia Polacco has a wonderful children's book about them.

[PennySycamore]

4 minutes ago, Audrey2 said:

@PennySycamore, I'm sorry, I must ask. Were the ducks at the Peabody? Patricia Polacco has a wonderful children's book about them.

Yep, we got to see the ducks march down to the lobby one morning.  We also went to see their duck house on the roof.  My mom wanted to go back to see the ducks again.  I think my sister still regrets not taking her to see the ducks the day they left Memphis after the wedding.  

ETA:  I need to get that book for my grandkids since their mom and dad had their reception at the Peabody and they live in Memphis.

[Audrey2]

17 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

Yep, we got to see the ducks march down to the lobby one morning.  We also went to see their duck house on the roof.  My mom wanted to go back to see the ducks again.  I think my sister still regrets not taking her to see the ducks the day they left Memphis after the wedding.  

ETA:  I need to get that book for my grandkids since their mom and dad had their reception at the Peabody and they live in Memphis.

I just looked up the title. It's called John Phillip Duck.

[JesusCampSongs]

On 9/29/2016 at 5:10 AM, CaptainFunderpants said:

Just out of curiosity, with all of the open bar comments, what's the etiquette if the bride doesn't drink? I don't drink, not because of religious reasons nor addiction issues nor anything like that; I just don't. I fully intend to have a dry wedding down to the Sparkling Cider champagne. Is that rude?

I think that depends on the family customs of the bride and groom as well as where you are. 

I grew up in the Bible Belt and was raised Southern Baptist. I went to a lot of "hey, so-and-so's getting married on such-and-such day, come on out if you want to" weddings with cake and punch receptions in the fellowship hall (and a chik-fil-a platter if the family was fancy). Obviously, there was no alcohol, and there usually wasn't a sit-down meal, just a table of snacky savory food, a table of snacky sweet food, wedding cake, punch, and those weird melted dyed chocolate mint candy things that Southern grandmas like to make. 

I don't think I ever heard any complaints about a lack of alcohol. Most folks had beer in coolers out in the parking lot, or flasks with which they spiked their own punch. I don't think anyone ever got drunk, though. 

Like the others, I see more complaints about cash bars than no alcohol at all. 

[louisa05]

Okay...wedding thoughts based on too many posts to quote: 

Registries: We registered even though we were that couple in our 30s that everyone assumes has everything. We did not. I taught in private schools and used my spare cash for other things (and cooked and baked at my parents' house when I wanted to, as it was more fun if someone was there to eat it) and he didn't know how to do anything in the kitchen. I had two pots with no lids, a soup kettle and a banged up cake pan. That was pretty much it. He had some cheap plastic mixing bowls, a couple of dented frying pans, and a small crock pot. We also, mysteriously, had three working toasters between us. And three entire sets of dishes. So we left off dishes and toasters. In retrospect, I wish we had put on dishes and started over. He had two sets service for four and I had one with service for four. If we have more than two guests, the dishes don't match. At all. We do, however, seven years later, still have a spare toaster. Don't assume that people have stuff based on age alone. 

Receptions: In my experience, the cake-punch-mints reception is more of a small town conservative Christian thing (not just evangelical/fundamentalist). And it is fine but the couple/family should be very careful to time things appropriately. I was in the wedding party for two weddings with receptions like this that had the ceremony late in the day and were serving nothing but cake and mints at dinner time. Not cool. People are hungry. If you are going to do that, make sure the ceremony is promptly after lunch and the reception is wrapped up before dinner. Otherwise, you are starving your guests. If it is meal time, serve a meal of some sort. 

Alcohol: We had two kegs of beer (two different kinds), blackberry brandy shots and champagne as well as soda, iced tea and lemonade for free. Guests who wanted other drinks could buy them at the bar with the exception of close family and the wedding party--my in-laws paid for drinks for all of them. No one complained. There was free alcohol if you weren't picky. I've been to several weddings in this area that had something similar where certain drinks were free and if you didn't like that, then you had to pay. It seems to be a trend in the last decade or so. I was in a wedding years ago with a cash bar where nothing was free except water. The bride made the maids leave purses in the hotel (--she was psycho about the matching), so the two of us who were single had no cash and couldn't even get soda or iced tea. 

 

 

[Chickenbutt]

Wedding receptions.....arggghhhh. My younger son is getting married in June. They just meant with the wedding planner and caterer at the venue to hash things out. The guest list is 350 give or take a few. They are planning on a cocktail hour with bacon wrapped scallops, caprese on a stick (whatever the heck that is), grilled asparagus spears and a few other things. Then there is a sit down dinner with choices of steak, chicken or veggie option. Mashed potatoes, asparagus, salad and bread. After that there is a dessert bar with truffles and the like. And of course the cake. Then at the end there will be take out containers and small finger foods, burritos, tacos, spring rolls etc, for guests to fill up containers and take with them. There will be an open bar with all the beer, liquor and mixed drinks you can imagine.

The wedding is outdoors on a ranch owned by the brides parents with very limited access (dirt roads), so the parents will be providing all transportation from the closest town. They have rented a parking lot for guests to park and will be shuttling guests every 15 minutes, back and forth. They have rented "pretty" porta potties (trailers) to be placed on site.

Money is no object for the brides family (but it certainly is for us) and Mr. Butt and I discussed our budget and I called the brides mom and told her what we could contribute. She declined our offer and said to give it to the kids. She is also paying for all the attendants clothing. Bridesmaids, groomsmen, kids etc.

Personally I think all this is over the top and way too much, but the bride is an only child and this is what they all want. My son just nods and smiles...lol.

Also, the wedding is "unplugged"...no phones, no photos. There will be photos booths and the photographers will be making all photos available online for guests. I'm not real clear on how all this works.

This is one time I am glad I had boys!

ETA: The parents are also paying for all hotel rooms for the night before the wedding for any out of town guests. The guest just has to call and reserve the room/s at one of the three hotels the parents have contracted with and the bill will be sent to the parents.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

@Chickenbutt, suddenly I want to be your long lost sister, who just has to come to your son's wedding. That sounds like it's going to be a really fun reception! I hope it all goes off with a bang!