Lori Alexander, 11: No Junk in Her Trunk Because She's Godly

[molecule]

The woman she quotes (positively) from John Piper's blog is a mom of two young boys. Now, this woman was writing about starting a ministry. Lori builds on it to talk about why moms of young kids shouldn't blog. Before she quotes someone to bolster her cause, Lori should darn well make sure that the person she's quoting isn't a contradiction to how Lori twists the words.

Also, I love how today's post was based on gossip from Lori's friend about how a young woman is parading her sin by ministering to others at the expense of her family. 

Don't all these conference planners know that they should be asking Lori to speak, since her children are now grown? Don't they know that she's had a post go viral? I think Lori has more sour grapes than she does conviction about a lot of this stuff.

[Koala]

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God specifically states that leaders in the church shouldn’t be young so they won’t be puffed up with pride

Yeah, pride is a bad one...  

Take a younger woman for instance.  Give her a blog, and the next thing you know she'll be claiming she speaks for the God of The Universe.  And heaven forbid she has a post go viral.  You will never hear the end of it.  

That's to say nothing of her husband!  With a blog comes a horse of TRUTH and the gall to tell your Christian readers that Jesus was wrong.

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I read blogs written by young women with huge followings and they write books and tour the country giving speeches. I see a problem with this and one of my friends did too. She wrote me this text:

 

 I read ______ blog post and, oh my, that woman needs some serious conviction and repentance. It's embarrassing to see a Christian mom so irresponsible and unconcerned about her lack of stewardship over her household and children. And she gives women with more than two children a bad name and is feeding into people’s idea that they shouldn't have multiple children because they won't be able to handle it. How can she so proudly display her sin for all to see? She needs to stop spending her time blogging, speaking, and writing and fulfill her role as a wife and mom. She absolutely does have the time and energy to be a godly mother, but she decides to spend her energies on people outside her home at the expense of her family.

Lori, being the Godly Mentor that she is, immediately replied with a few verses about gossip.  This is one of them:

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1 Timothy 5:13

Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.

Just kidding!  Lori was thrilled to get the text and immediately passed the gossip on to her own blog readers!

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 The problems I see with these women are that for starters, many times they are teaching men in their crowds.

Unlike Lori who has no male readers.  And even if she did (which she doesn't!), she would never interact with them...or give them advice on their sex lives.  

Except she does have male readers, and she's most certainly given them advice on multiple topics including their sex lives.

Moving on, Lori gives us God's perspective on younger women blogging:

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Don’t expect to have a blog with a large following while you are younger.

Translation:

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*stamps foot* It's not fair that all of these younger women have blogs with large followings!  My post went viral damn it!

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Fame is a pit of destruction for many people

Except the Duggars, right Lori?

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This is God's Lori's will for you.

 

[lawfulevil]

All the popular mommy blogs I can think of have youngish children, they're at peak cuteness/cooperation age. All the popular religion blogs I can think of are written by people who actually pay some attention (even if it's a totally strange perspective) to the major texts of their religion. "Jesus was wrong whenever he disagreed with me" is a religious belief, but it's not a Christian one.

I can't think of any popular "miserable pig-ignorant shrew" blogs, so I'm not sure why Lori thinks she's an expert on blog popularity.

 

[mango_fandango]

If I were someone looking for a blog to follow, I'd WANT one written by someone currently with young kids, so we could go through things together in a way, like I can see what struggles she's having and I can sympathise. I do NOT want a blog written by some sanctimonious old hag who thinks she's the shit just because she's older. "I am older and therefore better because I have experience." No. Shut up. God that attitude is irritating. It's like people who claim that they should receive automatic respect just because they're older (eg teachers). Nope. Respect has to be earned. Acting like a sanctimonious ass does not endear you to anyone.

[Granwych]

1 hour ago, lawfulevil said:

can't think of any popular "miserable pig-ignorant shrew" blogs, so I'm not sure why Lori thinks she's an expert on blog popularity.

It's because she's gone VIRAL.  I'm waiting for her to go postal.

[Koala]

Lori's fun little gossip fest just got real.

Reader:

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 I am an older woman with adult children and I certainly don't have the time or energy to blog daily, I have no idea how some manage one per day as it's so time consuming.

Radio silence from The Godly Mentor on that one. *snort*

Lori:

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The problems I see with these women are that for starters, many times they are teaching men in their crowds. Women are specifically forbidden for teaching men. 

Reader:

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Lori how do you prevent men from reading your blog, since you cannot teach men? And what do you do if a man writes in the comments?

Lori:

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I can't prevent them from reading my blog, Penny, and if they want to it is fine with me. They clearly know my blog is for women. I will never stand in a church or anywhere else and teach men nor have any authority over them nor do I want to. If they want to check out what I teach to women or their wives and comment, it's their decision since I'm not going to try to control them. I don't mind at all.

See??  She won't stand and teach men.  She sits while she's blogging, so it's TOTALLY different! Same for when she's wallowing in her comment section, advising men on their sex lives or teaching them how to deal with their wives.

Now if she stood or did it in person...well, that would be sin. 

[lilwriter85]

10 hours ago, molecule said:

The woman she quotes (positively) from John Piper's blog is a mom of two young boys. Now, this woman was writing about starting a ministry. Lori builds on it to talk about why moms of young kids shouldn't blog. Before she quotes someone to bolster her cause, Lori should darn well make sure that the person she's quoting isn't a contradiction to how Lori twists the words.

Also, I love how today's post was based on gossip from Lori's friend about how a young woman is parading her sin by ministering to others at the expense of her family. 

Don't all these conference planners know that they should be asking Lori to speak, since her children are now grown? Don't they know that she's had a post go viral? I think Lori has more sour grapes than she does conviction about a lot of this stuff.

I also think this the case. She probably hears about Christian bloggers with and without kids who get speaking gigs but Lori doesn't get those offers. I wonder if she is hoping her book will help get on the conference circuit.

[CrazyCatLady]

How does she not consider this gossip? The hypocrisy is so blatantly obvious.

[usmcmom]

You guys!!  Please, I BEG YOU!! Go read today's post from Lori. 

While I agree with her basic point, I cannot believe she managed a whole post about it - complete with more than one diagnosis.  

Hint: tongues, burbs and "tooting" 

[feministxtian]

Oh good grief!!!! Really Lori? Burping and farting? Maybe that's your problem, you've held in so many farts your brain now has vapor lock! 

[Fascinated]

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Sticking out your tongue for pictures and having tooting and burping contests are common among women today.

Is this true???  I don't know a single woman who participates in tooting and burping contests!  Is it some heathen underground activity?  How does Lori know so much about what the rest of the world's female population is doing?  What a ridiculous subject for a blog post.  

[polecat]

3 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

You guys!!  Please, I BEG YOU!! Go read today's post from Lori. 

While I agree with her basic point, I cannot believe she managed a whole post about it - complete with more than one diagnosis.  

Hint: tongues, burbs and "tooting" 

 

I just ... 

Is there nothing this woman isn't a self-proclaimed expert on? How is it her newborn granddaughters already have so many problems with their gallbladders and their digestive systems (since apparently this is what causes burping and tooting, rather than gas being a natural byproduct of the digestive process in many cases)? 

What grown women is she hanging out with that they're all having "tooting and burping constests"? 

As for sticking your tongue out for pictures, it's not my cuppa tea, but I'm not going to call it a sin, ffs. And I even did it once (not like the kid in her pic but just in the corner of my mouth like this because my kid wanted to take a "silly face" picture with me. 

But Lori, I hate to tell you, this is NOT a new phenomenon. People have been sticking their tongues out for pictures probably since photographs were invented. 

Oh, and let's not forget this one: 

[Loveday]

Lori's reply to a comment on FB:

"Gall bladders help digest fat and if it isn't healthy, you burp. Without one it's much harder to digest fat so of course you would burp without one. I never burp."

 

She never burps. Never. Ne. Ver. 

[feministxtian]

If I drink soda...I'll burp all day. My husband has no pancreas and if he eats certain things...well...ya know? Honestly, even though his "gas" is like a toxic gas eruption, can clear rooms, peel paint and cause hazmat situations, I'm GLAD he's alive to do that. It was pretty damn close for a little while there. 

And, yeah, toots and burps have been the cause of much laughter at my house. Why? Because it's just fun! I mean, it's not like I stand in my classroom and let those rip, but at home? I'll do as I damn well please. 

Lori...STFU...

[Loveday]

Now THIS is a blog post that needs to go viral. 

[Koala]

11 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

You guys!!  Please, I BEG YOU!! Go read today's post from Lori. 

While I agree with her basic point, I cannot believe she managed a whole post about it - complete with more than one diagnosis.  

Hint: tongues, burbs and "tooting" 

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Sticking out your tongue for pictures and having tooting and burping contests are common among women today. I hear it directly from them. They think it's funny. The Bible tells us otherwise

Hey, I remember that verse!  I mean, not really, but okay.

I also don't can't think of a single woman I know who's ever participated in a tooting or burping contest. 

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Even as our children grew older, they never stuck their tongues out or looked like the girl in the picture. We would never have allowed this. They didn't burp or toot on purpose in front of us either. (I actually never heard them burp since they had healthy gallbladders.) We taught them from a young age to have manners. 

Godly women are called to be discreet and not do anything to draw attention to themselves. They are not children anymore and should not do childish things. It's amazing that I even have to teach younger women this today. 

Ummm, Lori?  There are lots of other ways to draw attention to yourself.  Like taking 2kazillion selfies.  Or posting pictures of your notebook doodles because you think the whole world is interested in your mindless ramblings. Or constantly reminding your readers that you went viral.

I think the moral of today's post is:

If you don't have anything legitimate to post, don't post anything at all.

[Loveday]

7 minutes ago, Koala said:

 

I also don't can't think of a single woman I know who's ever participated in a tooting or burping contest. 

 

And I don't know of any women who treat their husbands the way she says so many women she mentors  do. She does seem to run with a rather different crowd of women than the rest of us. 

[molecule]

So which more-popular-than-Lori marriage blogger has shared a picture of herself with her tongue out and put Lori into a tizzy? This seems to be one of her passive-aggressive I'm-holier-than-every-other-woman-who-blogs posts.

[nastyhobbitses]

27 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

If I drink soda...I'll burp all day. My husband has no pancreas and if he eats certain things...well...ya know? Honestly, even though his "gas" is like a toxic gas eruption, can clear rooms, peel paint and cause hazmat situations, I'm GLAD he's alive to do that. It was pretty damn close for a little while there. 

And, yeah, toots and burps have been the cause of much laughter at my house. Why? Because it's just fun! I mean, it's not like I stand in my classroom and let those rip, but at home? I'll do as I damn well please. 

Lori...STFU...

When I was in training for my teaching job, my supervisor revealed to me that yes, walking up and down the rows of desks is partly to make the kids follow you with their eyes and to make sure everyone's paying attention, but it's mostly so you can crop-dust.

[mango_fandango]

People ONLY burp if they have unhealthy gall bladders? Christ. On. A. Bike.

Didn't Lori homeschool for a time? (Not so up on Lori so please explain!) If so, I weep. 

[IntrinsicallyDisordered]

So I burp when I drink mineral water or soda because my gallbladder can't handle the fat in it?  Who knew!  This must be what she means by "always learning".

At what age do burps and toots go from cuteness to an indiscreet unhealthy gallbladder, Lori?  Is it the same for everyone?  Lower for girls?

My mom likes to claim she never once farted or burped in her entire life, until she was in her mid 50s (this despite severe lactose intolerance that kept everything running through her and kept her "naturally" as skinny as a rail even after 4 kids).   She also used to have frequent intense gallbladder attacks and still no burps.  I don't recall ever witnessing her do so and I love my mom, but I still don't believe her. Everyone passes gas to some degree, even if it is in your sleep.

Lori, you're uncommonly full of shit.

[polecat]

1 hour ago, Loveday said:

 

Lori's reply to a comment on FB:

"Gall bladders help digest fat and if it isn't healthy, you burp. Without one it's much harder to digest fat so of course you would burp without one. I never burp."

 

 

Liar, liar, pants on fire ... You might never burp in public or in front of Ken. You might not giggle when you burp. But you DO burp. Everyone does, Lori-the-liar. You even - gasp - toot. 

Actually, on second thought, maybe THAT'S why she's so full of hot air.

[Koala]

Reader:

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It has taken many years for me to learn to be discreet and not draw attention to myself by doing things that are unladylike. I was raised to believe it was funny. When I belched loudly in front of my husband and laughed about it once, he gave me a disapproving look and I was mortified. He's 6 years older than me, so I have always looked up to him and he almost had to re-raise me in a lot of ways! But he is so patient with me and I am so grateful for him and his guidance! Ok, now I'm actually tearing up thinking about how good our God is to send this wonderful man into my life!

Well, that's as creepy as hell.

[TeddyBonkers]

So...the tongue is immodest? Indiscreet? Should I shout "Nike!" when I see someone's tongue potentially defrauding me?

[feministxtian]

Lori is SO uptight that I could shove a lump of coal up her ass and eventually she'd shit out a diamond.