Lori Alexander, 11: No Junk in Her Trunk Because She's Godly

[Florita]

Got to believe Lori's post today is a not-so-subtle attack on her childless daughter. Ken piles on in the comments section:

Quote

"So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin" (James 4:17)

Lori tells us her children's ages to rub her daughter's nose in being 33 and not a mother. 

[GeoBQn]

I can imagine Lori being like a Captain Awkward advice column I read.  The Letter Writer was facing immense pressure from her in-laws to have a baby, even as she and her husband struggled with infertility and eventually discovered that she was unable to have biological children.  When she told her in-laws that they were taking steps to adopt a child, the in-laws made it clear that they wouldn't consider adopted children to be "real" grandchildren.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

I'm convinced, or to use Lori's word -- convicted, that Lori doesn't believe there are medical reasons for infertility.

Among the fundie women I've known they believe a woman is infertile because --

1.  She's being punished for some secret sin.  This is frequently thought to be some long ago secret abortion she had .  I've also seen fundie woman say they will pray & hope God makes someone sterile for having an abortion.  Not that there may be any evidence the woman had one.
2.   She's cursed by something she or her mother did (generational sin),
3.   She's not praying hard enough
4.   She's not godly enough
5.   And this has always been my favorite stretch of logic -- She's secretly using Birth control and lying to everyone

In fundie world there is no such thing as male infertility.  No way would God have a godly Christian man shoot blanks.

So no children is always the woman's fault.

I suspect Lori might be using #5 on Alyssa

[Black Aliss]

On 9/10/2016 at 5:35 AM, TeddyBonkers said:

Since it is apparently okay with the Lord, I mean LORI, to wear low-cut tops if you don't have a lot of cleavage, is it also okay to wear a thong if you have a pancake bum? 

I'm asking as a woman who has an hourglass shape with all the sand at the bottom. No bikinis for this godly woman *sob* 

Oh, TeddyB, the good lord wants you to wear whatever the hell you want. And, as for the top, that's why god made foam rubber.

[TeddyBonkers]

@Black Aliss, Lori would be scandalized by what I wear, but the good Lord has more important matters to attend to. 

She'd surely need a fainting couch if she knew that I asked my doctor for a hysterectomy at the grand old age of 35. 

[Sobeknofret]

7 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I'm convinced, or to use Lori's word -- convicted, that Lori doesn't believe there are medical reasons for infertility.

Among the fundie women I've known they believe a woman is infertile because --

1.  She's being punished for some secret sin.  This is frequently thought to be some long ago secret abortion she had .  I've also seen fundie woman say they will pray & hope God makes someone sterile for having an abortion.  Not that there may be any evidence the woman had one.
2.   She's cursed by something she or her mother did (generational sin),
3.   She's not praying hard enough
4.   She's not godly enough
5.   And this has always been my favorite stretch of logic -- She's secretly using Birth control and lying to everyone

In fundie world there is no such thing as male infertility.  No way would God have a godly Christian man shoot blanks.

So no children is always the woman's fault.

I suspect Lori might be using #5 on Alyssa

I suspect less #5 than I do #'s 2-4, only the sin is all on Alyssa's side, because Lori is perfect. (That made me sick just typing that) Lori herself says that she's unemotional and cold, and I totally believe that she's unable to see the world except in shades of black and white. To her, if something bad happens to you, it's because of something you did, some sin you committed, "you" being anyone but her in this case. If something bad happens to Lori, it's because she's being tested by God. Despite serious medical issues of her own, she's completely unable to empathize with anyone, even her own daughter. It makes me want to cry.

I feel terrible for Alyssa and I do wish her only the best; infertility is awful if you really do want a child, and I sincerely hope that no one is trying to push something as big as deciding whether or not to have a child on her.

[Emilycharlotte]

4 hours ago, TeddyBonkers said:

@Black Aliss, Lori would be scandalized by what I wear, but the good Lord has more important matters to attend to. 

She'd surely need a fainting couch if she knew that I asked my doctor for a hysterectomy at the grand old age of 35. 

I had my tubes tied at 30---break out the smelling salts!

[molecule]

As if it weren't bad enough that women so often get blamed for their own rapes, today Lori blames mothers for their sons being being involved in male-on-male rape that is part of hazing rituals. To her near-credit, she does mention not just the victims (whose mothers clearly aren't protecting them) but also the boys doing the sexual assault hazing. Unfortunately, this amounts to teaching your sons to obey the rules, as if that were the one thing keeping them from sexually assaulting their classmates. Instead of worrying about whether our sons follow rules, shouldn't we be teaching our sons to care about people? 

[polecat]

13 hours ago, Sobeknofret said:

I suspect less #5 than I do #'s 2-4, only the sin is all on Alyssa's side, because Lori is perfect. (That made me sick just typing that) Lori herself says that she's unemotional and cold, and I totally believe that she's unable to see the world except in shades of black and white. To her, if something bad happens to you, it's because of something you did, some sin you committed, "you" being anyone but her in this case. If something bad happens to Lori, it's because she's being tested by God. Despite serious medical issues of her own, she's completely unable to empathize with anyone, even her own daughter. It makes me want to cry.

I feel terrible for Alyssa and I do wish her only the best; infertility is awful if you really do want a child, and I sincerely hope that no one is trying to push something as big as deciding whether or not to have a child on her.

 

My sincere hope is that Alyssa is dancing her way through life completely ignoring the nonsense her parents spew. But my fear is like yours -- that Lori is pulling two through four on her and guilting her over some supposed sin on A's part, as if it's her fault she isn't getting pregnant. That is completely within Lori's character. Her children deserved so much more from their mother.

[AmazonGrace]

If God gave you internet access so that  you can be an asshole while writing in your blog, is it a sin not to? 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Lori has a new topic today, one I haven't seen before -- sexual molestation as hazing in high school sports.

This post is as bonkers as usual.  Not saying hazing or molestation doesn't go on but I find it hard to believe it is as rampant as she would have us believe.

Lori mentions a documentary on ESPN where they interview a freshman who was sodomized.  She describes  he boy as having tears streaming down his face.  People this would never, ever, never happen.  No TV program would ever identify a minor by showing his face.

After some dubious and unsupported statistics, we eventually get to the whole point of the post -- Lori herself and why you must homeschool because it's so safe.  She also gets a sideways dig  in at working mothers by proclaiming so few women are raising their children.

Lori tells us she was afraid to go into the high school bathrooms in the 70s because the girls were smoking and usually being mean. so she cannot imagine how bad it is now.

Read it for yourselves, it's a wonder  and not in a good way.

As an observation -- Lori always tells us she was bullied in high school for being such a Christian and that people were continually mean to her.  But then we see a pic of her on the Homecoming Court.  There's a disconnect there. In my day no one treated like Lori says she was would ever have been on the Homecoming Court.  It just wouldn't have happened as the student svoted on the Court reps and a "Lori" would not have won a place.

Not saying if she was bullied it was right.  But there is a part of me  that thinks she wasn't bullied -- she did it to others.

And that bully attitude kept on until she decided to be a passive-aggressive submissive wife.  Look at the way she admits to treating Ken and her children until she was "convicted" to submission about 10-12 years ago. 12 years ago her oldest was 21, her youngest 15.  She was the Lori of beating for spilled raisins and mandatory locked room "rests" for her children's entire lives.

[Koala]

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If you think being a gentle and submissive wife comes naturally to me, you are very wrong.  I am the oldest of three girls.  I was bossy and controlling.  Ask my sisters.  They will tell you I always got my way.  (This is my official apology, Alisa and Debbi...I am sorry.  Will you forgive me for being such a bossy older sister?)  

When our Homeowners Association wouldn't allow basketball hoops in our driveway, guess who wrote the letter protesting and went around and got all the signatures...Me!  

When the dog below us yapped constantly, guess who called them all the time, left notes on their door, and wrote a letter telling them they better shut that dog up Or Else and got all the neighbors to sign it...Me!  

Ask my children how controlling I was...They had to sneak junk food, so I wouldn't get mad at them.  I think they were actually afraid of me, which I don't necessarily think is bad.  Kids should have a deep respect for authority.  

I am  lion...hear my roar! 

Yeah....sounds like she was a real shrinking violet.  

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2011/06/it-aint-easy-being-submissive-wife.html

Of course this begs the question- Why on earth were her parents so willing to let her boss her sisters about and "always get her way".  I have long suspected that she was raised with a princess mentality, and it didn't do her any favors.

She goes through life saying/writing anything that crosses her mind, and thinking she can use God to bully people into doing what she wants them to do.

[freealljs]

Lori still is bossy and controlling, but more in a passive-aggressive kind of way. Instead of getting signatures about noisy dogs, she'd now blog about the matter for the whole world to see.  She'd belittle the dog owners, give subtle clues as to their true identities, make herself into the victim or make everyone see how godly she is for putting up with noisy dogs. 

Someone should also tell Lori that there is a big difference between respect for authority and fear.  I agree 100% @Koala, she is a bully.

And she so reads here! Hi Lori!! 

[Free Jana Duggar]

Lori's post today is nothing but fear mongering.  I do realize that hazing and sexual assaults happen, but they are the exception and not the norm.  Her post is ridiculous.  

Hazing incidents will be in the news just like a plane crash.  Why? Because it's not news when thousands of planes take off and land safely every day; nor is it news when thousands of teenagers use the bathroom or get dressed in a locker room safely every day.  

Yes, horrible things happen. My son plays sports, and I've been concerned for his safety, but I will not live in fear and refuse to let him have a life.  I worry he will end up with a severe injury playing football, but I still let him play.  I will not isolate him from the world and homeschool all out of fear.  I just pray for him as hard as I can. 

Let's teach our sons (and daughters) not to take any crap from bullies or would be attackers.  Teach them to fight so they can protect themselves if necessary.  Teach them common sense safety such as not being alone in a locker room so an attack is less likely.

[Black Aliss]

5 hours ago, molecule said:

 Instead of worrying about whether our sons follow rules, shouldn't we be teaching our sons to care about people? 

The old cliche notwithstanding, you can't teach what you don't know.

[mango_fandango]

Why why why would it be OK for a kid to be afraid of their own fucking mother? I totally get the principle of "be a parent not a buddy", but that does NOT mean scare your kids. Yes, authority should be respected, but you can be authoritative and friendly at the same time- firm, but kind. If a kid is scared of their mother, they're not going to go to them with a burning issue. I watch Fawlty Towers episodes with John Cleese commentary (totally worth it for his hilarious old-man-laugh alone), and he repeatedly makes the point that all of Basil's stupidity and farcical actions derive from fear, whether of Sybil, a hygiene inspector discovering a rat or whatever. "Fear makes you stupid" is something he says at least twice. If you're constantly terrified and hyper aware, it's more likely that you'll do something stupid/wrong, if you get my meaning.

Being scared of your parents sounds like a shitty way to live. That is not the way I'd want any future kid of mine to think about me. 

Lori, yer doin it wrong.

[feministxtian]

I don't really think my kids were "afraid" of me...but they knew that there were certain lines that DID NOT, under any circumstances, get crossed. 

I will probably catch 18 shades of hell for this but...when my sons were in their late teens, both of them thought it was smart to attempt to challenge me physically (their sperm donors were out of the picture and my husband left the child rearing to me since they weren't his kids). Well...they both found out right quick that challenging me physically was not going to work. They wanted to be in control and do what they saw some of their friends doing, intimidating their mothers once the boys were bigger. I let them both throw one punch. Then they both got the ass beating of their lives. Amazing how fast they straightened up and once again realized that mom was a force to be reckoned with and wasnt going to take their bullshit. 

[polecat]

6 hours ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

Lori's post today is nothing but fear mongering.  I do realize that hazing and sexual assaults happen, but they are the exception and not the norm.  Her post is ridiculous.  

Hazing incidents will be in the news just like a plane crash.  Why? Because it's not news when thousands of planes take off and land safely every day; nor is it news when thousands of teenagers use the bathroom or get dressed in a locker room safely every day.  

Yes, horrible things happen. My son plays sports, and I've been concerned for his safety, but I will not live in fear and refuse to let him have a life.  I worry he will end up with a severe injury playing football, but I still let him play.  I will not isolate him from the world and homeschool all out of fear.  I just pray for him as hard as I can. 

Let's teach our sons (and daughters) not to take any crap from bullies or would be attackers.  Teach them to fight so they can protect themselves if necessary.  Teach them common sense safety such as not being alone in a locker room so an attack is less likely.

 

bbm -- and let me add to this: Let's teach our sons and daughters to not be a bystander if they see someone being bullied either. If you see someone being bullied, say something, do something. Your voice can be powerful. You can stop it. You can help someone else. Just standing up for what is right can give someone else the courage to stand up, too. And if you cannot stand up against the bully, then go find someone who can. Silence is support for the bully.

[AmazonGrace]

So, let me get this straight. If some teenager beats them up in the locker room once their lives are ruined forever but if their mama beats them up on a regular basis since they were toddlers they will grow up godly?

[molecule]

Once again, Lori has managed to tick me off before I've managed to finish my coffee. She manages to bash a lot of the Christian women who write about not being perfect, focusing on an article that is three years old--and naturally, she names one of these writers in her post. 

While I think there is some validity to her argument (for once), the has once again drawn these black and white lines, saying that there are only two options: one is to focus on our brokenness, and the other (the correct one, according to the Gospel of Lori) is to focus on what God commands us to do. She is ignorant of the fact that some Christian women who write start with the brokenness to engage their readers and then lead them to a place of moving beyond the brokenness. In other words, it's an approach that considers what will be most effective in getting women to the place that Lori insists they all have to be.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Fellow FJ-ers, I fell down the Lori rabbit hole last night, careful to take rescue ferrets with me.  I randomly picked topic areas from her blog and read through past posts, some going back as far as 2011.

It was an interesting and revealing adventure. And showed a disturbing evolution (more on that later)

Did you know once upon a time Lori wrote posts about her sweet kittens/cats?  That she wrote a post about what she served to her Bible study group when it was her turn to host (it was healthy yummy  food btw).  That she wrote posts about a group of 6 women she's been friends with since college freshman year (but she did mention she didn't have a single friend ever in elementary. middle or high school).  She wrote posts about trips with her sisters, including one to NYC?  That she wrote posts with photos about the places she and Ken go for Friday Date nights complete with mini food reviews and a thumbs up for the sangria at their fave Mex place.  Did we ever even know Lori drank wine!!??

There were also posts on the usual SAHM, homeschooling, modesty, submission, etc,  topics.  But they were different somehow..

And here is the disturbing evolution.  Sometime in late 2014, early 2015 the tone of her writing changed. Previous posts exhorted women to the Lori way of godly womanhood, but they weren't mean.  And then they were.

In early 2015 the tone of her writing became mean, nasty, ugly, shrill, extremely hypocritical, smug and condescending -- with name calling (loud woman = prostitute anyone) and serious shaming,  She began calling people out by name.  She began seriously holding out her way or the highway -- LoriKen's way = God's way.  Except when God is wrong and they are right.

She focused more and more on all the "sins" women are committing Every. Single. Day. by not following the Lori Way.  Untidy house?  Sin (see today's post comments).  Not home schooling?  Sin.   Not SAHM?  Sin. Not being a completely submissive doormat?  Sin.  Not raising your children the Pearl Way of Beating Discipline?  Sin.  Admitting you are not perfect.  SIn.  Not having as many children as possible?  SIn.  Showing any skin at all?  Sin. Etc, etc, etc.  

So a question for those of you who've followed her for a while.  What changed in her life?  Is she just getting old and cranky?  Bored and tired that she's stuck with Ken now she's an empty nester?   Showing her true colors at last?

Inquiring minds want to know.

[kpmom]

Very interesting, @Red Hair, Black Dress

Lori did have surgery on a non-malignant brain tumor around the time you noticed her posts changing.  It's possible that has something to do with it.

When Ken was here he mentioned Lori was always a black and white thinker, but it sure seems to have gotten worse these last few years.

I think you hit it on the head when you mentioned possible reasons her posts have taken a turn for the nasty.  Getting older, cranky, bored.

Her kids are grown and I believe most of them live a ways away from her, what does she fill her days with?  She doesn't mention hobbies or volunteer work.  She even bitches about bible study groups, so I'm assuming she doesn't do that any more.

Also, that post of hers that went viral just thrilled her, and she really got off on the attention.  Maybe she figures the more negative posts will bring her more attention.

[TeddyBonkers]

My house is a bit of a mess because I'm saved by grace, not by works. 

So THERE, Lori.

[Koala]

Lori and Ken have long been on the path to establishing their own "law".  I knew the day Ken had to come right out and type "Jesus was wrong" to justify his own position, that they were going in the wrong direction.

I noticed the following exchange in today's comments (I think someone mentioned it upthread):

Reader 1:

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I get what you're saying in that we should not brag about our sin, but burning dinner is not a sin. It is a mistake. Just this morning, I had a gallon of milk slip out of my hand and spill all over the floor.

 Reader 2:

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Spilling milk and burning dinner can be a result of a sin; striving to do too many things, being distracted, lack of planning. The end times throws much sin into the mistake catch all, to avoid accountability to God.

Lori:

Quote

 I sure don't want to brag about my failures or my brokenness but learn from them and be encouraged to do it the right way next time. We will always make mistakes and no, all mistakes aren't sins if they truly are just mistakes but to make them into something to brag about doesn't make sense to me. If the root of having messy homes, burnt dinners, and other things is laziness and not working or trying hard enough, then they need to be encouraged to try harder the next time. Learn from the mistakes; don't become comfortable living in them, but discipline your body to keep improving. This is the message I want to hear.

I mean seriously?  The woman spilled a gallon of milk and Lori is prattling on about failure and "disciplining" her body?  Really?

Did she give Ken the same advice when he whined to the internet about spilling soup?

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Today, I spilled the soup when I opened the refrigerator door. It is not the first time I spilled the soup as by chance, the handle of the soup pan just allows one of the door shelves to sneak up under it, so when the door is opened it pulls the handle out, and presto!  Soup goes flying all over the fridge and the floor. I just stood there and stared at the mess for about two minutes with really no emotion whatsoever.

But naturally it's okay when it's Ken.  

Let's face it.  Lori is an opportunist.  When she needs grace (say for celebrating Halloween or not tithing), it's "nobody puts baby under the law" <---yes, she really said that, but when someone else drops a gallon of milk it's an indicator of a sin issue.

Lori once said:

Quote

 I think this is where our freedom in Christ comes into play.

I have learned to major on the majors and give grace on the minors. Let others do what they feel led to do...Show grace and love. 

The catch?  She was justifying herself in that post.  She is under grace, but everyone else is under the law.....Lori's Law.

[Florita]

2 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

So a question for those of you who've followed her for a while.  What changed in her life?  Is she just getting old and cranky?  Bored and tired that she's stuck with Ken now she's an empty nester?   Showing her true colors at last?

Inquiring minds want to know.

I stumbled on Lori's blog on New Year's Eve 2012. Why I remember the date is a long, dull story. But I found her through a link-up - yes, she used to do those cutsie things! My theory on how/why she became Queen of the Harpies:

1. Attention. There wasn't/isn't much interest in a blog written by a woman her age. Young wives & mothers want to read blogs by women their own age - women who understand their lives and problems. Women her age are (or should be) comfortable with their lives and decisions.

2.  Showing her true colors. She was Queen of the Harpies all along. I think reading Sunshine Mary empowered her to let the bitch inside run free.