Lori Alexander, 11: No Junk in Her Trunk Because She's Godly

[freealljs]

Now Lori is back to the spiel of "divorce causes everything that is negative in the universe and causes your children to be less religious (gasp)." I really would like for her to get off her blog and start helping, not cyber-mentoring, but physically helping women and children. It's one thing to sit behind a computer screen typing out this drivel. It's another to put yourself out there, giving your time and money to causes that are dear to your heart.  Instead, she judges people behind a computer, in the safety of her own home. How noble. 

As for burping, "tooting", belching, some medications make me gassy. I try to be courteous to those around me.  Maybe Lori is confusing common courtesy with discreetness. Plus, if (her) God made us this way, then what's wrong with burping, "tooting" or farting? Is she implying that God made us wrong or that her devil takes charge of our bodies in those moments?  

Damn, this woman (and her husband, Ken Alexander, who thinks molestation and incest are normal), really grate my last nerve and need to stop this blogging nonsense. I can only imagine how this is "helping" Ken's business. 

[littlemommy]

I'm a stay at home mom, so Lori should approve of me. I guess I'd lose that approval due to my homespun wisdom, which includes such gems as "If you can'ta poop, eat some cantaloupe!" (For some reason it runs right through my kids!) Being the Godless children they are, they think this is the height of humor. 

 My kids still think I'm cool and hilarious! Yay!

[polecat]

1 hour ago, freealljs said:

Damn, this woman (and her husband, Ken Alexander, who thinks molestation and incest are normal), really grate my last nerve and need to stop this blogging nonsense. I can only imagine how this is "helping" Ken's business. 

 

That's some bull, isn't it? Molestation and incest are totally normal and natural, but tooting and belching are symptoms of demon possession. This woman is messed up.

[childerowland]

I love this comment by Rosebud1 in response to Lori's tongue post (bolding mine):

Quote

Lori, I have been thinking about this lately. In our culture, in many ways grownups act like children. It's common to see men dressed like little boys in the street -- long shorts, baseball caps and silly graphic tees. To me, this is beach wear but people dress this way all the time. I was traveling waiting for a ferry and in the space of a couple minutes I must have seen eight people in their sixties eating gigantic ice cream cones. I don't think it's a big deal for an adult to have a snack, I think ice cream is delicious! It is more that I cannot even imagine my grandparents walking around eating huge sloppy cones in public. They might have bought them for their children or grandchildren. It looked a bit childish, I don't know why. Perhaps this observation is harsh. Also, movies successfully marketed to adults have a lot of gross-out jokes. There seems to be an epidemic of adults taking on childish pursuits, wholeheartedly, like people in their thirties being obsessed with comic book movies. 

Yes, because God forbid anyone enjoy themselves after the age of 10! 

Adults: if you ever have an ice-cream, make sure you choose the smallest size available and only eat it when you can be absolutely certain no-one else is watching. And even then, take the tiniest, daintiest licks possible.

[TeddyBonkers]

12 minutes ago, childerowland said:

Adults: if you ever have an ice-cream, make sure you choose the smallest size available and only eat it when you can be absolutely certain no-one else is watching. And even then, take the tiniest, daintiest licks possible.

Godly women know what they are doing to the menz when they eat an ice cream cone. They must be diligent in their manner so as not to tempt men by seductively eating. 

[Koala]

Whaaa???  An ice-cream cone scandalized her?  My grandmother would have laughed at her all the way to the Baskin Robins counter.  Once there she'd have ordered herself either Rocky Road or Pralines and Cream.  Then she's have pondered what a pitiful life that poor reader has...and maybe gone back for another ice-cream. 

[Fascinated]

Are you fucking kidding me?  Eight people in their sixties were eating gigantic ice cream cones?  In public?  At the sort of place where there's a ferry?  How childish!  Don't those people know they should stay home and watch Lawrence Welk and eat small quantities of some kind of puréed food and not disgust poor innocent godly women out there at the ferry waiting area?  Jesus.  People in their sixties these days, amiright?

[GeoBQn]

My husband is one of those shorts-wearing, graphic tee-sporting, comic book lovers in his thirties.  He also works full time as an electrical engineer (at an office where he wears long pants and polo shirts), pays all of his bills on time, helps his family, and is a kind and morally upstanding person.  I think one of these sets of characteristics is a more important indicator of "acting like an adult" than the other.

[feministxtian]

Guess this over 50, college educated person better stop watching a whole bunch of movies...stop eating ice cream and farting and belching in public. And, yes, I wear graphic t-shirts, concert shirts (now considered "vintage"), shorts, flip flops and refuse to let my hair go grey.

Boy...talk about buzzkill. 

 

[smittykins]

And this just-turned-50-three-weeks-ago wears New York Yankees shirts(and watches the games), eats ice cream(so long as I've taken my Lactaid), and burps and farts with impunity.  Hey, you can only hold it in so long, amirite?

[mango_fandango]

The perfect response to Lori's post about not burping and tooting and sticking your tongue out:

[feministxtian]

Oh snap...I just went out wearing  a tank top w/o a bra underneath, yoga pants and flip flops...I may or may not have let a couple loose at the social security office...and I may or may not have let loose with a few 4 letter words about the bullshit.

Now I'm at home, wearing the same get-up sans flip flops, drinking grapefruit soda, burping with impunity and listening to geek documentaries while I work on quizzes for my students. 

Fuck Lori and her fangirls...not a single one of them would know fun if it bit them in the ass. 

[polecat]

Shoot, I'm losing track now. 

 

Things that are sins:

• Tooting
• Burping
• Eating ice cream
• Sticking your tongue out
• Reading comic books
• Wearing shorts
• Wearing graphic tees
• Wearing baseball caps
• Wearing thongs (lol)
• Eating anything other than a Big Salad (tm)
• Being hurt by your husband's infidelities

 

Things that are NOT sin:

• Molesting children
• Incest
• Covering up for anyone who has molested a child or committed incest
• Committing adultery (if you're a man)
• Betraying your wife by having sex with prostitutes/other women

 

Did I miss anything? 

Geez, Lori. You have issues.

[lilwriter85]

I agree with previous posters, Lori and the fangirl are fucking buzzkills. My sister would agree with the comment on "adults acting like children".  I'm 31 and my sister is 39. Over the past several years she always bitches when I wear graphic tees and she once said a couple of years ago that "I dressed like teenager" because of the t-shirt that I was wearing. My sister also complained about one of our uncles playing video games in his late 40s. As for 60 somethings eating ice cream in public who the fuck cares. My parents are in their 60s and they still love grabbing ice cream cones or milkshakes at their favorite local or travel spots. They spent 40 plus years working and my father is a war veteran so yes they were responsible adults and they deserve to enjoy themselves once along with people younger than them.

[feministxtian]

My mother was one of those buzzkills. I've always had long hair...at it's shortest, bra-strap length, at it's longest, down to my butt. When I turned 35 she started bitching at me about cutting my hair. "Mature women don't have long hair". She did it again at 40 and 45. Well, I'm 52, my hair is long and I see no good reason to cut it. 

Screw that shit...

[usmcmom]

52 minutes ago, polecat said:

Shoot, I'm losing track now. 

 

Things that are sins:

• Tooting
• Burping
• Eating ice cream
• Sticking your tongue out
• Reading comic books
• Wearing shorts
• Wearing graphic tees
• Wearing baseball caps
• Wearing thongs (lol)
• Eating anything other than a Big Salad (tm)
• Being hurt by your husband's infidelities

 

Things that are NOT sin:

• Molesting children
• Incest
• Covering up for anyone who has molested a child or committed incest
• Committing adultery (if you're a man)
• Betraying your wife by having sex with prostitutes/other women

 

Did I miss anything? 

Geez, Lori. You have issues.

Flossing in front of your husband is a sin. 

Being mad at your husband for viewing porn is a sin. 

 

Viewing porn is not a sin (if you are a man). 

[feministxtian]

Wonder how she feels about going potty or taking a shower in front of your husband? 

[Granwych]

4 hours ago, childerowland said:

I love this comment by Rosebud1 in response to Lori's tongue post (bolding mine):

Yes, because God forbid anyone enjoy themselves after the age of 10! 

Adults: if you ever have an ice-cream, make sure you choose the smallest size available and only eat it when you can be absolutely certain no-one else is watching. And even then, take the tiniest, daintiest licks possible.

Just have Steve Maxwell buy it for you.

[feministxtian]

Might want to add eating bananas to that list...according to my husband, I can't eat bananas out in public...something about erotic? 

[Koala]

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

Wonder how she feels about going potty or taking a shower in front of your husband? 

Quote

A woman shouldn't go to the bathroom in front of her husband. 

She forgot to cite the verse she derived that sage advice from, but you'll just have to trust that she speaks for the God of the Universe.

She didn't say whether showers were okay or not.  Definitely don't floss in front of him, though.

[feministxtian]

Oh geez....between both of our medical misfortunes, we've seen each other pretty much at our WORST. I mean...Him holding me up in the shower after orthopedic surgeries, Me giving him a bedbath immediately after a HUGE surgery where he had more tubes and wires coming out of him than I ever thought possible...

LoriKen have never experienced REAL love like that. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

More sins a la Lori.

Not be totally submissive = sin
Not respecting your hushand, no matter what he does, even if he's an abusive doosh and a jerk = sin
Not homeschooling = sin
Using birth control = sin
Working mothers/wives = sin
Not having eleventy children (unless you're Lori) = sin
Enjoying sex = sin
Showing skin (unless you're Lori of the plunging necklines) = sin
Not beating your children as discipline = sin
Spending time on the internet, unless your'e godly older woman mentor blogger Lori = sin
Being loud = prostitute = sin

There are so, so, so, so many sins according to Lori it would be easier to do a "Not a sin" list,   I'll start the list  -- it has only 1 item:

Do everything **exactly** like Lori says, For she is a godly older woman mentor and she, and she alone, knows what God says and wants us to do.

 

 

 

 

[RosyDaisy]

My husband is an EMT. Bodily functions don't bother him. However, the feline headship can literally clear a room with his silent, deadly farts.

[EmiGirl]

Not submitting = sin

Sabotaging birth controll against husband's wishes =not a sin if you're Lori

[Loveday]

12 minutes ago, RosyDaisy said:

My husband is an EMT. Bodily functions don't bother him. However, the feline headship can literally clear a room with his silent, deadly farts.

He's allowed, though, according to Lori. He's a male.