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The Seewalds, Part Nine: And Baby Makes Four


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20 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

IDK- but what I do know is that there is a world of difference in parenting an easier vs a more difficult baby/child. My oldest never took a nap, not even as a baby. So, she was up in the morning until it was bedtime. She also liked to be held. Thank God I was home for 8 months. My second kid slept about 20 hours a day for the first year. All he wanted to do was sleep (slept through the night as soon as I brought him home from the hospital). I never had a baby with colick or one who was up all night. I would have been doomed. I also had no help.

If Seewald 2 is high maintenance, I'd say that Ben and the J-slaves will be bearing the burden every bit as much as Jessa. IMO, there will come a point where Ben decides, "no more kids"...at least for a bit. Although the TLC money does make it far easier. JB is going to have to find the Seewalds a bigger house!

I have 5 kids, 4 of them are within 5 years of each other. My first two were a breeze. They slept good, ate great, were content just hanging out playing. Then baby 3 came and she was much more than I bargained for. She had acid reflux, so she spent many hours screaming. She barely slept. Eating was a nightmare. She had to be held all the time (and upright, on her back was painful and made her scream). When I got pregnant with #4 I got very serious depression because I did not think I would make it. I was 20 years old and Mormon to boot, so I just had to suck it up because this was the life God designed for me. After #4 was born I left the LDS cult and got on birth control, #5 was a surprise 5 years later and she was my worst pregnancy, labor, delivery, and my most difficult child. She pushed me into a tubal ligation with no regrets. I love her to pieces, but she would not sleep on her own for FIVE YEARS, would not eat anything but a small list of vegetables and cheese, would not play on her own. Her entire preschool year I had to come get her every other class day because she was miserable and cried then entire damn time. Now she's 16 and a great kid, which none of us saw coming.

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20 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Yes, my 1st was low maintenance, my 2nd  was not, she still isn't and she's 16. She was a momma's girl, she HATED to sleep, HATED IT, from the moment she was born.  I had to wrap her in a receiving blanket to pin her arms and legs down while I held her until she passed out from exhaustion, (it was either that get scratched and hit as she thrashed about, OR put her in her crib to scream for HOURS) until she was about 6 months old. After the 1st 8/10 weeks of me sleeping on the couch next to the swing she was in, or sleeping in the recliner with her on my chest we could get her to sleep in her crib all night if one of us took her to her room in the dark with static playing on a radio and held her and patter her bum and back, we couldn't walk because that was too much stimulation and it would make the process longer. It usually took 20 to 30 minutes before she was completely out then I would unwrap her pull the heating pad out of the crib (made the bad nice and warm like I was) laid her down and quickly go t out of her room and quietly shut her door.

Yes I know some of you perfect mommies are horrified that I would do this but it was the quickest and easiest way to get her to sleep, child is stubborn as a mule, and would cry for hours on end if left awake in her crib, the CIO method lasted 3 days in our house and neither of us could take it as each night it took LONGER for her to go to sleep not less time. She's still stubborn as a mule and she still fights sleep, but she can lay in bed and play on her phone until 2 in the morning and be dead tired at school, that's on her. Because if you are tired MORE sleep won't help that, at least according to her.  Teenage logic being what it is. 

No judginess of CIO here. I have 2 babies 12 months apart and a third coming 13 months later.... my first had colic and I quickly realized it was either CIO a bit or I would lose my sanity and not be safe to be around. A person can only take so much. It's better to be mentally healthy and keep your child out of danger of suddenly snapping. And I am a VERY patient person, but I know when I'm about to lose it. Mental health is often overlooked for new moms... and it's unfortunate.

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Every time I see a smug as hell new mom that lucked out with an easy first baby, I put a hex on them that their next will be a horrid sleeper. :my_angel:

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6 minutes ago, shock928 said:

No judginess of CIO here. I have 2 babies 12 months apart and a third coming 13 months later.... my first had colic and I quickly realized it was either CIO a bit or I would lose my sanity and not be safe to be around. A person can only take so much. It's better to be mentally healthy and keep your child out of danger of suddenly snapping. And I am a VERY patient person, but I know when I'm about to lose it. Mental health is often overlooked for new moms... and it's unfortunate.

         I will always say to a new mom, if you need a few minutes to collect yourself place the baby somewhere safe and take a few minutes to help yourself. 

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34 minutes ago, foreign fundie said:

I had good sleepers and they would sleep through at three weeks or less. I thought I was either lucky or I was doing a good job (or had double cream in my boobs as a friend suggested) . But now I am being told babies are not supposed to sleep through at that age and I starved them and should have woken them up. Still I am kind of glad I did not know that at the time! I enjoyed my sleep and my kids were/are fine.

I was a long time NICU nurse before I had kids...and I had worked with my then pediatrician during her training. She did make me bring my son into her office twice during the first 10 days for weight checks (he was gaining) and "suggested" that I could wake him during the night. I was honest with her and said that in light of his weight gain and apparent good health, I would not be waking him for night feedings. He is a totally healthy 5'-11" man who will be 26 on Sunday :)

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We will see how Jessa handles a second one. I don't buy for a minute that she's a super attentive, over achiever mom by any means. Or even that she keeps a tidy house. She has full access to help nearby and she probably uses it to her advantage. No fault in that occasionally but I bet she uses it a lot more than we see on TV. 

It's a lot different when you are working full-time and being a mom- and it's different when you have no help or babysitters and you're a SAHM and your SO works 8-10 hour days and every other weekend as well. It is hard work sometimes, for sure. I have to figure out how to have Dr. appointments and things I need to do around the kids schedule- it's not a complaint - it's just how it is right now. I have to keep a tight schedule for the kids. Somehow I just don't see Jessa needing anything as far as help goes.

As far as adoption goes - I hope they don't get to adopt for the children's sake. It takes very special people to have both biological and adopted kids and love them the same. Heck-- my brother and I are biological and he is clearly and blatantly the favorite. Same in my husband's family- 4 kids and 1 daughter is blatantly the favorite. Same with both grandma's - they both clearly had favorites. My SIL has two kids from a previous marriage who are much older than her new baby with her new husband and I can unfortunately see some signs of over-attention/coddling with the new baby over the first two from her first marriage.

It negatively affects the non-favorites. I read a TIME piece about the sciences behind siblings- and it polled that more than 50% of parents DID have a favorite. Not including families with step siblings, half-bio, adopted, or otherwise. It polled the parents of these kids- and most denied having favorites. Sorry to go off on a rant about it, but when parent's aren't aware and thoughtful about the way they treat their children then there can be negative consequences and favoritism occurring.... I'd hate to see that happen with an adopted child who doesn't deserve that.

I don't think they are educated and thoughtful enough to notice and try to equally not show favoritism, etc. to a child who isn't biologically theirs.

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On 8/23/2016 at 10:46 AM, IrishCarrie said:

I send them my best wishes for a safe, calm pregnancy with a healthy baby at the end of it.

Now that I've got the nice bit out of the way...FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS!!!!! No, I'm not surprised, but yes, I am pretty fucking horrified!!

They'll have two under the age of two, with a spacer Dad who frankly doesn't seem that enamoured of the first one. The first one is - relatively speaking - the easy one. Try doing everything you've been doing, just twice as much.

 Jessa will be aghast to discover that your body doesn't bounce back nearly as quickly the second time around and will be even more shocked at how little time she has for doing her hair and taking selfies. 

At least one J-child will be promoted to full time aunt-mom status, thus ending their childhood for ever more. Which gives Jessa more time, but means she won't have anything close to the connection with Baby 2 that she has with Spurgie. 

Look, I really do hope it goes well for them. But when I saw the heading of this thread, all I thought was "Well that's the beginning of the end..." :tw_confused:

Color me not surprised that Jessa is expecting no. 2, and certainly hope that things go easier with the birth this time around.

That said, ITA on the above.    What particularly concerns me is Ben.  If he really isn't that engaged with the first one (never mind he picked the awful name, poor kid) that it's not going to get any better with two of them.    I hope I am wrong on this, but Ben really doesn't strike me as being an involved father, nor that happy with his situation, therefore this whole "rapper" thing he wanted to do.  It suggests to me that there's a part of him that still wants to live a life similar to his unmarried peers, not a married man who's supposed to be supporting a wife and family.   

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52 minutes ago, Mela99 said:

I googled ridiculous biblical names and I throw these into the hat for the new Spawn -

Mash

Amaziah

Dodo 

Chalcol

On

Basemath

Maher-shalal-hash-baz

Gad.

 

Gad is actually a pretty common name in Israel, and I also have a couple of non-Israeli, Jewish friends whose name is Gad. The rest I have never heard of :naughty:

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On ‎8‎/‎23‎/‎2016 at 11:18 AM, ljohnson2006 said:

Jill is probably humping Derrick 24/7 to get pregnant again. 

I am so late to the party here, but thank you for the mental image!!1!1!!:my_sick:

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9 minutes ago, shock928 said:

No judginess of CIO here. I have 2 babies 12 months apart and a third coming 13 months later.... my first had colic and I quickly realized it was either CIO a bit or I would lose my sanity and not be safe to be around. A person can only take so much. It's better to be mentally healthy and keep your child out of danger of suddenly snapping. And I am a VERY patient person, but I know when I'm about to lose it. Mental health is often overlooked for new moms... and it's unfortunate.

It is. There are so many rules about what is best for babies, but in the end you need to live. My third was a great sleeper but would only sleep tummy down. At first I would put her on her back as I should. But she woukd cry until I turned her around. I was right beside her, she had no blankets and could lift her head so I took the risk. I had three small ones, a job, a very sick husband and no support (just moved house thousands of miles away) and was recovering from a traumatic delivery. I had to sleep since a whole family depended on my sanity.

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47 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Yes, my 1st was low maintenance, my 2nd  was not, she still isn't and she's 16. She was a momma's girl, she HATED to sleep, HATED IT, from the moment she was born.  I had to wrap her in a receiving blanket to pin her arms and legs down while I held her until she passed out from exhaustion, (it was either that get scratched and hit as she thrashed about, OR put her in her crib to scream for HOURS) until she was about 6 months old. After the 1st 8/10 weeks of me sleeping on the couch next to the swing she was in, or sleeping in the recliner with her on my chest we could get her to sleep in her crib all night if one of us took her to her room in the dark with static playing on a radio and held her and patter her bum and back, we couldn't walk because that was too much stimulation and it would make the process longer. It usually took 20 to 30 minutes before she was completely out then I would unwrap her pull the heating pad out of the crib (made the bad nice and warm like I was) laid her down and quickly go t out of her room and quietly shut her door.

Yes I know some of you perfect mommies are horrified that I would do this but it was the quickest and easiest way to get her to sleep, child is stubborn as a mule, and would cry for hours on end if left awake in her crib, the CIO method lasted 3 days in our house and neither of us could take it as each night it took LONGER for her to go to sleep not less time. She's still stubborn as a mule and she still fights sleep, but she can lay in bed and play on her phone until 2 in the morning and be dead tired at school, that's on her. Because if you are tired MORE sleep won't help that, at least according to her.  Teenage logic being what it is. 

In 1987, when I had my oldest, I had a wrap called a Snugli. Being in the snuggle was my daughter's favorite spot and only place where she would sleep. She literally lived in that thing for about 4 months. I would take it off and put her, still in the Snugli, into the crib at night. You do what you have to do.

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1 hour ago, jacduggar said:

Jill's water broke 2 days before she went to the hospital and she had meconium staining (which is when they decided to go to the hospital) so yes, Israel was in distress at that point. I'm shocked Jill didn't get an infection, and I'm very glad they decided a c-section instead of attempting a breach delivery. 

Jill was extremely cavalier about Israel's delivery. Her direct quote from People after the birth special aired:

Quote

Forty-eight hours into her labor, Jill noticed that her baby was in fetal distress. "It was more mild," said Jill, "so it was like, 'Okay, he's not doing too well but it's not like, emergency at this point.' " However, at that far into her labor, she still wasn't able to "get things going," so they decided that it would be "a good time to get to the hospital."

As if she would be able to tell exactly when that situation became an "emergency" :pb_rollseyes:

http://www.people.com/article/19-kids-counting-jills-special-delivery-recap-israel-david-dillard-born

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I never believed all their chitchat about adoption. I have very seldom seen any of the adult Duggars do anything for anyone other than members of their family.

If asked why they are not adopting, I'm sure Jessa and Bin can just say, "God gave us another (biologically related) baby." That is, they are so damn confident that they both know and follow God's will, they will simply say that what God wants for them is to be fruitful and multiply.

Clearly God values Duggar/Seewald dna more than God values the dna of other people .... :pb_rollseyes:

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1 hour ago, JillyO said:

That's the first I hear of them not having sex for 7 days after menstruation. Is it confirmed that any Duggars do this or are you simply assuming because they randomly follow some OT rules? It seems kind of at odds with the whole "being joyfully available to your husbandat all times" business.

Seems to be Gothard's teaching:

Quote

At his Advanced Seminars in 1983, Gothard introduced sex regulations based upon Old Testament commands. Under the session titled “Six Purposes, Principles, and Keys To Fulfillment In The Marriage Relationship,” he told married couples to abstain from physical relations: 1. During the wife’s menstrual cycle; 2. Seven days after the cycles; 3. 40 days after the birth of a son; 4. 80 days after the birth of a daughter; and 5. The evening prior to worship. - See more at: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2014/02/the-duggars-and-bill-gothards-sex-regulations.html#sthash.TaryBn6g.dpuf

On the abstinence part, I do agree, it sounded weird to me, too. Talking about being available at all times but blocking almost half the cycle for some OT rules but then it dawned on me: That's one more reason for the men to keep their wives (barefoot and) pregnant - no menses, no abstinence!

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29 minutes ago, shock928 said:

We will see how Jessa handles a second one. I don't buy for a minute that she's a super attentive, over achiever mom by any means. Or even that she keeps a tidy house. She has full access to help nearby and she probably uses it to her advantage. No fault in that occasionally but I bet she uses it a lot more than we see on TV. 

It's a lot different when you are working full-time and being a mom- and it's different when you have no help or babysitters and you're a SAHM and your SO works 8-10 hour days and every other weekend as well. It is hard work sometimes, for sure. I have to figure out how to have Dr. appointments and things I need to do around the kids schedule- it's not a complaint - it's just how it is right now. I have to keep a tight schedule for the kids. Somehow I just don't see Jessa needing anything as far as help goes.

As far as adoption goes - I hope they don't get to adopt for the children's sake. It takes very special people to have both biological and adopted kids and love them the same. Heck-- my brother and I are biological and he is clearly and blatantly the favorite. Same in my husband's family- 4 kids and 1 daughter is blatantly the favorite. Same with both grandma's - they both clearly had favorites. My SIL has two kids from a previous marriage who are much older than her new baby with her new husband and I can unfortunately see some signs of over-attention/coddling with the new baby over the first two from her first marriage.

It negatively affects the non-favorites. I read a TIME piece about the sciences behind siblings- and it polled that more than 50% of parents DID have a favorite. Not including families with step siblings, half-bio, adopted, or otherwise. It polled the parents of these kids- and most denied having favorites. Sorry to go off on a rant about it, but when parent's aren't aware and thoughtful about the way they treat their children then there can be negative consequences and favoritism occurring.... I'd hate to see that happen with an adopted child who doesn't deserve that.

I don't think they are educated and thoughtful enough to notice and try to equally not show favoritism, etc. to a child who isn't biologically theirs.

And it's clear who the favorites are in the Duggar family. *cough*jill*cough*miracle baby*cough*

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43 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Every time I see a smug as hell new mom that lucked out with an easy first baby, I put a hex on them that their next will be a horrid sleeper. :my_angel:

I'm due with a daughter early next year. Spare me if she turns out to be a great sleeper from the start? Please? :pb_lol:

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27 minutes ago, nokidsmom said:

SNIP

What particularly concerns me is Ben.  If he really isn't that engaged with the first one (never mind he picked the awful name, poor kid) that it's not going to get any better with two of them.

That boy's going to wake up in a few years time and be a father of 4+ if he's not careful. Only 2 years ago he was a horny teenager.

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33 minutes ago, nokidsmom said:

Color me not surprised that Jessa is expecting no. 2, and certainly hope that things go easier with the birth this time around.

That said, ITA on the above.    What particularly concerns me is Ben.  If he really isn't that engaged with the first one (never mind he picked the awful name, poor kid) that it's not going to get any better with two of them.    I hope I am wrong on this, but Ben really doesn't strike me as being an involved father, nor that happy with his situation, therefore this whole "rapper" thing he wanted to do.  It suggests to me that there's a part of him that still wants to live a life similar to his unmarried peers, not a married man who's supposed to be supporting a wife and family.   

Like other 19 year olds, Ben wanted to have sex. I doubt he wanted an instant family. But that's what he has to deal with in order to get regular sex....

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A few of my thoughts, whatever they're worth:

CALLED IT. Totally figured she was pregnant again.

So happy this will at least back burner any possible adoption nonsense. No Duggars should be adopting, ever.

Ben probably won't be much help.

Jessa's very much in love with Spurgeon, so hopefully she enjoys this new one.

I will tear all my hair out if they don't head directly to a hospital to birth this baby. Nearly bleeding to death is no joke and the next baby could be even bigger.

Maybe Jill and the caveman have taken heed and have decided against no babies until they are home and away from the risk of Zika.
Or, maybe it isn't easy to conceive this time around. I don't see Jill handling infertility well if that ends up being an issue. Any Duggar would face a tough time with the family probably being incapable of providing any sympathy or appropriate support in that situation. And Jill has always kind of struck me as fragile and most likely to follow the family footsteps.

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The evening prior to worship? So the morning or afternoon are OK? Gotta love Fundy thinking. Shouldn't you be worshipping every day?

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8 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I'm due with a daughter early next year. Spare me if she turns out to be a great sleeper from the start? Please? :pb_lol:

congrats @VelociRapture! :my_smile:

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On 8/23/2016 at 0:29 PM, ljohnson2006 said:

  if I were Anna, I'd go on birth control. Why would she want to procreate with that sleaze bag again?

I think she's been of the mind that if she gets pregnant again, it'll mean that God wants them to stay together.

What I really hope:
That's just what she's said to people, but doesn't really believe that, and instead she is secretly on BC, getting her ducks in a row, and one year later she will say to Josh, "Well Josh, it's been a year. God has spoken. He clearly does NOT want us to be together and has shown us by closing my womb to your arrows. Now we must part ways. Goodbye." lol

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16 minutes ago, MyMilkshake said:

 


Maybe Jill and the caveman have taken heed and have decided against no babies until they are home and away from the risk of Zika.
Or, maybe it isn't easy to conceive this time around. I don't see Jill handling infertility well if that ends up being an issue. Any Duggar would face a tough time with the family probably being incapable of providing any sympathy or appropriate support in that situation. And Jill has always kind of struck me as fragile and most likely to follow the family footsteps.

My mother suggested that, given the level to which the Duggar kids were sheltered, perhaps Derick has acquired a box of condoms and lied to Jill about what they are/what they do. 

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On 8/23/2016 at 0:18 PM, ljohnson2006 said:

Jill is probably humping Derrick 24/7 to get pregnant again. 

I am sure as soon as Jessa & Ben got word that Jill & Derrick were coming home they got right to it.  Jessa was probably on a mission to get pregnant before Jill.  Give it a month & Jill will have an announcement.

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