When God Sends Your White Daughter a Black Husband

[Rachel333]

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/when-god-sends-your-white-daughter-a-black-husband

This gracious mom was able to "die to her expectations" even when her daughter chose to marry a black man.

[formergothardite]

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Though I never shared this prejudice, I never expected the issue to enter my life.

She is delusional if she really thinks she never shared a prejudice against interracial marriage. 

[backyard sylph]

It all sounded kinda...okay, I guess, she's adapting to reality or whatever, until the "die to your expectations" part. That's actual passive-aggressive garbage. But I suppose she'll adapt to the grandbabies as well, and maybe they'll teach her a thing or two. For this to seem so alien to her seems bizarre to me, though.

[Black Aliss]

She's being honest. I'll give her that. And gracious. And she almost gets it that her son-in-law's mother most likely felt the same about her son marrying a white girl.

[backyard sylph]

3 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

She's being honest. I'll give her that. And gracious. And she almost gets it that her son-in-law's mother most likely felt the same about her son marrying a white girl.

Yeah, I'll give her that second part.

[apandaaries]

Oh wow.  Only 49 years after the Loving case, we have a Christian  guide to accepting a Black son-in-law.  I see that she's trying to be positive, but I completely agree with @formergothardite: the woman is delusional if she truly thinks she didn't harbor any prejudices against interracial marriages.  But good on her on moving forward into the future.  Finally. 

[Cleopatra7]

Given that the author lives in Augusta, GA, a city I have some familiarity with, I'm not surprised that she would be have some issues about interracial marriage. There's definitely more of an "Old South" vibe there than, say Atlanta. Of course, it's not like interracial coupling, both of the voluntary and involuntary sort, is new to Augusta or anywhere else in the South, but rather that people have and continued to lie about it; on Rod Dreher's blog, some posters told me that the large variations in skin tones found among blacks was attributable to voluntary sexual relationships between black and white indentured slaves during the colonial period and naturally light-skinned African tribes, not rape during slavery. That conversation was enough to send me to the fainting couch. In any case, it's probably good that the author is at least confronting her prejudices and is willing to evolve, but given the way the Gospel Coalition is obsessed with heterosexual marriage and theological purity, it seems like any "godly" male-female union should be acceptable, regardless of race.

[Four is Enough]

Oh, Cleopatra, not the fainting couch! I do agree with you, I just thought you were made of sterner stuff than that... wink.

[apandaaries]

56 minutes ago, Cleopatra7 said:

Of course, it's not like interracial coupling, both of the voluntary and involuntary sort, is new to Augusta or anywhere else in the South, but rather that people have and continued to lie about it; on Rod Dreher's blog, some posters told me that the large variations in skin tones found among blacks was attributable to voluntary sexual relationships between black and white indentured slaves during the colonial period and naturally light-skinned African tribes, not rape during slavery. That conversation was enough to send me to the fainting couch.

People will say the craziest things to try to deny racism ever existing -- or continuing to exist -- in this country.  Truly mind-boggling.  

[naatashamaru]

This article was TERRIBLE...i mean i don't think she learned anything other than the ability to write down her prejudice. I mean it was...yikes...i might give her the you tried award though.

[Emme]

Ok, I think that with time she could get to a place where she might actually speak out against racism and not suck on this topic. Hopefully by the time her grandkids come along? But oh boy, white privilage. So much of it. Also fuck that part about being kind to your racist uncle. If someone says something racist in my presence I call them out on it. 

[Mercer]

I can't really snark too hard on this. I do have some issues with the verbiage (for example, the whole "die to your expectations" thing is far too martyred) but overall it seems like this woman is making a legitimate effort to confront her prejudices, move past them, and encourage others to do so as well. I wish racism didn't exist, but unfortunately it is alive and well in the United States, and I would much rather see someone like this mother wrestling with it in a thoughtful and serious way than pretending to be colorblind.

[backyard sylph]

1 hour ago, Mercer said:

I can't really snark too hard on this. I do have some issues with the verbiage (for example, the whole "die to your expectations" thing is far too martyred) but overall it seems like this woman is making a legitimate effort to confront her prejudices, move past them, and encourage others to do so as well. I wish racism didn't exist, but unfortunately it is alive and well in the United States, and I would much rather see someone like this mother wrestling with it in a thoughtful and serious way than pretending to be colorblind.

I see what you mean, and I think it's a fair way to look at it. But She seemed to be writing it from a place of...expert testimony. There was a lot of pride in that which I found distasteful.

I wouldn't write her off, though; it's not my way. And I guess this is going to be good for her, as she seems willing to let it be.

[Cleopatra7]

I've never understood the "but what about the children" argument when it comes to interracial marriage. I suppose it comes from the belief that white is white and black is black and never will the two meet, but all the author has to do is look at some of her black neighbors to see that this isn't true. The one drop rule really "defines blackness down" to the point where you can have blond hair and blue eyes and still be considered black in this country, so it's not like her future grandchildren will stick out in any sense. Obviously, I don't know how they will identify, but Americans tend not to like racial ambiguity (hence the one drop rule) and will probably be perceived by others as black unless they're incredibly light-skinned, which is well within the range of possibilities.

[feministxtian]

I don't know what to say to this...my youngest son is married to a black girl and my grandson is bi-racial. I've seen the prejudice they've faced..and what will face my grandson as he gets older. 

[princessmahina]

I guess she gets points for trying. My dad's family has pretty much straight up told me I'd be disowned if I married a black man. When I was dating a Japanese guy I got hell for it. They wouldn't even try to "look on the bright side" like this woman is doing.

Still though, I would hate to be her son in law and read that post about how she's not really all that happy about their marriage, but if God's okay with it, then she ought to be too. 

[Jucifer]

From the website:

'7. Remember heaven’s demographics.'

Heaven's inhabitants can be known and categorized by (presumably)  age, sex, ethnicity? Like for an advertising campaign?  Who knew?

I guess it's good thing her mother is putting forth some kind of effort to accept her new son in law. 

Baby steps,..

:/

[December]

7 hours ago, formergothardite said:

She is delusional if she really thinks she never shared a prejudice against interracial marriage. 

I think some people never expect certain topics to come up in their own family or circle of friends. She even says something to that effect in the article. So she may genuinely have never been in a place where she really needed to think about what her feelings really would be on interracial marriage. She does appear to be grappling with the topic in her own way, which is somewhat better than not even trying. 

That said, she still sounds lukewarm on the whole interracial marriage thing. To me, the whole article sounds less like a "how to" guide for other parents and more a way to prove how good a Christian she is by accepting the union (vs. simply recognizing her own prejudices and working them out). 

[Jucifer]

22 minutes ago, December said:

snip*

she still sounds lukewarm on the whole interracial marriage thing. To me, the whole article sounds less like a "how to" guide for other parents and more a way to prove how good a Christian she is by accepting the union (vs. simply recognizing her own prejudices and working them out). 

Snip*

The cynic in me thinks she could be trying to do damage control in her social circle by way of this article.

Justifying her daughter's choice because Jesus...

What century are these people living in?  :/

[Coy Koi]

Quote

I noticed he opened doors for my daughter, Anna, even at the grocery store.

What kind of grocery store doesn't have automatic doors?

Quote

Several people asked Anna and Glenn, “Which world will you live in—black or white?”

Several people asked that? Wtf? I've been dating interracially since I was 15 and have a biracial child and no one has ever asked me anything so fucking stupid.

[CyborgKin]

All this fixation on 'race' seems like making mountains out of molehills to me.  Oh well.  Even the term 'inter-racial marriage' feels wrong, like it's putting a stigma on something which should be seen as just as normal as any other marriage.

After all, most people of the same 'race' have very different social background and family upbringing.  Skin tone isn't a good indicator of similarity, and really doesn't mean much to a marriage, or shouldn't.

Well, it means racists are gonna be racist at you, but that shouldn't be a reason to perpetuate wrong stigmas from the past.

At least most people accept that all of us humans are fully human, but people still have that racial bias that's a sort of classism.

1 hour ago, Jucifer said:

From the website:

'7. Remember heaven’s demographics.'

Heaven's inhabitants can be known and categorized by (presumably)  age, sex, ethnicity? Like for an advertising campaign?  Who knew?

I guess it's good thing her mother is putting forth some kind of effort to accept her new son in law. 

Baby steps,..

:/

You know she means that more in the general sense, like https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_the_world

Hmm, 18% Han Chinese.  Christians better get ready to speak a lot of Mandarin in heaven

[JillyO]

7 hours ago, Emme said:

Ok, I think that with time she could get to a place where she might actually speak out against racism and not suck on this topic. Hopefully by the time her grandkids come along? But oh boy, white privilage. So much of it. Also fuck that part about being kind to your racist uncle. If someone says something racist in my presence I call them out on it. 

No kidding. Calling your racist uncle out on his racism dehumanizes him? Fuck that noise. You know who is dehumanized in this scenario, and it's not uncle Fred.

[Fundie Bunny]

Quote

Several people asked Anna and Glenn, “Which world will you live in—black or white?”

What? I din't know people had to be separated by their colours. But that one drop mentality is killing me. Probably everyone has a black great great grandma or a white super aunt or something. I've seen white people with darker skin than some black people. Speaking from a purely scientific point of view, choosing races according to skin colour is just plain dumb. And even more in the US, a country where everyone is so mixed.

(I don't know if this post comes across as ''weird'', if it does, please, tell me)

[CoveredInBees]

13 hours ago, Rachel333 said:

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/when-god-sends-your-white-daughter-a-black-husband

This gracious mom was able to "die to her expectations" even when her daughter chose to marry a black man.

I need to ask a question and I don't want it to come across as ignorant. What does "die to her expectations" mean? I've never heard that phrase before.

 

[AmazonGrace]

Not a phrase that I would use but it sounds to me like it means, "you have to realize that your expectations were wrong and need to be revised, but for heaven's sake try to add some long suffering martyr aura into the matter".