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A Tennessee Man known as Joshua Ivy became an Honorary Florida Man

http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/coors-light/no-clothes-coors-light-190372

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The 27-year-old Tennessee man--nude and carrying an unopened can of Coors Light--was arrested early Friday after residents of a Florida beach community called 911 to report “a naked white male banging on their windows and doors.”

When police arrived at a condominium complex in Santa Rosa Beach, they discovered Ivy was “completely naked and appeared extremely intoxicated.” Ivy, whose speech was slurred, could not recall how much booze he had consumed, where he was staying, or how he had gotten to the Grand Isle Condominiums.

But he did have an explanation for why he was pounding on doors. Ivy, a police report notes, said that he was “searching for someone to have sexual intercourse with.”

Ivy’s 3:30 AM quest, however, ended only with his arrest for disorderly intoxication. He spent about five hours in custody before posting $1000 bond on the misdemeanor charge.

 

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And now for an actual Florida man...

thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/glass-eye-battery-184903

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A Florida man in police custody removed his glass eye and threw it at hospital personnel, according to cops who rearrested the suspect on a felony charge.

Edward Dorsey, 54, was first arrested Sunday morning on a domestic violence charge for allegedly striking his wife during an 8 AM argument in the couple’s Largo home. A police report notes that drugs and alcohol appear to have played a role in the confrontation.

Following the misdemeanor collar, Dorsey was transported to the Largo Medical Center for treatment.

While in the emergency room, Dorsey “removed his glass eye” and then “threw his glass eye at the ER doctor and ER nurse,” a Largo Police Department officer reported.

 

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@47of74, you're killing me. So many jokes that are totally inappropriate. If I break a ribbon holding in laughter I'm going to blame you.

 

I guess he and his wife didn't see eye to eye.

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Florida Man is making up for being so quiet these past couple weeks...

thesmokinggun.com/buster/biting/ex-con-bites-off-boyfriends-ear-023978

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An ex-con bit off a chunk of his boyfriend’s ear during an early morning spat at a Florida residence, according to cops who arrested the accused assailant on a felony domestic battery charge.

Bruce Tolbert, 31, and his beau of two years tangled early Friday at a St. Petersburg home, court records show. During that encounter, Tolbert caused the victim “permanent disfigurement” by “biting and severing his left ear.”

When St. Petersburg police responded to a 911 call, “there were no witnesses to the incident.” However, Officer Max McDonald reported, "a portion of the victim's left ear was missing." The severed chunk “remained on the ground at the scene of the incident,” added McDonald.

Tolbert, seen above, was subsequently arrested for aggravated domestic battery and booked into the Pinellas County jail. He is being held in lieu of $50,000 bond. Tolbert, who works for a seafood wholesaler, has been ordered by a judge to have no contact with the victim.

I guess it's a good thing Florida Man didn't bite off something else.

 

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The man's favorite song? "Glass Eyes" by Radiohead. Second favorite song? "Uncle Johnny's Glass Eyes" by Dr. Elmo.

(And yes, I freely admit to having to look those titles up. I'm not 100% familiar with songs about glass eyes.)

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Florida Man has had a busy week...

wfla.com/2016/11/03/police-naked-florida-man-drove-with-wires-attached-to-penis/

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Police say a South Florida man was caught naked driving slowly through a neighborhood with children with electrical wires protruding from his penis.

News outlets report 56-year-old Kurt Jenkins faces lewd and lascivious exhibition, exposure of sexual organs and resisting a law enforcement officer without violence charges.

A Boynton Beach police report shows a witness Monday said the naked man, identified as Jenkins, drove by him, gesturing for him to look toward Jenkins’ groin area.

That’s when the witness saw an electronic device with wires attached to Jenkins’ penis.

facepalm.gif

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7 minutes ago, MarblesMom said:

Maybe it was a clock.   (ducking)

One that only registers 6:00 and 12:00... :pb_razz:

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What... THE... Fuck?!?!?!

O_o

I mean... What were...?

No... Wait. I actually don't want to know.

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I was glad to see that Florida Man is up to shenanigans again. Seeing reports like this make my day.

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With all things wrong these days, I need naked man stories to keep my spirits up.  As for the electrical device, maybe he needed a jump start?  I'll just go hide from the rotten tomatoes now.

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On November 2, 2016 at 8:57 PM, Khan said:

@47of74, you're killing me. So many jokes that are totally inappropriate. If I break a ribbon holding in laughter I'm going to blame you.

 

I guess he and his wife didn't see eye to eye.

Eye see what you did there.

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Florida...where even the squirrels are nuttier than usual.

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‘It’s jumping on people and biting them’: Squirrel attack leaves 3 injured at retirement home

A rogue squirrel ran wild through a senior living community in Florida on Thursday, biting and scratching residents and leaving three people injured.

A staff member at the Sterling Court retirement home in Deltona, Fla., called 911 on Thursday afternoon to report that several people had been attacked by a squirrel and needed immediate medical assistance.

The squirrel bit someone sitting outside the building — and when the animal would not let go, the person ran into the activity room.

Once inside, the animal went on a rampage, according to the Orlando Sentinel.

“We had a squirrel that entered our building and it’s in our activity room and it’s jumping on people and biting them and scratching them,” a woman told the dispatcher, according to audio from the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office. “So we need help.”

During the call, people in the background cried for help.

“I feel lightheaded,” one person said. “I don’t feel good.”

“Okay, does anybody there need an ambulance to take them to the hospital?” the 911 dispatcher said.

“I don’t know if we need to go in an ambulance but we need some care for people here,” the staff member told him. “It’s still in there and the people are bleeding.”

“Is everybody out of the room?” the dispatcher said.

The caller asked others: “Is anyone left in the activity room? Is the activity room empty?”

“There is another person in there,” she then told the dispatcher. “The squirrel has been tossed outside. But we need help for the people, not about the squirrel.”

“Yes ma’am, do you need an ambulance to take them to the hospital?” the dispatcher replied.

“Yes, yes.”

“How many people were bitten?” the dispatcher said.

“At least three or four, possibly more,” she told him.

[A terrifying and hilarious map of squirrel attacks on the U.S. power grid] 

A Sterling Court representative declined to comment.

Brian Fawkes, a spokesman for Holiday Retirement, the company that manages Sterling Court, told The Washington Post that a resident captured the squirrel and threw it out the door.

Three people — two Sterling Court residents and a staff member — were injured in the attack, he said.

Fawkes initially said all three were taken to a hospital and given rabies shots; he later clarified to say the three were just treated for bites. He said they were “pretty shaken up” but were “fine.”

Signs alerting residents to beware of squirrels in the area have been posted on the property, he said.

Wendi Jackson, a spokeswoman for the city of Deltona’s animal control division, said an animal control officer responded as a courtesy but that the city does not typically handle wildlife.

Neither Fawkes nor Jackson knew the fate of the animal.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warns that bites from wild animals that cannot be tested should be treated as exposure to rabies. However, the CDC says, squirrels are generally believed to pose little risk.

“Small mammals such as squirrels, rats, mice, hamsters, guinea pigs, gerbils, chipmunks, rabbits, and hares are almost never found to be infected with rabies and have not been known to cause rabies among humans in the United States,” according to the CDC. “Bites by these animals are usually not considered a risk of rabies unless the animal was sick or behaving in any unusual manner and rabies is widespread in your area.”

Sterling Court “offers the best of the Sunshine State, with a heated pool and wonderful amenities to make your retirement experience rich,” according to its website. The senior living community is about 30 minutes from Orlando and Daytona Beach.

“Our community is family focused,” the website states. “You’ll feel instantly at ease exploring hobbies in the game room, study and lounge. The social calendar features bocce ball, ballroom dancing, bridge and more. Dine on chef-prepared meals or plan a picnic in the gazebo. The pool and walking paths offer space to soak up the sun. Discover our little slice of paradise during a visit today.”

Audio of 911 call in link https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/true-crime/wp/2016/11/04/its-jumping-on-people-and-biting-them-squirrel-attack-leaves-3-injured-at-retirement-home/?tid=sm_fb

I'm glad everyone is okay. But damn, Florida. Is there something in the water?

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Florida squirrel now instead of Florida man! :P 

There's a boatload of crazy down there. 

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I seriously don't understand Florida. That said, I had a friend in college who was walking to class when a squirrel fell out of a tree and onto her head.

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Sounds like it should be from a plot on "Black Mirror. "

Seriously, has anyone checked the water in Florida??

Edited by Chicken bones
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Good thing he didn't have that Florida Squirrel that attacked the retirement home as a passenger! That wouldn't have ended well! 

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