Florida stories

[Khan]

"Metal object attached to the bed"?  What the hell would that be? I have a clamp on lamp attached to my headboard. Maybe I'm just not kinky enough for Florida.

[47of74]

Yeah, I don't think this guy will be son of the year...

thesmokinggun.com/buster/dogs/dog-ate-pot-battery-718392

Quote

A Florida man yesterday shoved his mother to the ground after her dog ate his pot, according to cops who arrested the suspect for domestic battery.

Mackenzie Freeman, 25, “became upset” early Tuesday morning “after his mother’s dog ate his marijuana,” a criminal complaint notes.

The 6’ 2”, 222-pound Freeman argued with his 57-year-old mother in the pair’s Largo home before he allegedly pushed her to the ground and hit her in the head with a pair of pants. Freeman, seen at right, also “punched several holes in the walls,” police reported.

Court filings do not indicate how much marijuana was consumed by the dog, or if the animal suffered adverse effects from ingesting the pot.

 

[adidas]

note to self: the optometrist sent you a message saying your new glasses had arrived. Go pick them up, you lazy sloth.

 

I misread this title as "man SHAVES his mom".

 

I wondered if he shaved the dog, but no - it definitely says he shaved his mum, right?! I will collect my glasses first thing tomorrow morning.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

1 hour ago, adidas said:

note to self: the optometrist sent you a message saying your new glasses had arrived. Go pick them up, you lazy sloth.

 

I misread this title as "man SHAVES his mom".

 

I wondered if he shaved the dog, but no - it definitely says he shaved his mum, right?! I will collect my glasses first thing tomorrow morning.

Meanwhile,  thank you for the lol

[PraiseDog]

I mostly feel sorry for the dogs when it comes to stories like this.

[Mrsaztx]

Obligatory "he should smoke a bowl and mellow out" joke goes here

[FloraKitty35]

Could the guy not have followed the dog around with a baggie for a week just like Chong did in "Up In Smoke"?

Edited January 18, 2016 by FloraKitty35

[Catey]

Guess who is appearing on the next episode of House Hunters Florida.

[downtherabbithole]

How much did the dog eat? If my dog ate my weed I might be a little upset, but it isn't like weed is really expensive. 

[47of74]

One Chao Gao of Sarasota got in a bit of trouble with the law...

thesmokinggun.com/buster/domestic-battery/wife-batters-husband-over-sex-toy-263478

Quote

After discovering a dildo among her husband’s belongings during a move Wednesday night, the Florida woman attacked her spouse, leaving him with bruises and scratches on his face, according to cops who arrested Chao for domestic battery.

As detailed in court records, the 48-year-old Chao and Joshua Sinclair, who have been married for just over a year, were driving to a new residence in Sarasota when Gao confronted Sinclair about the sex toy she discovered.

In a police statement, Sinclair wrote that Gao became furious upon learning from him that “a dildo she found was actually for me to use.”

An argument between the couple then allegedly turned physical. Sinclair charged that Gao--who was driving at the time--began to “beat and slap and pinch my face with her hand repeatedly” for about 30 minutes. The attack ended, Sinclair said, when the duo arrived at their new home (from which he dialed police).

Important tip: When dealing with Florida women hide the dildos better or come clean about them right away.

[Grimalkin]

I was hoping his bruises were from her beating him with the dildo. It would of made a good story for him to tell at work when asked about the bruises.

[47of74]

Yeah, Florida.

thesmokinggun.com/buster/cvs/ring-of-bliss-bust-294075

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A Florida woman arrested for stealing a vibrating sex toy told cops that she swiped the item due to a troubled marriage, adding that, “I would rather do this than be unfaithful.”

Ashton Barton, whose rap sheet includes multiple theft convictions, was spotted Friday morning concealing a Durex “Ring of Bliss” as she shopped in a CVS pharmacy in Largo, a city 25 miles west of Tampa.

After a store employee alerted a patrolman, the officer approached Barton, 33, and began questioning her about the $15 “Ring of Bliss.” Barton, according to a criminal complaint, admitted taking the sex toy from its packaging and initially concealing the item.

Barton reportedly claimed that she was driven to steal the vibrating sex toy because, “My husband doesn’t want to touch me anymore.” She added, “I would rather do this than be unfaithful.” According to Durex, the “Ring of Bliss” fits “on the base of the penis” and “enhances mutual pleasure with 20 minutes of vibration.”

I got this...

 

 

[Fascinated]

That's embarrassing!  What's also embarrassing is that I clicked on here thinking a ring of bliss was some sort of purity thing. I mean, purity equals bliss, right?  

But, if this fits on the penis and her husband doesn't want to touch her, how will that work exactly?  Maybe she previously stole some sort of penis type apparatus upon which to affix her newly acquired ring of bliss?

 

Poor woman, though. 

[47of74]

25 minutes ago, Fascinated said:

That's embarrassing!  What's also embarrassing is that I clicked on here thinking a ring of bliss was some sort of purity thing. I mean, purity equals bliss, right?  

But, if this fits on the penis and her husband doesn't want to touch her, how will that work exactly?  Maybe she previously stole some sort of penis type apparatus upon which to affix her newly acquired ring of bliss?

Yeah probably.  Unless she was planning on putting it on her finger or saw the box in the store and assumed it was a self service device.

[Cleopatra7]

I don't know which is more embarrassing: 1. being in the news for shoplifting a sex toy 2. being in the news for shoplifting an item that only costs $15 (seriously, couldn't you just save up your pocket change rather than steal?) 3. being in the news for shoplifting a sex toy that you apparently don't know how to work or on what body part it's supposed to be on.

[47of74]

I don't know which is more embarrassing: 1. being in the news for shoplifting a sex toy 2. being in the news for shoplifting an item that only costs $15 (seriously, couldn't you just save up your pocket change rather than steal?) 3. being in the news for shoplifting a sex toy that you apparently don't know how to work or on what body part it's supposed to be on.

Seeing that this wasn't the first thing she swiped and got called on she's probably used to that by now.

[SnazzyNazzy]

Florida never fails to disappoint, when it comes to wacky news.

[Howl]

The thing that caught my attention was --- this was being sold in CVS!  Maybe Florida CVS is different than Texas! 

[Chowder Head]

8 hours ago, Howl said:

The thing that caught my attention was --- this was being sold in CVS!  Maybe Florida CVS is different than Texas! 

Sadly this is also what I thoughts. CVS sure doesn't sell those n Louisiana either.

[FloraKitty35]

Well, some other Floridian will top this in....5...4...3...2..1

[47of74]

Florida cops are on the hunt for a dominatrix who smacked a man around during a confrontation at a Florida bar...

thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/cops-seek-dominatrix-in-bar-beating-648295

Quote

As detailed in an incident report, victim Victor Biggs--who works for a welding company--was at the Papa Joes bar in Sarasota late Saturday when he struck up a conversation with “a female known to him through a mutual friend.”

The woman, Biggs told cops, is a dominatrix.

As the pair spoke, someone told the woman that Biggs “enjoyed rough sex.” Upon learning this, the dominatrix allegedly “punched [Biggs] in the face with a closed fist twice and hit him over the head with a beer bottle two times.”

Biggs, who apparently did not consider the attack foreplay, then left the bar and called 911 upon reaching his Bradenton home.

 

[47of74]

Fucking scumbag down in Florida did this to his neighbor;

wfla.com/2016/05/17/cops-naked-polk-man-let-5-dogs-attack-poodle/

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Police say a Lake Wales man was naked when he stood in the doorway of his home and released his five dogs, allowing them to attack a small Bichon Frise that was being walked by its owner. Sadly, the small dog has died, the owner tells News Channel 8 Wednesday.

The Bichon Frise, Myra, was taken to a local veterinarian for puncture wounds and possible internal injuries, however she did not survive the night.

Lake Wales Police Department investigators say that Jackie Hammock, 72, had previously threatened Azard Baksh and called him a “Muslim terrorist” while threatening to release his dogs to attack Baksh.

On Monday, police say, Hammock released the dogs, two of which began to attack Myra. The two larger dogs were described as mixed-breed dogs weighing 60 to 70 pounds. 

Makes me fucking sick.  I hope that scumbag Hammock goes to prison for the rest of his worthless life.

[bashfulpixie]

That's so sad!!  That poor dog and it's poor owner    What a fucking sociopath.  He deserves jail time.

[Witherwings]

What a fucking idiot! Does he not realize that the fucking dog isn't Muslim? Not that I am condoning violence at all, but it was a Bichon Frise. Poor dog.  

Edited May 19, 2016 by Witherwings
Typo

[tabitha2]

Same reasons horrible "humans"  used to Kick Dachshunds when they saw them in the street in WWI.... They are weak little bullys who feel powerful taking their anger and fear out on the most Innocent and helpless. And other Sub humans and Dickwads will pat them on the back for it so making them feel like a big shot for once in their life.