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Florida douche nozzle

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A Florida man became “angry with rage” and struck his live-in girlfriend after she made “provocative statements about Tom Brady” as the couple watched the Super Bowl Sunday evening, cops charge.

According to a police report, Allen Tusing, 39, was viewing the football game with the victim in the bedroom of the Palmetto home they share.

After the woman, 39, “started to make provocative statements about Tom Brady,” Tusing became upset and first smashed his plate of food on the floor. Tusing then allegedly pushed his girlfriend onto the bed and, as he held her arms down, struck her “on the right side of her mouth area.”

The report does not further describe the victim’s apparently derogatory comments about the New England Patriots quarterback.

 

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No wonder Florida Republicans are so worried about porn...if their wives/girlfriends/mistresses/etc catch them watching they'd be in trouble...

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A 64-year-old Florida woman who “caught her fiancé...watching porn and masturbating” is facing a criminal charge for allegedly battering her beau, police say.

According to an arrest report, Gayle Tindall last week discovered the victim pleasuring himself one morning with the aid of filmed entertainment in the couple’s Fort Pierce residence. Tindall and the man then argued for a bit before the victim headed to work.

Upon the man’s return home, Tindall--who was reportedly still upset--allegedly “grabbed his arm digging her nails into his right forearm and scratching him.” The victim declined medical treatment, cops noted.    

 

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Captain Dickhead has been arrested in Florida!

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A Florida man was arrested early yesterday after telling police that his name was “Captain Dickhead.”

Cops responding to a 1:45 AM disturbance at a residence in Sebastian encountered Pamela Alonge, who apologized for arguing loudly with her boyfriend in the home’s backyard.

When asked multiple times to identify himself, the boyfriend refused and was “being evasive and argumentative with officers at the scene,” according to an arrest affidavit.

After cops handcuffed the man, they took one more shot at extracting a name from him. “At which time he said his name was ‘Captain Dickhead,’” an officer reported.

I wonder if he's any relation to Captain Dork? 

 

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If you're carrying drugs and guns and a felon it's probably a good idea not to honk at cops.  Florida man found that out the hard way. 

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A man was arrested Wednesday morning with an assortment of drugs and guns in his car after he called attention to himself with an impatient horn honk, according to Gainesville police.

Rance James Shannon, 27, stopped his car behind patrol and fire rescue vehicles who were working a traffic accident at 2:35 a.m. at 1700 W. University Ave., near University of Florida student housing. Shannon blared his horn.

An officer approached Shannon and could smell the strong scent of marijuana. Shannon appeared impaired and was yelling and slurrings. Law enforcement had Shannon exit the vehicle because he tried to drive away.

Shannon was charged with carrying a concealed weapon while unlicensed, possession of a weapon by a convicted felon and possession of synthetic narcotics and other drugs and cocaine trafficking. He was held in the Alachua County jail.

 

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Ok, how does cocaine blow in to once purse? 

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Authorities say a Florida woman is blaming a windy day for the cocaine that police found in her purse.

WPLG reported Kennecia Posey was one of two passengers in a car stopped by Fort Pierce police in late March. Police say an officer smelled marijuana and that, after searching the car, cocaine and marijuana in separate bags were found inside a purse Posey had on her lap.

Authorities say they questioned Posey about the drugs. According to the police report, Posey responded: "It's a windy day. It must have flown through the window and into my purse."

 

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There's a recent story that I can't find a good link to, but I think it'd fit in this thread nicely. Within the last week or so, there was a guy that walked into a gas station naked, & had a dildo in his tuckus. He was asking people for help (as said dildo was apparently stuck); I'm not sure exactly where this took place (Florida, maybe?).

Moral of the story, you ask? Don't stick things in places where the object can't be removed easily, or when said object is too large for the orifice in question.

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Meanwhile Florida man wants someone to blow there

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A Florida Man arrested early Thursday on a drunk driving charge was in his underwearbehind the wheel, according to cops who noted that the suspect’s drawers were imprinted with the word “breathalyzer” and the phrase “blow here,” which was “near his genitals.”

After spotting a Dodge pickup truck weaving on a Port St. Lucie highway around 3 AM, a cop pulled the vehicle over outside a Best Western hotel, according to an arrest affidavit.

The driver, Daryle Lee Campbell, was handcuffed due to his “furtive actions and for officer safety.” Campbell, 54, had been spotted throwing a “black object” from his truck, though the item was not recovered by police.

During questioning, Campbell claimed that he was en route to help a friend who had a flat tire. Campbell--barefoot and in his underwear--seemed jittery, was unsteady on his feet, and appeared “under the influence of a stimulant,” the affidavit notes. After Campbell declined to perform field sobriety tests, he was arrested on a DUI charge.

 

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Naked man. Florida. Airport.

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A man was taken into custody Friday after he made a reference to a bomb threat at the Daytona Beach International Airport, the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office said. 

Volusia County Sheriff Michael Chitwood said deputies responded to a call about a naked man running around the airport. 

There was a naked man apparently running around," passenger ReubenBailey told Channel 9. 

“John Greenwood entered the airport restroom, made hole in a wall, inserted a backpack. Came out naked, climbed onto baggage carousel, where deputies took him into custody. He claimed a bomb was about to go off,” Volusia County Sheriff’s Office said in a tweet. 

 

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Florida man tried to hide his legless fugitive girlfriend in a plastic container when the police came around.  Operative word here is tried. 

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Anderson was wanted for failing to appear in court on charges including false imprisonment related to a 2015 incident when she allegedly held people hostage at a Burger King with a BB gun. It ended in a shooting with police and she lost both legs.

Authorities received a tip that Anderson was with Carr. He denied Anderson was there, but an officer had spotted Carr placing the now-4-foot-tall woman into the container. She surrendered without incident.

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On 3/22/2018 at 12:35 AM, ADoyle90815 said:

I came here just to post this tweet

Dear Florida, Is it something in the water?

Edited by Howl
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Captain Kirk was caught rubbing one out at a Florida bus stop.

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Clearwater police were called to a bus stop on Gulf to Bay Boulevard around 11:20 a.m. Monday for a report of a lewd and lascivious act.

Responding officers say they found a man sitting on a bench touching himself under his shorts. In an arrest report, police noted it was "obvious" the man was masturbating.

When officers asked what he was doing, the man told them, "I'm scratching myself."

The arrest report states the man told police his name was "James Tiberius Kirk," the full name of the fictional character Captain Kirk from Star Trek.

Of course if he was actually Captain Kirk he wouldn't need to rub one out since he would have...well....you know...

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Fore!

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A drunken Florida teenager drove his car onto a golf course, where he did donuts on a fairway before crashing the vehicle into a sand trap from which he could not escape, police report.

According to cops, Jack Robertson, 19, barreled onto the links at the Bayou Club around 6:30 PM Tuesday. The golf course is about eight miles from Robertson’s home in Seminole.

After Robertson was collared, his blood alcohol level was recorded at more than twice the legal limit. He performed poorly on field sobriety tests and was “unsteady and swaying” with bloodshot and watery eyes when confronted by cops.

Police estimated that Robertson’s joyride caused upwards of $8000 in damages to the golf course.

 

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Even the monkeys in Florida are getting in on the act

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A man arrested this morning for auto theft had a small diaper-clad monkey clinging to his chest when Florida cops apprehended him after he drove the hot wheels into a ditch.

Investigators allege that Cody Blake Hession, 23, took a vehicle from the driveway of a St. Petersburg residence early this morning (keys to the unlocked auto were on the floorboard). Hession then drove the car about 35 miles to Holiday, a Tampa-St. Pete suburb, where he “drove off the edge of a parking lot, into a ditch,” according to a complaint affidavit.

When Pasco County Sheriff’s Office deputies detained Hession, who had fled the vehicle, there was a leashed Capuchin monkey attached to Hession’s pink polo shirt.

Charged with auto theft, Hession was booked into the Pasco County jail on the felony rap. He may also face a charge for possessing an unlicensed monkey.

 

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Another naked man in Florida in trouble with the law now

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Attacked by a naked man swinging a rake! The victim in this case fought back.

Armed with a yard rake, the accused attacker met his match when the victim grabbed a hammer.

Deputies say Maurice Castaneda, not wearing a stitch of clothes, barged into Bill and Crystal Colwell's home.

A K-9 and a chopper found him a few streets away.

 

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Florida Man brought his illegal recreational substances to the cops for testing.

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On Tuesday afternoon, Douglas Peter Kelly, 49, called the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office and told a deputy that he had a “violent reaction” after smoking what he thought was “speed.” Kelly told cops that he believed that the drug in question was actually Flakka, the notorious synthetic stimulant.

A field test of the substance provided by Kelly resulted in a “positive reaction for the presence of methamphetamine,” police reported. While perhaps relieved that his dealer was not cheating him, Kelly’s mood likely changed when police arrested him on a felony narcotics possession charge.

 

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On 6/20/2018 at 10:19 PM, Bethella said:

They showed that one on LivePD.

@Bethella, you missed this trending story at the bottom of the page: 

Florida woman shoots husband in testicles after he tried to take her air conditioner

A stun gun didn't work, so she opened fire with a handgun.  Then she didn't show up in court. 

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7 minutes ago, Howl said:

@Bethella, you missed this trending story at the bottom of the page: 

I didn't actually read to the end of the story because I saw it on LivePD the night it happened.

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Florida Man and Florida Woman decided to reenact Police Academy

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-A woman who drove nearly 20 miles with her ex-boyfriend clinging to the hood of her speeding car has been arrested on a negligence charge in connection with her vehicular antics on a Florida interstate.

Patresha Isidore, 24, was collared for exposing Junior Francis, 22, to “risk of injury or death.” Isidore, seen at right, bonded out of custody on the misdemeanor charge.

According to a complaint affidavit, Isidore and Francis had a dispute Sunday evening as Isidore began to depart a Lauderhill residence in a 2010 Mercedes registered to both parties. In an attempt to keep Isidore from leaving, Francis climbed onto the auto’s hood.

Undeterred by the man atop her Mercedes, Isidore began driving on local roads that led her to Interstate 95, where she pulled into “the express lane at speed consistent with other traffic.”

 

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Yeah I know this is the Onion but if it was possible it wouldn't surprise me that it happened...

 

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Florida man likes resisting

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A Florida man who tussled with a cop trying to arrest him for disorderly conduct later said that he "really enjoyed resisting" because it was like being on “Live PD,” a cable program that chronicles the mayhem police officers encounter on the night shift.

A patrolman was dispatched yesterday to a home in Sebastian, a city near Vero Beach, after a 911 caller reported that a man wielding a golf club was chasing a woman.

When an officer arrived on the scene, he encountered Rudolph Grant, 53, who smelled of booze and was screaming and cursing in front of the residence. After trying to walk away, Grant struggled as the cop sought to handcuff him, according to an arrest affidavit. Grant, the cop noted, tried to pull away from him, "tensed his arms with an attempt to get away from me," and finally “made his body go limp.”

Due to his “erratic behavior,” Grant was subsequently placed in “mechanical restraints that were double-locked.”

Of course if this wasn't an older white due the cop probably would've been afeared for his life and shot the guy multiple times. 

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