Daniel Staddon and Kathryn Neely: the most convoluted courtship story ever

[mallallory]

I was thinking about his ring description again while rinsing defrauding dye out of my hair this morning and have decided it was more than a little tacky.  "Look at me, look at me, I bought my bride the bestest sort of plain, ridiculously expensive rock because she and I, definitely me though, are better than you.  No, no, the LORD didn't want me to save this money to use on a house or anything practical like that.  You are not as godly as I am and don't know the LORD's heart in matters such as engagement rings." 

Pride. So much unashamed, commandment breaking pride, Daniel.  How can you expect to have a godly marriage when you obviously lost pieces of your heart to her before the engagement/being allowed to speak to each other and you're being demonstratively prideful? 

Also, why (how?) is it that he was talking with and building godly relationships with other young women, but couldn't or wasn't speaking to her? 

[AmazonGrace]

14 minutes ago, mallallory said:

Also, why (how?) is it that he was talking with and building godly relationships with other young women, but couldn't or wasn't speaking to her? 

Because not talking is the only way to avoid the mutual disappointment that the other person is a fallible human being with a personality and feelings  after all and not some godly Christlike statue on a pedestal

Maybe the email was titled, "Re: courting kathryn" or something similar

[foreign fundie]

14 minutes ago, Pastors Daughter said:

 I personally did not feel like I knew him very well (during many of our visits/conferences with the Staddons early on, he was already in Chicago working at the IBLP Headquarters), yet I knew enough to hold a deep respect and admiration for him. WHY would a man like him, who knows the LORD on such a personal, intimate level, and whose knowledge of the Word is so extensive and encompassing, pursue ME?!

If I ever felt about my husband like this, I would never let him know. Imagine a few years down the line you are p*** off that he leaves dirty socks lying around, the guy could quote this against you. 

This saint will soon topple frim the heights this silly girl put him on. She has a serious princess syndrom. One day she will find out princes also have tempers and bad breath. 

[AmazonGrace]

On second thought, you might as well start as you mean to go on... Those two are going to stop talking to each other somewhere around the sixth child anyway so why not give it a try early on, to see how it feels.

[usedbicycle]

3 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

We had that discussion on the Vaughn Ohlson thread too.  I've tried before (the famous venn diagram from hell that I ditched) and am supposed to be trying again.  Sometime.  I'm not sure when I'll get it done.  Bottom line - it is bloody complicated and I'm persnickety and rather obsessive about weeding out those incredibly "important" doctrinal differences. 

Send help - and ferrets.  Or volunteer to take the project off my hands.   

Ever thought of going back to school Palimpsest? This would be a great PhD thesis: "A Multi-Level Classification of Doctrinal Beliefs in American Fundamentalist Christian Communities", Harvard University Press, 2020

[HereticHick]

2 hours ago, ophelia said:

That is exactly the impression that I have about US protestant christianity. But thank you for the great examples.

The US has a big old wide-open Free Market o'Christianity.  It isn't necessarily a bad thing.

[wotdancer]

I misread one part and thought she said something about her parents not giving "[her] heart away". It's scary to me how realistic that scenario became with this group! "Daddy, give my heart away when it's the right guy" 

[catlady]

12 hours ago, princessmahina said:

Ha! No, he didn't say that. It felt a little like he was implying that though. Or maybe that men who bought diamonds that weren't 100% flawless weren't all that into their ladies. It was just an all around douchey, pretentious, humble-brag of a paragraph.

ok, thanks for clarifying.  but yeah, he's still a dick.

[NCLunaLovegoodFan]

2 hours ago, Pastors Daughter said:

No way she didn't read that email. . . Liar, liar, dress on fire. . . There are several other sisters of marriageable age yet she ASSUMES Daddy could only be emailing Daniel about HER. Don't think so or at least I would hope she really doesn't have an ego that big. She read her own name inside the email.

 

She writes: "On January 8, 2015, I accidently found an email that would eventually change my life. While doing some communications work for the family on a trip down to south Georgia, I checked the “sent mail” folder to be sure the email had gone through, only to suddenly see an email from Dad to Daniel Staddon. Without reading it, I knew… and oh the feelings that swept over me during the next several hours of the trip! Shock, immense gratitude, complete bewilderment… We had known the Staddon family for nearly seven years, and the LORD had drawn our families closer and closer together through ministering side-by-side at the FEW Conferences; but up until that point, never once had Daniel crossed my mind as a possibility. I personally did not feel like I knew him very well (during many of our visits/conferences with the Staddons early on, he was already in Chicago working at the IBLP Headquarters), yet I knew enough to hold a deep respect and admiration for him. WHY would a man like him, who knows the LORD on such a personal, intimate level, and whose knowledge of the Word is so extensive and encompassing, pursue ME?!

She sounds like a protagonist from a bad Fundie YA romance novel.

[Pravda_Iskra]

I know that what I read was English and individually the words made sense but together it was unreadable.

[Howl]

2 hours ago, Pastors Daughter said:

Quoting Kathryn: .......but up until that point, never once had Daniel crossed my mind as a possibility. I personally did not feel like I knew him very well (during many of our visits/conferences with the Staddons early on, he was already in Chicago working at the IBLP Headquarters), yet I knew enough to hold a deep respect and admiration for him. WHY would a man like him, who knows the LORD on such a personal, intimate level, and whose knowledge of the Word is so extensive and encompassing, pursue ME?!

Oh, pul-eeeeeze! Is there really such a level of flaming cluelessness?

Because dear, you're HOT!  He never crossed your mind, because he's NOT, but he's likely insanely horny, so you definitely crossed his mind.   This is biology at work, not theology.  Jesus whispering in your ear, is really just......hormones.  So, young Daniel will continue to be (hopefully) employed with IBLP, where it's assumed they'll churn out blue-eyed Staddon spawn at a suitable rate.  

Which reminds me, how are the Bradricks! doing?  Did they stall out at 5 kids?

[Dandruff]

6 hours ago, ophelia said:

I'd love to know who the other guy was and if he lost pieces of his heart.

What if it was another Staddon brother...

[hasunah]

Honest question , is there a fundy competition to see who can come up with the most idiotic and restrictive ways to courtship ?  Even Laura Ingalls went on unsupervised buggy rides and now they can't even talk to each other without making it official .

[Georgiana]

Every single fundie or fundie light guy I have ever known in person has INSISTED on the princess cut ring for "his princess".  Even when the bride had other tastes.  And guess what....they all look EXACTLY like that one.  Honestly, if I put them all on a table, I doubt any of the couples could pick out their own.  And it's ALWAYS so the guy could talk about how she's his princess blah blah blah.  Why learn about diamonds, jewelry, or even the tastes of your soon to be bride when you could just fall back on an old cliche that makes it all about YOU, amirite?!?  Does getting her a brilliant cut diamond because she's brilliant threaten your masculinity?  Or do you just not know her well enough to make that assessment?

But here it sort of works: hastily brokered marriage between two people who barely know each other and have only communicated at a distance, selected from an incredibly small pool of "worthy" candidates, and done mainly for procreation:  sounds like a medieval royal marriage to me!

 

[Georgiana]

18 minutes ago, Howl said:

Which reminds me, how are the Bradricks! doing?  Did they stall out at 5 kids?

I can't imagine it is easy to homebirth any babies with their father's ears! 

[fundiefan]

For some reason this made me gag. Seriously. I took a drink from my water bottle while reading and at one point, I gaged forth the water I should have swallowed.

Fundies go to such great lengths to convince themselves their god gives a rat's ass about their lives and choices. God didn't make us human with hormones and biological attraction for any reason than to temp us, apparently. We are certainly not to be trusted to meet someone, be interested - and *gasp* express that interest - or make decisions about who will have sex with the rest of our lives. Nope. We are to repress all this god gave us and wait for daddy to pick someone - and then, in a matter of days, proclaim our mutual love and say the LORD made a love match....oh my fucking god, my head is throbbing just trying to make any of this crap make any kind of sense. Even being snarky gets so beyond convoluted I can't follow along, and I'm the one saying it.

[docmom]

I think the LORD needs to take a break from teasing the fundie courters (whispering "it's time" then "it's not time" in her ear) and attend to some of the really pressing issues in the world you know like poverty, disease and war. 

[Funwithfundies]

I must say, this might be my favorite FJ thread to date.  So many insightful yet deliciously snarky comments!  

[Gimme a Free RV]

This whole thing drips of Gothardism.  I'll bet Mr. Goatherd is SOOOO proud...and disappointed that he didn't get his nasty, perverted, old-man hooks into her first.

[EmiGirl]

I like to think the LORD looks down on all of this and laughs at all these idiots for twisting the Bible around and reading too much into some things that are meant to be simple.

[DutchMommy]

2 hours ago, wotdancer said:

I misread one part and thought she said something about her parents not giving "[her] heart away". It's scary to me how realistic that scenario became with this group! "Daddy, give my heart away when it's the right guy" 

Her dad actually did do that... 

Quote

...I found myself walking with Dad up the hill to our back property where Daniel was waiting. He gave Daniel the key to my heart...

 

[AmazonGrace]

That seems quite unbiblical to me. A magical trinket will make her love daddy's choice?

[polecat]

The Cliff's Notes version: 

D: As a typical young fundamentalist man, I wondered, which of these women will be mine? I spent a lot of time trying to find one who was completely pure while still being hot enough for me and submissive enough to not have an independent thought. This is a tougher job than you might think!

Even though our families met eight years ago, I didn’t really notice my soon-to-be bride back then. Everyone told me to enjoy my single years (men don’t have to worry so much about purity, yo). So I focused on me and mah job.

K: I gave my heart to my daddy when I was a little girl. I adore my parents as any good fundamentalist girl does. They are so good to me even though I’m but a worm in God’s sight! My mom taught me how important it was to be pure and guard my heart and to never give any young man our favor or attention and to save our “special emotions” for our husbands.

After I graduated in 2012, I really wanted to get married! But I was afraid to ask God for a husband because I knew He knew that I wanted a husband and I knew that asking Him for one might be usurping His authority and I knew that He knew that maybe that wasn’t pure or righteous of me and I knew that He knew that maybe I was giving away those special emotions. Jehovah Jireh and all that jazz.

D: Over time, the LORD kept bringing K to my mind more and more often. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*. I decided she was the hottest, erm, prettiest, erm, godliest chick, erm, young lady I’d ever known. I’d been, ahem, “thinking” about her a lot while reading the Song of Songs, I mean, the Wedding Psalm. I knew that this was meant to be. It was God’s will.

K: God gave me peace.

D: Abram married Sarai, and I had this thing for a woman who *liked* the name Sarah, so it was obviously meant to be. Who needed any more signs? I told my family, and then I called K’s dad to tell him that I was going to honor his daughter with marriage.

K: I was snooping through my dad’s email when I saw one from my dad to this guy named D. I read through it and was shocked. We’d known them for a long time, and I was totally crushing on him. But I wasn’t totally sure I was ready to go there yet.

D: Dagnabbit! I was so sure she’d jump at the chance to have me. I’m kind of a catch. But whatever. Her loss.

K: So dad really started pushing me. He didn’t want to be stuck with an extra mouth to feed forever. I spent some time on my knees (not like that, you pervs!), and then I emailed D to tell him I’d consider him again.

D: Well, I guess she would! It’s not like she had all that many options, no matter what she might tell you. So we finally set up a phone call to talk. I drilled her. With questions, I mean.

K: It was so romantic! We were engaged a month later!

D: I got her a princess diamond because she’s my princess snookie wookums. It’s pure. Like she is.

K: Jehovah Jireh and stuffz.

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 minutes ago, EmiGirl said:

I like to think the LORD looks down on all of this and laughs at all these idiots for twisting the Bible around and reading too much into some things that are meant to be simple.

You mean every tiny mundane thing ISN'T a sign?!?!

I was waiting for Daniel to write that when he bent over to pray about Kathryn, he accidentally released a fart so loud it sounded like a duck, and in French, "canard" means duck, which kind of sounds like Kathryn, so God was answering his prayer through holy flatulence.

[Howl]

10 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

You mean every tiny mundane thing ISN'T a sign?!?!

I was waiting for Daniel to write that when he bent over to pray about Kathryn, he accidentally released a fart so loud it sounded like a duck, and in French, "canard" means duck, which kind of sounds like Kathryn, so God was answering his prayer through holy flatulence.

Well, technically a fart is a voice of sorts, so yup...the LORD works in mysterious ways. 

So, idle speculation on my part, but perhaps Kathryn's  hiatus from the courtship was precipitated by someone explaining the actual nature of sex.  It may have taken awhile for her to process it.