Daniel Staddon and Kathryn Neely: the most convoluted courtship story ever

[16strong]

These two sound like 12-year-olds looking at their horoscopes to see whether they should "go out" for a week. There could not be more signs that these two are too immature and naive to get married. And yet, their parents are pushing them right into it. They should be ashamed for effectively advocating child marriage, and for stunting their kids in the first place.

[Howl]

Sweet wall o' text!  Sorry, I just could not read this.  I hope, for their sakes, they are sexually compatible and happy with each other.  If they are not, it's going to be a long 60 years (assuming a nice long life for each of them).  

And may she be knocked up on the honeymoon.....All that sweet fellowship and all....

[hollyandivy]

sorry, but i never made it past the first sentence of that nonsense. I just couldn't....

[princessmahina]

That was one of the worst courtship stories I've ever read. And the bit about the diamond..."I got her an extra fancy one because she's so flawless. All y'all who got flawed rings probably got flawed brides." 

What a pretentious douche. 

[nelliebelle1197]

Well, at least another Staddon found a helpmeet and managed to bore her into submission using Robert's model. I am happy for Kendalyn, because at least she will have a sister in Staddon misery. Now if only some Headquarters hunk will finally snatch up Poor Esther....

[MarblesMom]

This reads like a sappy Christian romance novel (think the "Love Inspired" series).  Shame on the parents for allowing/encouraging this sort of arranged whirlwind courtship.

When I read "Engagement! Less than a week later — March 2, exactly one month from our first phone call" ... alarm bells were going off in my head.  Take a few YEARS, see your beloved in all sorts of situations, and really find out if you are compatible and still in love .... then consider marriage if you are marriage minded.

 

[catlady]

41 minutes ago, princessmahina said:

That was one of the worst courtship stories I've ever read. And the bit about the diamond..."I got her an extra fancy one because she's so flawless. All y'all who got flawed rings probably got flawed brides." 

What a pretentious douche. 

Oh my god, did he really say that?  Of all the what-the-fuckery I've read here, that's at the top of the list.  

Well Mr Staddon, by your philosophy, my husband must have a flawed bride--my diamond was flawed, and it ultimately fell out of the ring.  But 20+ years later, here we are.  Fuck you, Daniel Staddon.  I hope Ms. Neely wakes up and leaves you at the altar.

[jozina]

Quote

In addition, during this period of waiting on the LORD for the right life partner, my parents encouraged me to use attractions I felt as incentives to write out a list of Christ-like character qualities that I would desire in a future wife. 

For heaven's sake, don't bring the LORD into your teenage boners and try to make them about someone's Christ-like qualities.

That is so painful.  She sounds so not into him despite all of the Signs!1!!11 the good Lord was giving him.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Omg so many thoughts I can't type fast enough! 

1) I love how they had a questionaire to fill out and they were AMAZED at how similar their beliefs were. Of course they are! You're in the same fucking cult you morons! Your parents drilled the cheat sheet into brains since birth. 

2) was she humble bragging about the other dude interested in her? I think so. And I hate myself for being insanely curious as to who the other dude was. 

3) does this courtshit nonsense really guard your heart Daniel? Weren't you a wee bit hurt when Kathryn went MIA for a few months? Well, I'm sure it was only your frail headship ego that was hurt. But still.

4) I think all good fundie girls are supposed to play "hard to get." Otherwise you're a whore. Duh. I'm sure that was her little issue. 

5) I almost pissed my pants when he went on and on about his spectacular ring. Compensating for anything Daniel?

6) and if Kathryn did have some reservations it was most likely the fact that in the non fundie world, she's gorgeous and way out of his league. There I said it. I'm not proud but come on. She's out of his league.

Those are all of my thoughts for now. Thank you so much for posting this. The amount of navel gazing by these two provided many much needed laughs. 

[nickelodeon]

If I never see another "he-loves-she.com" fundie wedding site as long as I live, it'll still be too soon.

What's YOUR favorite Staddon couple, FJ? Robert "despite my tiredness, emotional drain, and slight disinterest" Loves Kendalyn, or Daniel "essentially ready to begin communicating directly" Loves Kathryn??

[MarblesMom]

And the bridal registry... not even a veiled "your presence is our present".... just BOOM.  Buy us stuff.  I also question putting their wedding details out in the public... but... I know these are modern times, and "the kids" might all be doing this.... I don't know.  Seems like anyone could just RSVP to attend, which is oddness, to me at least.

[jozina]

Ticket to Ride being on their registry is making me laugh more than it should.

[GreyhoundFan]

I want to say thank you for bringing this to FJ's attention. I had a singularly bad day and needed a laugh. I sure got them, lots of them, while reading that dreck. They both sound like they are 12 years old. I don't normally comment on looks, but she is pretty. Too bad she'll be knocked up for the next 20 or so years and chasing after an increasingly large brood of yard apes. I can't imagine getting engaged to a guy I've spoken with only a few times. <shudder>. And the crap about the "rare" princess-cut diamond. Um, at least 10 people I know have princess cut diamonds. Of course, I get out in the world and speak to people who aren't in a cult, so I have a leg up on Danny-boy. I wonder if they will be heading to Big Sandy too?

[HereticHick]

WIth apologies to Monty Python: JEHOVAH JEHOVAH JEHOVAH.

This does make the Erin & Chad courtship story:  "We each thought the other was hot. The end," even more refreshing.

Please, someone scoop up Esther before she becomes the shared spinster Nanny of the Big Sandy ATI crowd.

[Kitcae]

1 hour ago, Jana814 said:

So weird. Does anyone know how old these 2 are?  

David won the bible bee in the senior age division (ages 15-18)  in 2009, so he has to be at least 21. I remembered I have a magazine that has an article written by Kathryn and the magazine usually publishes the age of the writer. So I checked it and yes, it had her age. The magazine was published in June 2014 and it said her age then was 19, so she should be 21 currently. 

[jozina]

Apologies if this has been snarked on before but I was looking on Amazon at Daniel's book about the Bible bee.  The excerpt is just exquisite. $100,000 is just one zero short of a million!  Well done Bible dolt, well done.  The Holy Spirit convicted him for wanting the prize money more than the knowledge.

Apparently he turned 18 in 2009, so he'd be turning 25 this year.

[Kitcae]

4 minutes ago, jozina said:

Apologies if this has been snarked on before but I was looking on Amazon at Daniel's book about the Bible bee.  The excerpt is just exquisite. $100,000 is just one zero short of a million!  Well done Bible dolt, well done.  The Holy Spirit convicted him for wanting the prize money more than the knowledge.

Apparently he turned 18 in 2009, so he'd be turning 25 this year.

Where did you see that he turned 18 in 2009? Thanks!!

[mallallory]

26 minutes ago, MarblesMom said:

And the bridal registry... not even a veiled "your presence is our present".... just BOOM.  Buy us stuff.  I also question putting their wedding details out in the public... but... I know these are modern times, and "the kids" might all be doing this.... I don't know.  Seems like anyone could just RSVP to attend, which is oddness, to me at least.

Isn't it crazy!  It invites all sorts of weirdos to just RSVP and show up to your wedding, if I didn't live all the way across the country, I might have dressed up and gone.  

[jozina]

http://utmost-way.com/current/harrison-teen-wins-national-bible-bee

Here.

[Kitcae]

Awesome, thanks @jozina!

[JermajestyDuggar]

4 minutes ago, mallallory said:

Isn't it crazy!  It invites all sorts of weirdos to just RSVP and show up to your wedding, if I didn't live all the way across the country, I might have dressed up and gone.  

But more guests means more gifts! And these fundie weddings are cheap as hell. So they are making big bucks to stash in the bank for the litter they will have in a few years.

[nonymouse]

I'm calling it now: the next fundie courtship trend will be communicating only in semaphore, saving the actual first talk for the wedding ceremony.

[Kitcae]

I can't get over how awkward their engagement photos are. They're not even holding hands! And their wedding date is in 39 days. Creepy!

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 minutes ago, nonymouse said:

I'm calling it now: the next fundie courtship trend will be communicating only in semaphore, saving the actual first talk for the wedding ceremony.

The one-up-man-ship of these fundies is intense. Will it just end up with them not even seeing eachother until the wife gives birth to their first child? They could just have sex in the dark and wear fundie blinders to help avert their eyes until a child is born. 

"I saw my beautiful wife for the very first time on the same day I saw my child for the first time. God is good."

[mallallory]

@nonymouse, or they'll leave it all up to their daddies and not even lay eyes on each other until they're at the altar. 

 

JermajestyDuggar got theirs up first and is better than mine.  Excellent creativity!