Tori Bates Courtship

[19 cats and counting]

Life event so I figure it deserves it's own thread.  

Here's the mystery boy (and I will say the two of them look really happy together).  Is he ATI royalty or is this her MRS degree at work?

I will also say that Kelly Bates sure as hell knows how to marry off her children.  Assuming that Nathan marries this year and Tori next year that's 5 years in a row with weddings.  

[MorningMist]

Someone on Instagram confirmed his name was Bobby Smith and linked to his private instagram.

The original poster on this photo on tumblr also mentioned that he was 21.

[Nashville92]

I wonder if they're courting or just boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm still not sure what the difference is

[MorningMist]

2 minutes ago, Nashville92 said:

I wonder if they're courting or just boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm still not sure what the difference is

They original poster said that they were courting but I don't know whether that was an assumption or Tori flat out told her.

[samurai_sarah]

4 minutes ago, Nashville92 said:

I wonder if they're courting or just boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm still not sure what the difference is

Welcome to FJ!

As far as I personally understand it, the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing in the Bates universe is called "dating with a purpose", "courtship" seems to mean that an engagement is imminent. During the courtship stage you get to make rules like whether to hold hands or not, hugging or not, unsupervised contact via phone and skype etc. At least if I've understood the Batesesses' model correctly. It's all clear as muck to me too.

[formergothardite]

28 minutes ago, Nashville92 said:

I wonder if they're courting or just boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm still not sure what the difference is

The difference is that they realized using the terms "boyfriend and girlfriend" makes them look less like freaks. Nothing really changed except how they present it to viewers. 

I wonder about the number of marriages in this family.  This is unusual even among ATI families. I wonder if the house is hell and since marriage is the only means of escape, they all take it as fast as they can. Can you imagine living as a teen and a young adult in a house where your parents have cameras mounted all over the place so they can monitor you? 

[Nashville92]

I never thought about all the marriages the way you stated it. It's just sad being watched and followed and spied upon in your own home.

[Sweet Fellowship]

Is it actually confirmed that Tori is in a courtship? So much for her allegedly courting Joseph Duggar.

[MorningMist]

Just now, Sweet Fellowship said:

Is it actually confirmed that Tori is in a courtship? So much for her allegedly courting Joseph Duggar.

It's confirmed she has a boyfriend (John Webster let us all know about that one), and the two look real cozy in the pictures from the party so it probable that it's him.

[hollywood]

Did some creeping. Chad+Erin instagram follows his private.

I found his Facebook and his sister goes to Pensacola christian college.

He wears muscle shirt and shorts in a photo and that's all that private pages will tell me. 

 

They look religous, obviously, and normal-ish... then again, so did Ben Seewald's family.

[sunshine]

Whoever he is, he is a brave soul to want to date a celebrity. Dude, people are going to research you to death. Welcome!

[formergothardite]

Whoever he is probably likes the whole reality television thing, much like Ben. 

 

[BeccaGrim]

4 hours ago, 19 cats and counting said:

Life event so I figure it deserves it's own thread.  

Here's the mystery boy (and I will say the two of them look really happy together).  Is he ATI royalty or is this her MRS degree at work?

I will also say that Kelly Bates sure as hell knows how to marry off her children.  Assuming that Nathan marries this year and Tori next year that's 5 years in a row with weddings.  

I'd need to see more than just this picture but he does have a Chad look about him, I think. Is he ATI royalty?

[Nashville92]

I asked the 19kids tumblr girl if she knew where he was from and she said No but that he said he wished he lived that close to Tennessee. She also said she didn't have much info on him at the time. Wonder if he'll be on the new season

[actuallyjessica]

I'd need to see more than just this picture but he does have a Chad look about him, I think. Is he ATI royalty?

I thought the same. He kind of looks like Chad and John mixed together.

[BeccaGrim]

3 minutes ago, Nashville92 said:

I asked the 19kids tumblr girl if she knew where he was from and she said No but that he said he wished he lived that close to Tennessee. She also said she didn't have much info on him at the time. Wonder if he'll be on the new season

Maybe next season. I think this season with Nathan and Ashley.  Then we'll get the news that Tori is with Bobby (if thats whats happening).  Those poor Duggar boys.  They just can't seem to find a girl. LOL

[usedbicycle]

2 hours ago, formergothardite said:

I wonder about the number of marriages in this family.  This is unusual even among ATI families. I wonder if the house is hell and since marriage is the only means of escape, they all take it as fast as they can. Can you imagine living as a teen and a young adult in a house where your parents have cameras mounted all over the place so they can monitor you? 

My opinion is that they're pretty well-adjusted, good-looking and sociable teens, so they have many interesting dating prospects in their circles to choose from. Also, their parents are very encouraging of romantic pursuits. It's something they like to talk and joke about, unlike the Duggars. They speak about marriage like it's the best thing ever, not "a lot of hard work" (Meechelle speaking). They're pretty relaxed about giving the couples privacy and being soppy and romantic with each other, which probably makes the relationships progress faster. To compare, Michelle wouldn't let Ben and Jessa hold hands FOR PRAYER. 

But because they have to marry the first person they fall in love with, the consequence is marrying young. To me it's a sign they're good "partners" and good communicators rather than a sign they want to escape home. I'm sure John-David for instance would love to have a wife (which 26 year-old virgin wouldn't?) but he's emotionally stunted and I'm sure he's had a couple failed attempts at courtship in the past.

[BeccaGrim]

1 minute ago, actuallyjessica said:

I thought the same. He kind of looks like Chad and John mixed together.

Oh good call.  He is. I see it now too.  His instagram is super private.  

[EmainMacha]

The comments in one of the pics mentions that the party was being filmed by UP (unsurprisingly) so I imagine their courtship, if that's what it is, will be announced before that episode airs. 

[BeccaGrim]

5 minutes ago, usedbicycle said:

My opinion is that they're pretty well-adjusted, good-looking and sociable teens, so they have many interesting dating prospects in their circles to choose from. Also, their parents are very encouraging of romantic pursuits. It's something they like to talk and joke about, unlike the Duggars. They speak about marriage like it's the best thing ever, not "a lot of hard work" (Meechelle speaking). They're pretty relaxed about giving the couples privacy and being soppy and romantic with each other, which probably makes the relationships progress faster. To compare, Michelle wouldn't let Ben and Jessa hold hands FOR PRAYER. 

But because they have to marry the first person they fall in love with, the consequence is marrying young. To me it's a sign they're good "partners" and good communicators rather than a sign they want to escape home. I'm sure John-David for instance would love to have a wife (which 26 year-old virgin wouldn't?) but he's emotionally stunted and I'm sure he's had a couple failed attempts at courtship in the past.

I agree 100% with this.  I think--and maybe its just how they're filming them--but I think the Bates seem happier in general than the Duggars. Of course as far as we know, the Bates girls have never been the victims of sexual abuse by either any of their brothers and/or anyone else. They may just be more upbeat.  Lest we not forget, the Bates really are ATI royalty. They may not have started that way but they are now.  

[formergothardite]

5 minutes ago, usedbicycle said:

My opinion is that they're pretty well-adjusted, good-looking and sociable teens, so they have many interesting dating prospects in their circles to choose from. Also, their parents are very encouraging of romantic pursuits. It's something they like to talk and joke about, unlike the Duggars. They speak about marriage like it's the best thing ever, not "a lot of hard work" (Meechelle speaking). They're pretty relaxed about giving the couples privacy and being soppy and romantic with each other, which probably makes the relationships progress faster. To compare, Michelle wouldn't let Ben and Jessa hold hands FOR PRAYER. 

But because they have to marry the first person they fall in love with, the consequence is marrying young. To me it's a sign they're good "partners" and good communicators rather than a sign they want to escape home. I'm sure John-David for instance would love to have a wife (which 26 year-old virgin wouldn't?) but he's emotionally stunted and I'm sure he's had a couple failed attempts at courtship in the past.

And where did you get this opinion? Their heavily edited social media and reality television show whose goal is to make them look normal and make you forget that this family is involved in some disturbing shit? 

As I have said over and over, not have an outgoing, chipper, non-awkward personality isn't a character flaw like so many people act like it is when it comes to the Duggars. Marriage can be very, very hard work. Michelle is absolutely right. It is not always the best thing ever. Sometimes it sucks. 

~Gil and Kelly exploit their children and have for long before they got a reality television show. 

~Kelly used extremely abusive baby training methods. 

~Gil and Kelly are deep in a controlling, abusive cult and have raised their children in that cult.

~Gil and Kelly have camera's mounted around their home so that they can constantly monitor their unmarried children/.

~None of the Bates children have shown an iota of rebelling against IBLP.

~Gil and Kelly used their children to raise and educate their other children.

~Gil and Kelly are smart, very smart when it comes to their public image. they have messed up in the past, but long gone are the days of Kelly admitting she can't name her children and being open about their racism. 

~They have watched the Duggars, what the Duggars got criticized for and then changed their image to avoid doing those things. So while they used to brag about "Bates Time" and being late for everything, once they Duggars got criticized for it, they stopped doing that. 

I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE PEOPLE BUY THE BULLSHIT THE BATES ARE SELLING!. This is exactly why the Bates are 100% more dangerous than the Duggars because they sugar coat evil and people, even people here, overlook all the awful stuff about them because they can put on a good show and hide the crazy side of their life. With the Duggars it is all hanging out, but the Bates manipulate their public image to make people think the are a normal, well adjusted family. 

[BeccaGrim]

3 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

And where did you get this opinion? Their heavily edited social media and reality television show whose goal is to make them look normal and make you forget that this family is involved in some disturbing shit? 

As I have said over and over, not have an outgoing, chipper, non-awkward personality isn't a character flaw like so many people act like it is when it comes to the Duggars. Marriage can be very, very hard work. Michelle is absolutely right. It is not always the best thing ever. Sometimes it sucks. 

~Gil and Kelly exploit their children and have for long before they got a reality television show. 

~Kelly used extremely abusive baby training methods. 

~Gil and Kelly are deep in a controlling, abusive cult and have raised their children in that cult.

~Gil and Kelly have camera's mounted around their home so that they can constantly monitor their unmarried children/.

~None of the Bates children have shown an iota of rebelling against IBLP.

~Gil and Kelly used their children to raise and educate their other children.

~Gil and Kelly are smart, very smart when it comes to their public image. they have messed up in the past, but long gone are the days of Kelly admitting she can't name her children and being open about their racism. 

~They have watched the Duggars, what the Duggars got criticized for and then changed their image to avoid doing those things. So while they used to brag about "Bates Time" and being late for everything, once they Duggars got criticized for it, they stopped doing that. 

I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE PEOPLE BUY THE BULLSHIT THE BATES ARE SELLING!. This is exactly why the Bates are 100% more dangerous than the Duggars because they sugar coat evil and people, even people here, overlook all the awful stuff about them because they can put on a good show and hide the crazy side of their life. With the Duggars it is all hanging out, but the Bates manipulate their public image to make people think the are a normal, well adjusted family. 

Can I ask a couple of questions? Where do you get your information on the Bates about?  I'm not saying I disagree but I think part of the problem is that I've simply never seen this stuff about the Bates.  I know their weird and Fundie but the abuse and the racism?  Where does that come from?

[choralcrusader8613]

30 minutes ago, BeccaGrim said:

Can I ask a couple of questions? Where do you get your information on the Bates about?  I'm not saying I disagree but I think part of the problem is that I've simply never seen this stuff about the Bates.  I know their weird and Fundie but the abuse and the racism?  Where does that come from?

As to the racism, I don't know about other instances (if there are any), but they have a picture of Nathan Bedford Forrest hanging in their house.

 

[Dandruff]

They do look comfortable and very happy.  Perhaps it's a coincidence, but the Bates ladies appear to go for tall men.

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, BeccaGrim said:

Can I ask a couple of questions? Where do you get your information on the Bates about?  I'm not saying I disagree but I think part of the problem is that I've simply never seen this stuff about the Bates.  I know their weird and Fundie but the abuse and the racism?  Where does that come from?

Most of the information is here on FJ if you search the archives. Some of it is on the Yuku forum.  I used to do it for people and spend time finding link after link to answer questions, but it seems that most of the people who asked would rather believe the Bates propaganda and keep squeeing about how the Bates are so much better than the Duggars, so I just don't waste my time anymore. If you truly want to know what the Bates are like I would also suggest reading the thread in Snark about the lawsuit Gil is involved in. I will warn you, that there is some very, very disturbing stuff in those threads. If you think the Duggars covering up Josh is bad, Gil, last year, was trying to manipulate a woman who was sexually abused as a child into meeting in private with her abuser. The lawsuit also shows how much lying and manipulating Gil is willing to do to maintain a good image. 

I wish that we had thought to save the Bates original blog, because it showed a great deal more about the Bates and their beliefs, but I don't think anyone ever thought that they would whitewash things so well and do such a good job and looking normal. 

The Bates family is scary to me. There is so much evil there and they have done such a good job and hiding it. I don't really buy into the whole "they look happy so they must really be happy" train of thought. We see such a tiny sliver of their lives and that tiny sliver is heavily edited. And I am reminded of the threads about the Seven Sisters where people went on and on about how happy they all seemed so they must be happy, well it came out later that one of those "happy" sisters was suicidal, it just didn't come through on their blog. 

I always views the Bates social media and reality television show as propaganda, not something that reflects the truth. 

ETA: I will give you this link that shows what a difference there is in the Bates image. This was when they were on one of the Duggar shows. Neglected horses, small children behind kicking horses, no safety precautions around horses, and a person who lives there them dropping in to talk about how annoying the family is. No gushing over how happy and well adjusted they are. This was before they realized how they needed to tighten down on their public image.