Jump to content
IGNORED

Lesbian Grows Hair Out and Marries a Guy-Emily Thomes


DomWackTroll

Recommended Posts

6 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

Like I said. The pamphlets do not reflect the group. There are those who feel their sexuality is "sin" and there are those who do not. Our group doesn't judge, nor is it mentioned. I'll bow out now. Sorry if I offended anyone.

We can disagree with and critique the rhetoric/underlying ideology while understanding that an individual group or offshoot might not engage in or perpetuate said rhetoric. 

  • Upvote 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

26 minutes ago, BabyBottlePop said:

But I wonder about her husband. What does he believe about gay people?  

 

Probably what most right-wing men believe about them: Gay butt sex is the most abomination-y thing ever... but lesbians make me horny and were put on earth to be in girl-on-girl porn for straight men

Edited by DomWackTroll
  • Upvote 30
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is a bit of a rant and is absolutely not directed at anyone in particular (I'm actually thinking most of something I saw on reddit), but I'm tired of Christians being congratulated for not being bigots. I know not all Christians are homophobic, but it seems like every time homophobia among some Christians is discussed there are people saying, "Well I'm Christian and I'm not homophobic" and then a bunch of people telling them how wonderful they are. I saw this recently on reddit, and the Christian announcing his lack of homophobia was massively upvoted and gilded. (For those not on reddit, you can give a month gold to someone if you like their post. It costs a few dollars and comes with some extra features.)

Again, I KNOW lots of Christians are decent people. I don't have to be reminded of it all the time. You're a Christian and not homophobic? Whoop-dee-fucking-do. I feel like at this point simply not being a dick shouldn't earn someone a gold star. I want to be able to talk about the harm caused by some branches of Christianity--which currently have huge influence in the US--without a chorus of "not all Christians!"

Sorry, this is coming from a place of bitterness that I didn't even realize I had. Despite my frustrations I really do appreciate the Christians who fight bigotry from inside their religion. I think this topic is just bringing up some old sore spots for me.

  • Upvote 49
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This kind of story is something my oldest brother & sister in law would love. "See it shows that she learned her lesson.  God creates a man for every woman, after all God created Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve."  (The first time my sister in law said that last sentence to me, I was 15.  I snickered.)  

Edited by FloraKitty35
  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

         Not sure. Like others mentioned maybe she is bi sexual. She could be gay and just trying not to be.

Thanks and @SweetFellowshipper I apologize if I offended you. My thought is that this gal was trying out different roles (Bisexual would make sense) and I would almost wonder what she will be doing in a few years?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, DomWackTroll said:

Probably what most right-wing men believe about them: Gay butt sex is the most abomination-y thing ever... but lesbians make me horny and were put on earth to be in girl-on-girl porn for straight men

I think these men think this about "hot girls" whom they don't regard as "really lesbians." These men are disgusted by butch looking lesbians, presumably because they think all women should confirm to their personal preferences and are rejecting "godly" gender roles.

  • Upvote 18
  • Thank You 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, Cleopatra7 said:

I think these men think this about "hot girls" whom they don't regard as "really lesbians." These men are disgusted by butch looking lesbians, presumably because they think all women should confirm to their personal preferences and are rejecting "godly" gender roles.

Exactly. Their idea of "proper lesbianism" is nothing at all like, well, lesbianism. 

  • Upvote 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites

53 minutes ago, Soulhuntress said:

Thanks and @SweetFellowshipper I apologize if I offended you. My thought is that this gal was trying out different roles (Bisexual would make sense) and I would almost wonder what she will be doing in a few years?

A lot of people use that term, I didn't even see your comment. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The around the corner photos. Eh. I was a little more weirded out by the over the shoulder winking while holding the marriage certificate. So Duggary. 

This seems so sad. They look so young and.. Idk. 

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

22 hours ago, Georgiana said:

 

 

        @SweetFellowshipper    You downvoted her on the first page. I gave her an upvote so the negative vote wasn't glaring. Was not sure if you were offended or made a mistake.  I know how sensitive this subject is for some people, I think it's good for people to ask questions so they can understand.:flamingo:

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, FloraKitty35 said:

This kind of story is something my oldest brother & sister in law would love. "See it shows that she learned her lesson.  God creates a man for every woman, after all God created Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve."  (The first time my sister in law said that last sentence to me, I was 15.  I snickered.)  

Omg I wish someone would tell the bigots that phrase is not even close to as clever as they seem to think it is. This one is pretty clever though (I love this chick):

 

meganamram.png

Edited by Coy Koi
I guess embedding html doesn't work.
  • Upvote 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites

59 minutes ago, Grimalkin said:

        @SweetFellowshipper    You downvoted her on the first page. I gave her an upvote so the negative vote wasn't glaring. Was not sure if you were offended or made a mistake.  I know how sensitive this subject is for some people, I think it's good for people to ask questions so they can understand.:flamingo:

Oh, I guess I did! Ha-- no worries, I just forgot. But it doesn't personally offend me, it's just somewhat prejudiced language IMO. A lot of people do use that phrase to describe primarily female-female sexual activity. 

It's not a sensitive issue, it's just an offensive attitude/bias (however unconscious) that many people have towards bisexuality and especially female queerness as if it is not legitimate. You don't see women who end up with women being asked if they were "just experimenting" when they dated guys in high school. 

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So the pic on the left is from a time when she was using drugs regularly. The pic on the right is from a time when she is not using drugs. But the difference in looking healthy is because she's sleeping with a dude.

  • Upvote 16
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, SweetFellowshipper said:

Very long, sorry. Having identified as a lesbian prior to my marriage to a man, this hits me right in the feels. So many misunderstandings. A few observations: 

[snipped for length - albeit hesitantly, as you posted some great commentary]

Finally, this is obvious, but the response to this narrative from this clearly misguided woman from "Christians" absolutely disgusts me. They are breeding ignorance about human sexuality, love, and the reality of human experience. It's abhorrent. 

 

12 hours ago, sockinshoe said:

I kind of want to note that she might not be lesbian, but bisexual. Bi erasure is a thing and it makes bi lives shittier in all kinds of small and large ways. 

Yes. Thank you. If I could like these posts 100123123213 times, I would.



 

Edited by mizandry
  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, Mercer said:

I don't think there's anything abnormal about a woman who has identified as a lesbian marrying a man, whether it's because she discovered she is actually bisexual or because that particular man is an exception to her usual attraction patterns. Both happen, and are perfectly legitimate.

This particular situation is concerning to me, though, because of the self-negating terms she uses to talk about her past, the young quickie marriage that followed so closely on the heels of the religious questioning, and the guilt and despair that seem to be the subtext of her writing.

It reads to me as someone shutting off parts of her spirit to fit a mold rather than someone embracing new self-discovery. I hope, for her sake, that isn't an accurate read.

Agreed to all of the above. ^ 

And this isn't really related to anything you're saying, but it's something I've been meaning to post here in light of earlier discussion (hopefully I'll make sense):

I have to say that, as a bisexual woman, a lot of the "hopefully she's bisexual" sentiments are making me all sorts of uncomfortable, and I'm having a hard time really expressing why, but like...

I don't think anyone is intending to make me feel that way with these comments, by any means, and I can understand where the feelings are coming from and why that's being expressed in the context of this story -- but the subtle implication that she would somehow have it less bad as a bi woman in that marriage is incredibly harmful and erasive of the lived realities of bisexual women in repressive, queerphobic relationships with men, and also ignores the fact that bisexual women have been shown time and time again to have higher rates of intimate partner violence than gay and straight women alike. If anything, the idea that she could be bi just makes me worry in a new, but no less assuring, kind of way. 

I mean... between that and the general lack of bi-specific resources out there for people in precarious, little-to-no-support situations like this only raises my concerns about her well being in that marriage. I mean, the idea that we even need bi-specific resources for women in abusive relationships with men is STILL debated in so-called "LGBT friendly" spaces, which makes me want to cry after all the things me and the other bi folks in my life have been through because we are bi. If she's bisexual, then fuck, there is even less room for her to find a way out and seek community where she's truly accepted later on in life. Please let's not pretend this would mitigate anything -- it wouldn't, no matter how many times we find new ways to tell bi women how grateful they should be for their "straight privilege." That's not lived reality.

All her being bisexual would do is add more chaos and confusion to the inner turmoil she's pretty clearly experiencing over her sexuality and, if anything, make the bigots around her (and her gross husband) feel all the more justified in their homophobic behavior towards her. She may even feel responsible for that mistreatment, because it's not like she CAN'T enjoy being with a man. 

She's going to have it bad either way; sexuality labels are complicated social constructs with largely oppressive histories that really say a lot more about straight people than they do anyone else, and what matters here is that a large facet of her identity is being stunted due to fear and manipulation from her community and the "values" they have instilled in her through religion about being gay.

So yeah, getting redundant here, but:

Whether she's gay or bi, stifling her attraction to women is ultimately what seems to be at the core of this ~union~ (also, the biphobic notion that fucking a dude will make her "not gay" all of a sudden), and it should be no less assuring that she might be bisexual just because she might  be more "sexually available" (ughhhhhhhh) than someone who has little to no capacity to be attracted to men. At the end of the day, she was still coerced into this marriage through a series of societal pressures, and that in and of itself is both repulsive and damaging. No amount of attraction to men will change that, ever.

Bi women have our own set of shit to deal with when it comes to relationships with men and it's why I'm so tired of the relations I've had with men being treated as some sort of equivalent to Hetero relationships. Judging by my own experiences, it just makes it easier for dudes to be abusive and treat you like a walking fetish with no feelings because nobody cares since it's happening to someone who won't "pick a [socially constructed, bullshit] side." 

I'm getting really rambly but I hope what I'm trying to say came across alright.

Edited by mizandry
Crap. Sorry - double posted because I thought this one would merge to the last post I made. I don't know where my brain is. :s Also added the comment I was meaning to post before double posting - so that I'm not spamming too hard.
  • Upvote 19
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Coming from a conservative, fundamentalist christian background and now being a prett liberal christian, I will just try to give me perspective on it.

I know more than one story like this. Most of the time the women are not bi or straight. In most cases I have known, they were gay and desperately trying to change themselves to be a "better" person and simply to be able to stay in their church and community of origin.

What makes me concerned is the way she talks about it. It reminds me of my own struggles and my wish to be straight, leading to having relationships with men just to convince myself I am not a lesbian or bi, but straight instead. The guild induced is so huge that most people I have met have a hard time not giving into it and a lot truely believe they are bad people because of what they feel and want. She might tell this story of living as  lesbian woman being horrible and empty, just to convince herself, like I tried for a long time. I can simply see myself in her shoes, if I had not met some people, who helped me accept myself. 

I really hope, she is happy, but I am extremely sceptical, simply because it reminds me so much of all these stories I know. Maybe she is not gay, but I think it is highly unlikely based on my own experiences,

About gay and lesbian drug addictions and the like: of my circle of LGBT friends, I am the only one went through abuse. No one of us fits the stereotype of superficial relationships and there is very little promiscuity. Mind, that all of us are about her age (give and take a few years). So, I am not sure if your experiences are still true for the 20 something LGBT youth today. @SweetFellowshipper. That might be because I am from Europe, but from what I know, it might also be because most of us were raised in a time where being gay became more and more accepted and we were mostly accepted for who we are, both professionally and privately. 

I am sorry about the way your gay friends treated you because you fell for your now husband.  @SweetFellowshipper. That was unacceptable and bigoted.  My LGBT friends have being extremely supportive of my struggle with my sexuality and me trying to date men again. I still do not know if I identify as lesbian or bi, but it does not matter. Neither to myself or them.

All I know is that I feel so sorry for her. Been there, done that (except the marriage). Even if she is bi, being entrenched in that culture must be toxic and hurting. I wish I could hug her and tell her God loves her either way and she does not need to think that way about her past.

 

  • Upvote 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, SoybeanQueen said:

So the pic on the left is from a time when she was using drugs regularly. The pic on the right is from a time when she is not using drugs. But the difference in looking healthy is because she's sleeping with a dude.

 

She may not even be making that connection in her head. I get the feeling she was really stifling a lot of her inner turmoil with alcohol and drugs -- and once she conformed to her family's expectations by "going straight," she was able to quit with the self-medicating. She naturally looked healthier, so she equates that with doing "God's will," but it's really just a matter of being in a healthier place physically. 

After reading through some of her FB yesterday (and wasting too much of my workday doing it, tbh), I'm afraid this young lady is still struggling with a lot of things. I hope she gets sorted out and stops crapping on other people. 

  • Upvote 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, Mela99 said:

The around the corner photos. Eh. I was a little more weirded out by the over the shoulder winking while holding the marriage certificate. So Duggary. 

This seems so sad. They look so young and.. Idk. 

...clueless? 

5 hours ago, mizandry said:

I mean, the idea that we even need bi-specific resources for women in abusive relationships with men is STILL debated in so-called "LGBT friendly" spaces, which makes me want to cry after all the things me and the other bi folks in my life have been through because we are bi. If she's bisexual, then fuck, there is even less room for her to find a way out and seek community where she's truly accepted later on in life.

I had no idea.  How disheartening for the individual and society at large.  After all, people make up our communities and one's sexuality shouldn't minimize the damage done by abuse.

I don't know if it's patronizing to say I'm so sorry for the suffering you endured or if it's okay.  I'm going to take a chance and hope that it's not offensive. 

So, what would be helpful support to offer a (bisexual) woman in this situation?  I have straight friends who were abused and other than offering tea, company, a place to stay and discussing various ways of involving the legal system while helping them dust off their resumes and juggle the kids activities and issues - is there something else that should be remembered?  I don't know that any of my friends are bisexual - thus far it seems to be gay/straight but people change through the years.

I'm floundering.  Hopefully I'm getting my meaning across without sounding like too much of a dope.

 

  • Upvote 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On April 30, 2016 at 11:14 PM, DomWackTroll said:

Off topic, but whatever this "around the corner" thing is, it needs to go away-- along with barn doors and railroad tracks. 

 

This reminds me of a scene in The Hunger Games right before they get the signal to come out and start fighting each other.

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is a recent comment on that post:

Quote

Interesting, you went from a semi masculine looking lesbian woman to a heterosexual woman embracing her female identity. This is something that the current medical establishment denies. They say it does not happen at all, which I find pretty weird and very shady.

This guy thinks that her story defies medical beliefs. :pb_lol:

This comment made me really sad:

Quote

What advice do you have for parents whose child has embraced the homosexual lifestyle? I love my Jesus! And it is breaking my heart, to the point that I am not able to have any sort of relationship with her at all. My War Room has been busy but I am having a difficult time with my reaction. Please give me some guidance.

Someone told her to just love her daughter and she responded, "it's not a question of love. I love her to no end. If I didn't love her, I wouldn't care how she lives her life."

I find it very sad how fundamentalist religion can tear families apart. I know this women sees it as her daughter's problem, not her own, though.

I don't know what she means by her "War Room." My guess would be something about being a "prayer warrior."

About an hour ago Emily also gave a little more detail about her transformation.

Quote

Some women at my work started up a Bible study last April, and my aunt invited me to go with her. I didn’t want to make her go back and tell them I’d turned her down, so I agreed to participate. I told myself initially, that the second anyone said a word about my lifestyle, I’d quit going. No one ever said a word. I was only into the second week of the study when at night, just before falling asleep, I’d catch myself questioning my decisions and the choices I was making. It was almost like I had to convince myself that I was doing the right thing, by living like I was. We were reading a book about the attributes of God. I was at home by myself reading, and the book was talking about picking and choosing parts of different religions and combining them as your own. That’s essentially what I was doing; and the only thing that separated me from being a buddhist or an atheist was that I professed Christianity. I obeyed the Bible when it suited me, and I didn’t when it didn’t. It wasn’t my guide or my truth or the light to my path; Christianity was what I proclaimed because I grew up in Texas and assumed that because I prayed occasionally, I was His. It was like being hit with a lightening bolt. I realized that I was running my life. I grabbed my phone and searched for verses on homosexuality. I’d read them a hundred times and argued and twisted them anytime I’d heard them before, but suddenly I couldn’t. They were black and white, and I couldn’t bend them anymore. I knew then, I was going to leave my room either a Christian, fully surrendered to God because that’s what He calls us to do, or an atheist who refused the God of the Bible. I felt grateful, and I felt awful. I clung to Him. I believed Him, and although I had ignored Him and lived foolishly for the first 22 years of my life, He had brought me to this point. He showed me mercy when I deserved justice. Nothing has been the same since.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, mizandry said:

(super reluctantly snipped)
I mean... between that and the general lack of bi-specific resources out there for people in precarious, little-to-no-support situations like this only raises my concerns about her well being in that marriage. I mean, the idea that we even need bi-specific resources for women in abusive relationships with men is STILL debated in so-called "LGBT friendly" spaces, which makes me want to cry after all the things me and the other bi folks in my life have been through because we are bi. If she's bisexual, then fuck, there is even less room for her to find a way out and seek community where she's truly accepted later on in life. Please let's not pretend this would mitigate anything -- it wouldn't, no matter how many times we find new ways to tell bi women how grateful they should be for their "straight privilege." That's not lived reality.


(more snipping)

Bi women have our own set of shit to deal with when it comes to relationships with men and it's why I'm so tired of the relations I've had with men being treated as some sort of equivalent to Hetero relationships. Judging by my own experiences, it just makes it easier for dudes to be abusive and treat you like a walking fetish with no feelings because nobody cares since it's happening to someone who won't "pick a [socially constructed, bullshit] side." 
 

(yet another snip)

According to the Human Rights Campaign, 61% of bisexual women experience sexual assault. Of that 61%, 48% experience it before the age of 17. That means that about 29% of bisexual women experience sexual assault before the age of 17. It is one of (if not the) highest rate of sexual assault in the LGBT+ community, and in society in general. The only group that comes even close is the rate of assault on trans people, especially women (~50%). There is obviously a fair amount of overlap between people who are trans and people who are bisexual, so the numbers are not as clear as they seem, but it's pretty horrible all the same. Keep in mind that sexual assault is most likely under-reported. 

The fact that almost nobody talks about this kills me. I am part of that 29%, and I only learned about these numbers last week. When bi voices are locked out of the discussion because we are "too straight passing", it genuinely hurts us. 

  • Upvote 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is ridiculous. First, as a lot of others said, she could be bi, and while that would help her feel attracted to her husband, it brings its own problems.

This discussion of being bi hits close to home for me, since Ms. Lawlifelgbt is bi. Just because she's married to me doesn't make her a lesbian, and just because she had previously married a man doesn't make her straight. I explained it to my brother once by saying, "Do you know [Japanese-American family friend?] Well, she works, married, and spends all her time with white people now. Does that make her white, or effectively so? That's what you sound like when you talk about my wife."

I think bi erasure can be a problem on an unconscious level too, like saying "gay marriage," instead of "same-sex marriage," or assuming such a couple are both gay or lesbian.

And: re: unhealthy habits in the LGBTQ community- yes, it can be a problem, but a lot hinges on the area you live in, and how families react. I'm a member of an online local community board, and we don't have a lot of drug issues from the sample of a few thousand in the group. Since the cities are pretty supportive and have good LGBTQ resources, many people are actually in recovery in affirming groups. The biggest community problem is actually just poverty, which causes its own problems.

  • Upvote 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

To clarify: I certainly did not mean any bi erasure in the title of this thread. If she had in any way described herself as bi, the title would have reflected that. But she didn't. She described herself as someone who was exclusively with women: “sleeping around with various women.” 

Hell, I hope she is bi, for her sake, because she is now having sex with a man. But honestly, I didn’t get that from her post and I still don’t.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 5/1/2016 at 6:19 PM, Cleopatra7 said:

I think these men think this about "hot girls" whom they don't regard as "really lesbians." These men are disgusted by butch looking lesbians, presumably because they think all women should confirm to their personal preferences and are rejecting "godly" gender roles.

Another sinister teaching that I've run into recently (but I'm sure it has been around) is that sex is only for procreation. One must not have sex *unless* it is for procreation. That means no sex outside of marriage, and no sex for menopausal women, and I would suppose no sex during pregnancy, either. (ETA: not to mention a whole bunch of other folks who'd be left out, as well.)

And this was being defended by a teen-twenty-something guy on a chat board, and my teens tell me he is not alone in his belief system.

Edited by refugee
  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not chimed in previously, but I also had the "hope she is bi" thought, not because I think the marriage and her continued participation in that sort of fundamentalist fuckery will be any less dehumanizing and identity erasing for her, but the only, tiniest, small crumb of positive I can glen from this travesty is that she might feel some actual sexual and/or romantic attraction toward the person she has now pledged to submit her body and spirit to until death.

  • Upvote 12
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.