Lesbian Grows Hair Out and Marries a Guy-Emily Thomes

[OodOnTheLoo]

15 hours ago, EyeQueue said:

Wait...was she transgendered or a masculine lesbian who got the gay prayed away and married a guy?

If the fundies are automatically thinking lesbian = transgender, they're idiots.

They have no clue!  There are two boxes only.  Exclusively straight and everything else/confused/choosing not to be straight.  

I got into a convo online with a woman who could not understand that a m2f might still stand to pee.   When she asked why they would I joked and said, "because they can".   She came back genuinely confused that regardless of sex or gender, some people sit and some people stand.   If I could avoid contact of anything in a public restroom I absolutely would.  People are taught strict gender roles and cannot even imagine anything outside of it.  It's distressing that a large population of people live with this mindset.

[Coy Koi]

Thanks for sharing your insight, @SweetFellowshipper! I didn't want anyone to think I was trying to say something along the lines of, "Oh, she's with a different sex partner now so that means she's a phony either now or was before." I don't think that at all. People can surprise themselves and become attracted to things they never expected to and that's completely valid. But with her in particular, she first decided that she had to renounce homosexuality and become all fundy, and then magically she quickly found a dude to hastily act nauseatingly about and marry. In her case, I don't buy that anything healthy is happening. But I would never make that assumption just because of the genders involved.

[Rachel333]

@SweetFellowshipper That was a great post, thanks for taking the time to write it.

[kjmackin]

Just browsing her Facebook I do think that something happen. If go down towards her very early post there's one about being harassed at work by a co-worker but just before it there one ask whom coming to her wedding. My bet would a failed marriage/relationship ending with something else to go along with pressure from family wanting her to live a normal life by their books. 

 

As as for bi, queer,straight, cis whatever the ever evolving scale I think of she happy then it's alright. Although I bet her hubby will hold this over her.

[hoipolloi]

@SweetFellowshipper Thank you for this thoughtful, not-too-long response. It puts many things here in perspective.

 

 

[SilverBeach]

@SweetFellowshipper, thank you for your insightful post. 

[SweetFellowshipper]

30 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

Thanks for sharing your insight, @SweetFellowshipper! I didn't want anyone to think I was trying to say something along the lines of, "Oh, she's with a different sex partner now so that means she's a phony either now or was before." I don't think that at all. People can surprise themselves and become attracted to things they never expected to and that's completely valid. But with her in particular, she first decided that she had to renounce homosexuality and become all fundy, and then magically she quickly found a dude to hastily act nauseatingly about and marry. In her case, I don't buy that anything healthy is happening. But I would never make that assumption just because of the genders involved.

I agree. I do want to point out that I wasn't trying to "call anyone out" here or anything like that, I was just responding to the many-many comments on the Facebook post and other articles about this non-event-that-is-somehow-proof-of-Jesus. So if it seemed like I was specifically disagreeing with any posters here, I wasn't. I was just providing my thoughts because of the general tenor of the public response, because I assume this is a fairly rare life trajectory (to identify as one orientation but marry differently) that I am intimately acquainted with. 

[fundiefan]

39 minutes ago, OodOnTheLoo said:

They have no clue!  There are two boxes only.  Exclusively straight and everything else/confused/choosing not to be straight.  

I got into a convo online with a woman who could not understand that a m2f might still stand to pee.   When she asked why they would I joked and said, "because they can".   She came back genuinely confused that regardless of sex or gender, some people sit and some people stand.   If I could avoid contact of anything in a public restroom I absolutely would.  People are taught strict gender roles and cannot even imagine anything outside of it.  It's distressing that a large population of people live with this mindset.

Is she related to the pissing preacher?

[feministxtian]

To sort of piggy back on @SweetFellowshipper. In my recovery group there are quite a few lesbians and gay men. They all seem to have a common thread in their stories, rejection by family, and a spiral down into drugs/alcohol. 

Yes, my recovery group is Christian, HOWEVER, there is NEVER ONE WORD about going to hell b/c of their sexual orientation. For those who are conflicted, we also have a network of counselors who can talk to them. Of the lesbian women, only one is now married to a man. 

***full disclosure...my daughter and my husband are bisexual. 

[SilverBeach]

1 hour ago, SilverBeach said:

THIS +1000

The book "Drug Crazy" lays out the entire sordid history of illegal drugs in America. Way back in the early 1900s, there were congressmen who disapproved of regulating what people could put into their own bodies because to do so was overreaching the Constitution. 

BTW, Mike Gray is the author of Drug Crazy, which I highly recommend.

4 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

To sort of piggy back on @SweetFellowshipper. In my recovery group there are quite a few lesbians and gay men. They all seem to have a common thread in their stories, rejection by family, and a spiral down into drugs/alcohol. 

Yes, my recovery group is Christian, HOWEVER, there is NEVER ONE WORD about going to hell b/c of their sexual orientation. For those who are conflicted, we also have a network of counselors who can talk to them. Of the lesbian women, only one is now married to a man. 

***full disclosure...my daughter and my husband are bisexual. 

I am a Christ follower and I don't believe any of that nonsense about homosexuals going to hell. I don't really believe in a burning hell for that matter. Your recovery group sounds wonderful.

[Ex-Creationist]

24 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

If I were lesbian (I'm not), and decided I was going to switch to hetero ( is that even possible?), I would not grow my hair out. My hair is very short, suits my face, and has been short for 30 years. What does hair length have to do with it? 

Because women with short hair = lesbians. Obviously. 

Non-snarky response: mostly, this is about gender roles. Men aren't supposed to have long hair. Women are. 1 Corinthians chapter 11 is a fascinating insight into Fundieland groupthink re: Christian patriarchy. (Or, at least, my family's version of it.) I was raised by a nutjob fundie, but the joke's on her because I'm a trans* guy, so me having short hair is super acceptable outside of our family. Heh.

[DomWackTroll]

2 hours ago, SilverBeach said:

If I were lesbian (I'm not), and decided I was going to switch to hetero ( is that even possible?), I would not grow my hair out. My hair is very short, suits my face, and has been short for 30 years. What does hair length have to do with it? 

You'll have to ask her. She obviously feels it has something to do with "godly femininity," and so do her moronic fans.  

[SilverBeach]

5 minutes ago, DomWackTroll said:

You'll have to ask her. She obviously feels it has something to do with "godly femininity," and so do her moronic fans.  

Moronic is right, but I was really asking a rhetorical question. We know hair length doesn't have a damn thing to do with it.

[DomWackTroll]

1 minute ago, SilverBeach said:

Moronic is right, but I was really asking a rhetorical question. We know hair length doesn't have a damn thing to do with it.

Oh, sorry. I thought you were asking why I included it in my title line. 

[Rachel333]

46 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

To sort of piggy back on @SweetFellowshipper. In my recovery group there are quite a few lesbians and gay men. They all seem to have a common thread in their stories, rejection by family, and a spiral down into drugs/alcohol. 

Yes, my recovery group is Christian, HOWEVER, there is NEVER ONE WORD about going to hell b/c of their sexual orientation. For those who are conflicted, we also have a network of counselors who can talk to them. Of the lesbian women, only one is now married to a man. 

***full disclosure...my daughter and my husband are bisexual. 

What kind of recovery group is it?

I tried Celebrate Recovery for a while and the people there were nice, but then one night I was looking through the pamphlets and found some about recovering from homosexuality. That kind of ruined the whole thing for me.

[Granwych]

17 hours ago, DomWackTroll said:

Off topic, but whatever this "around the corner" thing is, it needs to go away-- along with barn doors and railroad tracks. 

 

And the wedding party men all jumping at the same time.

[feministxtian]

It is Celebrate Recovery...and yes, there's some stuff in the books...HOWEVER...if you read further, it's more about recovering from sexual abuse. The woman who went from lesbian to heterosexual turned to women after being raped and abused by male family members. Also, each group can be different. In our group, seeing as how we're in Las Vegas, sexuality isn't a focus. Healthy relationships are the focus here. We have non-Christians in our group too. We have gay singles and gay couples in our group and they are NOT called out, not told they'll go to hell if they don't change. But, that's our group. As a matter of fact, there was a gay couple that got baptized together last night. 

So...it depends on the group and how the leadership is. Our leader is a recovered alcoholic and crack addict who still struggles with sexuality and other issues. So, sexuality isn't a big issue for our group. Much of it depends on the flavor of the church too. There is another CR group in our area that is MUCH more fundamentalist than ours. 

 

[SweetFellowshipper]

7 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

It is Celebrate Recovery...and yes, there's some stuff in the books...HOWEVER...if you read further, it's more about recovering from sexual abuse. The woman who went from lesbian to heterosexual turned to women after being raped and abused by male family members. Also, each group can be different. In our group, seeing as how we're in Las Vegas, sexuality isn't a focus. Healthy relationships are the focus here. We have non-Christians in our group too. We have gay singles and gay couples in our group and they are NOT called out, not told they'll go to hell if they don't change. But, that's our group. As a matter of fact, there was a gay couple that got baptized together last night. 

So...it depends on the group and how the leadership is. Our leader is a recovered alcoholic and crack addict who still struggles with sexuality and other issues. So, sexuality isn't a big issue for our group. Much of it depends on the flavor of the church too. There is another CR group in our area that is MUCH more fundamentalist than ours. 

 

Just pointing out that the opposite happens as well-- when I was a child, I was severely abused by a woman, and I was afraid to be with women for a long time (and often had unhealthy relationships with the ones I was with) because of my issues with trusting women, or desiring abusive ones. Gay men may seek out women because of abuse from other men, or bi men may exclusively seek out men because of distrust of women, or any combination. People respond to abuse in all different ways. I wish there was more discussion in general of how men abuse men and women, women, as well. It's also pretty difficult to "turn" to another gender for romantic companionship ONLY because you were abused. Many women are abused by men but would never think of pursuing another woman sexually because they are truly completely heterosexual; there has to be some desire there, and you're most likely along the bi/queer spectrum if you're able to maintain that relationship for some time. Sometimes it may trigger a more exclusive interest in a certain gender for a time (or forever), but it's unlikely that anyone truly goes from totally straight to totally gay and back again. 

[Rachel333]

This is the Celebrate Recovery pamphlet for men: http://www.mscwired.org/wp-cont/uploads/HOMOSEXUALITY.pdf The one I saw was specifically for women struggling with homosexuality, but I couldn't find it online. I did see homosexuality mentioned in the sexual addiction information for women: http://www.celebraterecoverygabc.com/Sexual-Addiction-Women.html

I was in a vulnerable place at the time and it really hurt to see that people I had opened up to aligned themselves with a program that taught that homosexuality is a sin to be overcome.

Edit: I found the pamphlet on same-sex attraction for women. http://celebraterecoverycbc.weebly.com/uploads/4/7/1/0/47103977/same_sex_attraction-women.pdf

A sample quote:

Quote

Many of us formed a hate for men as we ran after our fleshly desires for women, and somewhat formed a pack with other members of the lesbian community to shun most men from our lives as a way to “prove” we didn’t need them for anything. Being part of this close-knit society allowed us to finally feel special just for being female and now finally, we didn’t have to prove ourselves better than men.

 

Edited April 30, 2016 by Rachel333

[Grimalkin]

16 hours ago, Soulhuntress said:

Confused.  she was lesbian or experimenting? 

         Not sure. Like others mentioned maybe she is bi sexual. She could be gay and just trying not to be.

[Mercer]

I don't think there's anything abnormal about a woman who has identified as a lesbian marrying a man, whether it's because she discovered she is actually bisexual or because that particular man is an exception to her usual attraction patterns. Both happen, and are perfectly legitimate.

This particular situation is concerning to me, though, because of the self-negating terms she uses to talk about her past, the young quickie marriage that followed so closely on the heels of the religious questioning, and the guilt and despair that seem to be the subtext of her writing.

It reads to me as someone shutting off parts of her spirit to fit a mold rather than someone embracing new self-discovery. I hope, for her sake, that isn't an accurate read.

Edited April 30, 2016 by Mercer

[BabyBottlePop]

23 minutes ago, Granwych said:

And the wedding party men all jumping at the same time.

Or the one with the groom holding out his ring to show the groomsmen and they all act like they're going to fall over. 

I hope this girl ends up happy and doesn't regret her choice. Like other posters have said, hopefully she's in love with the guy instead of pushing down real feelings because she thinks she has to live this way. 

There's quite a lot on her fb page about her experiences and her choice to marry and all that (I don't want to say "and to stop being a lesbian") and it's her choice to post all that and whatever. Sounds like she is becoming a poster child of sorts. But I wonder about her husband. What does he believe about gay people? Is he going to be accepting of her being a poster child for this? Does he think it just goes away, or as I've heard said when reading about the ex-gay movement, or is it a constant struggle?  I don't really like the way the guy comes off. In the first minute of the wedding video he's talking about how as soon as he saw her he was praying to God that she could be his. Seemed a bit possessive to me. What of her husband becomes jealous or suspicious and doesn't think she's trying enough? What if he hurts her? 

I just hope she's happy.  I think eventually she will leave.

[feministxtian]

Like I said. The pamphlets do not reflect the group. There are those who feel their sexuality is "sin" and there are those who do not. Our group doesn't judge, nor is it mentioned. I'll bow out now. Sorry if I offended anyone.

[SweetFellowshipper]

15 minutes ago, Rachel333 said:

This is the Celebrate Recovery pamphlet for men: http://www.mscwired.org/wp-cont/uploads/HOMOSEXUALITY.pdf The one I saw was specifically for women struggling with homosexuality, but I couldn't find it online. I did see homosexuality mentioned in the sexual addiction information for women: http://www.celebraterecoverygabc.com/Sexual-Addiction-Women.html

I was in a vulnerable place at the time and it really hurt to see that people I had opened up to aligned themselves with a program that taught that homosexuality is a sin to be overcome.

@Rachel333, there is also stuff in there about stripping, porn, and sex work being evidence of "sex addiction." Really, because women couldn't get sex for free most nights if they wanted it? And it's not because of, you know, economic necessity? Survival? Need? A desire for shorter working hours and a bigger paycheck, more time with kids? Sex work has nothing to do with "sex addiction." Sex addiction is about a gaping existential void that you try to fill with people, sex, validation, or orgasms. It's not about a job. 

[Rachel333]

1 minute ago, feministxtian said:

Like I said. The pamphlets do not reflect the group. There are those who feel their sexuality is "sin" and there are those who do not. Our group doesn't judge, nor is it mentioned. I'll bow out now. Sorry if I offended anyone.

I believe you, but you do still support a homophobic organization. I don't mean that judgmentally--if that group is what works for you, great--and I actually have a lot of respect for what Rick and Kay Warren (the founders of Celebrate Recovery) have been doing to combat mental health stigma among Christians, but it's the truth. Those pamphlets come from the main organization, not just individual chapters.