Now Scheduling for Summer: Erika Shupe (pt. 7)

[apandaaries]

She also posted about a 16 year old boy they knew who disappeared on the way to church.  I had a hinky feeling about that, so I've been Googling about the kid.  Looks like he ran away.  Wonder what kind of rebellion is going on under these fundie roofs, and if that's influencing Erika's loosening of the reins.  I hope that kid is okay and getting support, and that Erika is taking some time to consider what happens when humans aren't allowed any control whatsoever over their own lives.  She had to have heard of the escape from the Pennington Penitentiary, so perhaps along with everything else, she is noticing that there could be some unexpected flaws in her carefully-laid plans and schedules. 

Also, in her repost about chores for kids, she had a list of Biblical quotations, and references Terri Maxhell.  So certain parts of the blog are getting scrubbed, but then she's happy to remind us that she's still a serious Christian with a Maxhellian influence. Wonder if she's trolling us. 

[refugee]

14 minutes ago, amandaaries said:

She also posted about a 16 year old boy they knew who disappeared on the way to church.  I had a hinky feeling about that, so I've been Googling about the kid.  Looks like he ran away.  Wonder what kind of rebellion is going on under these fundie roofs, and if that's influencing Erika's loosening of the reins.  I hope that kid is okay and getting support, and that Erika is taking some time to consider what happens when humans aren't allowed any control whatsoever over their own lives.  She had to have heard of the escape from the Pennington Penitentiary, so perhaps along with everything else, she is noticing that there could be some unexpected flaws in her carefully-laid plans and schedules. 

Also, in her repost about chores for kids, she had a list of Biblical quotations, and references Terri Maxhell.  So certain parts of the blog are getting scrubbed, but then she's happy to remind us that she's still a serious Christian with a Maxhellian influence. Wonder if she's trolling us. 

Could be. When I discovered HA (I think it was fairly new) and started reading the stories, it confirmed for me that my gut feeling -- that I had been dismissing as satan's wiles to tempt me away from the strait path -- was actually true, and we needed to get OUT of that lifestyle and community.

The actual "getting out" with our family intact was a long drawn out process, but reading all those stories at HA (and then at RG, and then discovering FJ) was the start of it. The culture can explain away the occasional rebel -- yes, we saw those along the way, and it was disconcerting, but there was always some reasonable explanation designed to reassure that if we did it *right* it wouldn't happen to our kids. But HA allowed the "rebels" to tell their side of the story, without the interference of people recasting their words as rebellion, instead of reality.

[fundiesarefascinating]

Got lost reading Erika's sister's (Heidi Schween) blog.  Super depressing to see that another group of children are already scheduled to the nth degree. She uses Erika's scheduling methods. I do not understand these parents who force play alone time and do not let their children talk to them for certain periods of the day. Seems like she is still much more relaxed than Erika and I hope it remains that way.  However, her tone comes across as a very Erika-in-training.   

[princessmahina]

1 hour ago, fundiesarefascinating said:

Got lost reading Erika's sister's (Heidi Schween) blog.  Super depressing to see that another group of children are already scheduled to the nth degree. She uses Erika's scheduling methods. I do not understand these parents who force play alone time and do not let their children talk to them for certain periods of the day. Seems like she is still much more relaxed than Erika and I hope it remains that way.  However, her tone comes across as a very Erika-in-training.   

I kind of get the mandatory quiet time. In a house that size, with people not allowed to go get away from it all for awhile, it must get very stressful. A period of solitude (if not alone time) is probably necessary to their mental health. I know it would be for mine. I'm super excited that her sister has a blog though. Link?

[fundiesarefascinating]

Yeah, that's a fair point.  I guess I just can't imagine putting my 2yo in a room alone and not allowing her to talk to me unless she needs to use the washroom. It seems so cold.  

 

http://teamschween.blogspot.ca   

[elliha]

3 hours ago, princessmahina said:

I kind of get the mandatory quiet time. In a house that size, with people not allowed to go get away from it all for awhile, it must get very stressful. A period of solitude (if not alone time) is probably necessary to their mental health. I know it would be for mine. I'm super excited that her sister has a blog though. Link?

Me too. I have always encouraged my daughter to play independently from the time she started doing so on her own at about 8 months. I want her to engage in things on her own without me and which gives me some space. I don't demand quiet time as in absolutely quiet but I expect her play to be mostly low energy during periods when I tell her I need to do x and you must find something to do yourself. 

[Eternalbluepearl]

Oh my goodness... go to Erika's sister's blog and scroll down a little bit until you see the picture of her sister with little ones reading. Holy goodness the Erika crazy eyes are strong with that one! She's looking into my soul. 

[Loveday]

1 minute ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Oh my goodness... go to Erika's sister's blog and scroll down a little bit until you see the picture of her sister with little ones reading. Holy goodness the Erika crazy eyes are strong with that one! She's looking into my soul. 

I was just looking at that picture! Yikes! 

[Eternalbluepearl]

All I see are sticker charts and jelly beans and I may have wet myself. 

[mango_fandango]

7 minutes ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Oh my goodness... go to Erika's sister's blog and scroll down a little bit until you see the picture of her sister with little ones reading. Holy goodness the Erika crazy eyes are strong with that one! She's looking into my soul. 

So it's inherited, then! Erika's mom grins in a similar way. 

At least the girls get to wear pants and shorts. None of this anti-visible-crotch crap.

[Crocoduck]

Is there an anal-retentive gene?

[THERetroGamerNY]

Oh my goodness... go to Erika's sister's blog and scroll down a little bit until you see the picture of her sister with little ones reading. Holy goodness the Erika crazy eyes are strong with that one! She's looking into my soul. 

I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to schedule everything...

[apandaaries]

39 minutes ago, Crocoduck said:

Is there an anal-retentive gene?

It appears that we have found it.  Strong maternal genes in that line, both in facial features and anal retentive qualities. 

[mango_fandango]

3 hours ago, amandaaries said:

It appears that we have found it.  Strong maternal genes in that line, both in facial features and anal retentive qualities. 

Just a pity we know bugger all about Bob's side of the family. Parenting differences do occur, Erika. She claims that it was his parents who cut off contact, but I'm suspicious...

[princessmahina]

I wonder why Erika was so attracted by fundie-dom and her siblings aren't as into it. 

[19 cats and counting]

1 hour ago, princessmahina said:

I wonder why Erika was so attracted by fundie-dom and her siblings aren't as into it. 

Because it gives her justification for being a control freak.

[molecule]

Because it gives her justification for being a control freak.

Yup. She likes to have rules and structure for herself as well as her kids.

[elliha]

I woke up early this morning and was enjoying sharing our bed with my husband and our soon 4 year old who woke up at 6 and wanted to come to our bed and fell right back asleep. Erika wouldn't even allow her child to come to their bed, she broke that out of them at 3 months. As I was laying there I realized how much her parenting is a avoidance. She talks about being proactive but and there is nothing wrong with that but if you come to a point where you rather isolate your kids than take them out to somewhere where you cannot handle things proactively then how are they ever going to learn to be wellbehaved outside a wellknown setting?

If you have 9 kids you deal with them everywhere just like you do with one, that is my view. I understand it is not exactly fun to go shopping with 9 kids but you learn to deal with it just like you do with 1, 2 or 3. Preparation is a very important tool with kids but learning in the given situation is necessary. Sure, I get that you don't bring all of them every time you have to do it often enough to be able to do it in a crisis. If children are used to many different environments they are not a pain to bring almost anywhere. 

Avoidance as a parenting strategy only works temporarily, if you want longterm results you have to be daring and let them learn on the go. I remember her saying that it is hard to go to the park because the kids keep running off. The age her kids are they should be able to get from point A to point B without running off. They should be able to be told "You can play anywhere between that tree over there and that fence over there. I expect that you stay within this range or we cannot go to this park. I think that too much avoidance has created kids who are not competent enough so that she feels she needs even more dicipline and more isolation. This creates a bad pattern. I think she said that she could bring Karen and Melanie everywhere but that once she had boys it all changed. I think this has nothing to do with boys and girls but that she did less and less spontanous things and more and more controlling once she had more kids. I mean, my sister had 3 kids in 3,5 years. The two younger were boys the youngest one has Tourettes and was probably the wildest child I have ever encountered and still she was not isolated in her house. She developed strategies and moved on with her life.

[zee_four]

On 4/29/2016 at 8:54 AM, Eternalbluepearl said:

Oh my goodness... go to Erika's sister's blog and scroll down a little bit until you see the picture of her sister with little ones reading. Holy goodness the Erika crazy eyes are strong with that one! She's looking into my soul. 

Looks like she's in my neck of the wood. Joy...

[fundiesarefascinating]

17 hours ago, princessmahina said:

I wonder why Erika was so attracted by fundie-dom and her siblings aren't as into it. 

I wonder if part of it is how many kids they both have.  It took Erika a while to get into full on fundie-dom. She got deeper into the more kids she had.  I imagine having nine children makes it even more necessary to be a total control freak. Even nine well-behaved children would be overwhelming.  Her sister appears to only have four kids, which is a lot, but I think much more manageable. Who knows, maybe if she continues to have more kids she will slide deeper into the fundie too.  

[FundamentallyShocked]

I spent some time on Heidi Schween's blog. Honestly, she sounds pretty normal for a homeschooler. She's using a very reputable curriculum and plans her days Maxwell style (lots of homeschoolers do), seems flexible. Lots of homeschoolers have the box of school-only toys for the littles to keep them occupied during school time. Most of us have a nap/quiet time (wine optional for mom) for sanity. Her kids get lots of outdoors time and a lot of read-aloud/audiobook time.  I don't get the Shupe-fundie feel from it at all. I'm not seeing the rigidity and judgemental posts that many of these fundie ladies write. She spells well and write decently. She isn't telling me why her way is the right way. I find her very different from Erika. Her kids seem well-fed.

(True confession time: I purchased and used the Maxwell's time scheduling thing. It is meant to be a guideline for an optimal day, not a "you messed up" guilt inducer. Or, at least, I used it that way. (I think the Maxwells use it very rigidly!! I met her; she seemed sad.) It truly was easier on the kids to know what comes next and we accomplished A LOT during those years. Classroom teachers schedule their day, too.   Ducking and running for cover.....don't flame me too much.)

[Rubaiyat]

5 minutes ago, FundamentallyShocked said:

I spent some time on Heidi Schween's blog. Honestly, she sounds pretty normal for a homeschooler. She's using a very reputable curriculum and plans her days Maxwell style (lots of homeschoolers do), seems flexible. Lots of homeschoolers have the box of school-only toys for the littles to keep them occupied during school time. Most of us have a nap/quiet time (wine optional for mom) for sanity. Her kids get lots of outdoors time and a lot of read-aloud/audiobook time.  I don't get the Shupe-fundie feel from it at all. I'm not seeing the rigidity and judgemental posts that many of these fundie ladies write. She spells well and write decently. She isn't telling me why her way is the right way. I find her very different from Erika. Her kids seem well-fed.

(True confession time: I purchased and used the Maxwell's time scheduling thing. It is meant to be a guideline for an optimal day, not a "you messed up" guilt inducer. Or, at least, I used it that way. (I think the Maxwells use it very rigidly!! I met her; she seemed sad.) It truly was easier on the kids to know what comes next and we accomplished A LOT during those years. Classroom teachers schedule their day, too.   Ducking and running for cover.....don't flame me too much.)

I have four kids within 28 months of each other - bio and adopted.  We homeskool too, so my kids are pretty much with me 28/8.  My boys have little to exactly NO self control, and severe ADHD.  We do everything and go everywhere.  They are exhausting and drive me batty but, as @elliha pointed out, you make a plan' change it when necessary and get the hell on with your life.  We totally have a schedule!    You nailed it exactly!  When kids are prepped ahead of time, and we all know what  we're aiming for, it's amazing what you can do.  Scheduling is a beautiful thing.  living and dying by the schedule will give you feral nightmare for offspring the second total external control disappears. Give them an inch, and they lose their damn minds.  I've have neither the time, energy, nor inclination to micromanage my ankle biters to the point where they have no internal framework at all.  I've got Mommy shit to do!   Like drink wine in the bathtub and yell at my kids to make their own sammiches!

[fundiesarefascinating]

Heidi Schween promotes the Ezzo's, Babywise, and Growing Families International which to me points to some level of fundie.  I take major pause at parents who promote the Ezzo's in any way. 

[feministxtian]

When I was raising the 5 (bio and step), I took them everywhere. The girls were always relatively well behaved but the boys...yeah...

We had a schedule when we homeschooled...it wasn't terribly rigid but necessary to get through the day. There were times that the two youngest would be "sent" to the family room or basement to play or watch TV (the basement was the playroom). I didn't allow toys in their bedrooms just because it would have ended up utterly insane. Conversely, the older ones would get "sent" to do another activity so I could spend time working with the littles. 

Fortunately, we lived in east bumfuck (18 miles east of Evansville IN) and the kids had plenty of freedom to run around outside...

Erika is utterly overboard. 

[FundamentallyShocked]

15 minutes ago, fundiesarefascinating said:

Heidi Schween promotes the Ezzo's, Babywise, and Growing Families International which to me points to some level of fundie.  I take major pause at parents who promote the Ezzo's in any way. 

Ewww.....those are pretty awful! I didn't find that part of her blog. It is rather hard to navigate, but looks nicer than Erika's.