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Adoptive "Mothers" part deux


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On Tuesday, October 18, 2016 at 0:18 PM, Mercer said:

I work with children with RAD, among other mental health and behavioral difficulties. These are some complicated issues. 

RAD is real, and children with this disorder do struggle to form healthy attachments with their parents and other caregivers. If these difficulties are not addressed with individual and family therapy, the children are at risk of carrying unhealthy attachment patterns into adult life.

That said, it's pretty unusual to see a family where the attachment issue is 100% on the child's side and the parents are perfect. That is not to say that situation does not exist, so please do not take this as criticism of any specific family, which the observation may or may not apply to. In general, though, most parents will have to adapt their parenting and meet their child in the middle, adjusting their own expectations to the child's capabilities.

RAD is a ICD/DSM diagnosis and can only be made by a licensed professional. An armchair diagnosis by the parents does not mean the child has RAD. It is also different from the nebulous "attachment disorder" label which is not an ICD/DSM diagnosis and which you hear applied much more loosely.

RAD also is not a diagnosis that means the child will grow up to be serial killer, will be violent, has no empathy, etc. - which you sometimes hear people say. A child with RAD may exhibit these traits just as a child without RAD may do, but they are not included in the diagnostic criteria. A lot of what you read online about RAD seems to describe something more like Conduct Disorder (which is often a precursor to an Antisocial Personality Disorder diagnosis) rather than the disordered interpersonal patterns that RAD actually represents.

Off topic. But can you please tell this to adoptive parents and foster parents who think everything is rad

On Tuesday, October 18, 2016 at 4:11 PM, dianapavelovna said:

Just want to boost this - there is so much conflation in the foster/adopt blogosphere of RAD the ICD/DSM diagnosis and "RAD" as described by Nancy Thomas.

A lot of parents with RAD kids stir away from Nancy Thomas.

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On 10/19/2016 at 0:22 PM, jiggleromp said:

It is Sissy's birthday is coming up in Nov.  She will be 18.  Anyone care to guess how long it will be before there is a post saying she has been moved from the home?

No, I think what will happen is that she will announce Sissy has a job and that job is working in child care at Apple Tree Manor so that Kimmie can open her goddamn mail.

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Kimmie again.  

Quote

I don't have time to be mom to my kids.

That's because you went out and purposefully, and in short order, adopted FOUR children with special needs.

But alas, the adoptions have taken place, so now you must prioritize.  Start with your boyfriend.  If you don't have time to be a mom, you don't have time to be a girlfriend.  Maybe that sounds harsh, but kids come first.

Next on the chopping block?  Blogging.  That's right.  In the time it took to write the post about how you don't have time to be a mother, you could have played a quick card game with the kids, or got out some colors to draw a picture.  No time to be a mom?  No time to blog.  Kids come first.

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I don't know how I'm going to do it all. How many moms have said this and had another older, wiser, more experienced mom say, "Welcome to motherhood. You'll never get it all done." And these were moms with neuro-typical kids. Well, they didn't HAVE to get it all done. But I do, because if it doesn't get done it really matters and the consequences are dire.

Then get off the internet, and get to sorting mail.  In fact, getting off the internet might solve a lot of problems.  Your daughters have had details of their lives shared that you had no right to share.  You have used it to sound off about them in ways that are absolutely shameful- but not to them- to you.  Because good mothers don't play favorites, and they don't talk about their kids the way your talk about Sissy and Blossom.  

They did NOT ask for this.  You did.  You got a vote.  

Yes, life is hard, and moms need a place to vent.  That's what friends or counselors are for.  You don't air your child's business to the whole world.  You are no martyr.

Sincerely, 
The Internet
 

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Kimmie's "poor me"ing makes me so, so furious, because if she can't parent, her daughters suffer.  I wonder if shes gearing up to abandon another one?

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Put your kids in school, Kimi. They will get the help they need, create memories, feel more like typical kids, and you will have more time to do paperwork. 

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Put your kids in school, Kimi. They will get the help they need, create memories, feel more like typical kids, and you will have more time to do paperwork. 

Oh, but she CAN'T. She tried that and the school couldn't do anything one millionth as well as Kimmie could.

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3 hours ago, Lurky said:

Kimmie's "poor me"ing makes me so, so furious, because if she can't parent, her daughters suffer.  I wonder if shes gearing up to abandon another one?

She's never abandoned one, has she? I always thought that was the one thing she had going for her.

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Nope. She took in one that somebody else abandoned practically the same week she got one of her own, but she's never abandoned one herself. 

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3 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

@Koala I love you. I always have and always will.

:my_heart:

It makes me absolutely sick to think of those girls reading the things she has posted on her blog.

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I cannot wait til Kimmie needs her diaper changed and her bedsores tended. I hope by then all the girls are living their own lives, somewhere far far away.

Don't think I am evil but I can't deal with Apple. I know it is not her fault but her presence hurts the other girls.  If Kimmie did not have Apple, then maybe the other girls would get some positive attention. I know it is not Apple's fault but I cannot help it. 

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I really like JieJIe, and from Kimi's account, she seemed to really care for jie-jie at first too. But Kimi has a problem. If someone drops off off a cat with sepsis, Kimi will take it in and try to save it. If someone drops off a child, Kimi will take it in and "save it." If she had never learned about Chinese adoptions, she'd just be a crazy cat person, like the lady on the Simpsons. Instead she's fucking up people's lives.

Send your kids to school, Kimi.  

Apple is pretty cute. Actually, all the girls are very attractive, minus sissy's scowl, but who can blame her? I mean, Kimi is her adoptive mom. 

This was one of the first blogs where I actually had to go back and read everything, as quickly as possible. So captivating. I mean, minus the insane amount of shopping for baby clothes posts. Kimi is seriously disturbed and airing all of her dirty laundry. AND she's not terrible at writing. As in, I get bored at overly "pretty" prose. I also dislike bible quotes and language that would be better suited to a book review of the King James Bible. 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...
38 minutes ago, heidi said:

Anyone else worried that she's been radio silent for almost a month now?

Not really, this fits her pattern of being quiet and then posting four or five posts all at once, some backdated. 

We'll probably be "treated" to some holiday posts soon, where in Sissy ruins everything, apple is amazing and cute and tiny and beautiful, and the other two are mentioned. 

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to me, the mail issue looks like the beginning of hoarding. 

1.open envelope

2. shred envelope

3. Skim contents

4. place in folder marked with :

           a. child's name... (for  therapist reports, medical followups, etc)

           b. household bills... (utilities, mortgage, homeowners and car insurance)

           c. medical... not included in kids name.. 

           d. finance... bank statements, taxes, payroll stuff, portfolio (if you have one) kids SSI etc.

           e. family/other correspondence 

once a week shred non essential stuff.  State Farm sends a freaking book with every bill. keep ONE copy of your policy, shred everything else. OR don't keep it. They HAVE copies. Arrange automatic bill pay from your checking account. wheeee no more paper copies. 

 

She's focusing on mail so she doesn't have to focus on the kids.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

It is birthday time I believe for the girls.  I wonder if we will only get a post about Apple's birthday.  I still think that the since it is Sissy's 18th she has been sent off...that is why she has been so quiet.

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On paper she probably looks like a fabulous adoptive parent. In real life she cannot sort her own hardcopy mail and must blog about it as it consumes her life daily.  One of the best ways with spend time with your children is to actually be with them, on the floor playing, making eye contact, playing games. She fails at this and only home schools them thinking that is all she needs to really do. I sense a ton of mistrust between the older kids and her because of this. 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Vicky opened her blog again.  http://expectingsomethingsobigfromgod.blogspot.com/

The highlights:

Avery was released from the hospital after a month on some heavy duty meds.  She lived with a respite family for 2 months or so.  They took her camping and to the beach.  They showed "her her love, care, and most importantly Jesus!"  Then all of a sudden she needed a new respite but Vicky was praying for someone to adopt her.  Then this family said they would adopt her http://growingforeverdaisies.blogspot.com/2016/12/new-birth-is-so-beautiful.html?spref=fb

the mom was with Vicky in China adopting at the same time. Avery has been with them for 10 days or so now.

No new blog posts for Kimmy.  Edit: though Kimmy has been commenting on Vickys blog.

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I know I'm not the only one in tears over poor Averys story. Passed along like a bag of potatoes. I'm sure that Vicky originally told Avery that her home was Averys forever home and she was Averys forever mom, too. That poor, poor child. Vicky is emphasizing how much the new family loves her. Is Vicky incapable of love? Of stability? I guess so. I hope that Avery blossoms away from Vickys narcissism and self centered ness, but I fear that she will be lucky to escape with only RAD and PTSD. Oh, my heart, that poor girl.

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Wow.  So here is Avery with her new mom, but LOOK at all the fun we had once we sent Avery off to her new family.

 

Kimmy, what is happening.  Have you sent Sissy off yet.  She is 18 now.  I know you are dying to show us photos from Apple's Birthday, but to do that you will have to mention Sissy and Blossom as it was their birthdays right before.  Come on.  Post.

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Kimmie said in the comment: "My prayers are with you as you add to your family. It's such a time of celebration, yet those of us who have walked this road also know it's a hard road, too. I'm so glad you will all be together for this first Christmas of hers"

Now, is she referring to adopting a "rehomed" (this makes me so sick) child or "rehoming" a child?

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