Adoptive "Mothers" part deux

[Queen Of Hearts]

11 hours ago, alexandracabot said:

I like how she says she doesn't want Avery to overhear her talk to the social worker, yet she has said she lets her daughters read the blog where she trashes Avery and talks about how unloveable she is.

With as much disdain as she shows for Avery on the blog, I can only imagine what it is like in real life.  I am sure life with Avery has not been easy and there have been many challenges, but if this is how Vicky choses to cope with it all then she has no business being Avery's mom.

[Maggie Mae]

But four out of the five of them filled out prayer cards! They are obviously doing everything they can to help Avery. 

[dianapavelovna]

As soon as I read the family that offered Vicky respite was in Kansas, I clicked right over here: porknbeansinchina.blogspot.com/

Of course, that KS family ended up not taking in Avery. But Christie did pick up a different new kid this month! 

[iheartchacos]

As soon as I read the family that offered Vicky respite was in Kansas, I clicked right over here: porknbeansinchina.blogspot.com/

Of course, that KS family ended up not taking in Avery. But Christie did pick up a different new kid this month! 

Where's the rest of the story?! Damn Christie. I still wonder about Lindzi.

[jakesykora]

It'd not be Kansas close, but I could see Jean M (NPLH) doing respite and taking (and possibly adopting) Avery. And it'd probably eliminate the $ obstacle also b/c that has never seemed to be a factor w/ them.

In fact, before I even read the post I figured that was what the post was about - respite or rehoming - and that it'd be NPLH (until I realized I was right on the essence of the post, and then realized it couldn't be them once I got to 'Kansas.')

Regardless, Avery basically 'fits' age wise w/ the oldest bunch of NPLH girls (Sarah, Mia, etc.)

Plus Jean's been open in the past about their struggles w/ Mia early on as she was also older, etc. and many seem similar to what apparently is going on with Avery.

While it's an obviously much larger family, no matter how much many find objectionable about them, Avery seems like she'd love all the 'doing' - which the Ms do a lot of (Florida, boating, concerts, different activities, etc.)

Anyway, no matter the feelings on JM's family, I wouldn't be shocked to see Avery end up there at some point.

[alexandracabot]

Wait, on the Raising Sunflowers/Pork n Beans in China blog, is this new girl — "Emily" — a respite care situation? Or is she being re-homed? It's never explained. Bizarre.

Porknbeansinchina will always remain my most-hated serial adoptive mom — which is saying something, given the competition. The way she threw away five-year-old Linzy after a few weeks of that poor child being in a new country with new parents is unfathomably cruel. And because she apparently had intellectual disabilities and couldn't sit still! 

Edit: Oh, no. "Emily"'s photo is in the banner now. Looks like she's been re-homed. Poor, poor child. I hope for her sake that she's instantly well-behaved and caught up academically or she'll be discarded too.

[LilMissMetaphor]

4 hours ago, alexandracabot said:

Wait, on the Raising Sunflowers/Pork n Beans in China blog, is this new girl — "Emily" — a respite care situation? Or is she being re-homed? It's never explained. Bizarre.

Porknbeansinchina will always remain my most-hated serial adoptive mom — which is saying something, given the competition. The way she threw away five-year-old Linzy after a few weeks of that poor child being in a new country with new parents is unfathomably cruel. And because she apparently had intellectual disabilities and couldn't sit still! 

Edit: Oh, no. "Emily"'s photo is in the banner now. Looks like she's been re-homed. Poor, poor child. I hope for her sake that she's instantly well-behaved and caught up academically or she'll be discarded too.

And the thing with this new child, is that Christie is mostly proud of having cheated the system.  China wouldn't let her adopt again? Well, she'll show them, she WILL get her egg roll!

Sick.

[Edhelfin]

Kimmie's recent post titled "Apple is growing" is just... odd. Mostly the photos. How fair is to compare Jie Jie and Apple's photos taken at the same ages? Stop size-shaming the girl, you strange woman. There is something else about the photos that um... looks too comfortable for my liking... I don't want to say anything wrong but...

[SummerRocks]

On July 20, 2016 at 8:45 AM, jakesykora said:

It'd not be Kansas close, but I could see Jean M (NPLH) doing respite and taking (and possibly adopting) Avery. And it'd probably eliminate the $ obstacle also b/c that has never seemed to be a factor w/ them.

In fact, before I even read the post I figured that was what the post was about - respite or rehoming - and that it'd be NPLH (until I realized I was right on the essence of the post, and then realized it couldn't be them once I got to 'Kansas.')

Regardless, Avery basically 'fits' age wise w/ the oldest bunch of NPLH girls (Sarah, Mia, etc.)

Plus Jean's been open in the past about their struggles w/ Mia early on as she was also older, etc. and many seem similar to what apparently is going on with Avery.

While it's an obviously much larger family, no matter how much many find objectionable about them, Avery seems like she'd love all the 'doing' - which the Ms do a lot of (Florida, boating, concerts, different activities, etc.)

Anyway, no matter the feelings on JM's family, I wouldn't be shocked to see Avery end up there at some point.

Do these families know each other? Or is there like some sort of secret internet world where kids get "put up" for rehoming and respite care? 

I also think Avery would fit in nicely in Jim and Jeans family. What's one kid more, right?!  

[jakesykora]

10 hours ago, SummerRocks said:

Do these families know each other? Or is there like some sort of secret internet world where kids get "put up" for rehoming and respite care? 

I also think Avery would fit in nicely in Jim and Jeans family. What's one kid more, right?!  

I don't know if they know one another much, but they at least know of one another as Vicky has Jean's blog in her blogroll, if nothing else I'm sure because Jean guest blogs on the very heavily followed No Hands But Ours blog.

I know most also belong to online adoption (often support type) groups, just like there are support groups online for everything else under the sun. Many by country or region at least since they tend to share some of the same general adjustment issues or agency issues/tips/etc.

The fact that both have typically brought home more than one child at once (especially with older girls ups the odds even further that they would be familiar with one another)

But many have met one another on other adoption trips and/or follow the blogs of other families, especially if they have adoptees around the same ages or traveled around the same time and so 'meet' because of that.

There's one family Jean and family have visited multiple times, even just of the past few years - including in recent weeks - and both have documented several such visits on their blogs since they are friends after having met in China.

They had girls from the same city and who were hospitalized for surgery together and what not, and so those two girls were already friends in China, plus they were adopted at the same time so the families met when both were over there adopting (they may have overlapped a second trip also) and so they've stayed in touch and visit regularly, which seems to be the case for many.

In fact, the other family is currently in China and even just saw Anna M's (Jean's daughter) foster family the other day!

I know even in my family when adoption was far less common decades ago, and they certainly didn't have internet for support groups/email, that my relatives stayed in touch with the couple of families they traveled with, and would periodically both end up out of state at like Korean family camp things for Korean adoptees and their families.

And like I said, anything of the sort was far, far less common then, so with SM / online groups / etc. and I'd be shocked if Jean and Vicky haven't been in touch at some point over the years, in some form beyond just reading the blog of the other, to at least some extent!

[Queen Of Hearts]

15 hours ago, Edhelfin said:

Kimmie's recent post titled "Apple is growing" is just... odd. Mostly the photos. How fair is to compare Jie Jie and Apple's photos taken at the same ages? Stop size-shaming the girl, you strange woman. There is something else about the photos that um... looks too comfortable for my liking... I don't want to say anything wrong but...

I've had that same feeling in the past, too.  

I feel bad for Jie Jie.  She was the first to be adopted and for that short time as an 'only' it seems as if she was given a pretty normal life and was adored.  Now she is always being compared negatively to Apple, and otherwise ignored as a forgotten middle child.

[alexandracabot]

Porknbeansnchina/Raising Sunflowers is back blogging again about her latest re-homed child, Emily. Sounds like she's been adjusting really poorly, which, of course, is to be expected when you're wrenched away from your family. She repeatedly misbehaves in hopes of being "sent home." 

If Porknbeansnchina re-homed Linzi after a few months of misbehavior, what will happen to Emily, who sounds, honestly, more troubled than Linzi was? What happens when the girls become older teenagers?

[Rachel333]

Apparently Emily has been in the US for 5 years? I just do not understand how some of these families can keep children for years and then give them up.

I sometimes read a blog, http://gardenofeagan.blogspot.com/, from a mom who has adopted 5 kids with Down Syndrome from Eastern Europe in addition to her one biological daughter with DS. That seems like a lot of kids to deal with, but she at least seems to be a lot more committed to these kids than some of these adoptive families. She also keeps in contact with their first families, which is good. Here's an article about her from last year.

She writes about special needs:

Quote

When you adopt a child, you are agreeing to accept whatever diagnosis may have been missed prior to adoption, or whatever diagnosis comes up later as they grow. This is just how life works, and if you don't want it to work that way, you should never adopt. Just say'in!!!

I was reading her blog and thought of this discussion because it looks like she and her husband took in a boy for respite care, eventually agreed to have him permanently, and now over a year later the original family wants him back, which sounds like a tricky situation.

Here's a bit about the situation from this post: http://gardenofeagan.blogspot.com/2016/06/the-long-version.html 

Quote

He has done very well here. We didn't really expect it, given the level of institutional effect on his little self, but he has attached to our family. He has bonded with several of the kids, and he has bonded with Dean and I. This is especially surprising given his fear of men when he arrived here. You can see his pure JOY with us in the pictures from the beach trip back in February.

Clearly, in the past year, there has been NO intent by the other family to parent this child. Never an inquiry into how he was doing. No questions as to where he was going to school or how it was going for him. What doctors did we bring him to? Was he healthy? No financial support for him at all. Nothing. I voluntarily sent pictures of him living life. An update that he had learned to feed himself, dress himself, potty training, etc. Those updates were never asked for, I just sent them. Surely they would want to know he was ok? Never a question where we were moving with him. Nothing. No desire to know. Hands were washed and dried.

His adoption should have been finalized ages ago, but couldn't be because of one loose end on their side, and attorney fees that weren't paid as agreed. Until Thursday. Thursday the other family paid the retainer fee to the our attorney. Clearly their desire was to get this process done once and for all! 

The very next morning.  Friday. After a full year, one parent decided maybe this might cost them too much in legal fees so they want him back. Their reputation might be damaged, never mind that he has been out of the house for a full year!!! So much documentation we have about him NOT being wanted. After paying our retainer, demonstrating they want us to complete the adoption, suddenly "Oh wait. Never mind, I want him back now." On the other hand, the other parent, seeing how well he has done here, has granted us a new full Power of Attorney until the matter can be resolved.

Now we have a dilemma on our hands. Sure we take the easy way out. We could throw in the towel, avoid a legal battle and send him go back to a situation where he's not truly wanted. But what is "right" is not always the easiest path, is it? No, we are not willing to do that. We are not willing to sacrifice the welfare of a child to save face for the parent who didn't want him, who couldn't manage him, who is in over their heads with other adopted kids still in their house. No, we're not willing.

I just find it so sickening that children can be passed from family to family like that. That has to be so traumatic for those poor kids.

[dianapavelovna]

Quote

We keep reminding her that she is here FOREVER and she seems to understand that, but still can not stop herself from doing things that she thinks will make us want to send her back.

Gee, maybe it's because that family also told her that she would be there forever. 

[alexandracabot]

13 hours ago, dianapavelovna said:

Gee, maybe it's because that family also told her that she would be there forever. 

And her new family told that to Linzi, then discarded her a few weeks later. So, yeah, I can see why it would be hard to believe.

[LilMissMetaphor]

Sounds to me like Vicky has gotten rid of Avery, whether temporarily or for good remains to be seen.    

[Queen Of Hearts]

1 hour ago, LilMissMetaphor said:

Sounds to me like Vicky has gotten rid of Avery, whether temporarily or for good remains to be seen.    

Something is up... she sounds downright giddy.  

[alexandracabot]

Wow, she actually got rid of Avery. And what's worse, she is THRILLED about it.

Usually when a child is re-homed, or put in "respite care," the post is one of sadness, fear, guilt. Not with Vicki. Getting rid of her child is a time of joy, peace, and candy.

[iheartchacos]

So Avery's is back in a facility. But it's in the USA...so I guess it's better?

Love how NOW, that she is probably getting more heat, she's demanding the need for privacy. After already airing all Avery's business on the World Wide Web.

[dianapavelovna]

1 hour ago, iheartchacos said:

Love how NOW, that she is probably getting more heat, she's demanding the need for privacy. After already airing all Avery's business on the World Wide Web.

Right?! Disgusting. Sounds like Avery got dumped at Ranch For Kids or some such lovely place. And they are all happy and eating candy! Nothing about how this must be difficult for Avery. I hate hate hate when adoptive families treat kids this way, but I always hope it gives the child the opportunity to be a part of a family that loves and cherishes them. Unfortunately, like I said, it seems that Avery has been sent to some kind of residential facility and not even given the chance to join another family. But at least she's in the US!!1eleventy!1! 

[keepercjr]

Quote

There is much going on behind the scenes for Avery, professional help that is and was greatly needed. A team is in place to help her over the next hurdles in her life that will ultimately give her what she desires most and bring her happiness!

I don't know hat this really means but.... It doesn't sound like she expects Avery to come back to her home.  What next hurdles?  What does she desire most?  Sounds like she liked living with Vicky's sister.  I will still never understand the motive behind a single working mom adopting teen girls from another country and expecting them to be home all day alone to do school work while you go to work. 

I see in her newer post she is praying for a Christian therapist.  I'm sorry but the last thing would be worried about for my troubled child is the religion of the therapist.  

[LilMissMetaphor]

 

Quote

One does not rid themselves of a child like she is of no consequence! 

Except...that's what you did, you complete ass.

Stop adopting if you don't really want to accept a child regardless of whether or not they say mean things or aren't what you consider "a good fit" for the others!

[alexandracabot]

Can anyone suss out what's going on with Vicky and Avery? Is FMLA "family medical leave," it sounds like? Is Vicky taking it because of Avery? And if they're visiting Avery regularly, what kind of program would she be at? Perhaps just respite care at someone else's house?

[keepercjr]

FMLA will give her unpaid time off for up to 12 weeks and allow her to keep her job.  Sounds like Avery is inpatient, maybe at Mountain View Hospital.  It is the only mental health facility that shows up in a google search in Gadsden.  And Vicky mentioned hospital in her post. 

[alexandracabot]

3 hours ago, keepercjr said:

FMLA will give her unpaid time off for up to 12 weeks and allow her to keep her job.  Sounds like Avery is inpatient, maybe at Mountain View Hospital.  It is the only mental health facility that shows up in a google search in Gadsden.  And Vicky mentioned hospital in her post. 

If something went so wrong that Avery had to be hospitalized, it makes Vicky's "We're finally free and peaceful! Thank God!" post seem really twisted. Sinister, even.