Adoptive "Mothers" part deux

[littlehouse]

I have always thought she would send Sissy to a group home when she turned 18 and be done with her. 

[Stormy]

1 hour ago, jiggleromp said:

I have always thought she would send Sissy to a group home when she turned 18 and be done with her. 

So I've officially gone further back into Kimmie's posts around the time she adopted each of the girls and...I'm confused. I'm curious as to why she'd adopt so many older children in the years leading up to finally getting the baby she'd wanted in the first place. It seems like she did so grudgingly; she began her blog by naming the pseudonym she'd chosen for her future daughter, "Apple" (this was before Jie Jie!), and continued to chronicle how many months she was waiting to be approved for an infant even after she'd adopted each of her three older daughters, which I guess didn't count. When she took Blossom in, Kimmie was absolutely spiteful considering how recent her first adoption had been disrupted. When she met Sissy in China for the first time, all she could talk about was how much of a brat she was (and had the gall to refer to her as a "wimp" when Sissy confided that she'd been bullied at the orphanage). It looks to me like she doesn't even like her daughters.

The only logical explanation for Kimmie's whole schtick is that she must have some kind of persecution complex and needs a platform to generate adoration and sympathy. She adopts these [poor, unwanted] orphans from abroad and spins these theories about how they're conspiring against her after everything she did for them (never mind that they're all traumatized, have a language barrier, and have developmental/intellectual disabilities). The world's always gotta be out to get her.

[DaisyD]

It was something about gaining favor with her adoption agency or with China to adopt the older girls first. Like, she got moved up the list if she adopted an older child first. 

[eightykatie]

On 2/14/2017 at 8:42 AM, alexandracabot said:

Has there EVER been a more apt demonstration of Kimmie's parenting than the latest round of posts? Sissy and Blossom's birthdays — Sissy's 18th! — are put into a single post, and they even have to share with Thanksgiving. They "stuck candles in the apple pie" for Blossom. No mention of whether they even got presents.

Meanwhile Apple's birthday gets split into not one, not two, not five — SIX POSTS. It's almost self-parody.

It is almost hilarious.  Except for the fact it involves actual children.

I love Apple's (presumably) expensive doll and many many presents - and the other girls happily holding up their socks.  

[Kailash]

On 1/7/2017 at 7:50 PM, Maggie Mae said:

I hope Jie-Jie is OK. She was supposed to have a pretty serious surgery on her spine as the curvature was affecting her lungs. Kimi posted in July that they would have it done within 4 months. a not putting every detail of these teenagers lives on the internet is great, I'm nosy person and want to know how everyone is doing. 

In one of her posts she mentioned (I think in November), that Jiej-Jie was supposed to have surgery but that she didn't pass certain criteria for it so that they were still waiting.  Who knows what has happened since then though.

[iheartchacos]

Must be nice to quit work because you're tired and need to catch up on your mail.

[alexandracabot]

How does Kimmy make money?

[DaisyD]

She used to have a daycare in her house. I wonder if Sissy is running it while Kimmie opens her mail...

[apandaaries]

Oh, FFS.  Will Kimmie never change?  Found this martyr's wail somewhere around her complains about the mail: 

"I don't have time to be mom to my kids. Some might argue that doing all of the above IS being a mom, but I'm not getting in those down-time moments of plain and simple enjoyment with my children and I miss it terribly. I know my kids miss it. I even wonder if my older two kids know about it or if it's just a meaningless distant memory of their first months home before the move and the diagnoses and all the things that we now deal with because of their multiple and many special needs.

<snip>

I don't know how I'm going to do it all. How many moms have said this and had another older, wiser, more experienced mom say, 'Welcome to motherhood. You'll never get it all done.' And these were moms with neuro-typical kids. Well, they didn't HAVE to get it all done. But I do, because if it doesn't get done it really matters and the consequences are dire."

 Bold and italics mine.  

Such a damn shame that only Kimmie has to deal with consequences, while other mothers of neurotypical kids just...IDK... Does she really think other mothers don't have to worry about deadlines or bill-paying or insurance-calling?  This from a woman who takes three months off work to catch up on mail?  Last I checked, that was not an option available to most mothers out there, especially single moms. 

Also, that Apple adulation would be funny if the long-term repercussions weren't so horrible.  Those girls have the potential to form lifetime bonds, but clearly and loudly favoring one won't help any of them.  Kimmie is infuriating.  

[Stormy]

There are individuals who can seem nice and normal for years (or a lifetime) who can suddenly turn nasty once they're actually challenged or inconvenienced. After wasting some more time on the blog, I've concluded that Kimmie's one of those people.

When it was just Kimmie and Jie Jie, everything was going swell and she didn't blog about anything that a normal, loving mom wouldn't write about her daughter. Bear in mind, Jie Jie seems to have a laid-back, cheerful personality, or at least she did during that time. She was cool as a cucumber despite all of her medical problems, went to Chinese school, and happily modeled whatever gaudy outfit Kimmie dressed her in. Aside from her "special need", she was pretty close to perfect. It was only when Kimmie adopted Sissy -- who's more "challenging", with complex emotional problems -- that she showed her true colors.

It's really spooky to think about because, like someone mentioned earlier, Kimmie looks fine on paper and didn't give any indication towards the beginning that she'd mistreat her future children. It's why nuclear families with several well-adjusted bio kids can adopt (often multiple, older, international) children and have things end badly (or even tragically) without anyone seeing it coming.

[Fundiewonder]

On February 20, 2017 at 7:13 PM, alexandracabot said:

How does Kimmy make money?

If Kimmie has limited income and resources, it's possible that the children are receiving SSI (aka Supplemental Security Income, or disability benefits from the government).  She wouldn't get wealthy on that, but benefits for four kids might equal what she'd get from providing in-home daycare. Plus, the kids would get Medicaid.

There's so much on her blog that bothers me. I'm still horrified by a post from a couple years ago that described how she fed her children little more than plain rice and broccoli (or something like that) to show how she was in charge. I hate parents who use food as punishment.

[nelliebelle1197]

On 2/21/2017 at 10:49 PM, Fundiewonder said:

If Kimmie has limited income and resources, it's possible that the children are receiving SSI (aka Supplemental Security Income, or disability benefits from the government).  She wouldn't get wealthy on that, but benefits for four kids might equal what she'd get from providing in-home daycare. Plus, the kids would get Medicaid.

There's so much on her blog that bothers me. I'm still horrified by a post from a couple years ago that described how she fed her children little more than plain rice and broccoli (or something like that) to show how she was in charge. I hate parents who use food as punishment.

I was thinking the same thing - maybe that 3 months of mail was 3 months of trying to get benefits.

And I am not sure how she did not notice from Day 1 that Apple has disabilities. There is something about her face that screams one of the trisomy disorders or one of the other rare genetic conditions.

[Coy Koi]

6 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

And I am not sure how she did not notice from Day 1 that Apple has disabilities. There is something about her face that screams one of the trisomy disorders or one of the other rare genetic conditions.

She's always known that Apple had a genetic condition, but it's one that either does not or doesn't always (I can't remember which, and I can't remember the name of it either, but it's been discussed here before) cause intellectual or learning disabilities.

[DaisyD]

It has something to do with the shape of her skull. She had to have a surgery that slowly increased the depth of her skull to make room for her growing brain. It looked awful to go through. 

[smittykins]

Craniosynostosis?

[Fundiewonder]

I think she referred to it as Apert syndrome, which I think is a form of craniosyntosis

https://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition/apert-syndrome

 

[Inthemadhouse]

It is Apert Syndrome, she's identified it before.  Since Kimmie can't seem to handle the idea of intellectual disabilities (look how fast it went downhill with first the older girls, then  Jie Jie once she decided they were intellectually disabled.), I was really surprised she accepted Apple's referral, since Aperts is known to cause mild to moderate intellectual disability.  Not  in every case, but if it is something that you do not think you can handle, always assume worst case scenario.

[Granwych]

Working with developmentally disabled people, it always seemed that their parents could handle a physical disability but couldn't accept a developmental/brain problem.  I was surprised at how many parents vehemently denied the severity of problems, if they accepted them at all.

[Stormy]

4 hours ago, Inthemadhouse said:

It is Apert Syndrome, she's identified it before.  Since Kimmie can't seem to handle the idea of intellectual disabilities (look how fast it went downhill with first the older girls, then  Jie Jie once she decided they were intellectually disabled.), I was really surprised she accepted Apple's referral, since Aperts is known to cause mild to moderate intellectual disability.  Not  in every case, but if it is something that you do not think you can handle, always assume worst case scenario.

I'm going with the theory that many instances of "intellectual disability" might be Kimmie's invention. I think the only ones who might be truly affected would be Blossom and perhaps Apple, but it's too early to tell. I think Sissy's issues stem from the language barrier and general frustration (who can blame her?) and Jie Jie plateaued due to the stress of everything going on plus Kimmie becoming scary mommy.

Speaking of Jie Jie's abilities, has anyone else seen any of the video footage on Kimmie's blog? Here's an 8-year-old Jie Jie reading! >> http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2012/03/reading.html

And some throwback to Jie Jie's brief stint as an only child. (WARNING: adorable) >> http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2012/03/my-girl.html

I know you can't really make an assessment about someone's intellectual/developmental abilities from a few short videos, but Jie Jie seemed like a pretty bright, well-adjusted kid to me, even so soon after being adopted. I (tentatively) think her struggles are coming from being stressed and overwhelmed from having so many life changes at once, what with the adoptions, surgeries, and various programs she's being put in and pulled out of before she can make any real progress.

Some more of Kimmie's videos can be found here >> https://www.youtube.com/user/fencingmama/videos but it's not all of them. I don't think there is any footage of Sissy or Blossom (of course), nor any recent footage of Jie Jie. Surprisingly, I think there's only one video of Apple when she was very young. I would be very, very curious as to how the older daughters are in conversation, but I highly doubt that's something Kimmie would be proud () willing to share.

[nelliebelle1197]

Thanks, guys. I somehow missed that post. I knew Kimmie knew Apple was not her "prefect" baby but I thought it she said it was purely physical.

And I totally agree that a good percentage of JieJie's "intellectual disability" may be a Kimmie Disability. I cannot imagine after Sissy and Blossom showed up that J got what she needed through homeschool and such.

[keepercjr]

I live in her area and gently suggested she might want to check out one of our newer home school charter schools (Inspire if anyone is interested - they are new to our area but not new in general) which provides funds every year for families to buy curriculum and supplies, take lessons, go on field trips (even Disneyland!), etc.  The requirements are minimal (one meeting per month to turn in some work samples) and the funds per child are very generous (something like $2000 per year if I recall correctly).  Plus they would be entitled to any services that any child going to public school would get.  I could totally see something like this helping to ease her burden but she never replied to my comment.  I know several families who are very happy with the program and if I hadn't decided I was done home schooling I would have joined this charter.

I think she is able to take several months off of work to deal with her paperwork (ugh) because she might own her house outright (she sold high in the bay area and moved to a lower cost of living area) and may have some nice savings from the sale as well.  Plus she probably gets SSI for some or all of her girls.   Additionally the electricity bills for the next few months will be minimal before the summer 100 degree heat sets in. 

[alexandracabot]

On 2/23/2017 at 8:16 PM, Stormy said:

Speaking of Jie Jie's abilities, has anyone else seen any of the video footage on Kimmie's blog? Here's an 8-year-old Jie Jie reading! >> http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2012/03/reading.html

And some throwback to Jie Jie's brief stint as an only child. (WARNING: adorable) >> http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2012/03/my-girl.html

Some more of Kimmie's videos can be found here >> https://www.youtube.com/user/fencingmama/videos but it's not all of them. I don't think there is any footage of Sissy or Blossom (of course), nor any recent footage of Jie Jie. Surprisingly, I think there's only one video of Apple when she was very young. I would be very, very curious as to how the older daughters are in conversation, but I highly doubt that's something Kimmie would be proud () willing to share.

Man, it's so brutal to see those videos of her with Jie Jie, where they seem like a normal, happy family, and then think of what their home became — Kimmie putting Blossom on a toddler leash and feeding Blossom and Sissy only plain lentils so that they learn to be grateful for butter.

[keepercjr]

Kimi has a new post up.  Man I just can't believe how she talks about her kids.  It just infuriates me.  Here she is talking about why they haven't attended church much in the past year.  

Quote

It's a long three hours for some, like for my older three girls who can't comprehend the majority of the speaking around them. Blossom loves the social aspect of it and thinks she understands, the result of which is that she monopolizes the discussion time in her classes with very long answers that often aren't relevant. Everyone is very kind and tolerant, though. Sissy sits with "the grin" on her face, that gives the impression of comprehension, but is really her mask that tells means the exact opposite. Jie Jie suffers. She knows she can't understand and the noise of so many voices speaking at once is cacophony to her due to her severe auditory processing disorder, which also involves impairment with instant recall and short-term memory. 

She also went on about dragging all her kids from store to store for new church shoes.  Sissy can't behave and she lost Apple at the mall.  Hell i get tired going from store to store so I can't even imagine how sissy felt since absolutely none of the shopping was for her.

[Stormy]

6 minutes ago, keepercjr said:

Kimi has a new post up.  Man I just can't believe how she talks about her kids.  It just infuriates me.  Here she is talking about why they haven't attended church much in the past year.  

Quote

It's a long three hours for some, like for my older three girls who can't comprehend the majority of the speaking around them. Blossom loves the social aspect of it and thinks she understands, the result of which is that she monopolizes the discussion time in her classes with very long answers that often aren't relevant. Everyone is very kind and tolerant, though. Sissy sits with "the grin" on her face, that gives the impression of comprehension, but is really her mask that tells means the exact opposite. Jie Jie suffers. She knows she can't understand and the noise of so many voices speaking at once is cacophony to her due to her severe auditory processing disorder, which also involves impairment with instant recall and short-term memory. 

She also went on about dragging all her kids from store to store for new church shoes.  Sissy can't behave and she lost Apple at the mall.  Hell i get tired going from store to store so I can't even imagine how sissy felt since absolutely none of the shopping was for her.

Six stores? I don't think any of the malls in my area even have six shoe stores at one location.

Sissy's behavior suggests to me that she's figured out that it's easier for her to pretend to understand than to ask questions and deal with Kimi's frustration. Blossom's gonna be Blossom regardless of what anyone thinks, and I admire that. Jie Jie's completely had her spirit broken and has given up. I fear for Apple and how her chromosomal disability will present itself when she gets older.

Regarding "the grin"; I myself have been diagnosed and un-diagnosed with Asperger's (long story) and also have "the grin". I'll admit it usually means that I've lost focus, spaced out, and am daydreaming, usually if I'm A. somewhere boring, like church, or B. am mentally trying to escape a situation over which I have no control. Kimi's mentioned Sissy's "escaping", and I sure as hell don't blame the poor girl with Kimi looming over her and whatnot. I'm also not a stranger to being mocked and ridiculed for behaving oddly, which I can only imagine is something Sissy's having to deal with in private if her mother posts these kinds of things publicly. And not by bullies at school somewhere, mind you; her own mother is a bully.

[Mercer]

I don't understand why her only options are either having the girls sit through three hours of words they don't comprehend or not going to church.

Why not pick a church where the services are shorter and/or more participatory?

Some churches have programming specifically designed for people with special needs. Some churches have programs specifically designed for English language learners. There might even be a church nearby with bilingual services. 

Not that she has to go to church if she doesn't want to, but if she doesn't, she should just admit it's not her thing rather than blaming the kids when she doesn't seem to have put any consideration into what type of church would be good for them.