Jump to content
IGNORED

What has become of the Rovirosa Family?


Buzzard

Recommended Posts

5 minutes ago, refugee said:

What is a Fundie Friday?

A fine old-fashioned FJ tradition whereby somehow fundies always seem to stop by on a Friday to scold us. KISA (aka John Robert Moore) was a notable example, but there have been many. Much hand-slapping, popcorn eating, and lolz are had, and it's usually capped off with a grand flounce. 

  • Upvote 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, RosyDaisy said:

What about the pain of the women and children who were harmed by the dangerous things posted on your family's blog? You seem to care about yourselves and those that you have hurt. Sorry, but Karma is a bitch.

I'll own my disagree here. I see no reason that Alexandra needs to atone for her mom's hypothetical sins. She is working through a difficult family situation. If I were in her shoes and I found out that people who didn't know my mom were talking about her online, I would be upset too-- no matter what the context was. It's family and it's emotional. I might be in the minority here but when people show up on this site to defend themselves  I don't want to sit back and watch them squirm. Whether it's right or wrong, the discussions that we have here are obviously going to be confusing and frightening for people who find their own personal lives at the center of it. I'm willing to cut people some slack for having a negative reaction.

Edited by NachosFlandersStyle
Fixed a word
  • Upvote 18
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Y'know, when this type of thing comes up ("You guys are being mean to my mom" because Mom had a blog designed to show how successful and godly her life was, and how easy it would be for her readers to follow her lead *earnest blink* *bright smile* -- that may not be her style, I never read that particular blog to fuel my despair over my complete failure as a homemaker for encouragement during my koolaid days) I have to breathe a sigh of relief that I never got my stuff together enough to feel confident in encouraging other women, at least when it came to beautiful homemaking. No tasteful photos were ever possible -- my house was usually a wreck, and I don't have a decorating bone in my body.

Whew. Dodged a bullet there.

I have my other areas of regret, but thankfully that's not one of them.

It must be really hard to have put oneself out on the Internet so visibly, in support of a poisonous lifestyle.

Wait...

I had a blog, too, actually... except it was on a different topic (definitely almost nothing to do with homemaking). And I haven't gotten up the nerve to put out a retraction -- though to be honest, I never defended or proclaimed patriarchy as the way to go. About the worst of my crimes was writing positively about creationist books and resources (because Ken Ham had me convinced for quite awhile, and he'd shaken my faith in evolution by exposing some of the evolutionist hoaxes that I'd been taught as truth in my school days -- just call me Gullible).

So really, I have no ground to stand on. 

I feel as if, some day, I'll have figured things out, thought through this journey, and feel less confused, less inarticulate, more confident about where I stand, and then be able to post something on my long-neglected blog, sort of to cap it off like they cap off a retired oil well, I think, and then let it go. For the past two years, I've felt like I have nothing to offer. People used to come to me for homeschooling advice. I used to believe that anyone could homeschool, that homeschooling was always superior to "institutional" school, that homeschooling through high school, even college, would prepare a kid better for the world than being in a classroom setting (which, I'll admit, one of my teacher friends said was really frustrating for her, because she felt like more of her time was spent on crowd control than actually teaching and connecting with her students). People would come to me, saying, "I can't do this!" And I would help them figure out ways that they *could* -- and maybe that was the wrong thing to do.

Maybe I'll start a new blog, that reflects who I am and what I'm learning now.

Maybe not.

I guess it is why I can feel sympathy for A's mother.

Edited by refugee
oops
  • Upvote 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have sympathy for her because her life got turned upside down. But at the same time, if that had not happened she most likely would still be blogging about how if a woman makes decision she is in rebellion against God. 

  • Upvote 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, formergothardite said:

I have sympathy for her because her life got turned upside down. But at the same time, if that had not happened she most likely would still be blogging about how if a woman makes decision she is in rebellion against God. 

Yup. Reminds me of that ad with the woman's voice saying, "There are none so blind as those who will not see..."

I have no idea what the ad was for.

Isn't it frustrating, how when some people start having doubts about what they're doing, they double down in their efforts, as if they're trying to convince themselves?

(I went through that for a time. I kept trying harder, and harder, and finally I burned out. My kids tell me I'm not a failure, but I sure feel like one when I let myself think about it.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sure you are not a failure @refugee.  Hey, you got out!  And, yes, people do tend to double-down when they realize they are having doubts.  It's self preservation really.  Acknowledging that we have made mistakes is always very hard. 

I have a complete mental blank on this particular family, I don't know why.  Perhaps I never read the threads or the blog.

I thought @amr89 made some good points.  I'm always suspicious when a poster appears out of the blue to resurrect an old thread just to trash someone whose blog has gone silent.  It is especially troubling when there has been a divorce - and I don't take kindly to exes or family "friends" hashing out dirty laundry on FJ.  It has happened before.

I can certainly understand why Alexandra decloaked to defend her mother.  It is good to know that they are no longer Fundy and I wish the young adults/children well.  I certainly don't think Alexandra should be held responsible for her mother's submission blog and, yes, some people do like pink.

19 hours ago, amr89 said:

I don't understand how attacking people's personalities and likes and dislikes is constructive towards changing this.

Neither do I really.  I strongly dislike snark on looks and really trivial things and I'm not alone on FJ in that.  But when pink frills (or other personal quirks of taste) are combined with women preaching submission and various clichéd misconceptions about "true femininity" - then they do mentioned and laughed at.  Again, see Lady Lydia.  Or there was that blogger who spent all her time criticizing and attacking the immodest  clothing other women wore - but squealed "persecution" when people gave double-takes at her as she swept through Walmart in her badly made Regency dresses and bonnets.  I mean really!

It's the submission idiocy, the child neglect and abuse, the double standards, the outright bitchery, and the raging hypocrisy of these bloggers that is snarkable, in my opinion.  Others may differ, of course.

Quote

My personal move out of patriarchy was propelled not by snark filled, hurtful personal attacks, but by people who loved and stayed by my side unconditionally.

I'm glad you have moved out of the patriarchal movement and I wish you well.  I'm very glad you had people to help you.  Free Jinger is primarily a snark forum but we do have a lot of serious discussions and I hope you stay around and contribute to those.

Quote

I'm not trying to control what you guys do, and I'm not going to provide any more information about this. We're not on the Internet any more for a reason, and my mother deserves her privacy. But I also don't want false stories spreading about the situation.

There is no need to provide any more information.  I understand why you wanted to address the comment above and why you feel your mother needs her privacy.  Perhaps when she is ready she will be able to retract some of the things she said on her blog in the past - if she now regrets them.

  • Upvote 14
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would love to hear more of A's (and her mom's) journey out of patriarchy, as much as they might care (or dare) to share, of course. (I don't share much, not to protect myself, but for the sake of our kids, but I have shared some of how we left patriarchy, in various threads.)

I keep hoping for the few friends I have who are still trapped in the middle of it. They seem to think that if they can just label our kids as rebelling against god and god's best for them, and express confidence that someday they will renounce their current "choices" and return like the prodigal son, somehow their own kids will stay on the strait and narrow.

Because they're following the formula, you see. And the formula never fails. Only people do.

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, ladyamylynn said:

A fine old-fashioned FJ tradition whereby somehow fundies always seem to stop by on a Friday to scold us. KISA (aka John Robert Moore) was a notable example, but there have been many. Much hand-slapping, popcorn eating, and lolz are had, and it's usually capped off with a grand flounce. 

I have missed so many Fundie Fridays.  I did manage to catch Westchamp's glorious arrival though.

He mansplained so many things, including how awfully unladylike he found our language.  It invoked in me a strong desire to swear the air blue in as many different languages as possible. 

11 minutes ago, refugee said:

I would love to hear more of A's (and her mom's) journey out of patriarchy, as much as they might care (or dare) to share, of course. (I don't share much, not to protect myself, but for the sake of our kids, but I have shared some of how we left patriarchy, in various threads.)

I keep hoping for the few friends I have who are still trapped in the middle of it. They seem to think that if they can just label our kids as rebelling against god and god's best for them, and express confidence that someday they will renounce their current "choices" and return like the prodigal son, somehow their own kids will stay on the strait and narrow.

Because they're following the formula, you see. And the formula never fails. Only people do.

I think survivor stories are incredibly important, but people should be careful how much they share for many reasons. Caution is sensible.

Yup.  For the true believers the formula is infallible - people fail because they are unworthy or dreadful sinners.  Unfortunately that only works until they (the people who have dotted every i and crossed every t) experience it themselves.  Then, for the true believers, it is Satan working against them not that they were wrong.

It is incredibly sad.

  • Upvote 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sometimes doubling down (and again) on something is a way to preserve a sense of control over a bad situation. At least if it's "all your fault" there's something you can do (no matter how hard) to change it, and a way out of it to a better/happier time. Abusers take advantage of this mindset all the time. Why isn't he/she the person I fell in love with? Why do they put me on a pedestal one day and act like I'm lower than dirt the next? They're more than happy to give you "reasons"... my ex apparently cheated on me because I don't like horror movies and my grilled cheese sandwich recipe isn't very good. Seriously.

I could tell you some pretty insane stories about shit I put up with, and you would ask WHY, why on EARTH would ANYONE tolerate that, let alone accept it as "proof of love/friendship"... because it didn't happen all at once.

Admitting that you don't control it and can't do anything to change it and it will never get better, that's hard. Admitting that the bad times are just as real as the good ones (probably more real) is hard. Admitting to yourself that this person you loved, adored, thought you knew... is a stranger, and not a nice one? Sometimes the denial is all that keeps you sane. Until it doesn't work anymore.

I'm sorry about your family, amr89, and I hope things are better for you now.

  • Upvote 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Hello i'm Alexander Rovirosa and after seeing some of the comments here I decided to share my thoughts aswell.

First of all what I find ridiculous is that in an attempt to be rid of the "judgemental" attitude of the fundamentalists those criticizing them end up being as bad if not worse than those whose "judgemental attitudes they hate. My beliefs and views are not anywhere near what they used to be but the people that have been posting on this site are simply disgusting. My mom (while wrong) simply stated her opinion and why she believed that way and in no way attacked anyone like she has been attacked on here. If what she said bothered you could have talked to her about it rather than cowering here on this forum spouting your worthless opinions which frankly aren't worth shit. Anyone who can spend this much time on a forum simply attacking people clearly is disgusted with how miserable their life is and wants to forget it so they sit around and try to tear someone down to their miserable level knowing deep down inside that the person they are tearing down is still leagues better than they can ever hope to be. Run along now and try not to cry to hard when you have to go back to your hopeless miserable lives and know that sherry rovirosa is still a far better Woman/Parent than all of you will ever be.

  • Downvote 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 minutes ago, Alexrneb said:

Hello i'm Alexander Rovirosa and after seeing some of the comments here I decided to share my thoughts aswell.

First of all what I find ridiculous is that in an attempt to be rid of the "judgemental" attitude of the fundamentalists those criticizing them end up being as bad if not worse than those whose "judgemental attitudes they hate. My beliefs and views are not anywhere near what they used to be but the people that have been posting on this site are simply disgusting. My mom (while wrong) simply stated her opinion and why she believed that way and in no way attacked anyone like she has been attacked on here. If what she said bothered you could have talked to her about it rather than cowering here on this forum spouting your worthless opinions which frankly aren't worth shit. Anyone who can spend this much time on a forum simply attacking people clearly is disgusted with how miserable their life is and wants to forget it so they sit around and try to tear someone down to their miserable level knowing deep down inside that the person they are tearing down is still leagues better than they can ever hope to be. Run along now and try not to cry to hard when you have to go back to your hopeless miserable lives and know that sherry rovirosa is still a far better Woman/Parent than all of you will ever be.

Hmm, will the real Alexandra Rovirosa please stand up!

Quote

 

I have been reading this forum for several years, and never said anything because I didn't see the need to defend myself and my family. However, in light of recent posts I feel the need to clarify a few things before false stories spread even further than they have.

I'm Alexandra Rovirosa and you all are quite familiar with me and my family as I can tell. As you've all guessed my family and I are no longer fundy, and my parents are divorced. I still live with my mother and have not spoken to my father in almost two years. 

Whoever has said that my mother is not the victim in this situation is grossly misinformed, no doubt by my father. I do not feel the need to indulge everyone in the private details of what was a very painful situation, but suffice to say that my mother tried very hard to hold a very toxic, abusive marriage together for the sake of her children because she believed it was right. My mother is the strongest and kindest woman I know, and she does not deserve the hell that she has been through in the past two years. 

I know all the details and sides of the story, having had an insiders view of the situation that no one else does. I was her confidante for years and I saw what went on behind the facade of the perfect family we had. My siblings can all testify to this, and those of them old enough to choose do not associate with him either. So I can safely say that I have the true story. My father will not own up to his part in the failure of the marriage and continues to attack my mother with gross false accusations. And people believe him. I will not allow that on this forum. 

My mom knows about Free Jinger, and the posts hurt her very badly. I understand that we chose to put ourselves publicly on the Internet  and we have to deal with the consequences of it. I appreciate people who are trying to shed light on serious issues like patriarchy and the abuse that goes on in it. And yes, I know that many of the things fundies do are cringeworthy at best. But I guess I don't understand the need to attack so personally. Pepto bismol pink? Barbie doll? I have a career, go to college, identify as a feminist, and kiss my boyfriend now and I still love lace and pink things. It doesn't make me crazy. It's my personal taste and what I like. I don't understand how attacking people's personalities and likes and dislikes is constructive towards changing this. My personal move out of patriarchy was propelled not by snark filled, hurtful personal attacks, but by people who loved and stayed by my side unconditionally. I promise you, these families read this. The Duggar girls have probably read this. And this fuels their belief that the world outside is a hateful and cruel place, not a place that they should be a part of. I do not support any of these people in any way, shape or form any more, but I cannot stoop to personal attacks when I know what it's like to live that. Someday their worlds will come crashing down, and when they do, they're not going to turn to people who attacked them for help. 

I'm not trying to control what you guys do, and I'm not going to provide any more information about this. We're not on the Internet any more for a reason, and my mother deserves her privacy. But I also don't want false stories spreading about the situation

 

.


 

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, sparkles said:

Hmm, will the real Alexandra Rovirosa please stand up!

 

2 minutes ago, sparkles said:

.


 

We have an Alexander and Alexandra FYI

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

28 minutes ago, Alexrneb said:

Hello i'm Alexander Rovirosa and after seeing some of the comments here I decided to share my thoughts aswell.

First of all what I find ridiculous is that in an attempt to be rid of the "judgemental" attitude of the fundamentalists those criticizing them end up being as bad if not worse than those whose "judgemental attitudes they hate. My beliefs and views are not anywhere near what they used to be but the people that have been posting on this site are simply disgusting. My mom (while wrong) simply stated her opinion and why she believed that way and in no way attacked anyone like she has been attacked on here. If what she said bothered you could have talked to her about it rather than cowering here on this forum spouting your worthless opinions which frankly aren't worth shit. Anyone who can spend this much time on a forum simply attacking people clearly is disgusted with how miserable their life is and wants to forget it so they sit around and try to tear someone down to their miserable level knowing deep down inside that the person they are tearing down is still leagues better than they can ever hope to be. Run along now and try not to cry to hard when you have to go back to your hopeless miserable lives and know that sherry rovirosa is still a far better Woman/Parent than all of you will ever be.

I never promised to not be judgmental. I do judge people all the time. 

The wayback machine has your mom's blog, people can go read it. 

As for the bolded, no. A lot of us were raised in fundamental Christian homes and have seen the damage done by blogs and teachers like your mother. And yes, your mother set herself up as a teacher. Some of the members here were fundamental Christian women who read blogs like your mom's and dealt with the guilt heaped on by blog posts like your mom wrote. No, most of us are pretty happy who strive to do better with raising our children than our parents did.  Some of us have found that it is very therapeutic to see the beliefs we were raised with mocked and torn to shreds. 

 I  understand that this is your mother, so you are hurt and angry by all this. This is a place to snark on religious(and non religious) fundamentalists, and your mom was a religious fundamentalist. 

12 minutes ago, sparkles said:

Hmm, will the real Alexandra Rovirosa please stand up!

There is an Alexandra and an Alexander Rovirosa.

Edited by formergothardite
  • Upvote 12
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I see that now! Eh, it's late, what can I say? My very, very bad. Off to the prayer closet with me!

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

I never promised to not be judgmental. I do judge people all the time. 

The wayback machine has your mom's blog, people can go read it. 

As for the bolded, no. A lot of us were raised in fundamental Christian homes and have seen the damage done by blogs and teachers like your mother. And yes, your mother set herself up as a teacher. Some of the members here were fundamental Christian women who read blogs like your mom's and dealt with the guilt heaped on by blog posts like your mom wrote. No, most of us are pretty happy who strive to do better with raising our children than our parents did.  A lot of us have found that it is very therapeutic to see the beliefs we were raised with mocked and torn to shreds. 

 I  understand that this is your mother, so you are hurt and angry by all this. This is a place to snark on religious(and non religious) fundamentalists, and your mom was a religious fundamentalist. 

There is an Alexandra and an Alexander Rovirosa.

Gasp! are you a fundamentalist??

Mocking and tearing someone's views to shreds.....Sounds like a judgemental hell fire fundamentalist to me.

  • Downvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I mock and tear to shreds the opinions of racists too. Do you think that is bad? Dangerous teaching need to be mocked and shredded, and I know it is hard for you since this is your mother, but she taught dangerous things. 

Edited by formergothardite
  • Upvote 17
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

I mock and tear to shreds the opinions of racists too. Do you think that is bad? 

Please explain to me how my mom's former views on how one is to live their life is similar to a belief that one race of people is better than another.

Edited by Alexrneb
  • Downvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 minutes ago, Alexrneb said:

Please explain to me how my mom's former views on how one is to live their life is similar to a belief that one race of people is better than another.

Your mother had some very repressive views on women and how they should be submissive. Very dangerous and awful views on women. 

And my point was, that you called me a fundamentalist because I judge, mock and tear to shred someone's views, So, if that is true, wouldn't be also true that it would be bad to do that to a racist? 

And if you wanted us to stop talking about your mother, why did you bump this dead thread? This only causes people to think and talk about her more. 

ETA: I was wrong, a lot of the blog is not saved on the wayback machine. 

Edited by formergothardite
  • Upvote 13
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are Alexander and Alexandra speaking to each other, since they seem to be on opposite sides in dealing with their parents' divorce?

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

Your mother had some very repressive views on women and how they should be submissive. Very dangerous and awful views on women. 

And my point was, that you called me a fundamentalist because I judge, mock and tear to shred someone's views, So, if that is true, wouldn't be also true that it would be bad to do that to a racist? 

And if you wanted us to stop talking about your mother, why did you bump this dead thread? This only causes people to think and talk about her more. 

Someone needs to grow up and move on in life. Don't think I wasn't hurt by fundamentalism either I simply sucked it up and moved on something you clearly can't do seeing that your almost up to 14,000 posts. Is this "therapeutic" tearing down other people helping you? Clearly not.

  • Downvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, Alexrneb said:

Someone needs to grow up and move on in life. Don't think I wasn't hurt by fundamentalism either I simply sucked it up and moved on something you clearly can't do seeing that your almost up to 14,000 posts. Is this "therapeutic" tearing down other people helping you? Clearly not.

I went from being a pretty fundie Christian to being an atheist, so I would say it helped a lot!

As long as there are blogs out there like your mother's that cause harm, we at FJ will be her snarking on them. I've moved on, but doesn't mean I'm going to be quiet about the dangers of fundamental Christianity. 

  • Upvote 16
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

I went from being a pretty fundie Christian to being an atheist, so I would say it helped a lot!

As long as there are blogs out there like your mother's that cause harm, we at FJ will be her snarking on them. I've moved on, but doesn't mean I'm going to be quiet about the dangers of fundamental Christianity. 

There's a big difference between calling out wrong and making personal attacks.

I am simply pointing out the idiocy of you attempting to "rid the world of injustice" when you are doing exactly what you are attacking.

Edited by Alexrneb
  • Downvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

1 hour ago, Alexrneb said:

Hello i'm Alexander Rovirosa and after seeing some of the comments here I decided to share my thoughts aswell.

First of all what I find ridiculous is that in an attempt to be rid of the "judgemental" attitude of the fundamentalists those criticizing them end up being as bad if not worse than those whose "judgemental attitudes they hate. My beliefs and views are not anywhere near what they used to be but the people that have been posting on this site are simply disgusting. My mom (while wrong) simply stated her opinion and why she believed that way and in no way attacked anyone like she has been attacked on here. If what she said bothered you could have talked to her about it rather than cowering here on this forum spouting your worthless opinions which frankly aren't worth shit. Anyone who can spend this much time on a forum simply attacking people clearly is disgusted with how miserable their life is and wants to forget it so they sit around and try to tear someone down to their miserable level knowing deep down inside that the person they are tearing down is still leagues better than they can ever hope to be. Run along now and try not to cry to hard when you have to go back to your hopeless miserable lives and know that sherry rovirosa is still a far better Woman/Parent than all of you will ever be.

Well, hello Alexander.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I think. I'm sure our views here do offend you.   it's actually nice that you defend your mother while admitting that she was wrong.  It's also interesting that you admit your views have changed.

Yes, we are a site dedicated to criticizing people like your mother who claimed to have all the answers.  I tend to avoid facile criticism myself and go for the beliefs.  Sherry promuldated some beliefs that should be criticized.  If you read back - no-one was rejoicing that she was wrong - just pointing out that her form of preachiness is/was very destructive to others.

Sherry's perfect life hit the wood-shredder. Not her fault necessarily.  When she herself admits that she was wrong with what she preached I'll have a bit more respect for her.  And you.

9 minutes ago, Alexrneb said:

There's a big difference between calling out wrong and making personal attacks.

I am simply pointing out the idiocy of you attempting to "rid the world of injustice" when you are doing exactly what you are attacking.

Yes, indeed.  Please stop the personal attacks against @formergothardite.  She knows what she is talking about.  You do not.  Obviously.  I do get why you are hurt - but back off attacking others yourself.

That said, I wish you, your mother and your siblings well in your recovery.  Like it or not - your family is a cautionary tale.  I'm sure it hurts to know that.  

 

Edited by Palimpsest
redundant quote
  • Upvote 20
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.