What's with these jerk adoptive mothers?

[DaisyD]

Something tells me she would have only aloud "regression" if it entailed the child wanting to climb into her lap and be cradled like a baby. Even then, only at a time that she felt available to do so. Regression that involves toddler like behavior is not what she meant.

[Antimony]

Oddly enough, if I knew her last name, I could find out quite a bit about her. The fencing world is VERY SMALL comparatively and people travel all across the country to fence which means she would have, or should have, fenced a few of my friends potentially (provided she's fencing USFA tourneys). 

[ViolaSebastian]

Oddly enough, if I knew her last name, I could find out quite a bit about her. The fencing world is VERY SMALL comparatively and people travel all across the country to fence which means she would have, or should have, fenced a few of my friends potentially (provided she's fencing USFA tourneys). 

If it helps, she said she competed in the 2005 Summer Nationals in Sacramento and the 2006 Summer Nationals in Atlanta.

[EyeQueue]

Something tells me she would have only aloud "regression" if it entailed the child wanting to climb into her lap and be cradled like a baby. Even then, only at a time that she felt available to do so. Regression that involves toddler like behavior is not what she meant.

I think you're right. I just got to the entries where she carries Jie Jie around in a back carrier and in a pram (and the girl is 7), so there's obviously "good regression" and "bad regression" and whatever is good for the adjustment of the kid be damned.

There's a certain type of rigid personality that just doesn't lend itself to rearing kids, which generally requires tons of patience and flexibility. So, this woman, Erika Shupe, and aunt of mine, etc. Poor kids, the lot of them.

[Antimony]

I think you're right. I just got to the entries where she carries Jie Jie around in a back carrier and in a pram (and the girl is 7), so there's obviously "good regression" and "bad regression" and whatever is good for the adjustment of the kid be damned.

There's a certain type of rigid personality that just doesn't lend itself to rearing kids, which generally requires tons of patience and flexibility. So, this woman, Erika Shupe, and aunt of mine, etc. Poor kids, the lot of them.

What in the world? What post is this? I just looked at the Barbie cake one...

If it helps, she said she competed in the 2005 Summer Nationals in Sacramento and the 2006 Summer Nationals in Atlanta.

Here is something interesting:
http://www.tabberone.com/Trademarks/HallOfShame/CraftSites/CraftSites.shtml

And for shame, but we fence the same weapon.

This year, Apple Tree Manor officially becomes a family run business since two of my daughters will now be my assistants, according to licensing requirements. My oldest daughter, is my "right hand" as I was for my mom and is eager to be my assistant and interact with the children in our care. As a bonus, she is fluent in Mandarin and Cantonese!

 

Oh K, you lying liar.  

[EyeQueue]

What in the world? What post is this? I just looked at the Barbie cake one...

Here is something interesting:
http://www.tabberone.com/Trademarks/HallOfShame/CraftSites/CraftSites.shtml

And for shame, but we fence the same weapon.

Hidden Content

Oh K, you lying liar.  

http://www.fencingmama.blogspot.ca/2011/04/last-day-in-china-5-flying-home.html

http://www.fencingmama.blogspot.ca/2011/05/living-my.html

[Catey]

What is wrong with this woman, better question what is wrong with me??

I read her blog, I get livid, I do something else, I think about it again, I read her blog....

Tell me that this is just a case of her flying under the radar, that if the majority of people read this they would be so outraged that something, anything would be done, I feel like I am front row to actual child abuse and all I am doing about it is watching..

[blessalessi]

 

http://www.appletreemanor.com/about.htm

Hello!

Apple Tree Manor
I am Kimi Thomas, the owner and operator of Apple Tree Manor. I have always loved working with children! The second-oldest in a family of five children, my mother always said that I was her "right hand." It's hard to believe these days, but I began babysitting for families outside my own at the age of 9 years old.
Besides eighteen years of experience running my own licensed child care, I am also a doula (though not practicing at the moment in order to devote myself entirely to the needs of my daycare families). My training and experience as a doula gives me a unique set of skills that most daycare providers do not have. These skills include breastfeeding/pumping support to nursing moms, attention to the parental-child bond and the affects of separation on young infants, children, and their parents on a very deep level. I am very skilled at helping breastfed babies accept a bottle making the transition to daycare easier.
I love what I do and the children in my care know that and feel it every day. I strive to keep myself fit and healthy so I can actively play with the children and keep up with their energy level. I enjoy all ages and stages of development from watching those first toddling steps to helping a five year-old start to read.
My licensing requirements, such as CPR, First Aid, current safety equipment, ect. are always current!
This year, Apple Tree Manor officially becomes a family run business since two of my daughters will now be my assistants, according to licensing requirements. My oldest daughter, is my "right hand" as I was for my mom and is eager to be my assistant and interact with the children in our care. As a bonus, she is fluent in Mandarin and Cantonese!

This woman is using her traumatize adopted children as employees in a daycare business, supposedly to meet regulations! And one of those children was taken in as a disturbed child and product of a disrupted adoption in 2012.

Please somebody, screencap enough information to report her.

[Catey]

Great, just great she passed everything with flying colors a few months ago, I guess people are ok with what she is doing...

https://secure.dss.ca.gov/CareFacilitySearch/Search/DisplayWebReport/103909225?iRptNum=0

[EyeQueue]

And them there's this gem, in an entry during her trip to China to pick up Sissy:

"Sissy does apologize and had excellent behavior at her SWI. I know she'll be find once she understands her knew life and new routine. She is an Eliza Doolittle and I am Professor Higgins. You can see in some of her pictures that her mouth is wide open, catching flies. It's like this all the time. She eats like a camel. Teacher Yang said that all the children eat this way and that they try to work with the ones who've been matched to teach them better table manners, but it doesn't sink in. Sissy also has terrible posture. She slouches terribly and sticks her head out, so that all I ever seem to see is her Adam's Apple of her neck. My guide helped her straighten up on our second day, before I did, it's so bad. I told him I was showing restraint since she was so new, but that I'd work with her on it. She is also going to require bike shorts under all dresses and skirts, which I have with me, because she doesn't have a lady-like bone in her body and sits with her legs open and her skirts riding up." http://www.fencingmama.blogspot.ca/2012/07/orphanage-visit.html

What a horrible way to talk about her new child, who will presumably be old enough and knowledgeable enough to read this. Even if you were shocked at a new adoptee's manners, wouldn't you state it in a more diplomatic or kind or sympathetic way? This seems so very mean, talking about her mouth wide open and "catching flies" and comparing her to an animal and a man (implicitly, with the reference to the Adam's Apple and not having a "lady-like bone in her body."

I also can't get over that the first comparison she thinks of is Henry Higgins and Eliza Doolittle. Uh...not so much. You're her *mom*. You're supposed to empathize with her and what she's been through and find a way to gently and kindly develop habits that are closer to what you might expect.

I've well and truly fallen down the rabbit hole with this one, and I haven't even gotten to the shitshow that ensues when she gets Blossom.

ETA: And so much for the long conversation her daughters had on their own to come to the reasoned judgment that they wanted to adopt the Mom's religion:

"Sissy has no concept of God. In order for her to know why we go to church, I had Chinese-speaking missionaries come over and start teaching her about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Slowly! It's such a difficult concept for her since she's had no exposure to spirituality at all."

[umsami]

Reading her blog, it appears she's LDS.  It's not unusual for LDS families to have lots of kids...so I'm wondering if adopting four almost at once, was an attempt to "fit in"?  I would think that there would be other LDS families who could help her out.  I don't agree with rehoming at all....but I honestly think that this woman should have limited herself to one child, if that.  It is probably more traumatic to move these girls again, so what's the best solution?  How much help can her church family, CPS, etc. give so that they have the best chance.

Homeschooling can be great for many people.  In this case, I think these girls would benefit from being in a school where they could have specialized help that Mom doesn't seem to be able to give.

And can I just say that my heart broke in a gazillion pieces reading about the girl wanting hugs and her thinking it was some sort of manipulation or something? WTF lady.

[Aine]

Reading her blog, it appears she's LDS.  It's not unusual for LDS families to have lots of kids...so I'm wondering if adopting four almost at once, was an attempt to "fit in"?  I would think that there would be other LDS families who could help her out.  I don't agree with rehoming at all....but I honestly think that this woman should have limited herself to one child, if that.  It is probably more traumatic to move these girls again, so what's the best solution?  How much help can her church family, CPS, etc. give so that they have the best chance.

Homeschooling can be great for many people.  In this case, I think these girls would benefit from being in a school where they could have specialized help that Mom doesn't seem to be able to give.

And can I just say that my heart broke in a gazillion pieces reading about the girl wanting hugs and her thinking it was some sort of manipulation or something? WTF lady.

I'm honestly not sure she would listen to anyone from the church, CPS, therapists, social workers...anyone. She is so narcissistic and almost delusional in some of her thoughts. I really don't think she has well developed perspective taking or theory of mind and is lacking empathy. You really can't teach those things.

[EyeQueue]

<snip>

Homeschooling can be great for many people.  In this case, I think these girls would benefit from being in a school where they could have specialized help that Mom doesn't seem to be able to give.

<snip>

Schooling outside of the home? We can't have that!

"I'm sure not going to let her waste 100 hours of her life per month sitting clueless in a classroom of immodestly dressed teens using fowl language and talking pop culture."

Aside from being immodestly dressed, other students might have green hair. Or something. And we know her girls can't be exposed to *that*. (And...schooling fail! Mama should have paid more attention on one of the spelling days, LOL!).

In all seriousness, though, I don't know what the answer is at this point. I agree that disrupting the family as it stands now might be bad. I really think she needs to listen to people who are telling her she's in way over her head, and she needs to avail herself of resources in the community that can help her. As the poster below points out, though, she seems too narcissistic and controlling to ever admit she needs major help and that she's not Doing Everything Right.

[Pseudoname]

 

http://www.appletreemanor.com/about.htm

This woman is using her traumatize adopted children as employees in a daycare business, supposedly to meet regulations! And one of those children was taken in as a disturbed child and product of a disrupted adoption in 2012.

Please somebody, screencap enough information to report her.

Ummm, is that actually legal?  Underage children with special needs being used as indentured slaves in her daycare?  Is she paying the girls a proper wage for the work that they do?  And if Sissy and Blossom are working, when are they homeschooled?  What is the legal age to officially finish school in CA?  Here in my part of Australia it is 17, but I know it is younger in other areas.

[Antimony]

Ummm, is that actually legal?  Underage children with special needs being used as indentured slaves in her daycare?  Is she paying the girls a proper wage for the work that they do?  And if Sissy and Blossom are working, when are they homeschooled?  What is the legal age to officially finish school in CA?  Here in my part of Australia it is 17, but I know it is younger in other areas.

I don't know but I'm sure that having assistants increases the number of children she can watch if they actually qualify as assistants. But her representation of Sissy on her business page is an outright lie if her personal blog is to be believed. 

[EyeQueue]

I don't know but I'm sure that having assistants increases the number of children she can watch if they actually qualify as assistants. But her representation of Sissy on her business page is an outright lie if her personal blog is to be believed. 

I know she mentioned in several blog posts (going back to the gotcha trip) that Sissy likes younger kids and would help out with them in her orphanage, so I want to believe that she is genuinely helping her develop a skillset that she might be able to use to support herself if she's ever out on her own. I would hope that if this is the case she is paying Sissy something for her work, and not just using her as an indentured servant.

But with all of the other WTFery, I have a hard time honestly believing that.

[Sylvan]

More wtf from the archives...

Jie Jie is having a spinal MRI on Tuesday. Her scoliosis has dramatically increased in one year. My stomach dropped to the floor when I saw her most recent x-rays. If the vertebra are fused on one side, but not the other, she'll be facing spinal surgery to fix the freely growing side in place. If not, then she'll probably be facing rod surgery to straighten her spine. It's a no win situation for her on this one. I really thanked God today for my two girls who were born with "perfect" bodies.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

Quoting from the post where she announces Blossom's adoption: "Have you ever imagined what you do if you walked out your front door and discovered a baby on the doorstep? Or, been walking through the woods and wondered what you'd do if you came upon a baby abandoned there? I think it's a common scenario that many woman entertain at some point in their lives. Even me."

WTF? To me it seems another sign of this fundie spinster's delusions.

Oh and nobody should dare to judge! Don't worry Kimi your own daughters will judge you one day. 

[halcionne]

The racism post was so overexagerated.  Yes gangs are a big problem in our town and one of the reasons I won't send my kids to the school down the street.  Like her I live in a nice area but it is bordered by known gang territories.  But to say that kids could be murdered because they are white is just.... Crazy.  That.is.not.happening.here.  I think she is straight up lying about her experience in the middle school regarding not being allowed to walk around because of a safety concern for her.

As for being in CA and the high COL, we are in one of the lower COL areas of CA.  It is nothing like the bay area or the LA area.  It is still CA and more expensive than other parts of the country but unless she is willing to move out of CA she can't get much lower for COL.  That being said, I have no idea how she is supporting herself with the small daycare and some sewing classes.  

I think she completely resents the older children.  And was completely out of her mind to adopt so many special needs kids as a single, inexperienced woman with no support system.

 

I can't read her blog (it upsets me), but I thought I poked around enough to ID her. Is she not in Alameda, which is in the bay area, hence my high cost of living comment?

[blessalessi]

She has a huge house with a pool. I don't really know where the money comes from.  

[DaisyD]

My guess is that she inherited money from her grandmother that died in early 08. The comments about blue collar men not being sophisticated enough for her mother's family (probably grandma and grandpa) means they probably had money. They were from Hawaii, which has a really high col. I'm halfway through 08 on the blog. She hasn't said anything about inheritance yet, but then, it wouldn't be God providing if it was grandma's money...

[JillyO]

I can't read her blog (it upsets me), but I thought I poked around enough to ID her. Is she not in Alameda, which is in the bay area, hence my high cost of living comment?

No, she's in Fresno.

[keepercjr]

She used to live in Alameda before moving to Fresno.  And so did I! I know what area of town she lives in and the lots are very large.  She could easily have an acre.  Parts of Fresno are like that and parts are what you would think of as more city like.  It doesn't seem like she knows anyone here which makes me wonder why she moved here from Alameda except maybe the COL was too high.  Alameda is a wonderful little city and where I grew up.  I am only in Fresno because we moved here when I was in high school and then I met my now husband and went to college here and we are kind of stuck.

[halcionne]

Thanks, @JillyO and @keepercjr for clarifying. I'm all caught up now and my curiosity sent me back to the blog after all.

She paints a pretty picture for the day care business, which is terrifying. 

I don't know anything about adoption agencies or processes--do agencies develop reputations based on outcomes and things of that nature? Her agency is named in the blog and I don't understand how she could have been approved over and over again. http://www.heartsent.org/ They say they're Hague accredited, but I don't know what that means. Nothing about the site says fundie or LDS; I just glanced at it, but it seems secular to me?

I hope the fencing FJer comes back with a report. This lady makes me sick, but I can't tear myself away. 

[Antimony]

Thanks, @JillyO and @keepercjr for clarifying. I'm all caught up now and my curiosity sent me back to the blog after all.

She paints a pretty picture for the day care business, which is terrifying. 

I don't know anything about adoption agencies or processes--do agencies develop reputations based on outcomes and things of that nature? Her agency is named in the blog and I don't understand how she could have been approved over and over again. http://www.heartsent.org/ They say they're Hague accredited, but I don't know what that means. Nothing about the site says fundie or LDS; I just glanced at it, but it seems secular to me?

I hope the fencing FJer comes back with a report. This lady makes me sick, but I can't tear myself away. 

It was her fencing jacket that let me finally get a name. She's been REALLY good about blurring out everything else (she edits her Firefighters shirts, for example). I put out some feelers with my closer fencing friends but so far she's not facebook friends with any of my fencing friends in her age demographic (which may just be that she doesn't have a facebook.) Got a friend who fenced a tourney 48 minutes from her business last year but he didn't recognize her (so she didn't fence that event, I suppose.)

She does fence USFA tournaments but doesn't seen to track her USFA results on the website we all use so she may have have fenced a tourney since adoption. That site is literally so easy - you just need a club or a name and it gives you everybody's results for their tournaments. The next thing would be to figure out exactly which fencing club she belongs/belonged to but that's been difficult too. They should match her windbreaker that she wore in her Nationals Second Place photo. I think it is the Pacific Fencing Club -- if so, I just found somebody with 2 degrees of separation who has been fencing there. They have a public facebook group but she doesn't appear to be a member (no Kims or variations thereof) but their jackets match hers.

Here is her report card from 14 Meters (less complete than AskFRED):
https://www.14meters.com/fencers/Kimi M/Thomas/70973

She is not featured in any photos of the fencing club but she is or was at one point a member. What is also surprising is that it doesn't come up on her blog that much which is interesting because IME fencing is not only a small world but a very tight knit world - fencers tend to be really close to each other, most of my friends are fencers, etc. It's also a very stressful sport (because like wrestling, not only is it 1:1, but if you're losing you're opponent is LITERALLY BEATING YOU like they're not just winning they're doing it by just hitting you which can be super demoralizing). For what it's worth, as a fencer of 4 years until a bout (hah!) of tendinitis that is now permanent, I've never met a fencer with a non-extreme personality. That ranges all types of personalities but whatever personality it is, we seem to have that in an extreme way. Her personality type (narcissistic, perfectionist, self-congratulatory, and just kind of mean) is not uncommon of fencers especially good ones. 
 

In any case, I sent out the feelers, tracked down her club, and now we wait to see if anything comes back about her.