What's with these jerk adoptive mothers?

[LilMissMetaphor]

http://www.fencingmama.blogspot.ca/

Why do they adopt if they are just going to get frustrated with all the things the children can't do? And this woman does childcare in her home as well? What a mean bitch.

[SpeakNow]

I'm just disturbed she put her daughter's developmental and speech evaluation scores on her blog. I feel like those aren't hers to share. If her daughter wants to share her scores, that's one thing, but she clearly didn't have her permission.

Edited to add- Are her kids' names really Sissy, Blossom, JieJie, and Apple, or are those just pseudonyms?

[16strong]

I feel like the entire reason these women adopt is to be able to pat themselves on the back for being great Christians and (if they have one) blog all about it. The problem is that adopted children often suffer from many health, emotional, and psychological issues, and the parents are disillusioned into thinking they can handle it if it comes up. All they need is Jesus and a beating. Adopted children need a lot of love and patience. Even babies. If you've read Renee Bergeron's blog (another controversial fundie mom), you know that she has at least one child with FASD, and another has attachment issues, despite being adopted only days old. These people don't prepare themselves for the amount of change the CHILD has to go through even just in the adoption process, much less the lifestyle change. Fundies usually make no attempt to listen to the child's needs, or ease them into the lifestyle, or meet them where they are. Even with babies, it's possible that a familial history of mental illness is what led to the child being put up for adoption (which the child can inherit), or the mother took drugs or drank while pregnant. There are so many issues a child can have, even if that child is biologically theirs. Fundie parents in general are only interested in stuffing their kids into a one-size-fits-all box, and to hell if you're a round peg or a hexagonal peg. You're still getting shoved into the box.

[housetyrell]

This woman is unbelievable. I can't believe how she treats poor Blossom.  She posted a picture of Blossom 30 minutes after she had "been told to tidy up her hair." Because Blossom's hair wasn't up to her standards, she chopped it all off, after giving her 3 warnings. How can she not see that she punished Blossom by chopping off her HAIR. I wish that woman had seen what my hair looked like at 14. My hair was a wild mess, I wish it was as neat as Blossom's was in that picture. She also pulled Blossom out of sports camp after one day because Blossom told her sisters that she didn't follow a rule, and warned them not to tell their mother. My sister and I were always covering for each other, it's what sisters do! Ugh, it just makes me sick. 

[Aine]

I went down this rabbit hole and regret it. I feel sick for these poor older girls. 

"Sissy has:

No creative solitude
No desire to figure things out for herself
No pride in being self-sufficient
No ability to reflect, ponder or question inner experiences
No initiative
Not self-motivated
No aspirations AT ALL
and, Does not respect or even notice the needs of others

Her eyes are open but she doesn't see is a good description of her most of the time.

I realize as I type all of this that I am still not conveying what Sissy is really like. Maybe if I could, I'd understand her better, which is my deepest desire as her mother. Maybe there's a lot going on inside her that she can't express. I can't tell. She has very little affect most of the time."

I don't know why that highlighted and I don't know how to remove it. Anyway- how can you speak about the child that you brought to a new country from an orphanage at the age of 14 like that?! I'm a psychologist and none of Sissy's behavior is in anyway surprising to me and I don't understand how, if she has all these professionals in her life as she claims, she doesn't know this. This girl is in her teens and learning a new language, away from everything and everyone she knows, obviously has attachment issues, hasn't been nurtured from an educational or cognitive standpoint, and on top of that probably has significant trauma in her background. Initiative and motivation are not inbuilt generally- they've been socialized in. Why on earth would she need to be motivated in a life that for 14 years was likely to end with her working in a brothel (as she wrote about in another post)?

I actually just can't pick this woman apart anymore. It really got to me even though I have so much to say. My heart breaks for this poor girl. 

 

Oh and just as a really small snippet that is completely tiny compared to the big picture. She bitches about Sissy not being able to follow her sewing directions after 20+ sessions and then when she gets it, she makes the same thing again but worse. Uh...yeah. That doesn't mean she isn't creative, it means she doesn't understand, she was never encouraged to be creative and her own person and/or...maybe she just doesn't like sewing. I think I'm creative- I can think of all sorts of creative research paradigms and I paint some things with regularity that people buy. But give me a needle and thread? Despite all the lessons I've had for years, I have the patience to sew a button back on and that's it. Your kids aren't going to like everything you do. So find something they do like. 

[Clementine]

This woman is unbelievable. I can't believe how she treats poor Blossom.  She posted a picture of Blossom 30 minutes after she had "been told to tidy up her hair." Because Blossom's hair wasn't up to her standards, she chopped it all off, after giving her 3 warnings. How can she not see that she punished Blossom by chopping off her HAIR. I wish that woman had seen what my hair looked like at 14. My hair was a wild mess, I wish it was as neat as Blossom's was in that picture. She also pulled Blossom out of sports camp after one day because Blossom told her sisters that she didn't follow a rule, and warned them not to tell their mother. My sister and I were always covering for each other, it's what sisters do! Ugh, it just makes me sick. 

Oh no. :'( The poor girl's hair is messy so she is forced to cut it off, in the most unflattering style ever.
We call that hair style "asylum cut". My mother worked for a short time in an asylum ward/psychiatric hospital, the old horrible kind, in the 60's and apparently the women living there had their hair cut off like that to make it easy to maintain.

Poor girl, the mother is a total bitch.

[blessalessi]

I have come to hate seeing people document their children's lives on public blogs. I wish it were illegal, especially for adoptive children who have been through enough loss, without losing their dignity as well. Even with the pseudonyms (please tell me those are pseudonyms!), there is no knowing who will stumble on the information that should be private.

Why does the world need to know the details about a particular child's mental distress and behaviour difficulties?  It may make the parents feel better but what business have they to share such intimate stuff with the whole world?  I understand that they feel they are helping others in the adoption community but, evidently, they have learning of their own to do and children in the home that need and deserve their discretion.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

I have just read the Thanksgiving post. I had the WTF reaction from the first to the last line. This woman reminds me of the Mrs Norris of Mansfield Park. She's so narrow minded that she seems a clique, a novel's character. She can't be true. I'm so sorry for her daughters. She brags about being such a thankful person! She's so happy that the prayer for being more thankful for little things doesn't apply to her because she's oh so thankful for everything in her life. Unfortunately she's also stressed out, too tired, probably by too much fake thankfulness, to cook a proper Thanksgiving meal.I found this part on her daughters so deeply sad. If it wasn't so sad it would be hilarious. 

"I'm thankful for my oldest children who are showing me how strong I am - so much stronger than I ever imagined I could be.

I'm thankful for my littlest girl. I am her everything! Love flows out of her at me immeasurably and I'm drinking in every drop, thankful for such a precious, precious being in my life. When she looks up at me and slips her hand into mine just because she wants to, my heart explodes with love and joy. I love that she freely accepts my love for her without question, without trauma, without doubt."

Clearly she sees the oldest daughters as the troublemakers.  And she's so strong in (fighting against) coping with them! She also says that she's happy for Blossom's failure to thriving in public school because this demonstrates that it's the child the true problem and not her homeschooling. She's so basically incompetent and so blatantly unable to care for them that's unbelievable. Last but not least she's unbearably self-centered, she's the omphalos of her little world, totally uncapable of empathy.

[LilMissMetaphor]

Going back a bit, I guess she has had comments that have called her out at least to some extent, and her reply is always the defensive "you don't know me and my kids".  Who would want to know you? She let Sissy (who from her perspective is a troubled young teen with intellectual/processing issues) look after one of her daycare babies for an unspecified period of time? Who does that? 

[formergothardite]

So she also runs a daycare and leaves babies in charge of her daughter who she claims is a trouble teen who has developmental issues? She is not only a shit mother, she is also a shit daycare owner.

I got to the post where she whines about one of the older daughters not liking to sew. It sounds like she can sew, she just has no desire to do so, and that freaks the mother out. Why doesn't she let her find an activity she is interested in? 

[SpeakNow]

As I special education teacher, this blog especially breaks my heart. One of the most basic principles of teaching is to find what the child likes and build on it. The way to build motivation is to design activities based on the child's interest. For example, I had a student who was obsessed with vacuums. In order to teach her to read (something her former teacher claimed she wouldn't be able to do) I wrote short stories about her favorite brands of vacuums. That student can read now. She needs to focus on what her girls like, because that is the way to unlock their potential. Forcing her child to sew is not going to produce any results.

[LaParisienne]

 

 

As I special education teacher, this blog especially breaks my heart. One of the most basic principles of teaching is to find what the child likes and build on it. The way to build motivation is to design activities based on the child's interest. For example, I had a student who was obsessed with vacuums. In order to teach her to read (something her former teacher claimed she wouldn't be able to do) I wrote short stories about her favorite brands of vacuums. That student can read now. She needs to focus on what her girls like, because that is the way to unlock their potential. Forcing her child to sew is not going to produce any results.

 

As an educator/social worker, I couldn't agree more with you.  This is actually the first thing I have learned in school. 

I,once, worked for an adult who refused to learn how to count. I knew he absolutly LOVED collecting Disney pictures so I just asked him how many he got and how he will know if someone would steal one of them. He never thought about it but was concerned ... So he accepted to learn, it was really difficult at the beginning but he now knows, not yet perfectly, how to count. He didn't learn because he wanted to or because I wanted him to learn but because he saw an interest in it. 

[Hane]

This blog is freaking heartbreaking. This woman has adopted children with obvious emotional and intellectual deficits, but can't understand why they're incapable of "getting with [her] program." She has an obvious agenda for making them fall into line, but most of them seem unable to do so. Has it occurred to her that one of those poor kids just plain CAN'T learn how to wash dishes correctly? 

She has no imagination or creativity beyond the typical Pinterest-type mom stuff. It all reeks of "Look at me working hard to do what my religion/culture expects me to do!" on hopes of getting plaudits from like-minded SAHMs. It's all about her, and nothing about the kids.

[Kate11]

As a public school teacher, the homeschooling posts really make me angry. At one point she says that her daughter can't read not because she doesn't know the language, but because of her inability to process and think and that she doesn't draw on her previous experiences. These are things that you have to TEACH kids to do. You have to teach them to process and think through things. You have to teach them to draw on their previous experiences. You have to model what you want the kids to do. Also, banning the older kids from the computers because they violated the rules after you leave them room! You're homeschooling them, you should be in the room with them helping them. If they want to play the games so badly, tell them that after they've worked on the things they needed to work on for 30 minutes, they will get 10 minutes to play, then set a timer. It really bothers me when parents who have no idea how people learn try to homeschool, and then get mad when their kids aren't learning. One of the first things that I learned in my undergraduate class was, if the students aren't progressing, then the teacher needs to change how he/she is teaching. I'll end my rant now, and step down off of my soapbox.

Edited to add: I kept reading. Big mistake, she goes on to say, "The fault isn't with my ability to teach. It's with Blossom's inability to understand." No. Just no. 

[blessalessi]

Going back a bit, I guess she has had comments that have called her out at least to some extent, and her reply is always the defensive "you don't know me and my kids".  Who would want to know you? She let Sissy (who from her perspective is a troubled young teen with intellectual/processing issues) look after one of her daycare babies for an unspecified period of time? Who does that? 

The comments surprised me and I wondered if her blog had been picked up in another forum and prompted people to comment.  Her responses are interesting. Not angry or flouncy, but quite certain that she is right.

I wonder who leaves their kids in daycare with her, without checking, or being bothered, by the blog posts about leaving the little ones in her daughters' care?  

Currently she seems to have moved her sewing stuff into the nursery, without quite closing her business. Goodness knows where, or by whom, the daycare kids are being looked after!

[ILoveJellybeans]

Those poor kids She has such low opinions on what they can do, how are they ever going to get better at things if their own mother thinks they are complete idiots who will never get anything right. Even if a kid has developmental delays and doing things the average kid their age could is unrealistic for them, at least praise and be positive about the things they can do and every step of progress they take, instead of focussing on what they cant do compared to other kids. It also seems they like the youngest more than the older girls, she is actually spoken of positively.

[Catey]

 " The earrings that Sissy got for her birthday have also been returned to the store for a refund. I found some stale cookies she'd stolen and stashed in the closet and forgot about. Don't comment negatively on this, but I did make her eat them. You steal it, you eat it. We don't waste food in this house. She choked them down moaning about how she didn't like them "

 

So wrong. So horrible. I get the making me eat my vegetables (I guess) routine my Mum pulled, but that is a far cry from making me eat stale dirty closet food.

If this child spent any amount of time in an institution or other unstable environment stashing/hoarding food is actually a very natural and at times necessary survival skill. I could just backhand this woman. She does home day care??? I would really love all the parents to make sure that they have read through her blog, I wouldn't let her watch my dog...

This is the same child that she then goes on to say this about:

" Many of her symptoms match autism, but too many match other things as well.
So, what we have so far is severe developmental language delay, executive functioning disorder"

So you know that your daughter has some challenges and yet this is the best parenting plan you can come up with...

So mother dearest goes on to say that she has 9 cats, 4 adopted children with varying degrees of special needs, a home run daycare with 3 babies under 2 and 3 toddlers Runs a blog and has a home clothing business, sounds great if you can make it all work power to you sister, but something tells me that she is NOT making it all work...

 Oh wait did I mention

" I am also a birth and postpartum doula, lactation specialist and lay midwife (for friends having "unassisted" births at home). I currently don't practice commercially since I don't want to be awakened in the middle of the night, however, I still provide care for close friends"

 

SInce you know when you have 4 kids you NEVER are "awakened in the middle of the night"  Sorry to go on but this just pisses me off. God told her that her daughter was waiting for her in China, poor kid, had this woman not turned up perhaps she may have found a home where the parent/s would have the patience and intelligence to walk with her not drag her kicking and screaming through a world that I am sure she see's as a confusing scary place.

[littlehouse]

I am so happy to see this horrid woman brought back.  I had mentioned her blog awhile ago.  She is unbelievable vile.  How she describes her eldest children makes me ill.

I can't believe she let her daycare kids be watched by the older children.  Then complained when I believe it was Sissy didn't change the baby's diaper when it had "wet".  Sick to my stomach.

 

 

[Toothfairy]

In the Christian community there's something called the Orphan crises movement or the "prolife" aka we care about actual life movement.  (Some)Christians adopt for a cause not to help a child. They see it as getting up in rank and getting praise for saving orphans. Churches actually encourage or push their members to adopt. Unfortunately churches aren't there to support their people when things get ruff. They talk about adoption like it's awesome and so amazing (it is, but adoption is also hard) They think a child will be grateful for being adopted. When they actually get the child they don't know how to handle them. This is why I'm against churches quoting James 1:27 without explaining the bad side of adoption or the problems that make occur. Adopting a child isn't like getting a new pair of shoes. 

 " The earrings that Sissy got for her birthday have also been returned to the store for a refund. I found some stale cookies she'd stolen and stashed in the closet and forgot about. Don't comment negatively on this, but I did make her eat them. You steal it, you eat it. We don't waste food in this house. She choked them down moaning about how she didn't like them "

 

So wrong. So horrible. I get the making me eat my vegetables (I guess) routine my Mum pulled, but that is a far cry from making me eat stale dirty closet food.

If this child spent any amount of time in an institution or other unstable environment stashing/hoarding food is actually a very natural and at times necessary survival skill. I could just backhand this woman. She does home day care??? I would really love all the parents to make sure that they have read through her blog, I wouldn't let her watch my dog...

This is the same child that she then goes on to say this about:

" Many of her symptoms match autism, but too many match other things as well.
So, what we have so far is severe developmental language delay, executive functioning disorder"

So you know that your daughter has some challenges and yet this is the best parenting plan you can come up with...

So mother dearest goes on to say that she has 9 cats, 4 adopted children with varying degrees of special needs, a home run daycare with 3 babies under 2 and 3 toddlers Runs a blog and has a home clothing business, sounds great if you can make it all work power to you sister, but something tells me that she is NOT making it all work...

 Oh wait did I mention

" I am also a birth and postpartum doula, lactation specialist and lay midwife (for friends having "unassisted" births at home). I currently don't practice commercially since I don't want to be awakened in the middle of the night, however, I still provide care for close friends"

 

SInce you know when you have 4 kids you NEVER are "awakened in the middle of the night"  Sorry to go on but this just pisses me off. God told her that her daughter was waiting for her in China, poor kid, had this woman not turned up perhaps she may have found a home where the parent/s would have the patience and intelligence to walk with her not drag her kicking and screaming through a world that I am sure she see's as a confusing scary place.

I wonder how in the hell did this woman pass a home study?

[Toothfairy]

This lady should never adopted. And wtf? Obey mommy? I feel so bad for her kids. 

[umsami]

This is all out there...so where the heck is CPS, her pediatrician, somebody to intervene?

My heart breaks for those poor girls.

[Jana814]

This woman sounds like a nut!!  Is she married. 

[Antimony]

 " The earrings that Sissy got for her birthday have also been returned to the store for a refund. I found some stale cookies she'd stolen and stashed in the closet and forgot about. Don't comment negatively on this, but I did make her eat them. You steal it, you eat it. We don't waste food in this house. She choked them down moaning about how she didn't like them "

 

So wrong. So horrible. I get the making me eat my vegetables (I guess) routine my Mum pulled, but that is a far cry from making me eat stale dirty closet food.

If this child spent any amount of time in an institution or other unstable environment stashing/hoarding food is actually a very natural and at times necessary survival skill. I could just backhand this woman. She does home day care??? I would really love all the parents to make sure that they have read through her blog, I wouldn't let her watch my dog...

This is the same child that she then goes on to say this about:

" Many of her symptoms match autism, but too many match other things as well.
So, what we have so far is severe developmental language delay, executive functioning disorder"

So you know that your daughter has some challenges and yet this is the best parenting plan you can come up with...

So mother dearest goes on to say that she has 9 cats, 4 adopted children with varying degrees of special needs, a home run daycare with 3 babies under 2 and 3 toddlers Runs a blog and has a home clothing business, sounds great if you can make it all work power to you sister, but something tells me that she is NOT making it all work...

 Oh wait did I mention

" I am also a birth and postpartum doula, lactation specialist and lay midwife (for friends having "unassisted" births at home). I currently don't practice commercially since I don't want to be awakened in the middle of the night, however, I still provide care for close friends"

 

SInce you know when you have 4 kids you NEVER are "awakened in the middle of the night"  Sorry to go on but this just pisses me off. God told her that her daughter was waiting for her in China, poor kid, had this woman not turned up perhaps she may have found a home where the parent/s would have the patience and intelligence to walk with her not drag her kicking and screaming through a world that I am sure she see's as a confusing scary place.

Food stealing/hoarding, from what I've read, is a fairly common coping mechanism with adopted children, especially those adopted late in life. It makes sense to me -- it provided security. I hoard oatmeal. I don't even like oatmeal all that much I just like the idea that if I have a month where I'm short for groceries that I have a stock of something to get me through. It's a security thing. 
 

5 Kids 6 Months also talks about the food stealing/hoarding behavior but she's much more appropriate about it (though I disagree with some stuff they do, she seems much more genuine.)
 

I've been reading this blog for a long time. It's loathsome. 

[Howl]

Aine

She bitches about Sissy not being able to follow her sewing directions after 20+ sessions and then when she gets it, she makes the same thing again but worse.

-sounds like she was attempting to train her to produce products for her home clothing business sweatshop.  

[FrumperSeamstress]

I can't stop reading this woman's blog, in a trainwreck sort of way. There's some major White Saviour shit going on there. How she talks about Blossom and Sissy (I'm convinced these are their actual names unfortunately) break my heart. If you're going to adopt children with special needs, learn how to care for children with special needs.