Erika Shupe *grim rictus* Large Families on Purpose Part 3

[pnwgypsy]

So, I guess they wait until after any appointments to biblically beat their children. *chuckle* *vomit*

I guess their chiro/ND aren't concerned about the boy who seems quite small for his age then

[defraudingjezebel]

According to RAINN, chiropractors in WA are mandated reporters: https://rainn.org/pdf-files-and-other-documents/Public-Policy/Legal-resources/2009-Mandatory-Report/Washington09C.pdf

ETA: @defraudingjezebel got there first whilst I was typing my wall o' text!

But if she's getting that kind of nutritional advice from the chiropractor, I'm assuming that person thinks all is well in the Shupe household.  I'm not sure about WA, but in CA, no chiropractor I've ever been to has checked my height or weight or kept those kinds of records at all.  I'm not sure if her chiropractor would even have charts for the kids' height and weight ranges.  I would assume a naturopath would have more records, but I've never been to one, so I have no basis of comparison.

 [snipped for length]

I apologize for accidentally beating you to the punch!  I definitely think Erika and her chiropractor are super chummy. I remember seeing her namedrop him many times in her blog entries, even going as far as claiming that he has helped many infertile women succeed in having children. (I guess a spinal alignment can get the ole ovaries to work again?) Its really bizarre how much stock and faith she puts into this person. I don't think any healthcare professional is infallible... certainly not a chiropractor that claims kale smoothies are practically a blood transfusion. For some reason I get the sense that her devotion to this naturopath chiropractor stems from how she was raised...

[apandaaries]

I apologize for accidentally beating you to the punch!  I definitely think Erika and her chiropractor are super chummy. I remember seeing her namedrop him many times in her blog entries, even going as far as claiming that he has helped many infertile women succeed in having children. (I guess a spinal alignment can get the ole ovaries to work again?) Its really bizarre how much stock and faith she puts into this person. I don't think any healthcare professional is infallible... certainly not a chiropractor that claims kale smoothies are practically a blood transfusion. For some reason I get the sense that her devotion to this naturopath chiropractor stems from how she was raised...

No worries!  There's always plenty to talk about with Erika, and the more sources, the merrier!   

There is certainly a strong connection to this health provider.  Standard Erika to like all those who parrot or enforce her beliefs.  Green smoothie=brand new blood! Total health and vitality! 

I also doubt that this person is keeping records on the children and/or their growth.  Or if s/he/they is/are, there is no comparison with an average US growth chart.  

[Antimony]

It just occurred to me that I'd love to see Wife Swap between Zsu and Erika. Just the part over the food would be enough for a great episode...

[Hisey]

I know a lovely family who adopted two boys out of foster care. Both boys are African American (the parents are Caucasian).

They tried to do the right thing by sending the boys to a very diverse school in the city. The diversity was great, but there were numerous other problems. There were lots of kids with behavioral problems at the school, there was crime in the school and the surrounding area, etc. Ultimately, they had to move the kids to a suburban, mostly white school. The kids themselves were relieved at the switch and thrived there.

We had a similar experience. We moved to a place that was very diverse for our kids (who are Asian). We did a lot of research to pick this place. Unfortunately, diverse places are usually urban places, and this area was no exception. We loved the diversity, but didn't love the high level of crime and other problems. Finally, as our girls reached adolesence and wanted more independence, we realized it would be unsafe to remain in an area with such a high crime rate. So, after a lot of angst, we moved to a non-diverse suburban town. My kids have thrived with the independence we are able to give them because of the safety of this town. 

This was all a surprise to me, since I thought diversity was the most important thing for my kids. But they have indicated that other things are more important to them. After all, why should my kids be relegated to a city, just because they are Asian? Why should Caucasian kids get all the nice safe, pretty towns with excellent schools? Why should I decide for my kids that diversity trumps all other considerations? My point is, there's no clear-cut answer, and the best choice for a minority child is not always obvious.

I know a lovely family who adopted two boys out of foster care. Both boys are African American (the parents are Caucasian).

They tried to do the right thing by sending the boys to a very diverse school in the city. The diversity was great, but there were numerous other problems. There were lots of kids with behavioral problems at the school, there was crime in the school and the surrounding area, etc. Ultimately, they had to move the kids to a suburban, mostly white school. The kids themselves were relieved at the switch and thrived there.

We had a similar experience. We moved to a place that was very diverse for our kids (who are Asian). We did a lot of research to pick this place. Unfortunately, diverse places are usually urban places, and this area was no exception. We loved the diversity, but didn't love the high level of crime and other problems. Finally, as our girls reached adolesence and wanted more independence, we realized it would be unsafe to remain in an area with such a high crime rate. So, after a lot of angst, we moved to a non-diverse suburban town. My kids have thrived with the independence we are able to give them because of the safety of this town. 

This was all a surprise to me, since I thought diversity was the most important thing for my kids. But they have indicated that other things are more important to them. After all, why should my kids be relegated to a city, just because they are Asian? Why should Caucasian kids get all the nice safe, pretty towns with excellent schools? Why should I decide for my kids that diversity trumps all other considerations? My point is, there's no clear-cut answer, and the best choice for a minority child is not always obvious.

[iweartanktops]

I agree that there's not one way to do it, I just really appreciate and admire the particular family I follow (not for snark). 

I do know for sure that no matter how many ways there are to parent an adoptive child (or any child), the Bergey family is doing it all wrong. 

[iweartanktops]

Erika answered the question about snacks for the kids:

 

Hmmmm.... 

What I'm taking from this is that she very rarely allows the kids to snack. 

Also, cheese and nuts are fats. 

[feministxtian]

I call bullshit on her answer...

[pnwgypsy]

Erika answered the question about snacks for the kids:

 

Hmmmm.... 

What I'm taking from this is that she very rarely allows the kids to snack. 

Also, cheese and nuts are fats. 

to me that sounds like you can have a snack if and only if snack time is on the schedule

[lawlifelgbt]

to me that sounds like you can have a snack if and only if snack time is on the schedule

That's what I think it means, too. And that they can only have foods X and Y. What if it's hot, though, and they'd rather have fruit? Or if they just want something different? Or if they're upset and they want their favorite food? (I realize emotional eating is bad, but I don't think there's anything wrong with occasionally giving a kids something they like to eat on a bad day).

[Fascinated]

For most of us, food is one of the great delights in life. One of the greatest, actually. In different countries or just at home.  It's a huge part of the time we spend with friends and family. 

I wonder if Erika's guests, if she ever has any, would gather around in her kitchen having some tasty appetizers while anticipating a wonderful dinner.  She thinks she's controlling protecting her kids but she's doing them a great disservice.  I hope, in spite of her, they grow up to appreciate food the way it can, and should, be enjoyed.

She sucks. 

[VodouDoll]

Well, Erika is the amazing homemaker who told a woman having the family over for dinner that she's bring dessert, and then showed up with a box of fruit loops. So probably not.

[iweartanktops]

Well, Erika is the amazing homemaker who told a woman having the family over for dinner that she's bring dessert, and then showed up with a box of fruit loops. So probably not.

I forgot about this! So ridiculous it's hard to believe it's true! 

[defraudingjezebel]

For most of us, food is one of the great delights in life. One of the greatest, actually. In different countries or just at home.  It's a huge part of the time we spend with friends and family. 

I wonder if Erika's guests, if she ever has any, would gather around in her kitchen having some tasty appetizers while anticipating a wonderful dinner.  She thinks she's controlling protecting her kids but she's doing them a great disservice.  I hope, in spite of her, they grow up to appreciate food the way it can, and should, be enjoyed.

She sucks. 

I totally agree. Though to be fair, I'm sure this is a tough situation for most parents- if you let them eat whenever they want they *may* develop a habit of eating out of boredom. If you restrict too much, you run the risk of them developing a sense of food insecurity, leading to issues with food later on in life. Though in Erika's case, she keeps her kids so busy and occupied  that I doubt they'd be able to ask for a snack out of boredom. 

Erika's response also reads as projection to me. Meaning, she has probably had issues with boredom-eating at some point in her life so she is going overboard to make sure her kids don't develop the same habit. It just is a little sad to see the mopey little boy stuck with his hours-old salad. Can you imagine how limp and slimy it might be? Eugh. 

[iweartanktops]

I totally agree. Though to be fair, I'm sure this is a tough situation for most parents- if you let them eat whenever they want they *may* develop a habit of eating out of boredom. If you restrict too much, you run the risk of them developing a sense of food insecurity, leading to issues with food later on in life. Though in Erika's case, she keeps her kids so busy and occupied  that I doubt they'd be able to ask for a snack out of boredom. 

Erika's response also reads as projection to me. Meaning, she has probably had issues with boredom-eating at some point in her life so she is going overboard to make sure her kids don't develop the same habit. It just is a little sad to see the mopey little boy stuck with his hours-old salad. Can you imagine how limp and slimy it might be? Eugh. 

I agree! I thought about this as well. I guess to a point, it's understandable. I would think that most people don't want their children to struggle in ways they have. I don't have kids yet, but I often think about what I can do to make sure my (possible) future children don't get eating disorders. I think the "overboard" part it what's so troubling and unhealthy. 

[Fascinated]

Of course kids can't be allowed to just eat what and whenever they like. But, Erika's restrictions may have the complete opposite result of what she intends. She could very well be creating food issues.  She should be letting them try lots of different foods and, occasionally, let them eat something they really love!  And maybe even a second helping now and then. These fundie kids are really just prisoners in their parents' homes. 

[mango_fandango]

Of course kids can't be allowed to just eat what and whenever they like. But, Erika's restrictions may have the complete opposite result of what she intends. She could very well be creating food issues.  She should be letting them try lots of different foods and, occasionally, let them eat something they really love!  And maybe even a second helping now and then. These fundie kids are really just prisoners in their parents' homes. 

People who are unequivocally banned from things as kids tend to go apeshit for them once they're out of the home. See the 2005 version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... young Willy was the son of dentist, not allowed sweets... Voila! Willy becomes a chocolatier!! 

[Fascinated]

People who are unequivocally banned from things as kids tend to go apeshit for them once they're out of the home. See the 2005 version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... young Willy was the son of dentist, not allowed sweets... Voila! Willy becomes a chocolatier!! 

Exactly!!

You know, we saw quite a few high school friends go completely off the rails when they got to university. We had teetotalers getting blitzed every night. We had guys lighting their, um, bits and pieces on fire. We had A+ students flunking out due to being coddled and 'protected' by their parents. Not really food related, but the premise is the same.  

If you withhold too much, one day your kids might just say: fuck it. 

[19 cats and counting]

When I was a kid, I wasn't allowed to eat marshmallow fluff.  Guess what I gorged on whenever I went to a friend's house?

If you make something a forbidden fruit, it just becomes more tempting.

[pnwgypsy]

That's what I think it means, too. And that they can only have foods X and Y. What if it's hot, though, and they'd rather have fruit? Or if they just want something different? Or if they're upset and they want their favorite food? (I realize emotional eating is bad, but I don't think there's anything wrong with occasionally giving a kids something they like to eat on a bad day).

I think she explained in a post at some point that she doesn't cater to favorites.

[iweartanktops]

I think she explained in a post at some point that she doesn't cater to favorites.

That's cruel. 

She is a cold-hearted bitch. 

[pnwgypsy]

We also don't need to have tons of variety of food items available to everyone all the time. *smile* We would need to have an enormous house and pantry if everyone had all of their preferences on hand all the time. And really, having lots of choices in life - including foods - isn't the best thing for children. It's good to learn to be appreciative of whatever is served to everyone as a group, to be patient for their favorite things to be rotated back into the options, and to learn to be frugal by purchasing things in bulk (which can be done when tons of variety is not an option). So here's what that looks like.

 

I purchase apples every week at Costco, and we buy one additional fruit for everyone. One week this is nectarines, another week it is grapes, another is cantaloupe, etc. We can't cater to the 11 of us each preferring different fruits at breakfast time, we can't afford it, can't store it all, and it's ultimately not good for children anyway. They know that everyone is served the same thing during a meal. We all have grapes this week for breakfast. Next week we'll all have cantaloupe. And the children learn to smile, and say, "Thank you", and go with the flow.

 

The same principle applies to snack foods. I purchase one type of crackers for the week such as Wheat Thins, plus pretzels or corn chips. That's what they have to choose from that week. If corn chips are served with salads for lunch then that's what everyone is having. The next week I'll purchase Triscuits as the cracker of the week, and the next week Cheeze-It's. 

 

The same applies to breakfast cereal on the very rare occasion that I buy it because it's so expensive. I buy one type and everyone gets to have it that week. The next time I'll buy a different type. But I don't have room, time, or finances for having 5 types of breakfast cereal available to all the children all the time. And this has served our family really, really well! I used to feel guilty that they did not have more variety as a large family, until I learned how valuable it is for them to not have unlimited choices all the time.  *smile* 

http://www.largefamiliesonpurpose.com/2011/09/large-family-meal-planning-shopping.html

That's the post about the lack of variety... 

[mango_fandango]

Exactly!!

You know, we saw quite a few high school friends go completely off the rails when they got to university. We had teetotalers getting blitzed every night. We had guys lighting their, um, bits and pieces on fire. We had A+ students flunking out due to being coddled and 'protected' by their parents. Not really food related, but the premise is the same.  

If you withhold too much, one day your kids might just say: fuck it. 

 

   

 

That's cruel. 

She is a cold-hearted bitch. 

Not WKing here, but if you have 9 kids it would be impossible to do 9+ different dinners every night. But the way Erika phrases it just sounds horrible... "until I learned how valuable it is for them to not have unlimited choices all the time", with that goddamn *smile* at the end. Adding the *smile* just makes it sound like she's going *smirk* *loser* *nenner*

[iweartanktops]

I don't know what "WKing" means, but of course she can't and in my opinion, shouldn't make different meals all the time. But yes, that *smile* might be the worst part. It's so disingenuous and it honestly sounds like she takes pleasure in not doing anything special for the kids. That makes me very sad for them. 

[Fascinated]

I don't know what "WKing" means, but of course she can't and in my opinion, shouldn't make different meals all the time. But yes, that *smile* might be the worst part. It's so disingenuous and it honestly sounds like she takes pleasure in not doing anything special for the kids. That makes me very sad for them. 

Haha. I was trying to decipher WKing, too!