Jesse Maxwell Cleaned Up a Wood Pile, Y'all!

[SPHASH]

Then there was Teri's Pepsi "addiction".

[SPHASH]

There was also the "disaster" at Nathan and Melanie's rehearsal dinner where Teri and Steve made up a diagram of where everyone was sitting and a typed list of who ordered what. The wait staff ignored their instructions and served the food their way.

[mango_fandango]

I just noticed something. I'm kinda bored right now and going through the blog from the first post and forward. I've just finished the "Blessings Of Reversal Babies" post (which is another weird thing about the Maxwells. Steve had a vasectomy after they had Sarah, but was convicted by God to have a reversal, and they then went on to have the other five). There's a photo of Sarah, Anna and Mary from when Mary was very little. Mary looks almost exactly like Teri's dad in that photo. Never noticed the resemblance before, but then of course Mary's changed since the photo.

Talking of old posts... the Maxwells used to be aaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllll about frumpers. Now, they still wear ankle-length skirts, but with normal t-shirts (modest, obviously, and often layered with another for more modesty). Seriously, look at some old photos. The girls wore matching frumpers often.

[Odd1Out]

Only after Terie or Steve stepped to tell them to get a sharper pair of scissors. Not sure one of the kids would know to do that on their own.

Edited for 'there, they're, their riffles".

[Elegant Mess]

Tsk tsk, call me when John cleans up a wood pile.

We're gonna need a bigger prayer closet! :lol: :character-jaws:

[Arete]

They also used to have a recipe board. It was mostly posts like, "Does anyone have some really cheap recipes using whole wheat? I need to feed my family of 12 and have no money." It was seriously depressing.

Dear Jesus, the one that will stay with me forever was was the hi, we have 3 children under 4, I'm pregnant again, and my food budget is loose change. Can you all suggest recipes? The real trauma is in other MOTHERS giving her answers like boil 2 potatoes in water for a hearty soup, and if you DH enjoys it add some red pepper flake.

That board was mind blowing. That evil witch and warlock would not let a single comment through that suggested getting on WIC and SNAP pronto.

[Daisy4]

Dear Jesus, the one that will stay with me forever was was the hi, we have 3 children under 4, I'm pregnant again, and my food budget is loose change. Can you all suggest recipes? The real trauma is in other MOTHERS giving her answers like boil 2 potatoes in water for a hearty soup, and if you DH enjoys it add some red pepper flake.

That board was mind blowing. That evil witch and warlock would not let a single comment through that suggested getting on WIC and SNAP pronto.

But of course these families were still sending money on the Maxwell crap and contributing "love offerings" at the conference. Makes my blood boil!

[church_of_dog]

I was actually relieved to see that the pantry wasn't arranged to Sleeping With the Enemy perfection.

[bBvideo 560,340:20xcr2om]

[/bBvideo]

OMG this movie, and in particular this scene and a few others, have haunted me since seeing that movie years ago! And I have no psycho-power-games like that in my past, no stalking, nothing to relate personally to the plot, but it was just so compellingly and creepily presented...

[blessalessi]

Excellent list, Elegant Mess.

I'll only add that my endless fascination with the Maxwells began when Steve preached about DEATH at his son Chris's wedding. It's been all downhill from there.

Awesome! And now I really want "preached about death at a wedding" to be a new user title. :lol:

[IrishCarrie]

Can I just say, this is the first Maxwell post I've ever read. Words fail me..... Presumably you guys are telling the truth, but.......you know.....HOWWHYWHATTHEEVERLOVINGFUCK?????? :angry-banghead: :cray-cray:

And yep, I'm off to read the rest.

If I don't see you again, happy Hallowe'en, Christmas and New Year to all of you and yours :)

[LurkerOverThePond]

And yep, I'm off to read the rest.

If I don't see you again, happy Hallowe'en, Christmas and New Year to all of you and yours :)

Have what-some-might-call "fun" ;)

Did you guys notice how Sarah used the word "vacation" in the woodpile post? "One Saturday before vacation..." What has happened to this perfect family?!? First, they have an overgrown yard, then it's off to a merry _vacation_, and after that we get a glimpse of a messy kitchen cabinet. I don't dare to imagine the next phase on their way to Hell... an open Pepsi can on Teri's cardboard desk? Pole dancing night at the elderly? Abby going to a public school? Reversal Anna starting secretly add beef to their burritos?

[salex]

In the newest post (Unpacking! In an hour!) the pantry shelves are looking rather messy. Who will be the first to display initiative in tidying up the pantry? The betting lines are open.

Ok, so was that the Steven Maxwell pantry or the Joseph and Elissa Maxwell pantry? Since they were invited to J&E's for dinner, and we see them in a kitchen pouring water, it seems to me that the pantry may not be at Dad's house.

It also looks like more of a storage closet than a real pantry, with so little "real food" and the giant economy size peanut oil (Do they do fried turkeys?).

Also, of course it only took an hour, far fewer of you went on this trip, so less junk, less luggage.

[Jessica]

Have what-some-might-call "fun" ;)

Did you guys notice how Sarah used the word "vacation" in the woodpile post? "One Saturday before vacation..." What has happened to this perfect family?!? First, they have an overgrown yard, then it's off to a merry _vacation_, and after that we get a glimpse of a messy kitchen cabinet. I don't dare to imagine the next phase on their way to Hell... an open Pepsi can on Teri's cardboard desk? Pole dancing night at the elderly? Abby going to a public school? Reversal Anna starting secretly add beef to their burritos?

Hahahaha!!!

[PrairieGirl]

Snip

I mean, I understand trying to keep everyone on topic if that's the way you want to run your forum, but Teri seemed so curt and condescending in her replies.

Hmmmm, we bash Steve for his brisk, short replies to people on their blog (and his cluelessness). Now I wonder if sometimes it is Teri replying. And we know Sarah can only reply to comments that consist of sunshine and rainbows.

[kpmom]

Tbf it would be in my house. Granted mine just turned 20 so there is time for him to mature into the wellspring of industry that is Jesse Maxwell, but if mine decided to spend a Saturday on a home improvement project unbidden I might start a blog just so I could post about it. Or have a statue erected to commemorate that momentous occasion. Maybe hire a band.

Did I just complain that my kid wasn't enough like a Maxwell? Someone stop me before I order a scheduling backpack to reform my minion.

Oh hell, you're right. I've got an 18 year old at home and now that I think of it, yes, it would be BIG news if he did anything voluntarily.

Just disregard that sentence.

[Elegant Mess]

Can I just say, this is the first Maxwell post I've ever read. Words fail me..... Presumably you guys are telling the truth, but.......you know.....HOWWHYWHATTHEEVERLOVINGFUCK?????? :angry-banghead: :cray-cray:

And yep, I'm off to read the rest.

If I don't see you again, happy Hallowe'en, Christmas and New Year to all of you and yours :)

To the highlighted:

Would you like us to place the rescue ferrets on standby?

[Rosie]

I first discovered the Maxwells like 12 or 13 years ago via a different forum. Like a pp said, they fascinate me like a car wreck you can't look away from. They're really the only fundie family I follow.

ETA- They use to have a message board for moms that had some of the most mind blowingly crazy posts I've ever seen.

I have the same train wreck type fascination with the Maxwells.

I will also confess that I am intrigued to find out (eventually) (1) whether any of the girls ever marries; and (2) whether John does something un-Maxwellian at some point.

I will probably have to read for decades before my questions will be answered.

[Rosie]

^^^In other words, The Maxwells is the longest-running, most boring soap opera ever.

:lol:

[nausicaa]

I think we have some weird Free Jinger mind meld going on. The first thing I thought about when I saw the latest Maxwell post was "Wow, I expected their pantry to be much neater than that." My second thought was of the cabinet scene from Sleeping with the Enemy. :?

[Crocoduck]

^^^In other words, The Maxwells is the longest-running, most boring soap opera ever.

:lol:

That's kind of the vibe I'm getting!

It sounds like their lives are equal parts tedium and tyranny. Oh, and they all got beaten on the reg when they were growing up. I do hope the children grown ass adults get their own damn lives already.

[Elegant Mess]

That's kind of the vibe I'm getting!

It sounds like their lives are equal parts tedium and tyranny. Oh, and they all got beaten on the reg when they were growing up. I do hope the children grown ass adults get their own damn lives already.

To the bold:

Thanks for the inspiration, Crocoduck!!! I just made the phrase "on the tightrope between tedium and tyranny" my location on my user account!

[Dru]

I was once on that message board for a few short weeks back in my naive homeschooling days. If anyone strayed the tiniest bit off the topic of scheduling, Teri would jump in & whip everyone back into shape. I even remarked to my husband back then that she reminded me of the Soup Nazi. "No, no off topics for you!" It was crazy! People would then awkwardly try to word things to ask the same thing they were scolded for, but by working in the word "scheduling." It was a very depressing board that I jumped out of quickly. I mean, I understand trying to keep everyone on topic if that's the way you want to run your forum, but Teri seemed so curt and condescending in her replies.

That must have been the MOTHboard, which is all about the all mighty schedule. The moms board had depressing posts about things like how to get a toddler girl from looking "down there" when she went potty and using a diagram of a flower to teach human reproduction.

[banjobaby]

That must have been the MOTHboard, which is all about the all mighty schedule. The moms board had depressing posts about things like how to get a toddler girl from looking "down there" when she went potty and using a diagram of a flower to teach human reproduction.

Yes! I was on the MOTH board. I never knew about the moms board! That's crazy! Those Maxwells--the more I learn, the more I'm glad I trusted my icky vibes I got when I read their stuff.

I'm so glad Jesse cleaned a wood pile. My teenage boys mowed and trimmed our entire large yard this past weekend without being asked. Then they offered to help a friend haul hay. That was after they finished all their homework, played in a tough football game, went out with friends, and they still managed to go to church. And they did the yard without their sisters helping them, Steve!

But, shoot, I didn't get one picture of them mowing. In fact, I didn't even think to break out the camera for that. I did get a picture of my son making a touchdown, though! :dance:

[Odd1Out]

I mowed the yard a couple of nights ago. No one told me too or hinted at it. Wow, I guess I should have taken pictures of it and made a blog post. Surprisingly, no one seemed amazed at my initiative. I'm kinda disappointed now.

Jesse probably decided to go out and do this task that obviously no one else wanted to do, to get an afternoon to himself. Instead his sisters have to tag along so he doesn't get a second to himself.

[Green Glass]

^^^In other words, The Maxwells is the longest-running, most boring soap opera ever.

:lol:

They are! They really are. On the surface, they appear to be the most boring family in America. Their blog posts show them doing mundane, everyday things, always with robotic smiles. But when you keep going and find out more about them and about their beliefs, and read between the lines, you find out how horrifying the whole situation is and what an ice-cold monster Steve is. The dull veneer on top of the miles-deep crazy has actually somehow made them fascinating to me.