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Jesse Maxwell Cleaned Up a Wood Pile, Y'all!


Elegant Mess

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With no dog and pony show this year, they may soon be cutting the front lawn with scissors and blogging about it.

Yes, I can just see this! I can envision one of them struggling to cut the grass, only to find halfway through the task that they got the dull scissors. They change out scissors after taking gratuitous pictures of themselves exclaiming and laughing.

The new scissors work better!

The transformation of the lawn was amazing!

Everyone was blessed!

:lol:

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Here's what I want to know- With that many unemployed adults loafing about the place, how on God's green earth did that woodpile wind up such a mess?

I know the answer to that! Tidying the woodpile is not on the schedule. The Maxwells never do anything that isn't on the schedule.

Perhaps it's not on the schedule because Steve once saw something nasty in the woodshedpile.

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ITA that it's surprising the Maxwells let that wood pile get so messy. And do they really think a 21 year old grown man voluntarily doing some work around the house is newsworthy?

I also don't think the after picture shows it looking all that much neater. Jesse could have piled his wood (ahem) more neatly.

Isn't Jesse the lawn maintenance son? How did he let that grass grow up so high? I'd be nervous of finding all manner of vermin out there.

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I was really hoping that by the end of the post there would be flowers planted or something decorative in this neglected woodpile, but, no. They will be sowing their seed (of course). More grass? WOMP, WOOOOMMMMMP. :(

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Yes, I can just see this! I can envision one of them struggling to cut the grass, only to find halfway through the task that they got the dull scissors. They change out scissors after taking gratuitous pictures of themselves exclaiming and laughing.

The new scissors work better!

The transformation of the lawn was amazing!

Everyone was blessed!

:lol:

Oh THIS so much! That's exactly how it would go. Though I'd like to see them use tweezers instead.

Isn't being initiative against everything they preach about? That shows some independent thinking and we all know Stevehovah & Terified hate that.

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Yes, I can just see this! I can envision one of them struggling to cut the grass, only to find halfway through the task that they got the dull scissors. They change out scissors after taking gratuitous pictures of themselves exclaiming and laughing.

The new scissors work better!

The transformation of the lawn was amazing!

Everyone was blessed!

:lol:

Only after Terie or Steve stepped to tell them to get a sharper pair of scissors. Not sure one of the kids would know to do that on there own.

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To my newbie eyes, this family seems to be the Fundy version of the Cleavers, except Eddie Haskell would sure as hell never darken their door.

Why do they get so much FJ "love"?

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To my newbie eyes, this family seems to be the Fundy version of the Cleavers, except Eddie Haskell would sure as hell never darken their door.

Why do they get so much FJ "love"?

For me its fascination. That the grown Maxwell children act the way they do, that the Maxwell parents act the way they do. It's fascinating the way you can't turn away from a car accident. :popcorn2:

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For me its fascination. That the grown Maxwell children act the way they do, that the Maxwell parents act the way they do. It's fascinating the way you can't turn away from a car accident. :popcorn2:

The way I see it, we all think the Duggars and Bateses are bad, and they are... but the Maxwells are worse. The Duggars whored themselves out to a TV show, for starters, and they've been to various countries (OK, paid for by TLC, but still) even if they are dubious "mission trips" to El Salvador. And the Duggars and Bateses at least let their kids marry and have kids. Three of the Maxwell boys are married- the BOYS. Sarah is something like 32 and still at home. This is ancient for a fundie. The Maxwells would also never wear such short skirts as the Bateses/Duggars. It's ankle length minimum for the Maxwell girls.

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To my newbie eyes, this family seems to be the Fundy version of the Cleavers, except Eddie Haskell would sure as hell never darken their door.

Why do they get so much FJ "love"?

I first discovered the Maxwells like 12 or 13 years ago via a different forum. Like a pp said, they fascinate me like a car wreck you can't look away from. They're really the only fundie family I follow.

ETA- They use to have a message board for moms that had some of the most mind blowingly crazy posts I've ever seen.

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I think one of the reasons they get so much FJ love is because they need to be talked about and the word spread because they are quite frankly, THE most isolationist of any fundies I have ever seen barring....I don't know, the Amish?

No church and therefore no spiritual accountability, no playmates, no neighborhood friends, no homeschool co-ops (which they used to do but quit), no NOTHING outside the family unit. Non-family = BAD BAD BAD DEATH YOU ARE GOING TO HELL. Steve has created his own little cult and completely emotionally crippled his adult children, particularly the daughters. When they still had little kids at home they could pass as part of the seemingly normal Christian homeschool crowd, but now that they're all grown and they obviously fail miserably in finding spouses for their children (failed courtships, no husbands for the daughters), plus write mind-numbingly boring tripe like Making Great Conversationalists, their appeal is fading and hopefully in a few years they will fade into oblivion like so many faddish homeschool curriculum providers before them. Plus the whole MOTH thing with cutting out little squares of paper is just so obsolete now. There are parts of that book where Teri talks about her schedule when Mary was a BABY...the original book came out in '98 or '99, I think. I have to wonder if they have updated it at all.

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They also used to have a recipe board. It was mostly posts like, "Does anyone have some really cheap recipes using whole wheat? I need to feed my family of 12 and have no money." It was seriously depressing.

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To my newbie eyes, this family seems to be the Fundy version of the Cleavers, except Eddie Haskell would sure as hell never darken their door.

Why do they get so much FJ "love"?

As others have said, they hold the same fascination as a trainwreck for many of us here, myself included. Though one could argue this holds true for other families discussed here at FJ.

If you venture under "Individuals and Families", you can scroll down to find many archived threads pertaining to the Maxwells, and there are many threads about them still available on the old Yuku board.

Here is a list of ten things about the Maxwells that I happen to find particularly fascinating. Other FJers feel free to chime in with your own as they come to mind!

1. They update their blog quite regularly, so they provide us with a lot of snark potential to begin with. What we would call a typical Saturday afternoon becomes a blog post with ten or more photos of the Maxwells doing the most mundane things.

2. They don't treat customers very well. Just look at their responses to the blog comments, and you'll rarely see any reply. If you do, the reply is barely more than four words. At conferences, they have been reported to call out people who arrive late.

3. They claim to leave the timing of potential partners, especially for the daughters, up to God, but they have no problem flagging down a UPS truck in the middle of a major highway to see if it is carrying the parts needed to repair Uriah (this actually happened back when they had the bus for tours).

4. Sarah Maxwell: the 30-something SAHD who is touted as a professional author. One quick visit to Amazon's review section for the first Moody book says all you need to know.

5. They've had direct interaction with members of this board. Just ask Treemom. Likewise, other FJers have been to part or all of a typical conference meeting and have reported back plenty of bizarre stuff. Just ask Palimpsest.

6. The "inspiration" for the Moody book characters. Many of us who have read one (or more!) of the Moody books have all concluded that the characters are based on Maxwell family members. This means that Teri would have been the inspiration for the Moody mom, who spends an alarming amount of time alone in the beedroom, and whose idea of Hide-and-Seek was to turn the lights out in the room and just.stand.there.

7. Christopher Maxwell: the "professional" photographer who only photographs weddings if they conform to his narrow list of standards. His "brilliant" photography includes taking a photo of a bride while she's standing right in front of the ladies' room, a photo of a bridal gown hanging on a cheap hanger in a storage room, shots of steaming serving tongs, and a bride and groom walking in front of an old rusty fan.

8. Scores of small businesses, and associated websites, that go the way of the dodo. Others, like ITonRamp, with logos so poorly designed, they read differently. In this case, fueling the "1-ton ramp" joke.

9. Being so out of touch with the larger society that they think they've invented sayings such as "cheese paper". Also, thinking that Teri's cheese-paper incident was funny enough to be side-splitting.

10. Secrecy, especially regarding courtship and marriage, is sometimes on a level of paranoia. The marriage of Joseph and Elissa, and the recent discussion about John's travel to anonymous country X, come to mind.

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Excellent list, Elegant Mess.

I'll only add that my endless fascination with the Maxwells began when Steve preached about DEATH at his son Chris's wedding. It's been all downhill from there.

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3. They claim to leave the timing of potential partners, especially for the daughters, up to God, but they have no problem flagging down a UPS truck in the middle of a major highway to see if it is carrying the parts needed to repair Uriah (this actually happened back when they had the bus for tours).

Oh, please tell -- WAS it? Must I search to find out? I need to know! :lol:

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I'm not going to tell you how to raise your own 21yo son, but I would like to point out that I'm sure you have woodpiles around your home that he would be better off cleaning up. He could see things or encounter people on this trip without your knowing! Better to manage his initiative within your own property lines, don't you think? ;)

How old is Jesse....20? 21?

My 21yo son is leaving in a week to go on a 10-day vacation by himself...flying from TX to Baltimore, to visit his best friend who attends Johns Hopkins. They are going to go to the zoo, lots of fun restaurants, and take a 2-day trip to DC to see the sights while he is there. He arranged, planned and paid for all this himself, because well....he has a full-time job and lives in his own apartment.

Jesse cleaned the woodpile.

Way to go there, Stevehovah and Terified. :clap:

P.S. My son was also homeschooled all the way through. We don't all raise inept chidults who cannot function without chorepacks and Mommy and Daddy telling them what to do every 15 fucking minutes.

P.S.S. I went and looked and now I see that their whole point was LOOK OUR CHILD HAS INITIATIVE!!! Now I'm laughing even harder. :lol:

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ETA- They use to have a message board for moms that had some of the most mind blowingly crazy posts I've ever seen.

I was once on that message board for a few short weeks back in my naive homeschooling days. If anyone strayed the tiniest bit off the topic of scheduling, Teri would jump in & whip everyone back into shape. I even remarked to my husband back then that she reminded me of the Soup Nazi. "No, no off topics for you!" It was crazy! People would then awkwardly try to word things to ask the same thing they were scolded for, but by working in the word "scheduling." It was a very depressing board that I jumped out of quickly. I mean, I understand trying to keep everyone on topic if that's the way you want to run your forum, but Teri seemed so curt and condescending in her replies.

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ITA that it's surprising the Maxwells let that wood pile get so messy. And do they really think a 21 year old grown man voluntarily doing some work around the house is newsworthy?

I also don't think the after picture shows it looking all that much neater. Jesse could have piled his wood (ahem) more neatly.

Isn't Jesse the lawn maintenance son? How did he let that grass grow up so high? I'd be nervous of finding all manner of vermin out there.

Tbf it would be in my house. Granted mine just turned 20 so there is time for him to mature into the wellspring of industry that is Jesse Maxwell, but if mine decided to spend a Saturday on a home improvement project unbidden I might start a blog just so I could post about it. Or have a statue erected to commemorate that momentous occasion. Maybe hire a band.

Did I just complain that my kid wasn't enough like a Maxwell? Someone stop me before I order a scheduling backpack to reform my minion.

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In the newest post (Unpacking! In an hour!) the pantry shelves are looking rather messy. Who will be the first to display initiative in tidying up the pantry? The betting lines are open.

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Why I am fascinated with the Maxwells:

1.) So much of their blog is truly mundane activities (making burritos, cleaning ceiling fans, wiping down cabinets) but always the kids turn and smile at the camera-- it starts looking very robotic if you look at their blog long enough.

2.) Only "the elderly" are allowed to share space on the blog-- come to parties, enjoy a sermon by Steve. If you look at any activity most if not all of the guests will be white-haired even though up until Joseph's wedding there were 5 young people living in the house. You never, never see the Maxwell children interacting with anyone their own age who is not a sibling or an in-law.

3.) Teri sold her scheduling tools to all of the homeschoolers and she controlls her children and her own activities in 15 minute increments throughout the day, even though as has been noted Sarah is 33. One post a few months ago had Sarah and her sisters asking Teri if it would be OK to change their schedule so that they could go across the street and clean their sister-in-laws house (she was on bedrest at the time.)

4.) That "across the street" thing, oh yeah, all 3 married sons bought houses within walking distance. Leave and Cleave is not happening with the Maxwells and Steve will be the Great Patriarch who pulls the strings until he dies.

5.) The more you read about Steve the more horrified you will become-- he is a monster.

There is more, much more but unlike the Rodriguez family or the Duggars or the Bates, the Maxwells are not funny or quirky or crazy. They are the result of one man strangling all of the life and all of the interest out of an entire family while his clinically depressed wife just aids and abets him.

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The other thing about the Maxwells is that there is a reason we call him Steveahova, he is literally the God of the family. They used to go to a church but Steve had disagreements with the other men. The older boys used to play baseball but Steve thought it took too much time away from the family. They used to have beef I their burritos but Steve thought they tasted the same with just beans. One of the boys excelled and enjoyed playing a particular instrument but God told Steve that the boy enjoyed it too much so he had to quit.

Steve is a well educated (engineer?) who used to work for Boeing before he quit because he would have had to work under a woman (or be in a office with a woman or something along those lines). He served in the military, ran marathons and went to real college. He's smart and IMO he knows exactly what he is doing to his family. A lot of fundy parents are not very smart and blindly follow church leaders. Steve answers to no one and he's pure evil.

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In the newest post (Unpacking! In an hour!) the pantry shelves are looking rather messy. Who will be the first to display initiative in tidying up the pantry? The betting lines are open.

How very Maxwellian to give it that title, and focus on that as an achievement.

Included in the post are two cute cards from the little girls that were taped to the house to greet them (although making sure the first one is actually visible in the picture you post might have been a good idea, Sarah), dinner with Elissa and Joseph, and a purse Elissa made for Mary as a birthday gift.

And yet, unpacking in an hour was the big deal.

:borg:

I was actually relieved to see that the pantry wasn't arranged to Sleeping With the Enemy perfection.

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Oh, please tell -- WAS it? Must I search to find out? I need to know! :lol:

I had to go back and re-read the post because I was fuzzy on the details, but I did recall that the truck didn't have their package. This incident occurred during their 2011 conference trip when Uriah's transmission was in very bad shape. The shop in Florida where Uriah was being repaired was waiting on a part to arrive via UPS. The truck the Maxwells flagged down didn't have the package, but it was ultimately found after locating the UPS distribution center.

Here is the relevant blog post: blog.titus2.com/2011/10/18/back-home/

So, there you have it: they trust in God's timing for their daughters, but not for Uriah! :think:

(Edited for riffles :embarrassed: )

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