The Infamous Maxwell Pizza Incident

[Trynn]

Exactly. As a teen I never had a problem telling mom where I was going and approximately how long I'd be, because mom always gave me the same courtesy, so to me that's just basic human decency. Unless mom is sleeping and I'm likely to be back before she wakes up, or dad is working and can't be disturbed or something like that.

I can't imagine anyone in our house just leaving and not telling anyone or leaving some kind of note or something. It'd be odd.

[Dandruff]

So what if Teri's 91 year old grandmother might have to wait an unspecified time for dinner. Blame it on the Lord and his timing. :angry-banghead:

[RebelYell]

The Maxwells: Seeking Life Lessons In The Lord's Pizza Delivery Timing[tm][/tm]

[DowntownAbbey]

I would just like to say that because of the Maxwell Pizza Incident, I ordered a pizza to eat while watching the World Cup final tonight. However, I am left with some questions as I wasn't sure if I got the whole "reverencing your headship" right while ordering...

Since I am my own headship was a not reverencing myself every time I made a mental reminder to order the pizza on my break? Or does that not matter because I am, in their eyes, a lowly woman? Does that mean that my dad over 2,000 miles way is still my headship? Does that mean that I should have called him to order the pizza for me? But if this is all on God's timing, wouldn't he just know to order the pizza for me? Would calling him to ask him to place the order not be reverencing him as my headship? Or should I just move back home to live with my headship so that he can guide me more directly? Are all my problems due to the fact that I moved away to get my Master's? Or is it that I hold a job outside of the home?

(Even while joking, fundie logic is a mental workout. :pull-hair: )

Edit: Riffles

[mallallory]

How far does one take this? If a wife notices while doing the laundry that her husbands underwear or thrice repaired pants are about to give way, does she say something to him? Does she offer to pick him up some new ones? What about if the 'fridge is going out, will God let her husband know that something is wrong with it? What if her shoes wear through? Is she allowed to ask for "new" ones, and does he get to decide if and when she gets them? What if a child has a high fever while the headship is at work, is she allowed to take the kid to urgent care without his input?

[VodouDoll]

I'm just as amazed at her belief that having better ideas than Steve is disrespectful to him. How fucked up is that? Just shut your mouth and don't think or speak, Teri, you're only a grown woman and voting adult. What makes you think God approves of you having better ideas than your cult leader husband?

[Cartmann99]

Serious question:

If Steve dies first, does Terri's oldest son take over the day to day headship duties of ordering pizza and keeping Terri on a short leash?

Otherwise, I foresee all hell breaking loose at the Maxwell home. Terri will be ordering pizza, drinking Pepsi, putting meat in the burrito filling, etc...

[thoughtful]

Maybe she' :evil-eye: s waiting for that :twisted: no pill no more headship to reverence.

What a twisted mind I have :mrgreen:

Me, too. I'd made the LOL below before reading your post, but read to the end of the thread before posting, and saw you'd had the same idea.

Somehow, I picture her as Snidely Whiplash, thinking this . . .

[apandaaries]

So what if Teri's 91 year old grandmother might have to wait an unspecified time for dinner. Blame it on the Lord and his timing. :angry-banghead:

THIS is where I get so f'ing confused by fundamentalists. I know and understand that different people have different relationship styles that work for them. Fine. Lifestyle choices between consenting adults isn't my business. But how can you stand by and watch your family be so disrespected in so many ways? The grandmother stuff is appalling, but absolutely in line with how they treat women. How can you raise your daughters to think their brains are useless and opinions worthless?

Someone mentioned Kelly Bates claims to like submission because she doesn't have to worry about the "big things," and instead let Gil take care of it all. Um...I guess? I mean, there do seem to be a number of people out there who find their brains cumbersome and heavy and don't want to have to use them.. That's disturbing to me, but they are adults who've made their own plans. But dragging the kids into it is where it all begins to fall apart. There's no logical reason to let your kids grow up as intentionally ignorant humans. Why? Why disable them from the beginning? Why erode their capabilities, instead of building them up?

Teri's depression is sad, worrisome, and likely deeply connected to Steve's overbearing insanity. I'm not sure how she got to the point she did -- depression, despair, laziness, lack of self worth...I don't know. That picture of her with Steve at their 4th of July celebration was so bleak. I'm amazed she has any life force still; she sounds and looks like she is completely defeated.

[twin2]

WTF is wrong with these people?

I think a psych grad student could do their entire dissertation on that topic.

[PennySycamore]

OMG, Teri does look bleak in that picture. There's not one iota of spirit in her, is there? FREE TERI!

[shatteredreality]

You guys, for years we have talked about the legendary story of Teri not reminding Steve to order pizza. Years. And I knew I had read it before, but for the life of me I could never find it again.

Well. Now that they have done us the generous favor of putting all the Corners online again, I have finally found it. The Maxwell holy grail. The pizza post. Mom's Corner, April, 2000. You will be interested to know that it is also sinful to ask your husband where he's going if he leaves the house, and to have a better idea than he does when he makes a suggestion.

And there it is. The Maxwell marriage, ladies and gentlemen.

Incredible! Isn't a relationship of any kind 50/50. Yes, nagging is annoying but to just be a "wet noodle" & let your husband walk all over you? If I acted like this my husband would want to know what the hell was wrong with me.

But she is right - man is the head of the household but the wife is the neck in control of the head's movements! Who buys into this? Isnt that along the lines of emotional abuse?

[Jasmar]

So what if Teri's 91 year old grandmother might have to wait an unspecified time for dinner. Blame it on the Lord and his timing. :angry-banghead:

The Lord Stevehovah.

[Wingnut]

I cannot even begin to find any logic of any kind in her way of thinking. I would never sit back and wait to see if my "headship" would fail. That is passive-agressive bitch crap.

And over a pizza?? Since when is pizza such an important topic? smh

[Naga Viper]

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

These people have turned the most mundane, normal, unthought about parts of daily life and interaction and turned them into 'all about their god'. Actually, all about them, since no god gives a damn.

I have a feeling that gets stronger almost by the day that Steve is a sniveling, whining baby and Teri has checked her brain at the Pepsi factory since it would be dangerous to have and use one around her infantile, pathetic husband.

Often I wish I could live a life not bogged down with worry or struggling or managing money or any other daily tasks. I often say I'd like to live on an island with nothing but me and some books and wine and not have to pay bills, go to work, clean, do laundry, buy food...any and all the normal, daily things that make up life. But, eventually, I remember that life would be pretty worthless then.

I think the Maxwells are living proof of that.

This. The bolded, all day long.

[Jana814]

Serious question:

If Steve dies first, does Terri's oldest son take over the day to day headship duties of ordering pizza and keeping Terri on a short leash?

I wonder that also.

[MamaJunebug]

My ex- never did learn to render the common courtesy of telling me that he was leaving the house, let alone his destination. My guess is that the neuroses each brought into the marriage just continued to feed off of themselves, and as they turned to religion to fix themselves, MaxHell resulted. So i couldn't really say one caused the other to become nuts. I think they were more like an ouroboros, circling around each other in a devolution of life.

[CanadianMom]

A 50/50 marriage isn't always going to work. First, we must define what that entails? Does each party contribute exactly 50% in all aspects or does it even out in the end? I can see some marriages where one person is "the leader" and it doesn't have to be patriarchal or bad.

What Teri is describing is simply ridiculous and she knows it (because she references that it seems silly). I can't even comprehend why she thinks it's a good thing to not give a simple reminder, or to just order the pizza herself and have it delivered. Text him reminders every hour with "don't forget the pizza" - that's nagging. Texting him before he leaves the office and reminding him to grab the pizza should not be a big deal.

[Odd1Out]

"What if Steve had forgotten to order the pizza? I would still have had the peace in my heart that reverencing my husband was more important than when the food arrived. What a petty issue to be concerned about–timing of food delivery"

This coming from someone who schedules her family's days in 15 minute increments and flipped out when the waiters needed reminding who ordered what at Nathan and Melanie's rehearsal dinner, causing dinner to be delayed.

[DowntownAbbey]

I'm still kinda surprised that Steve would approve of ordering food in. Wouldn't a proper headship make sure that Teri and the girls were doing their godly woman's work in preparing a full course dinner? I mean that pizza could have been made by a heathen, a gay, or worse, a woman working outside the home!

[Handmaiden of Dog]

When we were discussing how slowly Sarah reads the Bible, I said I thought it was because she agonizes over every word and prays over every verse. I think the women in Steve's family don't have enough to do and they spend their days mentally agonizing over every little detail just as though they were prisoners in solitary confinement. Think about it. Four grown women with no outside friends, no hobbies, no TV, no books other than the Bible, nothing to occupy themselves with other than housework and reverencing Stevehovah, and between the four of them the housework can't take up too much of their time.

How much better for them mentally to take up volunteer work outside the home or part time jobs or at the very least some sort of hobby that gets them outside the house and involved with a like-minded group of people such as knitting classes at the yarn shop or training for triathelons at the local gym. The very idea that Sarah is too scared to go outside and find herself some friends and do something fun is proof that Teri and Steve screwed up big time.

The most successful brainwashing experiment ever undertaken was getting modern women to think that the best way to conduct themselves was to follow the guidelines laid out in a book written by men thousands of years ago.

[socalrules]

I don't see how it is better to let her grandma and parents go hungry in order not to "nag Steve. If anything, Teri set Steve up to look irresponsible had he forgotten to order the pizza. Always keeping her mouth shut gives Steve the opportunity to continually look stupid. Now, I am not against Steve looking stupid but, in general, you would think she would want her husband to look better, not worse. I would be a bad fundie wife because I refuse to keep my mouth shut while you drive us off a cliff.

[Sydney Fox]

I don't see how it is better to let her grandma and parents go hungry in order not to "nag Steve. If anything, Teri set Steve up to look irresponsible had he forgotten to order the pizza. Always keeping her mouth shut gives Steve the opportunity to continually look stupid. Now, I am not against Steve looking stupid but, in general, you would think she would want her husband to look better, not worse. I would be a bad fundie wife because I refuse to keep my mouth shut while you drive us off a cliff.

I agree. I think Teri is being very passive-aggressive by setting up Steve to look bad if he forgets to order the pizza. I'm sure that being the good little submissive wifey and allowing him to fail lets her control the situation, and get her revenge, in a very passive way.

[refugee]

Has it ever been said why Steve dosen't like reminders. He is such an ass (even more then I thought).

My dh hated reminders. In the end I just stopped reminding him and most of the time now I just let him dangle gently in the wind, if it's something that doesn't really matter. I don't see it as passive aggressive. He's a big boy.

As a recovering control freak, I was possibly a bit of a nag. Now I just allow him to make his own mistakes.

As a side benefit, he's started paying more attention, taking more responsibility.

We've talked it over. When he wants help, he asks for it. I'm cool. I don't need to mother him anymore.

If I'm really stressed about an outcome, I'll say something. Like, he's distracted and about to miss our exit off the freeway, and I want to get home ASAP because I need to go to the bathroom.

Balance is the key. And attitude.

[Sydney Fox]

My dh hated reminders. In the end I just stopped reminding him and most of the time now I just let him dangle gently in the wind, if it's something that doesn't really matter. I don't see it as passive aggressive. He's a big boy.

As a recovering control freak, I was possibly a bit of a nag. Now I just allow him to make his own mistakes.

As a side benefit, he's started paying more attention, taking more responsibility.

We've talked it over. When he wants help, he asks for it. I'm cool. I don't need to mother him anymore.

If I'm really stressed about an outcome, I'll say something. Like, he's distracted and about to miss our exit off the freeway, and I want to get home ASAP because I need to go to the bathroom.

Balance is the key. And attitude.

It wouldn't normally be passive agressive, but the way Teri goes on about how it won't be too much of a big deal if they have to eat later tells me that it is a big deal to her. But she won't be to blame because she's just a submissive woman of course.