Lourdes is Divorcing Nolan

[hoipolloi]

I think it was right at the beginning of the first one that he talked about Jen counseling him. Imagine-- taking marriage advice from Jen Fishburne. I mean, if that doesn't tell you that the boy done lost his mind...

OK - thanks.

Yikes. Can't think of anything that anyone should ever consult Jen Fishburne about -- especially marriage advice. She is one of those people who creates & lives in her own world of chaos and just sucks others into it.

This divorce *is* sad though perhaps not unexpected. They each had a lot to deal with, the whole Doug Phillips/VF thing notwithstanding.

[Palimpsest]

"I didn't even take any horny goat weed today."

:?

He mentioned a few other supplements too. I didn't catch them all but St John's Wort was one. Note: Just because it is a "natural" supplement doesn't mean that it is harmless. You need to be careful what you take, what combinations you take, and how much you take.

[Burris]

Yes, Nolan should take these videos down. Putting them up was a mistake.

Indeed. I think he was hoping Lourdes would watch them and that she would understand why he wrote some of what he did in his letter.

He does not seem to understand how this could actually piss Lourdes off more than the initial letter.

(And he went to Jen E/F for marriage advice? Oh God was that ever a mistake.)

Nolan: You have not fucked things up so badly there is no remedy. Rather, you married someone who was not a good fit for you, and nor were you a good fit for her. There is life after divorce. If you love her, do her this kindness: Take down those videos, and send her one final letter thanking her for the fun you had together, apologizing for the mistakes you made, and wishing her well in the future.

And never listen to Jen again.

[Maggie Mae]

Wait, Is Jen the same lady who wrote that really weird blog about how Doug basically abused her and made her confess her "sins" in front of the entire congregation? And now she's a Beall supporter? I'm so confused. I need to catch up on these people. Where is Doug with his costumes when I need a laugh?

[chaotic life]

I imagine that a hurting Lourdes emits the ultimate protective instinct in a man who loves her. In their paradigm of the world, the answer would be to marry her and protect her the way she wasn't protected before.

That would be the wrong answer. Lourdes had to find her strength within her to escape what she endured for so very long. And she needs to explore, develop and tap into that strength to be able to move forward in her life.

I'm sure Nolan loves her and his heart is broken. He needs to get real therapy from a professional and make it clear he is a safe friend and not a jilted ex-lover, or ultimately he'll be considered as unsafe as others from her past.

[GenerationCedarchip]

Oh, this just makes me sad. As someone who came out of a church that had some issues with very abusive discipline, I know it's hard to figure out what healthy relationships (friendships, romantic, family, business - all of them) look like after having your perceptions manipulated by others for a long period of time. I think in my head I knew that they both had a lot of baggage from what they had both been through. However, I was so hoping they would succeed.

I didn't watch the videos, but yeah, posting videos as a way to sort through your feelings on a broken relationship is not a fantastic idea.

Whereever the two of them end up, I do hope they both find some peace and happiness in life.

Re the prayer chain - I hope this isn't something related to whatever Philips family events, too. I tend to guess not since I have the idea neither Lourdes nor Nolan has any non-lawsuit involvement with the family, but I could be wrong.

[Geechee Girl]

I pray both Lourdes and Nolan have a network of professional and personal support to ease their transition into new lives as whole, strong, and secure individuals. Divorce is tough, and the feeling of failure, desperation, regret, anger, disappointment, shame, and a plethora of intense emotions are natural. They will pass with time, growth, and healing. I wish both of them blessings and peace.

[halcionne]

I watched the second video. He's got the weight of the world on his shoulders and feels like it's his job to help himself, Lourdes, both sets of parents, and all of the siblings. And he would like to help other people who cross his path in life. Laudable goals, but not when you're still at the bottom of Maslow's heirarchy. Which he and Lourdes still are, imo.

(take the videos down, Nolan)

[Jana814]

Thanks for this info. I've never heard of them either. Do they have kids?

[Coco]

Getting that sick feeling again, like when i read through all the posts about BCA drama on her site, that Jen is :stir-pot:

[gustava]

Who are these people? Can we get even just a little bit of background?

viewtopic.php?f=87&t=25810

[lilith]

I always thought they'd married for all the wrong reasons - filing against Doug Phillips the day after their wedding was a big red flag that there was more to their decision to marry than simply wanting to spend their lives together.

I wish them both well - they both seem to be trying hard to get back the years and experiences lost to VF.

[CloakNDagger]

I always thought they'd married for all the wrong reasons - filing against Doug Phillips the day after their wedding was a big red flag that there was more to their decision to marry than simply wanting to spend their lives together.

I think that's a mistaken assumption. The filing was likely more coincidental than anything. That kind of stuff takes time to prepare and probably wasn't intended that way.

[lilith]

I think that's a mistaken assumption. The filing was likely more coincidental than anything. That kind of stuff takes time to prepare and probably wasn't intended that way.

You don't think there was an element of wanting to present Lourdes as a "respectable married woman"? I don't blame them, with their background, I just think they rushed their marriage so she wouldn't be viewed as a single young temptress and so that Nolan could openly support her.

[Coco]

I wish them both well - they both seem to be trying hard to get back the years and experiences lost to VF.

I'm sure you know, CnD, that it's a difficult journey to get those years and experiences lost to VF back. Rough road. Even if being respectably married was part of the equation.

[Palimpsest]

The timing of the marriage and the filing was probably coincidental.

The circumstances were against the success of this marriage, romantic as the whole thing seemed. I've often wondered whether Romeo and Juliet or Young Lochinvar and the Lost Bride would have made it past their first anniversaries either.

I don't want to be overdramatic, but the combination of those videos and the suicide post make me extremely uneasy. If I were a friend of Nolan I'd do my best to get him to a professional counselor ASAP.

[hoipolloi]

I always thought they'd married for all the wrong reasons - filing against Doug Phillips the day after their wedding was a big red flag that there was more to their decision to marry than simply wanting to spend their lives together.

I wish them both well - they both seem to be trying hard to get back the years and experiences lost to VF.

Re: bolded. This -- they were both robbed of a lot, Lourdes especially.

[Flyinthesoup]

The timing of the marriage and the filing was probably coincidental.

The circumstances were against the success of this marriage, romantic as the whole thing seemed. I've often wondered whether Romeo and Juliet or Young Lochinvar and the Lost Bride would have made it past their first anniversaries either.

I don't want to be overdramatic, but the combination of those videos and the suicide post make me extremely uneasy. If I were a friend of Nolan I'd do my best to get him to a professional counselor ASAP.

I'm afraid I agree with you, completely!

[CloakNDagger]

I don't want to be overdramatic, but the combination of those videos and the suicide post make me extremely uneasy. If I were a friend of Nolan I'd do my best to get him to a professional counselor ASAP.

You aren't alone but it is possibly a manipulation tactic as well. I think he has been to a counselor, but I think Jen F is one now and I hope it wasn't just her.

[ILoveJellybeans]

That's so sad :( I feel for both of them, and I hope they are okay.

It was a bad idea for Nolan to have posted the videos, but they are just so heartbreaking. He is obviously upset over this. He does kinda need to learn what is Facebook appropriate though, as sometimes I was concerned at all of his (very understandable) anger and comments during the lawsuit that I thought could make them look bad. I think he means well, he seems like a nice guy, but I think their marriage was just a mistake-they were both young and naïve, and victims of an evil cult, and things maybe moved too fast. But that's okay. At least they are free to get a divorce, instead of when they were fundie, if they ended up in a marriage that was not right for them they would just have to stay together.

Their past makes things so much harder in relationships, especially with the lawsuit ongoing. Its hard to be in a relationship when you've been through years of abuse, and its hard to be in a relationship with someone who was previously abused. I know from my experiences with friends of mine (who coincidentally are going through the exact same thing right now and acting in the same way!). They've also both been raised by such harmful beliefs about sex and relationships, that alone would make it hard to be in a relationship in the real world.

I hope both of them have people supporting them and helping them get through this.

[Sobeknofret]

Damn, this sucks. I hope both of them are seeing professional counselors (and NOT Jen Fishburne!) and can move on from this. Nolan, if you're reading this, Jen is a racist snake in the grass, and you deserve a better counselor than Jen. Please find someone else, and take those posts down. Please.

[Maggie Mae]

viewtopic.php?f=87&t=25810

I REALLY don't think that asking for even the slightest bit of background - even just a last name or a screen shot of the post in question or some reason that this should interest me - warrants a RUDE link to a mod post. YES I can search, but there is more than one person named Lourdes in the world and I don't know why we can't put even a tiny bit of information. This thread - which has now picked up and I figured out who we are talking about and have already been informed - was confusing to anyone who is new or hasn't read every thread.

RUDE. On another thread someone was just talking about how nice people here are about thread drift and how it's okay to ask questions.

[Palimpsest]

You aren't alone but it is possibly a manipulation tactic as well. I think he has been to a counselor, but I think Jen F is one now and I hope it wasn't just her.

Possibly a manipulation tactic but still worrying. I hope he has been to a good counselor. I wouldn't trust Jen to counsel a pet rock!

[halcionne]

I'm afraid I agree with you, completely!

So do I. Most of the last two months' worth of FB posts look like attempts to get Lourdes's attention. Nolan, make your FB private, and stop sharing Lourdes's pictures. You're lucky she hasn't blocked you and you're extremely lucky she's not responding to you on her own page. We already have a facebook soap opera playing out in the pages of Free Jinger, go read the Sarah Jane threads. You can protect Lourdes from public drama right now by making your fb private.

[MamaJunebug]

Such sad news.

Praying for each.