Amy "Duggar" and her 2 hour fraktacular

[Buzzard]

I figured I'd start a new thread to keep Famy's advenshures that I'm sure TLC had nothing to do with here to seperate it from teh Duggar main show krazy.

 

I'll recap here. TWO HOURS???!!! I'm gonna need some more meritage...

[Buzzard]

And so it begins...

Famy begins by "introducing" herself to us. Really Famy? We dont know you? She tells us that usually DQ and Boob make the announcements, but today its her turn.

The girls say that they help Amy to "not be so lonely"

Howler says Famy is spunky

Famy pics of riding bulls, skydyving, driving a truck on the Duggar's front lawn...

Michelle TH says Amy is "always up for a good time" and you never know what to expect."

Usual 19KAC opening. Why is Josh still washing cars? Shouldnt he be walking the DC mall by now? Oh yeah, and Michelle popped em all out.

Scene: broken and abandoned house, hay bales... Michelle says over the years they've made a lot of announcements - engagements, pregnancies etc... but Amy is on her way over to make her own announcement.

Family takes a lot of time describing her relationship with the Duggars, including the fact that her friends at school though the Duggars were freaks for having so many blessings. Famy spews some shit about love and thats all that matters.

Boob TH - from the time she was little she was fun to be around.

Famy TH (note - hot pink low cut shirt, matching lipstick, blue dangly earings, heavy eyemakeup, and I think she drew in her eyebrows. Someone needs to tell famy to step away from the airbrush.

Famy says she "always bends the rules." Shots of her giving the kids soda, trashing cars etc.

Grandma says she went to REAL SCHOOL right next door to where the Duggars lived. She went through the barbed wire fence "like an african lion" ( :angry-banghead: :angry-banghead: :angry-banghead: ) to go over and see them.

Jana mumbles about them helping her by having a "sibling relationship" and then she can go home to her quiet place.

Famy shots from the garage sale wearing a tank top. Jackson says they do lots of fun things with her - her white tank top is replaced by a black t shirt.

Shot of Famy and Joy making rice krispy treats. Joy says she's adventurous like she is.

Michelle repeats AGAIN that shes "always up for a good time." JInger and Joseph speculate that she's married or engaged. Jinger has a Josie style white flower in her hair. That needs to never happen again.

[Buzzard]

Part 2

Boob TH - Amy is coming to have a big announcement. The Duggars sit around and speculate.

Shot of Famy riding a pig, then a camel, and chasing goats.

Boob makes it all about him and pimps the "Wild wilderness safari" AGAIN. Famy claims Jana instigated famy into feeding a bison "kissing" toast out of her mouth. Famy didnt thing she could handle that, so she "kisses a camel."

Michelle mumbles about how much HER family enjoys going to central america

They left the littles with grandma and Famy. She took them to a "schetchy" reptile exhibit. Amy describes how she doesnt like snakes by doing a full body shake, saying how it makes it all "sssssslithery thinking about it." I think that qualified as either dancing or something sexually impure.

Priscilla makes a random appearance in a side shot.

Back at the house they continue to speculate. Famy cooks for them, they show a shot pulling pasta out of the pot with her bare hands. Flashback to making Mac's infamous Noahs ark cake.

OK, Is this a fucking clip show or is there some actual new material here. Are we so dumb we have to be reminded of EVERY SINGLE SCENE she's been in over the past decade? Apparently so, which is why this is two hours.

Also, since they opened the fucking show with "Famy goes to nashville" why are we speculating about what her "announcement" is? Someone needs to work on their editing skillz. The teaser is not supposed to give away the end if the entire show is guessing what it is.

Holy fuck, now we're talking about raspberry bars and the pumpkin baby which still weirds me out. Michelle thought it was a good idea - too bad no one got it at the time.

Famy gets a great line in they all had a great time but "hopefully she wont call me again soon and want another one." :dance:

Wow - that was a total waste of 10 minutes.

[Buzzard]

Part 3

Family FINALLY shows the fuck up at the TTH. Oh wait, nope... more speculating.

They go bowling. Michelle blathers about how hard it is with 19 birthdays. Shots of them skating. Michelle skates in her skirt, backwards. Grandma cant stand up. Famy (in jeans) helps hold grandma up, along with boob. Michelle says "you did a great job grandma!" like she's talking to a 3 year old.

Famy talks about how she was out with her friends at one of her favorite restaurants for her birthday (there were boyz) when the Duggars crash the party and invite them back to the TTH...

Apparently it was her least favorite party ever because they all wore clown masks, they hired a clown, and everything was clown. Famy is TERRIFIED of clowns, even we know that. So yeah, good job Duggars. I'm shocked this immature behavior didnt make the real show... Oh yeah, Boob had a clown on stilts. Amy runs upstairs and they all think its hysterical.

Can we redo the poll and add this as the dumbest thing Boob has done?

Michelle says "stilts" the clown is a friend of theirs. Why are they duggars friends with a clown?

AAAaaand still, nothing about a duggar leaving home...

[Buzzard]

Part 4

ZOMG she opens the door to the TTH! Could this finally be it??? Could the speculating finally end???

Famy is wearing a full length skirt, yeah, something is wrong.

Oops, not yet. Boob needs to remember the time they went skydiving. They made her go first because she doesnt really like it. The theme of "19 kids raised by assholes" is growing stronger...

Famy jumps out of a plane and a popup tells us that on her next adventure she'd like to wrestle an alligator. :evil-eye: I'm wondering if whoever is doing the popups is just fucking with us now. Touche...

Famy like skydiving because it made her feel like a superhero. Boob thinks they're a lot of like - they're energetic and like to sell people on getting involved in doing things.

If we're going to have to rewatch every episode... I'm seriously hitting the fast forward button.

Famy thinks it was special because not everyone has their cousins and uncle there when they jump out of a plane - um, yeah... most people dont.

Back at the TTH... now we're back in time and boob is teaching Jinger and Amy how to drive a stick. Wow... Boob taught Amy how to handle a stick.

JInger TH - Amy is confident... Jinger needs to lay off the self tanner and the liquid foundation big time.

Now we watch the truck drive ALL OVER the front lawn. Have these people never heard of roads?

[karismanic]

I have the same pink shirt Amy is wearing in her TH. Please, don't judge...lol

[Buzzard]

Part 5

Famy picks up the intercom (HUH? - werent they all speculating in prior scenes?) Could they finally stop the clip show bullshit????

There are handwritten signs by the intercom

"Humble myself and ask for help! A soft answer turns away wrath!!!"

"Circumstances dont dictate your CHARACTER they reveal it!!!" (Actually, I think TLC dictates your character but lets not split hairs.

"REPROOF is an event that god brings into my life to convict me of my sin and to motivate me to turn from my sin."

"Temptations designed by satan to distract us from god."

"Remember your p*** life is always what will prepare you for your public ministry"

The Duggars swarm into the living room. Her mom is there.

Oh yay! A flashback to the Duggar world tour! They went "basically around the world". In scotland she rides a pig. She hits it liks she's riding a bull. (We've seen this scene 2 previous times).

Popup tells us that she's done missionary work with the Duggars (relevancy please?)

In Ireland she drinks milk straight from a cow.

In Scotland she gets Boob to eat Haggis. Amy describes how gross it is. Boob makes a horrible face - cuz thats not insensitive to the person that gave them the sandwich at all... Michelle wouldnt kiss him, it was the only time.

In London they go to a hat shop... Michelle thought it was fun to try on hats. Joy liked it too...

Only one more hour of time to kill...

Now we're back to Israel so they can get baptized where Jesus was baptized. Everyone was baptized except Famy - Bob dunks her and it was a highlight of her life...

[Buzzard]

Part 6

Jennifer says Famy came over and she had big news

Amy stand before the holy duggars and paces back and forth, she's nervous. Shots of Amy singing at school growing up.

She says that she's going to Nashville. They pretend to clap and give a shit.

Boob asks what are you going to do in nashville "are you going to sing or work in a restaurant?" FUCK YOU BOOB this girl just poured her heart out about how she loves music and that she wants to pursue her dream of singing and you ask her if she's going to be a waitress. Good job.... asshat.

She says she loves country music and she wants to be on stage and have people look at her. They ask if she's written songs, she says she's working on that.

Shot of her singing at a wedding - All the duggar girls are bridesmaids. It was not an impressive showing of her talent.

Boob goes back to the waitress thing and that people go there and arent successful. STFU. Support your niece. Now Boob wants the family to pray for protection and success. His TH says that a lot of little girls look up to her as a role model, INCLUDING HIS GIRLS, and she needs to be careful about the shit she does. He's clearly worried that she'll have teh seks.

They'll all miss her. Um, Josh is farther away... they all have iphones. Quit whining about seasons of life and shit.

[quiversR4hunting]

She just made fun of gothard rules! She said she believes in God but not in a God that shakes his finger down on people and say that you can't do this and can't do that. she also went on to say I wear pants, etc, "I date, I don't court, I DATE" I like famy an ounce more after that bit :)

Anyone notice how dad seems never to be at jimboobs house? (maybe I missed him in the prayer circle)

[Buzzard]

Part 7

Oh yay! Theres a hashtag! #aduggarleaveshome can we speculate about the hashtags for when an actual duggar leaves home? Jill's wedding is in less than 2 weeks...

OOOOHhhh it has its own opening. Shots of Famy singing. She likes to grab the mike and look at the audience.

Back in Arkansas she's making breakfast. Talking about YOLO generation "you only live once." wow... is she 12? She wants to leave arkansas because she thinkgs theres more out there.

Deanna hit the makeup tree badly on the way down as well...

They eat breakfast. Dad says she's talented and shes grounded. Amy drives and sings on the way to nanny job. It reminds me of one of my friends who incessantly posts videos on facebook of her belting things mostly on key but probably shouldnt be public.

Mother of the person who's kids she watches cries that she's worried she'll move permanently.

They stop at Braums. She has enough money for TWO WHOLE WEEKS in Nashville. Grandma and Deanna sit around on a couch at what looks like a fake news station/sister wives interview and talk about what she's been told - how hard it is. But atleast they finish their ice cream.

Flashback to 14 whole minutes ago when she tells the Duggars. She uses the word "genre" and says she wears pants and DATES. She DOESNT BELIEVE THERE IS A GOD IN HEAVEN THAT SHAKES HIS LITTLE FIST SAYING "YOU CANT DO THAT, YOU CANT DO THAT, AND YOU CANT DO THAT."

Flashback to Boob telling her that she's pretty much going to fail. Of course, we include the prayer.

Jessa is "super excited for Amy." Jinger and her stupid hair bow think she'll do well.

They're going to drive. Deanna isnt working but GRANDMA WILL TAKE TWO WEEKS OFF - two weeks off from what? Laundry, indentured servitude? Does she earn vacation days?

[Buzzard]

Part 8

Amy says people know her as "amy the crazy cousin" is nerve wracking but its time to do her own thing. They seem to have fun in the car.

Grandma says she's close and that Amy was her favorite "until Josh came along."

Famy and her mom fight about Deanna being more like her sister than her mom. Famy TH - their relationship has been rocky. Her parents fought and she was caught in the middle and she's stronger because of it.

They finally get to Nashville. They check into the hotel.

The next day they do Deanna's hair. Back to the lion theme, thats what Amy thinks of when she sees her hair. Deanna says she likes big hair because "when your heavier it hides that."

They go to meet her producer, Jamie Slocum. Apparently he suggested that she come to Nashville. They meet at the Grand Ol Opry. They walk out on stage and see "the circle." Amy finds it humbling - Chris thinks she should wait till she sings there to stand in the circle.

They sit in the audience and "chit chat" and he asks "what does singing do for you." She says she's "at peace and at home." Amy knows its "a job." He says that she'll have to deal with people saying shes not good etc. She says she's all in.

He suggests an open mic night because SOMETIMES (hint hint) record people come.

AMy's diary cam - he had tough love for her... she still wants this "with everything in me."

[Buzzard]

Part 9

Famy has a "sit down" with grandma and Deanna. They're all wearing robes. Amy is nervous about the open mic and wants to rehearse the song. Deanna wants her to warm up and displays how she should. Amy starts to sing and Deanna keeps adding harmony. Amy tells her FIRMLY to stop. Grandma joins in harmony...

They go to meet a "good friend" David Byrnes at a BAR! He tells her she has to stick from her dream, she has to play on the street corner etc. She has to be different than everyone else. Amy didnt realize how much work and prep was involved in being a super star.

She finds herself a nice corner and the guy shows her how to sing on a corner. Absolutely no one pays attention. They decide to sing amazing grace. Famy fucks up the words. She's awkward because she didnt have a mic. She grabs her ear a few times for pitch (um, you do that when you have a mic...) Random guys majikally show up and stop to watch because "they could tell she was nervous." One videos with his iphone (mental note - find video). She says there were 15 people there.

[Buzzard]

Part 10

Famy says everywhere she looks people tell her its impossible. She says "even though my last names duggar I'm just a regular girl." She has to go to Jamie's studio to work on songs for open mic night that he's written - its a writers night... Sooooo is this benefiting him or her?

He hands her the lyrics - what about the music? The words are important and all, but how do you sing without the music?

The first song is a "power ballad." She starts singing and its HORRID. Jamie agrees. He says "act like you have a boyfriend and you like someone because you sound like you have a heart of ice." They argue that she's not in love with anyone. Somehow grandma chimes in and says they're being too hard on her. They nicely tell her to STFU.

Amy tries again. She's not even close to on key but atleast better. Jamie says she started at a 2, now she's a 5 and she has pitch issues.

They go to the next song a "catchy upbeat tune."

Present assessment - Famy cant sing for shit. Boob may have been right about that waitress job.

[Mary C Doates]

Thank you, Buzzard, for going above and beyond what any living creature should be subjected to. Shouldn't this show have been banned under the Geneva Convention?

I could not bear to watch.

[Buzzard]

Part eleventy

Still at the studio and that mixer board is taking some serious abuse... The vibe of the song is Hawaii vacation and she does a luau dance.

She messes with her headset. She cant figure out where to pull the opening note from. Jamie sings it with her.

She tries again - finds the starting note but doesnt know the words so just laughs and tries to scribble it out.

A friend comes to the hotel room with a guitar and helps her practice. I actually feel bad for her because some actual vocal lessons would have given her a real chance. She cant seem to keep pitch, pull starting notes out of a chord, and maintain beat.

Open mic night. There is a chicken head drawn on the blackboard behind the stage. All the other performers are singing and playing at the same time.

Deanna pulls her aside and says she's proud of her and encourages her to sing with all her heart and give it all she's got.

Famy makes her way to the stage. A heathen female in the background drinks a beer. She sits to sing, probably a mistake because it limits her ability to show her personality and power. She actually sounds good.

Then the next song...

[Peas n carrots]

TLC has been phoning it in for a while, but this sounds super

ridiculous.

[Buzzard]

Part (please be the last) 12

Second song... now she's standing. She starts singing and pulls the completely wrong notes says "oh crap" and talks to the guitarist. The guitarist gives her the note and she nails it. Random kid in audience stares blankly.

Deanna and Grandma are proud of her. Grandma thinks people will look to her as a mentor. The record exec thinks she came off nervous but they'll "get with jamie" and possibly hear her some more.

Famy says theres nothing else she wants and nowhere else she wants to be than Nashville. She can see herself doing this.

My prediction - voice lessons courtesy of TLC, likely piano lessons and possibly a barbershop quartet. Learn how to pull a note out of an intro or youre done sweetie.

This was the most painful two hours I have ever spent on freejinger. God Bless You editor of this horrific show, I cant imagine the other hours of shit you had to watch to cobble that ridiculous bullshit together. I hope you had more meritage than I did. :pull-hair:

One question - why couldnt the Duggars be bothered to drive up to hear her debut at open mic? Was it the chicken head on the chalkboard? The presence of alcohol? Or the ebil secular music???

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

Part (please be the last) 12

Second song... now she's standing. She starts singing and pulls the completely wrong notes says "oh crap" and talks to the guitarist. The guitarist gives her the note and she nails it. Random kid in audience stares blankly.

Deanna and Grandma are proud of her. Grandma thinks people will look to her as a mentor. The record exec thinks she came off nervous but they'll "get with jamie" and possibly hear her some more.

Famy says theres nothing else she wants and nowhere else she wants to be than Nashville. She can see herself doing this.

My prediction - voice lessons courtesy of TLC, likely piano lessons and possibly a barbershop quartet. Learn how to pull a note out of an intro or youre done sweetie.

This was the most painful two hours I have ever spent on freejinger. God Bless You editor of this horrific show, I cant imagine the other hours of shit you had to watch to cobble that ridiculous bullshit together. I hope you had more meritage than I did. :pull-hair:

One question - why couldnt the Duggars be bothered to drive up to hear her debut at open mic? Was it the chicken head on the chalkboard? The presence of alcohol? Or the ebil secular music???

Because it's Amy and they really don't care about her. Let's be honest, the only reason she's been around so much is because she brings in certain viewers that TLC want's to trap.

[ViolaSebastian]

Does Amy have any idea how many ACTUALLY talented people there are in Nashville that don't end up making it big, or even small? This all just seems very 'cooked up by TLC' to me...

Also, Buzzard, may the :fsm: bless you for watching this so we don't have to.

[Rescinded and Mended]

I got through maybe the first 30 minutes of this and was so bored I actually wandered off to do something else. I have to say, the beef stew I made instead turned out to be quite delicious, and a much better use of my time. That was the most boring Duggar episode ever, full stop. Buzzard, thanks for taking one for all of us.

My guess is that the Duggars weren't there because there was alcohol at open mike night. These are people who do their best to have book tour stops in dry counties, after all.

And why did Jim Bob have to be such an ass and tell Amy that she'd be waitressing in Nashville instead of encouraging her to pursue her dreams? That should have been the exact moment when someone pointed out that he got ahead in the world on no real talent whatsoever, and that his current life successes are based entirely on luck and the contents of his testicles.

[snarkopolis]

I would like to nominate Buzzard for a Purple Heart. Two hours of life that can NEVER be replaced were spent on FAMY and the Duggars. If that isn't a wound incurred in combat with the enemy I do not know what is. I BOW TO YOUR GREATNESS ( and cry for the brain space that this event now occupies). :worship:

[JigJob]

Can we talk about this guitarist guy? Because 1) he was pretty cute and 2) he seems to be super into Amy (considering that he continuously mentored her even when she acted clueless).

But then let's talk about Amy and her talent... I think that Amy can actually sing but in this episode all we heard was this saccharine, forced version of her voice that was pretty unbearable to listen to.

[Mecca]

Well, that first hour was a load of crap. We really could have gone without a recap of cousin Amy.

Jim Bob really pissed me off tonight. He always does, but tonight he REALLY pissed me off. Sure, there is some truth to what he was saying about the possibility of success in that arena, but did he have to say that two seconds after Amy making her announcement? Good grief. And then to turn around and basically give Amy a "keep yourself pure" speech? Take a million fucking seats there, Jim Bob. His control is nauseating.

I swear I could see Jim Bob and Michelle talking crap about Amy to the kids after Amy left their house about how this will be a bad idea. I could totally see them talking smack about this situation to try and discourage his kids from getting any ideas of independence.

[Coco]

I swear I could see Jim Bob and Michelle talking crap about Amy to the kids after Amy left their house about how this will be a bad idea. I could totally see them talking smack about this situation to try and discourage his kids from getting any ideas of independence.

Michelle: "Now children, we must all PRAY for Amy that she keeps her heart PURE for Jesus while she's witnessing to the sinners. Thank Jesus that you can all be SAFE away from the EVIL." tilt head, smile.

[Mama Mia]

I think tonight was the first time I literally spit soda onto the computer from laughing.

That was hysterical that they spent an entire hour talking about this huge change she's going to make, and how nervous she is about telling the family and what a gigantically gigantic and awesomely adventurous step this is , and people are saying how much they'll miss her and on and on and on....then says she's going to Nashville for 2 weeks! 2 weeks! That's not a life changing moment it's a vacation. :pink-shock: :? :? :o

I don't blame Jim Bob one bit for his reality check talk -- that girl was actually telling them she would " make it" in two weeks. :cray-cray: :doh: and on top of that one of the boys asked her if she had written any songs - she got cranky and said she was working on it, but yeah, no actual songs.

I know it's all just a set up because of her show - but couldn't they at least put a tiny bit of effort into making it a little believable..or does she really have the same knowledge of the world as my 5 year old grand child?