Bates Wedding Part 2: Zach N Whitney

[paganhomeschooler]

I have also always been confused as to why fundie families like the Bateses and Duggars get the soft questions when they are interviewed stateside - no one ever seems to hit them hard where it hurts, right in the Gothard/fundamentalist belief system. The sad thing is, it's not like they are any good at concealing the worst parts of their beliefs, because they leave trails a mile wide that any amateur internet detective (like me) can follow.

Because they only agree to do interviews with preapproved questions and pussyfoot around questions at live events if they get asked anything remotely hard. "Are you thinking of adopting?" "Oh yes, J'Boob and I are praying on it to see if god lays it on our hearts." I would love to know if any of the audience members from the rogue Oprah taping with the supposed offer for college tuition for the girls have ever tried to speak out.

[GeoBQn]

At this point, they are terrible at unscripted interviews, as evident by JimBob's "McCallah-McCaskill-Cauliflower" gaffe.

[erastus25]

Because they only agree to do interviews with preapproved questions and pussyfoot around questions at live events if they get asked anything remotely hard. "Are you thinking of adopting?" "Oh yes, J'Boob and I are praying on it to see if god lays it on our hearts." I would love to know if any of the audience members from the rogue Oprah taping with the supposed offer for college tuition for the girls have ever tried to speak out.

Hasn't the Oprah taping myth been debunked?

[lilith]

Why isn't Whitney's surname on the registry?

I see they are asking for king size linen. King size beds are HUGE, hope they have a large bedroom.

[paganhomeschooler]

Ah, has it been officially? That was why I put the "supposed" part. I wasn't sure if it was finally found to not have happened at all or what.

Certainly someone, somewhere has had to have seen something. There have got to be people (other than FJ-ers) going to their speaking engagements that aren't fans. Something will finally get out sometime. I think TMZ should put someone on the job. lol That can be the hazing for the rookies. "Sorry, you're working a sting operation on exposing the Duggars. You have to wear a frumper and flip flops and go listen to them screech their violins for an hour."

[Mama Mia]

That is beyond tacky.

As to the other questions, I've never seen a dollar dance. I'd gather up and have a lively discussion with any child of mine who even considered such a thing. I don't like the baskets, bird cages, and other ornamental items set out to collect checks and money either. I believe it's quite possible to have a lovely wedding without a lot of liquor or dancing but so far the weddings in our family have all involved a decent meal and good wine.

The stores do several little tricks to drive up the number of items on the registries. One of the things that they do is offer a discount to the couple on unpurchased registry items for a period of time after the wedding.

You'd seriously have a "discussion" with your adult child about something they wanted to include at their own wedding? What if the money dance was a normal tradition for their future spouse? Are you going to tell your future son or daughter in law that it's just not classy enough for you? :roll:

It's a common event at many weddings, the extra cash for the couple is nice, of course, but it's also just fun. You could really pick apart any wedding custom if you try hard enough.

[janinet]

I couldn't help but notice that Kelly ignored all the comments on Zach and whit's wedding in the post on john and alyssas courtship... I hope there's not trouble in paradise!

[GeoBQn]

I think it's more likely that she doesn't know as many of the details since Whitney's family is probably handling them.

[Coconut Flan]

Considering half my children are married and none have gotten close to a money dance, I think I'm safe. One of them went to a wedding where it was done and thought it was definitely not for her and her sisters said similar things. I realize it's a common custom in some cultures but at the moment no one is dating anyone in one of those cultures. At least from our family it would not be acceptable and if one child does marry into a culture that does that we'll have to explain it to all our relatives or else not have it at the reception And yes, if I'm expected to contribute to paying for the weddings, then I'll have some say in what goes on. Thus far it's been very minimal and usually them asking me for an opinion.

[Mama Mia]

Considering half my children are married and none have gotten close to a money dance, I think I'm safe. One of them went to a wedding where it was done and thought it was definitely not for her and her sisters said similar things. I realize it's a common custom in some cultures but at the moment no one is dating anyone in one of those cultures. At least from our family it would not be acceptable and if one child does marry into a culture that does that we'll have to explain it to all our relatives or else not have it at the reception And yes, if I'm expected to contribute to paying for the weddings, then I'll have some say in what goes on. Thus far it's been very minimal and usually them asking me for an opinion.

I also have several married children, and paid for two of the weddings. I just can't imagine telling the bride what should or should not take place, if they asked my opinion about something I'd give it of course, but generally that was limited to input on flowers or tablecloths, just like they asked their friends and the groom ( and of course letting them know how much money we could contribute). But it was just that, an opinion, it didn't hold any weight.

I'm curious, is it common in your culture for the parent to have decision making power on the wedding and reception choices?

Eta: I'm not implying that choices are limited only to the bride, just in my family so far it's only been daughters who have had weddings.

[Arete]

I do like most of what's on their registry; but why so many food storage containers (maybe she is planning to do lots of cooking ahead?), tow different styles of drinking glasses and two king comforters (and a toilet plunger!)?

I don't know if this is the case for Z and W, but I use a lot of typical food storage containers in my pantry. They store dried beans, pasta, rice, grains, flour, sugar, nuts, etc. Many years ago I had a moth infestation that took out most of the stuff stored in cardboard boxes or paper bags. It was also disgusting to clean up. Since then, nothing is stored in biodegradable packaging.

As for the toilet plunger, I'll give them a "A" in thinking ahead. At some point in your life, your are going to need one, and need it immediately.

[Lillybee]

If Zach is going fundie lite, I hope that his BFF, John David will follow.

[fullmetalheart]

I'm rooting for John David and Joseph to follow.

[Pretzel]

I find Zach and Whitney's registry to be way more reasonable and practical than Cherin's. I just hope that Z and W get equally many gifts as the Cherin. It would be highly unfair of mutual friends to present those that marry first more than those who follow. :think:

[Mela99]

Is Zach the one with the previously broken courtship? Wasn't that like, only last year? And he's getting married already? Or do I have the Bates confused.

Yes, he was previously with Sarah.... Reith? She called it off.

[Coconut Flan]

First I don't think I was clear about serious discussion. I meant just that a heart to heart discussion. We've already had one wedding with different cultures and customs. The groom's mother had already planned in it her head and expected me to pay for her expected extravaganza. The couple called me and I said let's go to dinner and work through this. We did. That's the kind of discussion I meant.

Our side of the family would flip out over a money dance. The prospective partner would need to know that before making a decision to have or not have one. It would be the couple's final decision but they would need to know the reaction. With the combined culture and customs wedding we knew the very outspoken grandmas on both sides would have something to say. So the couple needed to be aware of that. However, unlike the groom's mother I didn't tell them what kind of wedding to have. I said it's YOUR wedding and should not be what your mother, the grandmothers, or what I would do. They needed that support to stand up to the groom's mother. In the end it was lovely and represented both cultures in a lovely way. They didn't bring in all the elements from either one but enough of each for them to be happy.

I tend to pay for certain items with the weddings and no I wouldn't pay for something I found completely appalling but that hasn't happened yet and I don't think it will. So far out of all the in-laws I'm tied with one other couple for least overbearing. :) I agree what I typed yesterday doesn't really sound that way. Probably too much cold medicine and not rereading.

[twinmama]

I think the best way to handle one side of a family being shocked over a dollar dance is to just have the DJ explain it before it starts. If everyone hears that it's a family tradition or local custom or whatever they'll be MUCH more accepting than if the bride and groom are like "Pay me a buck and I'll dance with you!" I know to me, who doesn't have this in my wedding experience, I'd be shocked and think it was tacky if I saw it; but if the DJ made a little speech about how it was a family tradition and up to each guest if they wanted to do it or not, I would think it was very cute and a nice way to speak to the bride or groom one on one. If it was a hundred dollar dance or something, yeah no, but at a dollar a piece it seems to be more of a custom or fun tradition than an actual money grab. Who is going to dance with over 300 people to make any serious money? $30 or so... no big deal.

Though no amount of DJ announcements would make the bride's brother hawking CDs outside the church cool with me :pink-shock:

[snarkopolis]

(Asking respectfully) what cultures have a dollar dance? In all my familial and friend weddings they thought it was enough that there was a shower gift, and a wedding gift for the happy couple. Your wedding gift was the equivalent of the cost of the wedding meal you were eating (and hopefully an open bar).

[Rescinded and Mended]

I can remember reading a complaint in a Miss Manners corner of a magazine once where a woman in an office who was getting married asked all the employees on her floor to kick in for a bottle of wine or liquor for her upcoming event. The woman was the daughter of the boss, so no one dared say no to the request. After she got the bottles of alcohol, she made an announcement where she thanked everyone, but told them no one in the office would be invited to the wedding because the guest list was already getting too big with all the family and friends that were expected to be there. And then it got worse - the boss herself took the floor and encouraged everyone to buy a gift from the online registry. The person who wrote the letter was mightily offended and wanted to know how to handle the situation.

Miss Manners suggested that the employee put on a smile and personally congratulate the boss's daughter, and then explain that she hoped that the bride-to-be enjoyed her "wedding gift" of alcohol and leave it at that - nothing more was owed to her, certainly not a registry gift.

I always remembered that story because it struck me as a sort of managerial abuse of power over one's subordinates. Maybe the whole thing was more friendly than this, but I'd hate to feel obligated to furnish anyone a with liquor or a wedding gift simply becuase I worked for them.

[socalrules]

I have gone to lots of weddings that have a dollar dance and have never seen it as tacky nor heard anyone complain about it. It was not a cultural thing, it was just fun. I am not someone who likes to dance (because I have no rhythm) but I always dance for the dollar dance. Some people that normally would sit it out will get up for the dollar dance. I have seen grandmas and little kids join in. It's just a fun thing for some people. I don't really see the big deal, if you don't like it, don't do it. You are not required to join in. If people at the wedding enjoy it, then more power to them. Your wedding is not more or less classy because you do or don't have a dollar dance. All that matters is that it is the wedding/reception you want and fuck everyone else because it is not their wedding day.

[Mama Mia]

(Asking respectfully) what cultures have a dollar dance? In all my familial and friend weddings they thought it was enough that there was a shower gift, and a wedding gift for the happy couple. Your wedding gift was the equivalent of the cost of the wedding meal you were eating (and hopefully an open bar).

Truthfully I had never stopped to think about which cultures because it's so common where I live. Most of the weddings that I go to that have dancing the couple is Mexican, and I can't think of any that didn't have it. But also many non Latino weddings have had a dollar dance. I'm 50 , so have been to dozens of weddings, so I'm sure there must have been several that had formal dances and no dollar dance, but I had never heard of someone considering them tacky or strange until this thread. It's like throwing the garter, you probably wouldn't think it was odd or particularly notice if it was included or not, it's just part of many weddings. I think its kind of funny that the same people who find a dollar dance odd seem to expect free booze. :lol:

[gustava]

Why isn't Whitney's surname on the registry?

I see they are asking for king size linen. King size beds are HUGE, hope they have a large bedroom.

Why would they want two coffeepots? His and Hers???

[Coconut Flan]

One thing I can gather from every discussion we have about wedding receptions is that is all about what we are used to seeing and doing. People, my extended family included, get astounded at times when people dare to have a different custom. How many gasping replies have we had because fundies dare not throw a huge party as a wedding reception? The fundies are just as appalled at the receptions with a band and open bar.

[RosyDaisy]

I do like most of what's on their registry; but why so many food storage containers (maybe she is planning to do lots of cooking ahead?), tow different styles of drinking glasses and two king comforters (and a toilet plunger!)?

Here's the problem I have with registries. It is the couple's responsibility to make sure they have a place to live and household essentials (big ticket items) not their family and friends. The smaller ticket items are the things that should be given as gifts. Also, it is really rude to have a registry if a lot of the people invited are on fixed incomes.

As if registries aren't bad enough, dollar dances and passing a collection plate are downright tacky unless these things are part of your culture. I seriously doubt those things are part of the Bates' culture. I have been to many Southern weddings. I have never seen these things done. I have also never seen a family try to sell their "warez".

Having said all of that, I do like a lot of the items on Zach and Whitney's registry. A lot of them are sensible and affordable.

[Arete]

Truthfully I had never stopped to think about which cultures because it's so common where I live. Most of the weddings that I go to that have dancing the couple is Mexican, and I can't think of any that didn't have it. But also many non Latino weddings have had a dollar dance. I'm 50 , so have been to dozens of weddings, so I'm sure there must have been several that had formal dances and no dollar dance, but I had never heard of someone considering them tacky or strange until this thread. It's like throwing the garter, you probably wouldn't think it was odd or particularly notice if it was included or not, it's just part of many weddings. I think its kind of funny that the same people who find a dollar dance odd seem to expect free booze. :lol:

Nuh-uh. I think the dollar dance is a sweet tradition AND expect free booze at a wedding (can be only wine, I'm not picky). :lol: