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Making Great Conversationalists


Miggy

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Nothing comes naturally in Maxhell. Even real life is rehearsed.

Life isn't lived in Maxhell...it is one never ending production with Stevehovah as director.

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Nothing comes naturally in Maxhell. Even real life is rehearsed.

Life isn't lived in Maxhell...it is one never ending production with Stevehovah as director.

& everyone else the workers!

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Where did I get that vocabulary? Some came from my Mom and other people around me, but a large proportion came from media.

I was pissed off that others could interpret those squiggles that made words and I couldn't, and started annoying people about it very early, so I was reading by age 4 (yes, Steve, a child's desire to have control led to something good!).

Besides books, much of my vocabulary and ability to converse (and yes, joke) came from TV, movies, radio and records. There were no home computers at the time, so I couldn't be taught -- er, excuse me -- distracted -- by them.

Without those outside influences, I think I would have been a much less educated person, and less able to carry on a conversation. Of course, I'm sure I learned lots of non-Steve-approved stuff, since most of the world is non-Steve-approved.

As someone who learned a LOT about conversation via MUDs, I agree with all of this.

Interesting you mention learning to read. I have a similar story. I had a children's book when I was around 3 with a centerfold in it showing kids having a picket parade, each kid held up a sign with a letter on it. I asked my mother what those were, and she told me they were letters, and it's how we write language. See, you write this, this, and this, and it means your name, always. She thought that was the end of it and went back to working.

I thought this was really neat though and so she found me trying to copy out the letters on a "magic slate" toy I had. She then thought if I wanted to learn that badly, she'd show me the proper way, and thus started my reading life. I don't think I've ever been without some sort of book since.

Meanwhile... can you imagine what it must be like to be invited over to Chez Maxwell for some practice conversation? :dance:

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One of the ways they describe John in their "About Us" section, is something like, "He keeps us laughing all day long." So how exactly is he keeping them laughing if he's not joking around?

ETA: Here's the exact quote;

"John

John graduated in 2009 from the Maxwells' homeschool, and he is our in-house bus mechanic. He is currently employed in CCI. John keeps everyone laughing! He adds a lively lilt to the Maxwell's music with his banjo. John's desire is to build up and encourage young people in the Lord. He is a people person, and you will almost always find him talking to someone."

He probably tells bible jokes like "who I'd the shortest guy in the Bible?"

"Knee-high-myah! "

Wonka wonka wonka!

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Who's the most constipated man in the bible?answer 1: Noah because he paseed nothing but water for 40 days. Answer 2: David because he sat on the throne for 40 years (i can't remember the exact number but whatevs-you get the idea.)

I doubt these sorts of jokes would be okay, tbh. They certainly weren't in the community I grew up in (they were disrespectful or something) and things weren't anything like as strict as in Maxhell. I think the funny things John does are more along the lines of solving the mystery of Uriah's squeaking seat.

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Does he explain in this book why he needs to schedule appointments with his children when he spends almost 24/7 with them? The term control freak doesn't begin to describe Steve Maxwell.

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I can understand limiting electronics, but books?! Are they not even going to pretend to educate their kids anymore? I could live without pretty much anything but books. Not to mention I can't think of a time in which my conversation was impeded because I read too much. On the contrary, it gives me something to talk about. Which I realize is probably the last thing Steve actually wants.

I had the same reaction. I have considered limiting screen time for my family, and I've done it a couple of times with great success. There is no way in hell I'm limiting books for my family. No way. None. Books form such an integral part of our lives and are such a major part of our conversational topics, that I will never, ever, follow Steve's advice. Sadly, my son is a reluctant reader, but gets great pleasure out of reading Japanese manga (age appropriate!) that I would never try to restrict it!

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Why would any parent, especially someone who makes so much of their lifestyle revolve around homeschooling, restrict books? Reading should be encouraged, its educational, and the more you read the better at it you get. Its a great habit for a kid to get into, as they will learn so much. Even if they are reading non fiction, they are still picking things up like spelling, grammar and sentence structure, as well as using their imagination. They also learn how to write from reading, if you dont read, your writing wont be as good as you dont know how it is done properly, and you end up with awkward, stilted writing like Sarahs that looks as if it was written by an 8 year old.

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Aside from being allowed to read, the ofSteve Maxwells really are living The Handmaid's Tale.

Maxwell Family

Leavenworth, KS

Republic of Gilead

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Why would any parent, especially someone who makes so much of their lifestyle revolve around homeschooling, restrict books? .

Because, as Steve explains in his July 2011 Dad's Corner:

Teach your children to work and give them a love for learning. The caution is always to guard our minds and choose to learn only things that do not compromise our convictions.

So, you see, to this man who had sole responsibility for the education of eight voting adults (they both say again and again that Teri's only responsibility was to implement Steve's curriculum and decisions), a top-notch education only exposes you to thoughts you already think and ideas you already have. There are no guarantees like that with books. If the Maxwells allowed their kids to read freely and deeply, Steve would lose some of his intellectual and emotional stranglehold on them.

There's no way he can allow reading and maintain the cult, so books are out.

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Because, as Steve explains in his July 2011 Dad's Corner:

So, you see, to this man who had sole responsibility for the education of eight voting adults (they both say again and again that Teri's only responsibility was to implement Steve's curriculum and decisions), a top-notch education only exposes you to thoughts you already think and ideas you already have. There are no guarantees like that with books. If the Maxwells allowed their kids to read freely and deeply, Steve would lose some of his intellectual and emotional stranglehold on them.

There's no way he can allow reading and maintain the cult, so books are out.

Exactly this.

Add to it, Steve-O insists that those books he does let the kids read be actually True. Meaning, everything in them can and should be just accepted on faith. On top of THAT, he insists the books have no bad example behaviors in them, even if those bad behaviors are shown as bad and even punished in the book. This is what knocks out "Little House On the Prairie" - the kids talk about Frosty the Snowman and spanking for good luck on your birthday, which are False beliefs, and one of the kids sticks his tongue out at someone (and is reprimanded for it) - can't have the precious Maxwell kids learning that sticking out your tongue is something anyone does for any reason, or they might try it.

This limits the number of books they're actually be permitted to read to some tiny list, even before Steve-O limits the activity of reading itself because it's time alone away from conversation or whatever he's talking about here.

The Bible is of course full of bad behavior, but that one gets the obvious pass. It's all True (to them) and required reading from God himself, so I guess they let the bad behavior in there serve as an example.

Any halfway decent regular secular school is about teaching kids to question stuff (stuff they read, stuff they hear, all that) and that Just Won't Do.

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With the amount they read the bible, they should have it memorized.

Wouldn't it become boring.. re-reading the same book over and over again ever single day and night?

I'd go crazy if I had to re-read the same book over and over.

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I remember that about Little House too. And there's a part where five year old Laura has a tantrum and cries, "I hate Sundays!" because she can't bear sitting silently for eight hours straight and her parents punish her. Steve and Teri didn't want the Max kids to know that it was possible to hate Sunday, or didn't want them to know that if they hated Sundays then they weren't alone, so the Little House books were banned.

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Do we honestly believe they read every single word of the begats?

My mom had the Bible on tape. Every Good Friday in grade school we'd have a half day, so my mom would stick us in her room and have us listen to it. Every year, she'd cue it up to the begats. Every year, we'd fall asleep on her bedroom floor about 2 minutes in. I never truly realized her genius until I was a parent dealing with early dismissals from school. :)

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Do we honestly believe they read every single word of the begats?

Yes, because it is boring and Steve loves boring. I just wonder if they skip over the Song of Solomon.

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I remember that about Little House too. And there's a part where five year old Laura has a tantrum and cries, "I hate Sundays!" because she can't bear sitting silently for eight hours straight and her parents punish her. Steve and Teri didn't want the Max kids to know that it was possible to hate Sunday, or didn't want them to know that if they hated Sundays then they weren't alone, so the Little House books were banned.

There's also the time where teen aged Laura writes a mean poem about her teacher, and future sister in law, and gets away with it! There was some minor guilt involved, but she didn't get caught and didn't tell on herself.

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Does he explain in this book why he needs to schedule appointments with his children when he spends almost 24/7 with them? The term control freak doesn't begin to describe Steve Maxwell.

It's essential to have one-on-one time with each of your kids and as all of the Maxwells are together all of the time, the only way to get one-on-one time is to make an appointment.

I am curious to know where Teri fits in this family. Does she have one-on-one time with each child or just with Steve?

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Chapter 7: How do we work with beginners?

Conversation instruction needs to be matched to development level of the conversationalist: beginner, intermediate or advanced.

"The target conversation goal for beginners is to be able to respond to the questions and comments of others."

1. Look (eyes)

2. Smile (mouth)

3. Listen (ears)

4. Answer (tongue) loudly, clearly & slowly

Teach your child to look at the person they are talking to and to smile. "Smiles communicate attentiveness, affirmation, and affection." Children must listen. No, hang on, not just listen but LOOK like they are listening.

Children tend to speak to fast and in a high pitch mumble. Teach them to slow down and speak clearly. You need to practice this at home.

Teri (who wrote this section) now passes on some advice from her mum about parents letting kids answer for themselves instead of answering for them. [Ah, Teri wrote this bit. I was noticing a slight change in writing style - less lecture and more gentle suggestion. I've also gone 4 1/2 pages without a bible quote.]

Overcoming shyness: This can be "one of your greatest challenges with younger children". Practice at home what kids should say. Teach them what the Lord says about talking to other people. [Three bible verses here but we are on the 5th page of the chapter.] Role play different situations and people with your child. Trying dressing up in different hats and glasses and pretend to be different people. "Make it an enjoyable practice time." "Then broaden the practice to extended family members." Talk to the adult beforehand and explain what you are trying to teach the child. "Don't excuse shyness. If your child refuses to speak, treat it as a discipline issue just as you would treat any other disobedience." [i was starting to think Teri was cool with her role play and dress ups but a discipline issue? Oh Teri.] She does now tell us not to correct the child in public. Allowing a shy child not to speak means you are facilitating their disobedience."Their disobedience is a symptom of a heart that isn't willing to listen to you." Teri directs us to Keeping Our Children's Hearts if you have heart issues with your child. [Well done. That's the second time in the book you have advertised another product.]

Beginner conversationalists can practice by reciting their scripture memory verses to people. "Hi Julie. Mikey has been memorising Philippians 4:4. Would you mind asking him to say it for you?"

Interrupting: you must teach your children that interrupting is wrong. Interrupting is prideful and foolish. (Several bible verses to back this up.) Teri would put her hand over the mouth of any child who interrupted and made them wait until and appropriate break in the conversation to speak. [i am back to thinking Teri is a good parent.]

Prepare kids for conversation. Example is a story about Melanie practicing with her girls. [Very sweet.]

There will be mistakes. The example given is "a story we heard" which probably means a story we made up. The story is a 4yr old pointing out a lady in halter top and shorts and asking in a loud voice "Why is that lady just wearing her underwear in the store? I don't think she is modest." Teri's advice is to let them moment go and allow it to be a humbling moment. [Not quite sure what that means but she doesn't hit her kids so things are good.] She suggests talking with your child later a out what they should have said. [Can I suggest that while teaching your child to be modest is good, teaching them to judge people based on appearance is maybe not so good?]

"Set conversation expectations low for your beginner and be ready for failure."

Exercises

(1) Teach your beginners to look, smile, listen and answer.

(2) "Ask your children two questions at each mealtime so that you can coach them on their conversation goals, and they can practice."

(3) Plan for an extended family member to ask your child a question. Prepare him for the conversation.

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It's essential to have one-on-one time with each of your kids and as all of the Maxwells are together all of the time, the only way to get one-on-one time is to make an appointment.

This weekly one on one time is when Steve has his kids do confession with him: they're supposed to tell him everything sinful they did, said, thought, and felt throughout the week and inform him of any sin they've observed in the others.

It's a standard cult tactic. From this cult indoctrination checklist: "The member may be pressured to publicly confess sins, after which he is viciously ridiculed by the group for being evil and unworthy. He is loved again when he acknowledges that his devotion to the cult is the only thing that will bring him salvation."

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Teri (who wrote this section) now passes on some advice from her mum about parents letting kids answer for themselves instead of answering for them.

Perhaps Teri should have followed her mom's advice when that orthodontist asked Mary how she felt about her braces...

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Perhaps Teri should have followed her mom's advice when that orthodontist asked Mary how she felt about her braces...

As anyone ever found out how Teri's parents felt about how they raised their kids. I know Teri has at least 1 sibling I wonder if they questioned how the kids were raised also.

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Chapter 7: How do we work with beginners?

Prepare kids for conversation. Example is a story about Melanie practicing with her girls. [Very sweet.]

Between this, the Daddy tape, blanket time, and chore packs, it's obvious Melanie and Nathan buy into Steve and Teri's crazy, conservative, patriarchal crap hook, line and sinker. Very sad.

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