The Courtship of Jessa Duggar - Part 2

[JenniferJuniper]

I think just seeing the manly truncheon in it's alert state must send many a fundie maiden into a state of terror on her wedding night.

[lonedn]

I so completely agree. Going from only holding hands to having sex on your wedding day must be frightening. Also because they are taught how bad sex is, every day of their life. :?

[jezziebezzie]

My thoughts on this debacle -

Bad news -

JB likely agreed 'cause it's an 18 year old, so he can maintain control/headship/$$$

JB probably plans to move 'em into the now vacant mini play house Smug & Anna just left until they've filled it up with more puppies than it can hold or another sibling needs a starter & they can move on up.

Good (being a relative term) news -

Jessa is a bright girl & more worldly than most fundie girls (& probably a couple of her sisters.) Hopefully since she's got him young, she can train him.

Her sister is a midwife. Surely to Jebus she's learned a few things about sex from her job? Maybe listening to the normal midwives & moms talk? Something? Hopefully Jessa won't have to rely solely on a pamphlet & a conversation from J'chelle for the sex talk, 'cause just the thought makes me throw up in my mouth.

I don't get a huge reading on my creep meter looking at Benny Boy or his family.

A couple other things from earlier in the thread. I don't think ping, ping, ping on their phones is 'cause parents are copied. I think parents just have access. I think the older girls have phones for work, safety when driving, etc. - I'm sure I've seen them in the background or taking pics with 'em.

I know it was a Big Deal for Smug & Anna to 'progress' to the hand holding stage when they moved from just courting to engagement. They were finger bangin' like there was no tomorrow once they started.

Lurker for eons, but My 1st post! Mostly painless ('til I discover all my spelling & grammar mistakes later!)

[SnarkySarah27]

I agree, in many ways I'm actually surprised he wasn't courting before Jessa.

Jimbob probably has another courtship or two ready to get one up on Gil. Especially when Alyssa and (John?) get it on! I don't see boob being ok with the Bates' having more courtships/marriages than the duggars

[Desert Ice]

I so completely agree. Going from only holding hands to having sex on your wedding day must be frightening.

It is, according to what I heard. One of the pastors I know has a daughter that decided to go the "courtship" route while dating her husband. I guess that meant no kissing, holding hands, etc. The daughter admitted to her mom that going from almost zero physical contact to suddenly having sex was "shocking". Said pastor let that information slip to my mom, who in turn slipped it to me, after I explained to my mother how fundie Christians dated. According to my mother, who is a dedicated Christian, courtships with limited physical contact are "stupid", and she theorized that they probably create some deep-seated issues in regards to sexuality within the marriage bed (e.g. timidness, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, etc) that will take years to undo.

Poor Jessa will be in for a big surprise when she gets married. :shock:

[patsymae]

"JB likely agreed 'cause it's an 18 year old, so he can maintain control/headship/$$$"

he's quoted as saying that of all the guys Jessa expressed interest in, this is the only one with a real calling to ministry (I paraphrase). So I agree he wants control. And also with the previous poster who said that Jessa (who apparently has had other interests that were nixed by JBoob) coached this one.

An 18 and a 20 year old whose "courtship" is trading texts about theology that are monitored by parents. How romantic! I do hope it works out for them in the end.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I wonder which Bible verses they are trading. Please please can it be the sexual ones, and Jimbob is too stupid to realise :D

[sunshine]

People have gone from meeting each other to making out to having sex without holding hands and without the intention of getting married. So going from holding hands to sex, I am sure it will not be a problem.

[adelaide]

People have gone from meeting each other to making out to having sex without holding hands and without the intention of getting married. So going from holding hands to sex, I am sure it will not be a problem.

I would guess that the majority of these cases have had some prior sexual experience. I highly doubt there's a whole lot of first kiss and loss of virginity in the same day outside fundie circles.

[chaotic life]

I keep wondering if they intend to display the wedding night sheets as a badge of her purity and thus a statement to their parenting. I mean, that's really all that's missing in this--the blood stain required to prove it's all perfect.

[lizziesmom]

It's ironic isn't it. And it's not just trust in their daughter and that she will make the right decisions, JB and J'chelle don't trust in their own parenting.

The true irony is that the leghumpbers don't see this at all while the rest of us do.

[snarkyjan]

I wonder which Bible verses they are trading. Please please can it be the sexual ones, and Jimbob is too stupid to realise :D

I'm rooting for the "Song Of Solomon".

[gustava]

My thoughts on this debacle -

Bad news -

JB likely agreed 'cause it's an 18 year old, so he can maintain control/headship/$$$

JB probably plans to move 'em into the now vacant mini play house Smug & Anna just left until they've filled it up with more puppies than it can hold or another sibling needs a starter & they can move on up.

Good (being a relative term) news -

Jessa is a bright girl & more worldly than most fundie girls (& probably a couple of her sisters.) Hopefully since she's got him young, she can train him.

Her sister is a midwife. Surely to Jebus she's learned a few things about sex from her job? Maybe listening to the normal midwives & moms talk? Something? Hopefully Jessa won't have to rely solely on a pamphlet & a conversation from J'chelle for the sex talk, 'cause just the thought makes me throw up in my mouth.

I don't get a huge reading on my creep meter looking at Benny Boy or his family.

A couple other things from earlier in the thread. I don't think ping, ping, ping on their phones is 'cause parents are copied. I think parents just have access. I think the older girls have phones for work, safety when driving, etc. - I'm sure I've seen them in the background or taking pics with 'em.

I know it was a Big Deal for Smug & Anna to 'progress' to the hand holding stage when they moved from just courting to engagement. They were finger bangin' like there was no tomorrow once they started.

Lurker for eons, but My 1st post! Mostly painless ('til I discover all my spelling & grammar mistakes later!)

Welcome, Jezzie.

[Daenerys]

Why does everyone think JD will marry soon? I just don't get the "I can't wait to marry" vibe from him?

Me neither BUT he is the next boy, and if JimBob marries him off then he gets to stay in control and add to his brood rather than letting someone move away from it. Also, the babies will be DUGGARS! I think Joseph is only 17ish (JD is 23) so he's too young.

Lets just hope Josiah escapes before they get to him, poor lad.

[SnarkySarah27]

I keep wondering if they intend to display the wedding night sheets as a badge of her purity and thus a statement to their parenting. I mean, that's really all that's missing in this--the blood stain required to prove it's all perfect.

:o That wouldn't surprise me with Jimbob :shock:

[Cone]

I feel like these fundies don't do the deed until MONTHS into their marriage. At least I hope that's how it works...

[singsingsing]

I feel like these fundies don't do the deed until MONTHS into their marriage. At least I hope that's how it works...

I wish that were the case (at least for the ones who are frightened or need some time to work through all the baggage they developed about sexuality growing up), but so many of them get pregnant within the first few months that I doubt many do.

[Cone]

Do we know anything about Ben's family? Do they blog? How many siblings does he have?

edit:

:?

I also answered my own questions by googling. He's one of 7 kids, seems to be the oldest. His parents are 39.

[Dollypeeps]

So daddy flung her to the wolves then I see.

Will they marry, will she break it off, in fact will she be allowed to.

All to keep them on the telly and to upstage the Bates.

My question why Jessa?

I feel sorry for them both. So young and they will never be allowed on their own ever till the wedding night to actually get to know one another. That's if they wed of course.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

1. I imagine if the show continues whoever gets married will take Josh's house because of the lighting and other things installed for filming.

2. Interesting that Michelle said "None of them....had moved far away" (something like that) Well, I assume she just meant that Josh had not moved out of the area before, but I think John may live away. He was earning a house from that land clearing deal. Maybe he lives there as he's renovating it? Just a guess--I have no idea if he even got that deal.....

3. I wonder if Jana did want someone and he was refused? They know all the major Gothard families with sons the right age, you have to wonder what could have been "wrong" with the guy.

4. The Bates family has real economic need to marry kids off......I think they will all marry younger due to that.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

It's ironic isn't it. And it's not just trust in their daughter and that she will make the right decisions, JB and J'chelle don't trust in their own parenting.

Of course they don't! Because they know that expecting an adult to enter an adult relationship that will likely end in profession of love and a trip to the altar without any kind of privacy or physical intimacy (which absolutely does not have to mean sex) is just completely unnatural!

FFS, there is nothing wrong with being alone with your boyfriend! Nothing wrong with holding hands, snuggling on the couch, making out, and yes, even S-E-X. But even if the couple agrees on waiting for the sex, I know of none who act like a private date or a kiss is wrong, outside of fundies. It's so unhealthy.

[VaSportsMom]

I have never watched an episode of this show and I'm almost afraid to ask but "handsex courtship"... Does it mean what it I think it means? Were they *that* obvious about it?

[flyawaystray]

Yep, I agree. You can still be physical and not have sex, but I guess a lot of fundies believe stuff like cuddling and making out could lead a man or woman to be tempted to have sex. :cray-cray:

It's ridiculous. My boyfriend and I were both virgins when we met, and we're not married yet, but we're *gasp* still together. We're going to be house hunting in the winter and we'll get engaged after we've lived together for a year or so.

I USED to want to wait but I can see that was a bad idea, because there NEEDS to be chemistry in order for a relationship to work. And you don't find that out if you're a fundie until after you're married. Although I guess fundie women force themselves to think they are happy after marriage no matter what and such because divorce is a sin.

[veron1que]

Of course they don't! Because they know that expecting an adult to enter an adult relationship that will likely end in profession of love and a trip to the altar without any kind of privacy or physical intimacy (which absolutely does not have to mean sex) is just completely unnatural!

FFS, there is nothing wrong with being alone with your boyfriend! Nothing wrong with holding hands, snuggling on the couch, making out, and yes, even S-E-X. But even if the couple agrees on waiting for the sex, I know of none who act like a private date or a kiss is wrong, outside of fundies. It's so unhealthy.

I think part of the problem is the lack of sex ed. and the topic being taboo. For example, I believe that girls who are knowledgeable about their bodies and sex, are far more likely to set standards such as mandatory condom usage. I see adolescents who have little education far more likely to do something they will regret later, such as having sex before they want to, not using protection, consenting to oral sex even though its not something they want, etc. And that's why they watch their kids like hawks because they grew up with the taboo of sex and stumbled into their sexuality.

My guess is Jim bob and Michelle got into a "heavy petting" situation after a makeout got steamy, and afterwards felt regret about their actions. I feel sorry for them and their kids, when sex is taboo you don't talk about it with your partner and then you aren't prepared to deal with being physical with someone.

[Cone]

I have never watched an episode of this show and I'm almost afraid to ask but "handsex courtship"... Does it mean what it I think it means? Were they *that* obvious about it?

Probably not what you are thinking... they were constantly holding hands and rubbing hands. Watch about one minute of this episode

(also geez, I forgot how much smaller Josh used to be).