Kendal adopted a little boy

[BlackHawk]

Here's a pretty good example of how fundie psychos (and others) get their hands on kids to adopt. I hope I'm breaking the link correctly.

adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/topic/Memoirs_of_a_Birthmother/

So what's your adoption story? I never made the connection that you were that Patsymae till now, and it's sad to me. Instead of allowing that first mom to celebrate her adoption, you go in and decide that she is a small minority and there is something inherently wrong with her story. So what is your story? How are you connected to adoption that you feel you can speak like you do about it?

To note, I am depressed over Kendal's adoption and wonder the ethicalness of it really. I hope she has changed, but chances are she hasn't. She is a stupid asshole who should never have been approved to adopt, but she was. I do hope the baby all the happiness in the world.

[patsymae]

Who is "that" Patsymae? It's a fairly common name on the Internet --one site wanted me to be Patsymae78--so don't assume I said or did anything. I occasionally visit that site, known in some circles as "Planet Entitlement," for research for a project that is none of your business. As is my "story." I don't need your approval to have or post opinions. I'm well aware that adopters and I have polar opposite views about the ethics of the adoption industry in this country (for example, you see that article as a first mom celebrating and I see it as coercion), and I'm fine with that. I put out my perspective not attempting to change the minds of adopters, but just so other viewpoints can be represented. I feel that I can speak like I do about adoption, or anything else I damn well please as long, as I abide by form guidelines.

[formergothardite]

As always, a reminder that Kendal has spent all day hitting children who are 6yo and under.

Thank you for keeping a copy of that post. Kendal tried to lie later to claim she didn't mean spanking in that post, but it is very clear there that she did.

[NurseNell]

So what's your adoption story? I never made the connection that you were that Patsymae till now, and it's sad to me. Instead of allowing that first mom to celebrate her adoption, you go in and decide that she is a small minority and there is something inherently wrong with her story. So what is your story? How are you connected to adoption that you feel you can speak like you do about it?

I think Patsymae has earned the right to speak any way she wants to about adoption. There is still a great deal of coercion that goes on. It's more subtle and hidden than it was in the Baby Scoop era but it's there. This young woman may well have a different story 2 or 3 years down the road. You don't carry a baby for 9 months, give it up for adoption, and life is just a bowl of cherries afterwards. I'm an adoptive Mom and I agree with what Patsymae posted.

[Mela99]

That's the one. She deleted her blog or I'd link it for you

Oooh, Lordy. Don't fall down, little boy. Mama doesn't believe in safety.

[Mama Mia]

On the subject of adoption - how common is it for newborns to be voluntarily given up for adoption ? I know in my area it is incredibly rare - Probably 99.999% of parents will have an abortion or keep the baby themselves- is that the case everywhere ?

[slickcat79]

Thank you for keeping a copy of that post. Kendal tried to lie later to claim she didn't mean spanking in that post, but it is very clear there that she did.

Yes, she flat-out says so. I think that's the most eye-opening thing for me. Kendal posted that story on the internet 100% voluntarily on her own personal blog. Until she was outed to CPS, it never once occurred to her that what she was doing was not a good thing. She wrote it as a humble-brag, and she was PROUD of what they did, like people were just going to be gushing over the way her little girl was broken by her parents. If that's what she'll share with the world by choice, what must go on behind closed doors? It's scary.

[Jinger Jar]

I can't keep track of who is who. Is this the one who calls college a sin and didn't believe in bike helmets?

That's her. She closed her blog shortly after that anti-helmet post, and there was speculation here that she did so because it might have threatened the adoption.

[lilwriter85]

Wasn't there another helmet incident with Kendal, in which her hubby got mad and bought bike helmets for the kids?

[NurseNell]

On the subject of adoption - how common is it for newborns to be voluntarily given up for adoption ? I know in my area it is incredibly rare - Probably 99.999% of parents will have an abortion or keep the baby themselves- is that the case everywhere ?

It's not very common today except in states like Utah where the Mormon girls are coerced by family and the bishops. And in Bible Belt places where there are very conservative colleges: Liberty, Bob Jones, etc.

I cannot remember the last time I knew of anyone giving up their baby.

[NurseNell]

Wasn't there another helmet incident with Kendal, in which her hubby got mad and bought bike helmets for the kids?

Well she posted photos of them riding their bikes without helmets and wrote that they saw no need for them. Then someone sent them a copy of the law, which in their state requires bike helmets for children. So they went and bought them.

[dawbs]

On the subject of adoption - how common is it for newborns to be voluntarily given up for adoption ? I know in my area it is incredibly rare - Probably 99.999% of parents will have an abortion or keep the baby themselves- is that the case everywhere ?

I'm going to try to find the article, I read on this recently, but it's very much a red state/blue state divide.

(this isn't the one I'm looking for, but is a start:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/13/natio ... .html?_r=0)

[BravaAmica]

Do adoption agencies not run a background check? It would take three seconds to pull up her blog (and any deleted posts using the wayback machine). I thought googling someone was just part of a background check these days. Or is the agency she used not reputable?

[Val78]

Do adoption agencies not run a background check? It would take three seconds to pull up her blog (and any deleted posts using the wayback machine). I thought googling someone was just part of a background check these days. Or is the agency she used not reputable?

legal parts are all checked as a home study. there is no obligation to go above and beyond that by a home study agency. they look at criminal background, financials, birth/marriage records, etc. but not blogs (unless they have time & really want to), books, anything else. we were required to have 3 friends write letters describing us as a couple and then they followed up on the phone...but you obviously pick & choose who you put down for that. If it were for like a security clearance, you'd get more info. Randomly asking neighbors, surprise visits, etc.

[Val78]

It's not very common today except in states like Utah where the Mormon girls are coerced by family and the bishops. And in Bible Belt places where there are very conservative colleges: Liberty, Bob Jones, etc.

I cannot remember the last time I knew of anyone giving up their baby.

no one really in our area either. it's all abortion or keep the baby. Bible Belt, where the signs along the roads all speak against abortion. Utah is a whole other subject...laws are "adoption friendly" meaning potentially screwing over birth parents much more easily.

[NurseNell]

Do adoption agencies not run a background check? It would take three seconds to pull up her blog (and any deleted posts using the wayback machine). I thought googling someone was just part of a background check these days. Or is the agency she used not reputable?

They do background checks but they are looking for crimes, bankruptcies, serious things, and some not so serious. In 1978 we had an FBI interview, a requirement for our son's citizenship. They asked my DH where he was on April something, 1965. He didn't remember the date but he remembered spending a night in jail in some podunk town in MO where he was stopped for speeding. No alcohol, just speeding. He was young, no money, from out of state. Off to jail until his mother wired the money for the ticket. That was when I realized we have no privacy from the government.

I doubt they use google, though they should. Their agency is a Christian one that is more interested in your church habits and such things like that. They can be quite coercive with the pregnant girls/women. I'm pretty sure it's licensed and is reputable, which doesn't always mean much.

A lot of agencies now require the Minnesota multi-whatever psychological test but somehow I don't think their agency did as some concerns should have been raised.

[NurseNell]

no one really in our area either. it's all abortion or keep the baby. Bible Belt, where the signs along the roads all speak against abortion. Utah is a whole other subject...laws are "adoption friendly" meaning potentially screwing over birth parents much more easily.

Utah is in a league all it's own. They hide mothers from the fathers, move them to another state. Lots of illegal and unethical adoptions. Birthfathers have almost no rights there. Well, they have them on paper but the lawyers and agencies ignore their rights.

[Jinger Jar]

A lot of agencies now require the Minnesota multi-whatever psychological test but somehow I don't think their agency did as some concerns should have been raised.

MMPI2-RF (Minnestoa Multiphasic Personality Inventory 2-Restructured Form)

Taking it and then having the results interpreted and sent to the adoption agency should be required of all prospective adopters. I, my husband, and his ex-wife had to take it when his ex challenged him for custody. These were his biological children he'd had full legal custody of since birth. It boggles my mind that prospective adopters don't have to take it.

[PurpleSheepleEater]

How come an infertile couple wouldn't be given preference over a fertile couple with 4 kids? And if she really wanted to give a kid a good home then she wouldn't have gone for the very in demand newborn.

I'm going to guess this was a quietly arranged situation within her church community. The baby probably belonged to a single girl who "fell into sin" and was given little to no choice to hand her baby over to a "good christian family" so that she can get her "backslidden" life into order.

This happens a lot in fundie circles. It's pretty gross and sad.

[NurseNell]

MMPI2-RF (Minnestoa Multiphasic Personality Inventory 2-Restructured Form)

Taking it and then having the results interpreted and sent to the adoption agency should be required of all prospective adopters. I, my husband, and his ex-wife had to take it when his ex challenged him for custody. These were his biological children he'd had full legal custody of since birth. It boggles my mind that prospective adopters don't have to take it.

A lot of agencies require it, we just don't know if theirs did. The MN agencies I knew about required it. Colombia requires it.

[treemom]

How does someone like her pass a home study? How can they qualify for a 5th kid?

[fundiefun]

How does someone like her pass a home study? How can they qualify for a 5th kid?

My family was large 10 of us special needs were adopted right away since my parents did foster care and we came as placements and the parents ending up surrendering their rights. We only did 2 private adoptions the last being my younger sister who is now 14 which brought the number to 10 kids total we did this through a lawyer, but my parents had the means to care for us and many of us were older and in a few years time would be leaving home. I'm surprised we got approved, but this was through your regular adoption agency since we don't practice religion of any kind and all attended normal school. I don't know how fundies would pass since they are basically isolated and would have no problem lying their way through a case study. The adoption of my sister took at least a year and a half to come together I don't know how KenDUll did it so fast.

[Childless]

Ugh. This really irks me. We just went through our third failed adoption. I don't consider myself a perfect parent, but at least I don't beat my kid. And if he needs to see a doctor, he sees one. I'm a good mother and yet I can't conceive a second child, nor apparently adopt one. The injustice makes me rage.

[Effie]

If someone had told me that Kendal is going to adopt a child, I would have said: "Naah, that will only happen when hell freezes over!"

So... I think hell has frozen over.

[Val78]

My family was large 10 of us special needs were adopted right away since my parents did foster care and we came as placements and the parents ending up surrendering their rights. We only did 2 private adoptions the last being my younger sister who is now 14 which brought the number to 10 kids total we did this through a lawyer, but my parents had the means to care for us and many of us were older and in a few years time would be leaving home. I'm surprised we got approved, but this was through your regular adoption agency since we don't practice religion of any kind and all attended normal school. I don't know how fundies would pass since they are basically isolated and would have no problem lying their way through a case study. The adoption of my sister took at least a year and a half to come together I don't know how KenDUll did it so fast.

When did she start the home study?

If its privately done, not nearly as strict as through the state. And religious agencies tend to be strict in who they "allow" in as adoptive clients.