Kendal adopted a little boy

[lilwriter85]

How come an infertile couple wouldn't be given preference over a fertile couple with 4 kids? And if she really wanted to give a kid a good home then she wouldn't have gone for the very in demand newborn.

I understand that there are fertile couples out there who want to adopt in addition to having biological children. I remember watching adoption documentaries several years back where several fertile couple were only having 1 or 2 biological children and then adopting because they also wanted to give other kids a good home. This situation with Kendull kind of pisses me off partially because we know her and her husband are about. I also agree with you, an infertile couple should be given preference over a fertile couple.

Kendull is one of the worst fundies we discuss here. She basically comes off as a younger version of Lori Alexander. I know many of us myself included snarked on Lynsdie quite bit. Lyndsie was snark worthy because of the adoption fund situation. With Lyndsie, I did a loving vibe that I have never gotten from Kendull. I don't worry about Lyndsie's kids too much. I worry quite about Kendull's kids and now I worry more since they have adopted.

[Rarity65]

Poor little guy, he deserves so much better.

[MarthaMarcyMayMarlen]

This is so depressing. I'm hoping as a boy he'll have it better though.

[Green Glass]

What terrible news. :( The poor little boy.

[Mama Mia]

How come an infertile couple wouldn't be given preference over a fertile couple with 4 kids? And if she really wanted to give a kid a good home then she wouldn't have gone for the very in demand newborn.

I think generally in domestic adoption the mother picks out the family she wants to have adopt the baby. Often they do up scrapbooks showing their family life, pictures of their kids etc... so very possibly the mom wants her child to grow up with sibilings and picks the adoptive family at least partially on that.

[Hisey]

As an adoptive parent I just don't get it. She has 4 bio children, 3 girls and a boy. And she gets to adopt a newborn when so many others wait and wait. She has trouble managing 4 kids, now she has a 5th. My children are grown up, and from my observations of them and many other adopted kids they tend to take after their birth families, rather than their adoptive families. This can work well when you respect your kids and love them for their own unique personalities and quirks, but if you're looking for them to be just like your bio kids or like you there is trouble. I don't think long term this is going to be a happy story.

Actually, if you adopt from foster care, you can "get" a newborn fairly easily, if you are flexible. Lots of people know this (or could easily find it out). I don't understand all this talk about waiting and waiting for newborns. It's really waiting and waiting for healthy white newborns.

An adoptive parent who is willing to adopt a racially mixed baby, or one born with some drugs in its system, can find a baby to bring home fairly quickly. If you want a white, healthy baby--yes, you must wait. It is hard to drum up too much sympathy for some of these families--I've known some who have turned down the opportunity to adopt perfectly healthy babies who are racial minorities.

There's this perception that healthy infants are the ultimate adoption "prize", which only the most deserving adoptive parents deserve. I never hear anyone say, "Hey, how come SHE gets to adopt that racially mixed infant who was born addicted to crack?" There's a lot less worry about those kids.

But I don't buy this idea of a healthy white infant being some sort of prize for the most deserving parent, and knashing one's teeth if an undeserving parent (like a fundie) wins this "prize." Personally, I'd never look at an infant and pronounce that "this won't be a happy story." How would I know that this child is going to be miserable, and why predict that he will? I hope Kendall's baby will grow up healthy and happy, and that he can be strong enough to overcome the harsh disciplinary methods that Kendall uses.

As for infertile couples being given preference over infertile couples--why in the world would you think you have the right to tell a birthmother who she should give her baby to?

[latraviata]

http://instagram.com/p/aYCTxxNlLB/

[Mama Mia]

Actually, if you adopt from foster care, you can "get" a newborn fairly easily, if you are flexible. Lots of people know this (or could easily find it out). I don't understand all this talk about waiting and waiting for newborns. It's really waiting and waiting for healthy white newborns.

An adoptive parent who is willing to adopt a racially mixed baby, or one born with some drugs in its system, can find a baby to bring home fairly quickly. If you want a white, healthy baby--yes, you must wait. It is hard to drum up too much sympathy for some of these families--I've known some who have turned down the opportunity to adopt perfectly healthy babies who are racial minorities.

There's this perception that healthy infants are the ultimate adoption "prize", which only the most deserving adoptive parents deserve. I never hear anyone say, "Hey, how come SHE gets to adopt that racially mixed infant who was born addicted to crack?" There's a lot less worry about those kids.

But I don't buy this idea of a healthy white infant being some sort of prize for the most deserving parent, and knashing one's teeth if an undeserving parent (like a fundie) wins this "prize." Personally, I'd never look at an infant and pronounce that "this won't be a happy story." How would I know that this child is going to be miserable, and why predict that he will? I hope Kendall's baby will grow up healthy and happy, and that he can be strong enough to overcome the harsh disciplinary methods that Kendall uses.

As for infertile couples being given preference over infertile couples--why in the world would you think you have the right to tell a birthmother who she should give her baby to?

I would imagine at least some of the reluctance to trying to adopt a newborn from foster care is that the biological parent is still in the loop. Generally parental rights are not immediately terminated, and the mother(and/or father) has 6-18 months to try to get it together and obtain custody. Sometimes it's pretty unlikely and all parties know that = but often they will enter treatment or counseling, address whatever the issues were and the baby will be returned to them. That would be pretty heartbreaking.

[NurseNell]

Actually, if you adopt from foster care, you can "get" a newborn fairly easily, if you are flexible. Lots of people know this (or could easily find it out). I don't understand all this talk about waiting and waiting for newborns. It's really waiting and waiting for healthy white newborns.

This is true in some areas of the country, not true in all. Foster care adoptions involve having the child as your foster child first, with the bio parents sometimes having opportunities to get the child back. I have a friend whose son was placed back with his bio mom twice before she decided on relinquishing her rights. Foster care also gives first preference to anyone from the bio family. I think this is good because the ideal is to keep families together. There is also a push to get more parents of color willing to adopt. There is a waiting list of couples and individuals willing to adopt kids with Downs Syndrome. When we were adopting we had a list of special needs we were comfortable with. After 4 years and no baby we did an international adoption. This was of course a long time ago but the situation isn't that much difference today.

An adoptive parent who is willing to adopt a racially mixed baby, or one born with some drugs in its system, can find a baby to bring home fairly quickly. If you want a white, healthy baby--yes, you must wait. It is hard to drum up too much sympathy for some of these families--I've known some who have turned down the opportunity to adopt perfectly healthy babies who are racial minorities.

I don't have much sympathy with them either. I don't know anyone who turned down a a racially mixed baby, and know several such people who have done so. One of my children was placed with us a healthy white infant. By 6 months it was obvious he was biracial. Did we care? No. Although we were asked by the agency if we were disappointed, and would we be disrupting the process (finalization hadn't happened yet). I was appalled they'd think we'd do that.

There's this perception that healthy infants are the ultimate adoption "prize", which only the most deserving adoptive parents deserve. I never hear anyone say, "Hey, how come SHE gets to adopt that racially mixed infant who was born addicted to crack?" There's a lot less worry about those kids.

There's no guarantee with any child, adopted or not. There was a post on Facebook yesterday looking for people to be tested to be a bone marrow donor for a 4 year old adoptee with leukemia. One of my kids ended up with some special needs. Racially mixed babies are adopted frequently, at least where I've lived.

But I don't buy this idea of a healthy white infant being some sort of prize for the most deserving parent, and knashing one's teeth if an undeserving parent (like a fundie) wins this "prize." Personally, I'd never look at an infant and pronounce that "this won't be a happy story." How would I know that this child is going to be miserable, and why predict that he will? I hope Kendall's baby will grow up healthy and happy, and that he can be strong enough to overcome the harsh disciplinary methods that Kendall uses.

As for infertile couples being given preference over infertile couples--why in the world would you think you have the right to tell a birthmother who she should give her baby to?

I don't think I or you or anyone has a right to tell a birthmother AND birthfather who to place their chid with. Often birthparents today to make the choice. Too often agencies and even sometimes the mother do not follow the letter of the law in including the birthfather of the upcoming adoption. He has as much right to parent as the mother.

I do think agencies can limit who they accept for potential adoptions. Many agencies don't allow parents who already have more than 1 or 2 bio children to adopt.

We don't know if this baby is white or not, it's an assumption. He is a newborn, that we know.

I don't look at the child and say he's going to be miserable. I hope he's not. But as someone involved in adoption for a very long time I see too many red flags and IMHO only, I think this will not be a happy story down the road. I'd love it if I'm proven wrong.

ETA: I wonder if the birthparents know about Christmas in Kendal's house?

[Val78]

How come an infertile couple wouldn't be given preference over a fertile couple with 4 kids? And if she really wanted to give a kid a good home then she wouldn't have gone for the very in demand newborn.

A lot goes into the decision making for a birth parents, at least if ethically done. For an agency to rate prospective adoptive parents based on how "deserving" they may be doesn't seem like all that great a system either.

We had bio kids prior to adopting. An advantage (obviously overlooked with Kendal) was being able to see at some level what kind of parents a baby goes to. Obviously fairly skewed...but still a glimpse.

[formergothardite]

Kendal is evil. Pure evil. If there was a God he would have never given her children because her blog and FB showed nothing but a woman who hates kids.

[Koala]

I see too many red flags and IMHO only, I think this will not be a happy story down the road. I'd love it if I'm proven wrong.

Unfortunately, I agree :(

[formergothardite]

Unfortunately, I agree :(

So do I. But since she is aware that people are watching her now, she is going to hide her hate of that child and any abuse better.

[lilwriter85]

I might be wrong, but I recall Kendull saying on the blog that they were open to adopting a non-white baby and then she said something about adopting internationally at some point.

[NurseNell]

I might be wrong, but I recall Kendull saying on the blog that they were open to adopting a non-white baby and then she said something about adopting internationally at some point.

This isn't an international adoption. There are months between the child being offered to you and you traveling to the country to get the child. My older son happened to have been born the same day her new son was, 5/31. Her baby is home. We traveled to the country on 7/14 and returned a month later with our son. And that was fast. You have to work with the immigration bureaucracies in both countries, which is very time consuming. Everything is mañana.

They used a Christian agency in their area.

[lilwriter85]

This isn't an international adoption. There are months between the child being offered to you and you traveling to the country to get the child. My older son happened to have been born the same day her new son was, 5/31. Her baby is home. We traveled to the country on 7/14 and returned a month later with our son. And that was fast. You have to work with the immigration bureaucracies in both countries, which is very time consuming. Everything is mañana.

They used a Christian agency in their area.

I meant that Kendull said something about adopting internationally later on.

[Mela99]

I can't keep track of who is who. Is this the one who calls college a sin and didn't believe in bike helmets?

[Koala]

I can't keep track of who is who. Is this the one who calls college a sin and didn't believe in bike helmets?

That's the one. She deleted her blog or I'd link it for you

[Jana814]

I feel so bad for this child. Also when a person gives up a child, don't they want that child to have a better life. Not sure that will be the case w/ this child.

[patsymae]

Here's a pretty good example of how fundie psychos (and others) get their hands on kids to adopt. I hope I'm breaking the link correctly.

adoptivefamiliescircle.com/groups/topic/Memoirs_of_a_Birthmother/

[slickcat79]

So do I. But since she is aware that people are watching her now, she is going to hide her hate of that child and any abuse better.

I know we speculated at the time, but now I'm even more sure that's the reason she deleted her blog AND erased all the old entries. She can be a lot more careful with her FB posts, and it's harder to search.

There's this perception that healthy infants are the ultimate adoption "prize", which only the most deserving adoptive parents deserve. I never hear anyone say, "Hey, how come SHE gets to adopt that racially mixed infant who was born addicted to crack?" There's a lot less worry about those kids.

But I don't buy this idea of a healthy white infant being some sort of prize for the most deserving parent, and knashing one's teeth if an undeserving parent (like a fundie) wins this "prize."

You don't hear anyone knash their teeth about fundies adopting crack babies because it doesn't happen. Yet there are some fundies who adopt older, non-white (AKA "less desirable") kids and there's tons of worry over them. Look at any of the threads about international adoption on here. I would be even more concerned about fundies adopting older kids or kids with health problems because they don't acknowledge indvidual personalities or health concerns in their bio children, and they already have a tendency to treat their adopted kids like second-class family members. If Kendal had adopted an older/non-white/special needs child, I would be concerned about the story ending in genuine tragedy, rather than sad over the fact that she's going to turn another innocent baby into a broken robot.

[slickcat79]

As always, a reminder that Kendal has spent all day hitting children who are 6yo and under.

[FreeJosie]

I thought she was the one who spent all day spanking her child along with her husband. Ugh. :(

[rward]

why in the world would you think you have the right to tell a birthmother who she should give her baby to?

You're right. Once a person decides to give their baby up for adoption, they become perfect. They don't make mistakes or bad decisions for selfish reasons. They're saintly, yo!

[Koala]

I thought she was the one who spent all day spanking her child along with her husband. Ugh. :(

That's her too