Kindred Grace - Childless Spinsters R Us

[bea]

With the demise of Google Reader, I stopped reading a lot of blogs. I discovered last night, though, that my tablet's Google-Reader-type program is still functional and caught up on a few fundie blogs.

One thing that I noticed was that Kindred Grace - formerly YLCF - is full of posts about Not Getting What You Wanted. Mostly about wishing you were married but not being married, but also stuff about not having babies and wanting them.

It just seems.....really sad. I mean, I understand the whole "changing focus" thing for YLCF, but man, the blog is just a total downer. For something that's supposed to be about encouragement, it's just one post after another about basically being frustrated and angry that things aren't the way you thought they should be. Nothing about re-evaluating your priorities, of course, or deciding that the things you've been taught to believe are absolute requirements for a happy life (husband, kids, etc.) might not be all that required after all.

Considering that Gretchen is busy with three little kids and a farm, I wonder who's running the site these days? Apparently a lot of people who are really dissatisfied with reaching the ripe old age of 23-25 and not having met Prince Charming yet, or the ones who've met Prince Charming and discovered that yes, infertility happens even if you're a faithful fundie too.

[JesusFightClub]

This is a very sad post:

kindredgrace.com/beautiful-and-ugly/#comments

I'm...I'm really sorry they are still judging themselves this way. At their ages?

Edited to break link - lilith

[wtylcf]

You know what also made me sad? That woman's post about the stress of having to buy automotive accessories...because it meant shopping IN THE AUTOMOTIVE SECTION. She was picking up, if I recall correctly, a car seat cover, an air freshener, and a CD holder, and stopped to pray about the items more than once. I suppose her stress was due to the fact that she didn't have a man to brave the manly territory of this area of the store for her, fraught as it is with perilous...I don't know; car parts she doesn't understand?

[JesusFightClub]

You know what also made me sad? That woman's post about the stress of having to buy automotive accessories...because it meant shopping IN THE AUTOMOTIVE SECTION. She was picking up, if I recall correctly, a car seat cover, an air freshener, and a CD holder, and stopped to pray about the items more than once. I suppose her stress was due to the fact that she didn't have a man to brave the manly territory of this area of the store for her, fraught as it is with perilous...I don't know; car parts she doesn't understand?

Oh fuck, you're right. I held my head in my hands all the time I was reading that. :shock:

Why is she scared to go to a MAN'S AREA like the car accessories section? Why are women scared by the thought they might not be beautiful? And, craziest of all, why do some women worship the system which tells them if they aren't beautiful and aren't scared (permanently, of everything a Manly Man hasn't protected them from) they are worth next to nothing?

:shock:

[wtylcf]

Oh fuck, you're right. I held my head in my hands all the time I was reading that. :shock:

Why is she scared to go to a MAN'S AREA like the car accessories section? Why are women scared by the thought they might not be beautiful? And, craziest of all, why do some women worship the system which tells them if they aren't beautiful and aren't scared (permanently, of everything a Manly Man hasn't protected them from) they are worth next to nothing?

:shock:

Exactly: the belief system is what's creating the problem in the first place. It creates the circumstances where women feel they must be beautiful and traditionally feminine to be worthwhile, and then when they're not validated by being chosen as some guy's wife, they have to write BS about how beauty doesn't matter in the eyes of God to try to make themselves feel better. You know when beauty doesn't matter? When you have a life and interests OUTSIDE of being traditionally feminine and domestic, if that's not how you are naturally inclined to be. I am not beautiful, but I don't have to get all sad over it, because I have other things to enjoy in life other than the validation of my looks and domestic skills.

(OT - JFC, I know we've never conversed or anything, but you're a memorable poster on this forum, and I thought of you just now when my houseguest showed me his digital collection of Soviet propaganda posters.)

[Dysfundamental]

Oh fuck, you're right. I held my head in my hands all the time I was reading that. :shock:

Why is she scared to go to a MAN'S AREA like the car accessories section? Why are women scared by the thought they might not be beautiful? And, craziest of all, why do some women worship the system which tells them if they aren't beautiful and aren't scared (permanently, of everything a Manly Man hasn't protected them from) they are worth next to nothing?

:shock:

Stockholm Syndrome?

[LadyBlue]

You know what also made me sad? That woman's post about the stress of having to buy automotive accessories...because it meant shopping IN THE AUTOMOTIVE SECTION. She was picking up, if I recall correctly, a car seat cover, an air freshener, and a CD holder, and stopped to pray about the items more than once. I suppose her stress was due to the fact that she didn't have a man to brave the manly territory of this area of the store for her, fraught as it is with perilous...I don't know; car parts she doesn't understand?

That's so sad. A couple days ago, BabyBlue and I went to Canadian Tire for camping stuff. I went in through the automotive department because I wanted to find out if I needed to order tires in advance or if I could just come in and have them done and if I needed an appointment. They had them in stock and said they could do it right away, so I called MrBlue, told him I was getting the tires done right then and I'd be home in about an hour. Then BabyBlue and I went shopping, bought a tent, some air mattresses, went back, paid for the tires and left. My only concern dealing with the tires was that I might be treated like an idiot because of being a woman, especially since the guy I dealt with was older. He was great, the mechanics were great, no one tried to convince me I needed anything ridiculous and I never once had to pray about anything or stress about doing something "manly"

[LucySnowe]

This new entry annoys me (what else is new).

kindredgrace.com/single-is-not-who-i-am/

I’d love to be a wife and a mother. I’d love to not feel insecure as a woman because there’s so much of womanhood that’s “beyond my kenâ€. That said and understood, however, single may be what I am today, but “single†is not who I am.

If you don't define womanhood as 'wife and mother' then that stuff 'beyond your ken' is perfectly attainable when you're twenty-something. (According to her blog, she's 28 or 29.) Heck, that includes motherhood.

But no, easier to just draw some Elizabeth Bennet paper dolls:

hopescribbles.wordpress.com/2013/06/10/meet-elizabeth-bennet-paper-dolls/

[TrueRebel1]

The new Kindred Grace posts keep popping up in my reader, but I rarely can bring myself to go read them, since even the titles are just depressing and weird. What bothered me was the many posts around Mother's Day that were about childless/single women. Now, I have sympathy for these gals, having gone thru a few Mother's Days wishing that I was a mom. But you know what? Mother's Day is a day to celebrate moms! I'm sorry if you can't get pregnant, but this isn't a bemoan-my-sorrows day, it's a day for moms! So was anyone else weirded out by those posts?

[honeyinthesunshine]

You know what also made me sad? That woman's post about the stress of having to buy automotive accessories...because it meant shopping IN THE AUTOMOTIVE SECTION. She was picking up, if I recall correctly, a car seat cover, an air freshener, and a CD holder, and stopped to pray about the items more than once. I suppose her stress was due to the fact that she didn't have a man to brave the manly territory of this area of the store for her, fraught as it is with perilous...I don't know; car parts she doesn't understand?

First, this made me laugh out loud.

I read the post, and I have a few questions.

First, if she can't see over the steering wheel of her car, how in the fuck did she get to Wal-Mart? Was she just driving by feel and praying? Terrifying.

Second, why was she surprised that all of the automotive accessories were located in the automotive accessories aisle? Why was this a revelation? How does she think that chain stores are set up? Like you buy shoes and the left one is with canned goods and the right is located in the optical department? The whole place is set up as an elaborate scavenger hunt where you must present one penis to access the level with the hardware and fishing poles? Frightening.

She stopped to pay a total of three times during this particular trip. It must take this woman FOREVER to do ANYTHING. Can you imagine the God conference she must have to have when shopping for big ticket items? No wonder no one wanted to accompany her on this journey of self discovery and air fresheners.

But my biggest question, and the most ridiculous part of this ridiculousness, is that, according to her beliefs, God is the dude who deals with life, death, birth, war, famine, fucking WEATHER PATTERNS, and she chose to bother him, and not a Wal-Mart store associate.

My brain just shat itself and died. I just can't with these people.

[Val78]

The new Kindred Grace posts keep popping up in my reader, but I rarely can bring myself to go read them, since even the titles are just depressing and weird. What bothered me was the many posts around Mother's Day that were about childless/single women. Now, I have sympathy for these gals, having gone thru a few Mother's Days wishing that I was a mom. But you know what? Mother's Day is a day to celebrate moms! I'm sorry if you can't get pregnant, but this isn't a bemoan-my-sorrows day, it's a day for moms! So was anyone else weirded out by those posts?

oh, I hate people trying to make others feel guilty for celebrating things like mothers/fathers day. Facebook was especially brutal this year, a handful of people stating things about infertility saying "careful what you post, don't throw others' infertility in their face this mothers day" or similar. Valentines too...posting anything is a form of rubbing it in...uh, huh!??

[JesusFightClub]

oh, I hate people trying to make others feel guilty for celebrating things like mothers/fathers day. Facebook was especially brutal this year, a handful of people stating things about infertility saying "careful what you post, don't throw others' infertility in their face this mothers day" or similar. Valentines too...posting anything is a form of rubbing it in...uh, huh!??

It's a bit difficult. My nieces have struggled with Mothers' Day cos their mum isn't around. It was the questions they were asked in school.

But I do agree with you. All it takes is a bit of subtlety. Mother's Day is something you celebrate with your mum and if she's not there, a woman you love that's close to you...I think that's something everyone can like :)

[fatcat]

As I mentioned before, I have two friends who are big fans of the Botkin sisters, also (like the Botkins and me) in their mid-twenties, and with each letter they write me I can feel their desperation to get married increasing. It's really sad. Not that it matters, but they are also very attractive young women, and would probably be ideal fundie wives. But it just isn't happening.

To be very honest, I feel pretty similar feelings sometimes as these SAHDs. I am now 24 and have never been in a 'proper' relationship before, and sometimes I think it will never happen. Whenever I start feeling too sorry for myself, however, I remind myself that it could be so much worse. I could have been told that my highest (and only) calling in life was to get married to some manly-man asshole patriarch and have 3 million children. Instead, I am now working on my doctorate, and want to do more travelling. Even if this one area of my life doesn't work out the way I wanted, there is still so much more (heh) to life, and I still have time (especially since I don't really want kids).

I suspect that my friends and the Botkins will eventually get married, actually. But all of those other girls (now women) who write all of those posts all over the internet, bemoaning their single status? I doubt it. Some of them will remain single, and probably taking care of their younger siblings and nephews/nieces for the rest of their lives.

[honeyinthesunshine]

oh, I hate people trying to make others feel guilty for celebrating things like mothers/fathers day. Facebook was especially brutal this year, a handful of people stating things about infertility saying "careful what you post, don't throw others' infertility in their face this mothers day" or similar. Valentines too...posting anything is a form of rubbing it in...uh, huh!??

This year was my first mother's day, and I was excited. I have a few close friends who are struggling with infertility, and I sent them all nice ecards. In my family, we've always kind of celebrated it as more of a "thanking the women that we value in our family day" you don't necessarily have to have children to do important mothering in someone's life. They've really been there for me, and I think mother's day is a nice occasion to send a little note and say thanks.

[bea]

Kindred Grace: Where Encouragement Goes To Die

[silvia]

Just catching up on my backlog of KG posts... I actually think Chantel is one of the more likable/ less holier-than-thou of all the current KG posters, and I feel for her and her husband, who seem to be dealing with infertility. But this post kindredgrace.com/god-will-provide/ , perhaps unintentionally, underscored the hazards of being raised SOTDRT and marrying someone else who probably was too: in particular, that you have no higher education or specialized training to speak of that would command a decent salary. As a result, you're basically condemned to the penny-pinching Chantel speaks of for the rest of your life, due at least in part to your parents' poor choices.

In Chantel's case, too, living close to the bone probably prevents her and her husband from pursuing any fertility treatment--another factor that stands in the way of creating the next generation of "soldiers for God." Given today's high rates of infertility, simply expecting your kids to get married and breed is often wishful thinking. If you want your "arrows" to amass a quiver of their own, you'd better make sure they have the resources to make it happen if doing it the natural way doesn't work. Of course, they likely look down on IVF and similar treatments as well, so even if they did have the dough, they wouldn't have a whole lot of options fertility-wise.

[erunerune]

Chantel's actually about to have a baby girl, per her blog.

[silvia]

Oh, yay! I don't follow Chantel's personal blog, so I must have missed that. Happy for her and her husband. :)

[docmom]

She stopped to pray a total of three times during this particular trip. It must take this woman FOREVER to do ANYTHING. Can you imagine the God conference she must have to have when shopping for big ticket items?

Do you think it's people like her who bog god down with so many petty prayer requests that he doesn't get around to curing children with cancer or preventing tornadoes?

[AnnieC 305]

oh, I hate people trying to make others feel guilty for celebrating things like mothers/fathers day. Facebook was especially brutal this year, a handful of people stating things about infertility saying "careful what you post, don't throw others' infertility in their face this mothers day" or similar. Valentines too...posting anything is a form of rubbing it in...uh, huh!??

How about if I put a face on this pain for you?

I just read those posts and I actually found them quite sweet and kindly, a gentle reminder that there are lots of ways to be important on this earth and important to children and it's all okay.

If you want to celebrate motherhood in the strict Michelle D. meaning, that you had unprotected sex and didn't have an abortion then you go for it girl! You did something really special there! :cracking-up: :worship:

But if you define "motherhood" as caring about and nurturing children then you should celebrate everyone who nurtures and cares for children, including teacher and caregivers and social workers and aunts and grandmothers and everyone else. Because once that child is out it doesn't take a functioning uterus to change a diaper or wipe a tear, and like the J'slaves those of us who change diapers and wipe tears would like a little respect too.

/rant