Once again, this adoptive mom is pissing me off.

[LilMissMetaphor]

I've been following this blog, porknbeansinchina, for a while because it has one of those cute aggravating "look at all my China dolls/eggrolls" theme.

They just brought home their sixth girl.

It has been tough, tough, tough. I feel like I brought this on the family as

I was the first one who wanted to adopt again. I also feel like I jinxed the

adoption because I had Linzi tattooed on my arm before we got her....I know

crazy but that is what I think sometimes. Zora has told me that the adoption

was stupid and lame. Honestly we have talked about disrupting her but again

then we feel like we have failed. But, this is not what we were expecting.

We feel that it is possible that we are not meant to be her family, that it was

just our job to get her here so we could help her find the family she was destined

to be in.. A "pay it forward" from our getting Kendalan through a disruption.

It's not about you! Holy crap, why do people keep rushing off to their country of choice and picking up these kids like they were stuffed animals and then saying, "it doesn't fit in with my other ones"?

[ceg045]

Someone needs to teach this woman that the phrase "pay it forward" applies to good deeds, not children.

[doggie]

Just doing gods job being his taxi

[Mountain Girl]

A new child, adopted or born, is rarely what you expect. How convenient to have an out because it's not your bio kid.

[Guest Anonymous]

Someone needs to teach this woman that the phrase "pay it forward" applies to good deeds, not children.

This x eleventy!

Fucking Jesus Christ on a cracker! Is this a new 'thing' - adopting a child for a 'season' and then paying them forward..... did she get her ideas from Fucked-up Emma or something?

we have talked about disrupting her

Holy Fuck, this takes the Christian propensity towards "verbing" to a whole new level.

[formergothardite]

Oh good god. I wish this idiot would come here. This is a child, not an object you buy and they get rid of when it doesn't end up being exactly what you wanted. This whole pay it forward shit is just you trying to justify dumping a child on someone else because she wasn't what you really wanted.

[Guest Anonymous]

In case she flounces:

porknbeansinchina.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/the-truth-is-hard.html

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The truth is hard.

Just to update where things are:

We had Linzi to the pediatric infectious disease doctor yesterday. We

took Tessa to this physician after she first came home too. Dr. Harris

will run her vaccination titers to see if she actually did receive the

immunizations in China as we were told. While we were in the office

Dr. Harris also had Dr. Crouch a pediatrician see Linzi. Linzi does not

like doctors very well. She started screaming and crying when they first

called her name and tried to weigh her. She continued to cry, kick and

wave them off. When Dr. Crouch was visiting with me we both tried to

turn our backs to her so she would think we weren't talking about her and

to try to get her to be quiet. Dr. Harris finally found Dr. Zhao who is

a neurologist and had him come in. Dr. Zhao is from Taiwan and speaks

Chinese. Linzi did kind of talk to him. Since Dr. Zhao had not been in

the room he did not know what was going on. Once Linzi responded to his

Chinese questions he looked at all of us and said "There is something wrong

with her." He says that her responses were not really correct and that

her Chinese is not very good, her speech is kind of slurred. We explained

to him that she had just been adopted from China and that she was in an

orphanage with many Down Syndrome and severely delayed/handicapped

kids. He again tried to talk to her. He asked her something and she told

him no. He said that he had to kind of guess what she was saying to him.

That her responses were just words that didn't totally make sense.

He then again said "Something is wrong" and he mentioned

autism or autistic? The other two doctors said they don't think she is

autistic and that they see hope that she may become able to be a productive individual.

They did see the "self stimulating" behavior I have seen from the get-go.

She is in constant motion...if she is standing she will rock from foot to

foot, if she is sitting down she will rock back and forth. She also will roll

her hands together and in a circle while repeating the same thing over and

over and over and over...to the extent that it drives me crazy, especially

as I have no idea what she is saying!

She is adorable. She is Loud. Has she bonded? I don't know. She calls

me "Ma" and will hug some of us and pat us on the back. She will also

go to strangers and hug them. She loves to "talk" to anyone and everyone.

Well. except for the doctors at first. After she realized that they were not

going to do anything to her she was fine with them. When I drop her off

at school she happily waves to me and says "Bye bye." She did not get

upset when we left the orphanage staff either, just happily waved.

We did start her in Kindergarten for 1/2 days. The teacher says that she

follows around the other kids and kind of does what they do. The teacher

is pleased how she is doing at this point. We plan on

moving her to full days after the first of the year. We are fully planning

on her repeating Kindergarten again next year if she needs too.

She is constantly on the move. She can sit still in the car and occasionally

on the couch, but she does not have the attention span to watch TV, play

video games or DSi games. The girls are all very disappointed that she can not

play with them and they feel like we are just babysitting her. I have heard

them call her "stupid and crazy" and ask "What are we going to do with her?"

We have reminded them that Tessa and Jordis didn't speak English when they

first came home either. It is frustrating for all of us.

She is really rough on everything. I am sure that this is from being in the

orphanage and not learning the proper behavior. She does know when she is

doing something she shouldn't. I have gone to the bedroom and as I come back

into the living room she is shutting the laptop...she knows she is not supposed

to be on it. She went from being scared of the cats and dogs to chasing them

around and being rough with them. We keep working on "Gentle" I was told that

Ching Ching Da means Gentle?

She is very happy most of the time. She will eat anything that we put in front

of her. We do have to be careful that she does not overeat. The orphanage

warned us of that. She is definitely spoiled and gets mad if she doesn't get

her way. She is a total clutz. She can fall over her shadow at times. So

her legs are covered in bruises.

It has been tough, tough, tough. I feel like I brought this on the family as

I was the first one who wanted to adopt again. I also feel like I jinxed the

adoption because I had Linzi tattooed on my arm before we got her....I know

crazy but that is what I think sometimes. Zora has told me that the adoption

was stupid and lame. Honestly we have talked about disrupting her but again

then we feel like we have failed. But, this is not what we were expecting.

We feel that it is possible that we are not meant to be her family, that it was

just our job to get her here so we could help her find the family she was destined

to be in.. A "pay it forward" from our getting Kendalan through a disruption.

It is rough. I feel like we are plodding along, pretending that everything will

be okay and knowing that it will never be the same.

[Mountain Girl]

In case she flounces:

porknbeansinchina.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/the-truth-is-hard.html

She sounds like a normal kid with some delays, which is great considering she spent her first years in an orphanage. The doctor who examined her, if that story is even true, is an idiot. No good doctor just blurts out that something is wrong with your child. Lots of young children are afraid of doctor visits, and if the guy is not a native Chinese speaker he should not expect a young child with probably language delays to understand his accent. The mother doesn't know if the child is bonded to her???? You haven't bonded with HER you twat! Don't expect anything from her until you treat her like she is your child. And learn a few Chinese words and phrases to help her out.

Just UGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

[ILoveJellybeans]

Thats so sad, adopting a child means that youve made them part of your family and are now their parent. When youre a parent, youre always a parent and always will be, you cant just send them away if they turn out to have disabilities or dont behave the way you wanted them to. You dont know what personalities your children are going to develop, not all of them will be the same, and not all of them will fit the perfect mould of what you imagined your family to be like-you just have to adapt to each individual child's needs.

[Guest Anonymous]

:shock: She only came 'home' on 24 November... like, just over 2 weeks ago! And they are already thinking of 'disrupting her'.... :shock:

[Sobeknofret]

That poor innocent baby. My heart breaks for her. She's in a foreign country, where she doesn't speak the language, is probably special needs and has an adoptive mother who sees her as a punishment and "jinx." I rarely want to slap the shit out of these people but this mother I really want to. :evil:

[guidedbybobafett]

A new child, adopted or born, is rarely what you expect. How convenient to have an out because it's not your bio kid.

Seriously. This is really disturbing me. How long has this child been living with them? Her attitude is horrendous. Is she kidding about the tattoo or is that a real thing that a real adult woman believes? :(

I don't understand how that can be an option at this point? "This adoption isn't working out" because oops you accidentally 'got one' that might be autistic and/or developmentally delayed in some way and that isn't what you wanted? Even though that could happen to any child, adopted or not? Ugh. Horrified.

[fundiefun]

Hell if I had the means I'd adopt that sweet little girl they don't want children are living little human beings not something you can return to a store.

[Coconut Flan]

She sounds absolutely clueless. What did she expect?

[Mountain Girl]

:shock: She only came 'home' on 24 November... like, just over 2 weeks ago! And they are already thinking of 'disrupting her'.... :shock:

Is it typical to start adopted kids in school so soon after bringing them home? It seems overwhelming.

[formergothardite]

The other kids call her stupid and crazy. You know that poor little girl is picking up their attitude towards her. And that doctor story did not happen like that. Doctors do not just blurt out things like that.

[formergothardite]

She wrote this just a few days after this poor child came home:

"She is still doing the repetitious things like saying the same thing over and over and over and over.

Yes...I am really tired of that."

"She still talks L~O~U~D!! She will tone it down when I tell her Shhhhh!!"

What the hell was she expecting when she adopted a child. Kids are loud, they ask the same thing over and over again. If she wanted something to love that was quiet, she should have gotten a fish.

[LilMissMetaphor]

journeytome.com/journal_view.cfm?journalid=3421&entry=58409

The "mother" posted here while they were still in China.

From a later entry:

Zora yelled at me last night that I have "ruined our family by bringing her home!" That was after we told the girls not to expect too much for Christmas this year as the trip to China pretty much exhausted what little money we had. I wanted them to understand that the high dollar electronics things they are asking for will not be under the tree.

I wonder what her response was. Did she let her get away with it? Either the girl is their new sister for life, just like she would be if Mom got pregnant, or she is not. It seems that "Mom's" own attitude is wearing off on the other girls.

[Guest Anonymous]

http://www.journeytome.com/journal_view.cfm?journalid=3421&entry=58409

The "mother" posted here while they were still in China.

From a later entry:

I wonder what her response was. Did she let her get away with it? Either the girl is their new sister for life, just like she would be if Mom got pregnant, or she is not. It seems that "Mom's" own attitude is wearing off on the other girls.

I can kind of understand the child's reaction. She should never have put it to them that their Christmas presents were going to be curtailed because the money was being spent on adoption. There are ways to help kids set appropriate expectations for presents and that isn't a good one.

[LilMissMetaphor]

I can kind of understand the child's reaction. She should never have put it to them that their Christmas presents were going to be curtailed because the money was being spent on adoption. There are ways to help kids set appropriate expectations for presents and that isn't a good one.

Oh, totally. But I wish the mom had stated how she answered her daughter's accusation, I think that would have been revealing.

[luckylibrarian]

That poor child. Is this woman a fundie? The tattoo doesn't seem like a fundie thing to do, but she certainly has their miserable attitude towards adoption. It seems way too soon to start her in kindergarten. She must feel so lost in that family. :(

Was anyone else suspicious about the reason for the bruises all over her legs? Maybe she is clumsy, but that set my alarm bells off.

[fundiefun]

Can someone comment on this blog or get in touch with her try to talk some sense into her idk if it would work but make her realize what she is doing and that her daughter isn't a hellian and has only been home since november

[Mountain Girl]

Was anyone else suspicious about the reason for the bruises all over her legs? Maybe she is clumsy, but that set my alarm bells off.

Mine too, but if she's just now learning to run and play she's probably a little clumsy. Will the family be visited by a social worker now that the adoption is completed? I know there are follow-up visits after a domestic adoption, but I don't know much about the overseas adoption process.

[salsa]

She sounds absolutely clueless. What did she expect?

She sounds like one of those adoptive parents who think that their adopted children should be so grateful to them, that the children should kiss their asses for the rest of their lives - because, after all, they wouldn't have been stuck in the orphanage.

Even the phrases she uses like, "she is a klutz," and "she is spoiled" (how are orphanage children spoiled?) give me the heebie jeebies.. She's projecting some sort of identity onto Linzi and it seems that there's very little positive she can say about her. If anyone is spoiled, it's her other kids, who are bent out of shape because they can't get the electronics they wanted for Christmas.

The whole thing reads like she wants leg humpers to reassure her that it's perfectly ok to disrupt :roll: Linzi because, after all, she was unsatisfactory. You'd do that if you bought a faulty piece of merchandise, right? Maybe there should be a "no lemon" law, like there is with cars... :roll:

How about the adoption agency doing some better screening of the PARENTS?

[valsa]

I can't even touch how this bitch is treating that poor little girl because it is literally causing my blood pressure to sky-rocket and my hands to shake from rage.

However, I will comment on the Zora situation (I'm assuming Zora is this bitch's daughter) Adoption is something that affects your entire family. You wouldn't go out and adopt a child without the agreement of your spouse, so why adopt without at least very serious consideration of the feelings of your existing children?

Granted, some children are a little selfish when it comes to their parents' time and attention or are anxious when it comes to new situations that will cause upheaval in the family (both of which are normal) but most of that can be worked through with lots of education, assurance, and a concentrated effort to not forget about them in the face of the sometimes overwhelming needs of a new adoptee.

However, there are just some children who do not have it in them to deal with a new sibling (adopted or not) and, while that inability to handle the situation is not binding on the parents, it is something that, imo, should be given a lot of weight. It does no good to decrease your existing child's quality of life (not talking about an "aw, now I'll have to share my toys" thing here), particularly when that's going to also negatively impact the new child as well. If an existing child like Zora's opinion of adopting a child is so overwhelmingly negative, why not wait a couple years and see if she's better able to cope with it at that time?