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Letter to Kendal


latraviata

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Dear Kendal,

I know you are not going to post my comment, so here it is:

You really make sure your children will have no fun whatsoever.

For the sake of sanity, you are trying to make their life as boring and joyless as possible.

As an expert and a mother I really question your parenthood. When they grow up I am afraid you are going to pay dearly for depriving them of all fun, for depriving them of their autonomy. Children are little people you know, not clay that you can mold to your model and shape.

http://www.thefatherknowsbest.com/

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Dear Kendal,

As someone who claims to be teaching women how to live a godly life, you fail at that in every way.

Sure, I'm not a Christian, but when I read your blog I see no reason to become one.

You are not a light on the hill that draws people to Christ.

You make me want to run far away from your beliefs.

I pity you because you seem to be trapped in a miserable life.

I pity your children even more because you don't seem to like them. To enjoy them. To want them to be children.

You are missing out on so much.

Your children are going to look back and see a mother who viewed being around them a chore. Who took Christmas away from them. Who put her need for praise over the needs of the people she was helping.

I know you will not pay attention to this, that you will just say that we are evil, feminists who don't understand.

Guess what, there are nine children in my family. My parents tried to raise us sheltered from the world like you are trying to do with your children. Sure they didn't beat us all day or deprive us of Christmas presents and my mother actually liked children, so they weren't quite as bad as you are, but still.

So I understand way more than you think I do.

And would you like to know how many kids out of nine grew up to be what our parents wanted us to be?

So far 1.

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I don't agree with all she said* (I think Santa Claus is harmless) and she takes it to an extreme degree, but she makes some good points. I didn't read her post as saying NOT to do ANYthing, just making a point to keep the "reason for the season" first in our thoughts.

There is a sort of cultural Christmas, which is the type I grew up with. Shopping, gifting, sending & getting cards, TV specials, and the occasional Christmas Eve service. But I didn't learn anything about the circumstances of why Christmas is important. When I grew up, I learned on my own. I wanted my children to understand the meaning of and circumstances around the birth of Christ (even though I don't necessarily take the bible literally). For me, it still included Santa Claus and looking forward to giving children gifts. Unfortunately, the season of Advent gets left out of the picture and becomes more of a "pre-Christmas." For those who believe in Jesus, I think it's important to impart the meaning of Christmas to our children, and to practice it ourselves - to not be taken up too much into the cultural Christmas.

... just as it is important for followers of any (or no) religious faith to be open with their kids about what they believe or question and why.

* and I detest her child-rearing "techniques" and her general rigidness. There's much to snark about in Kendal's case.

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It is one thing raising your children to never have Christmas gifts, it is another thing to suddenly not allow them to have them, even from relatives.

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Devil's advocate here. I got that she wanted to take the emphasis off of gifts, not do away with them completely.

Her tone and the anti-Santa thing make me think she might be a bit of a pill. Then again, this is the first time I've read anything by her.

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To me it seems pretty clear she is doing away with all gifts for her kids on Christmas:

Instead of giving our own children Christmas presents, we will be "adopting" a family and giving that family a Christmas they will remember.

How did our kids react to us telling them that they will not be receiving gifts on Christmas morning

She wanted to know why she couldn't receive gifts

We have asked our family to please not give gifts to the children this year

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And could her kids react anyway except being happy about no longer getting Christmas gifts? They probably remember the time daddy stayed home to help mommy spank them all day because they needed "training".

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The Maxwells, a family that has come out and said they don't do "fun", and are as conservative Christian as you can get, exchange presents (toys for the littlest ones), make gingerbread houses, go caroling, ride around looking at lights, decorate the fireplace (no Santa or tree, of course), went to some sort of a Christmas pageant last year.

I never thought I'd say this, but Kendal, let the Maxwells be your guide.

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Well, at least for the moment they still get birthday gifts.

I wonder if that soon will change!! I still don't understand why this woman thinks that a underprivileged family disserves a Christmas for then her kids do, I think it should be in addition to her family having a Christmas!!

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Dear Kendal,

As someone who claims to be teaching women how to live a godly life, you fail at that in every way.

Sure, I'm not a Christian, but when I read your blog I see no reason to become one.

You are not a light on the hill that draws people to Christ.

You make me want to run far away from your beliefs.

I pity you because you seem to be trapped in a miserable life.

I pity your children even more because you don't seem to like them. To enjoy them. To want them to be children.

You are missing out on so much.

Your children are going to look back and see a mother who viewed being around them a chore. Who took Christmas away from them. Who put her need for praise over the needs of the people she was helping.

I know you will not pay attention to this, that you will just say that we are evil, feminists who don't understand.

Guess what, there are nine children in my family. My parents tried to raise us sheltered from the world like you are trying to do with your children. Sure they didn't beat us all day or deprive us of Christmas presents and my mother actually liked children, so they weren't quite as bad as you are, but still.

So I understand way more than you think I do.

And would you like to know how many kids out of nine grew up to be what our parents wanted us to be?

So far 1.

There is bible belt in my country too. Any idea how many children and teenagers I have seen in my practice, so severely damaged by a strict religious upbringing?

Kendal made the choice to 'dedicate' her life to 'the father' her children have no choice and are going to be prepaired to never be able to make a choice at all.

It is called UPbringing for a reason, we are supposed to guide our children into adulthood (up) not to not to force them to remain a child.

On the other hand she forces them, little as they are, to understand a very adult way of life of sacrifice and abstinence from worldly goods and pleasures.

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Dear Kendal

Your children are not a social experiment. They are as you would say, a blessing, a special gift. This gift is not returnable when faulty, it comes with no guarantees, this gift starts as a blank slate. It is your job to make sure that the life they lead can be as full and rewarding as possible. It is a short one.

I am sure you think the path you are taking is the right one, why else would you be doing it? Do you sit down every day and ask yourself is this the right thing for them? Is this going to meet the goals of a good parent of nurturing, teaching, imparting love, happiness, sacrificing your own needs your own desires to make sure, ABSOLUTELY sure that this gift you were given is happy, secure. OR are you pursuing your own needs and desires through them?

Are you imposing your will on another human being? In the name of .....God?

Kiddies are blank slates when you get them. You fill them up. Do you think by not letting them hear anything other than life, experienced through your carefully managed ideals of child-rearing, isolation, dare I say it ..narrow view of the world? We all want to protect our children from the bad things, we all want to impart through our parenting knowledge experiences good/bad to help them. But there is one thing neither you or I can protect them from despite our polar opposite views.

Free Will. Free will, my dear. I hope yours have it in spades. Hey God allegedly gave it to us.

Give them presents. Let them give to charity also. Because that day when free will happens, they may just hate you, but at least you can say you did not take away Christmas.

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I don't agree with all she said* (I think Santa Claus is harmless) and she takes it to an extreme degree, but she makes some good points. I didn't read her post as saying NOT to do ANYthing, just making a point to keep the "reason for the season" first in our thoughts.

There is a sort of cultural Christmas, which is the type I grew up with. Shopping, gifting, sending & getting cards, TV specials, and the occasional Christmas Eve service. But I didn't learn anything about the circumstances of why Christmas is important. When I grew up, I learned on my own. I wanted my children to understand the meaning of and circumstances around the birth of Christ (even though I don't necessarily take the bible literally). For me, it still included Santa Claus and looking forward to giving children gifts. Unfortunately, the season of Advent gets left out of the picture and becomes more of a "pre-Christmas." For those who believe in Jesus, I think it's important to impart the meaning of Christmas to our children, and to practice it ourselves - to not be taken up too much into the cultural Christmas.

... just as it is important for followers of any (or no) religious faith to be open with their kids about what they believe or question and why.

* and I detest her child-rearing "techniques" and her general rigidness. There's much to snark about in Kendal's case.

I agree. Kendall might be an awful mother in many ways, but I don't see what's so horrible about her last post. Depriving your kids of gifts entirely might be exaggerated, but I don't think it's such a bad idea to take off the focus of Christmas from gifts and consumerism, especially if you consider yourself a Christian.

Also, while Santa might be harmless, I don't see why people are so upset by the idea of a Santa-less Christmas. I grew up knowing Christmas presents were from mom and dad and other people, and it didn't take away the magic of Christmas in any way.

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I don't think anyone is upset with her not doing Santa, it is that she suddenly is not giving her kids Christmas presents and not even allowing their grandparents to give them presents.

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I don't think anyone is upset with her not doing Santa, it is that she suddenly is not giving her kids Christmas presents and not even allowing their grandparents to give them presents.

And the the whole idea behind it. This religious idiocy, her stupidity and lack of pudency.

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Depriving your kids of gifts entirely might be exaggerated

It is. And this is the problem with Kendal and most other fundies. They have no sense of balance, and seem incapable of taking a rational, thoughtful approach to an undertaking like this.

I don't think it's such a bad idea to take off the focus of Christmas from gifts and consumerism, especially if you consider yourself a Christian.

It isn't, but that's a lot to expect from kids who are all under the age of 8, especially when she sprang it on them out of the blue just a few weeks before christmas. Plus Kendal is taking the focus off gifts/consumerism and putting it on herself. Because if her kids are too good for Christmas gifts, why is she buying them for poor children? Should she not be focusing their attention on the "reason for the season" too? When it comes down to it, it's just another way for her to "train" her blessings through deprivation.

If she really wants to guide her kids away from commercialization and teach them to give to others, why not start in a reasonable, age-appropriate way? Instead of taking away ALL their gifts for no reason, have them choose one or two items that they really like and give them to an Angel Tree kid instead. She can work up to taking away all the gifts if she really feels the need to, and by that time the kids will be able to better process why it's important to her. Kids don't need a million different presents and all the latest gadgets, but I don't think a 5-year-old is going to be learning that much about the evils of consumerism just because they aren't allowed even a single gift from grandma.

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I dont understand why these people cant separate the religious part of christmas with the secular part. Its ok to do both parts of Christmas. Just make sure you have balance and focus.

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I dont understand why these people cant separate the religious part of christmas with the secular part. Its ok to do both parts of Christmas. Just make sure you have balance and focus.

I completely agree with you. I see NOTHING wrong w/ not having Santa but like others have said I do have a problem w/ her kids not being allowed to have gifts!

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I completely agree with you. I see NOTHING wrong w/ not having Santa but like others have said I do have a problem w/ her kids not being allowed to have gifts!

I can't stand the thought of her poor kids waking up to nothing but another boring day of disappointment and punishment under Kendull's thumb. I really hope that when she is old and needs care that her children address her needs in exactly the same manner as their "mother" cared for them when they were little. Karma is a bitch.

Edit: riffles

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I don't think anyone is upset with her not doing Santa, it is that she suddenly is not giving her kids Christmas presents and not even allowing their grandparents to give them presents.

This. Especially because many, many families "adopt" other families (from angel trees & the like) and STILL give their children Christmas presents. I think it's particularly cruel to make children give other little kids presents, but then not have a single one at home.

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And the the whole idea behind it. This religious idiocy, her stupidity and lack of pudency.

And the fact that her kids will have to sit and watch other kids and family members receiving gifts from the very woman who is denying them even the smallest of gifts.

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Dear Kendal,

Let your kids be kids! What my parents did was us kids got something and then we got to pick something out for a family in need. It taught us about the spirit and meaning of giving.

One Christmas day, when I was very young, Dad came home from his job wearing nothing but his pants. He saw a family in need and gave them his shoes, socks, hat, shirt, jacket, and fifty dollars so they could have a meal and try to stay warm.

Lessons in giving and helping will help them far more than denying them the smallest of gifts.

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I dont understand why these people cant separate the religious part of christmas with the secular part. Its ok to do both parts of Christmas. Just make sure you have balance and focus.

Yes, exactly! Of course, that might make too much sense...

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