Kendal's alternative christmas

[MrsKay]

What a fucking cunt. Makes her kids feel like crap. Makes the parents of the needy children feel like shit (people helped me out a couple of times on holidays, and gave me the credit - I would have felt 2 inches high if they boasted about it). Make self look like a wonderful, caring... Well, no. She looks like a miserable bitch. Totally reminds me of the Christmas chapter in "Mommy Dearest", where the kids got to open hundreds of gifts from Mommy's fans (no gifts from Mommy)... and then give away every single one. Congrats, Kendal - you win today's "Mommy Dearest" prize from me! Don't get excited - it's a big fucking pile of nothing. Kinda like what your kids have to look forward to.

[Koala]

Yes, this. The more I think about this whole thing the worse it seems to me. I mean, yeah, you could still give your own kids at least a small present and also give to a needy family. Or, there are some religious traditions that don't believe in Christmas gifts, and that's fine - but they don't believe in them for *anyone.* Denying gifts to her own kids, but giving them to other kids, is just weird. She clearly doesn't think presents are inherently wrong, because this other family gets them. So it seems like she's almost rubbing her kids' noses in the fact that they are just too pious to get gifts, unlike this other family. I get the feeling her main attitude towards the poor family will be pity and superiority, not true compassion.

Also, she says her kids are on board with this. Well, in a household where something as simple as not liking a certain food is "an obedience issue," and obedience issues can mean getting spanked all day, a lot of kids would learn to agree with nearly anything for the sake of self preservation.

Well said.

[chaotic life]

Most fundies give up Christmas to be cheap and not have to spend money. This reeks of narcisstic tendencies to me. She's still going to spend money but she's going to shout it from the rooftops for praise from herself AND deny her own kids christmas. That's disgusting!

Go pull a few tags off the Angel Tree. Your kids get the experience of helping others in need BUT the parents get the ability to keep their dignity intact!

My second son has NEVER had Christmas before because of Fundie arrogance. His first adoptive family ONLY celebrated Thanksgiving. They didn't do Christmas or Easter because they were "pagan" holidays, so they focused on "giving to others" which just meant they didn't have to spend money on their kids. Poor kid hasn't got a clue what a Christmas stocking is.....yet.

The one thing my Narcisstic mother never took away was Christmas. It was probably because my wealthy grandparents would have stomped her in the face if she tried and she couldn't afford for them to cut her off financially the rest of the year. Christmas was the ONE thing we got to hold onto, no matter how far she tried to drag us into fundieland. That's why I make it magical for my kids. I don't believe there is any excuse you can tell your kids to deny them Christmas that will actually mean anything except you are too selfish to let Christmas be full of innocence for innocent children.

[Miggy]

To add to all the other criticism: Kendull is taking away the enjoyment of the family in buying gifts for her kids. Most grandparents enjoy spoiling their grandchildren. So sad that Kendull's need for control means she has to block this relationship.

I have heard people object to the Angel Tree (and similar giving programs) because they don't know if the people are "truly deserving" as if, somehow, children who have no presents because their father died and their mother refuses to work because she needs to be a SAH/SOTDRT mum are deserving but children who have no presents because their parents are alcoholics are undeserving.

[Sprocket]

Kindull sucks the fun out of everything. This little scenario is not surprising.

[Markie]

Kendal said...

Elizabeth, we are in fact going to give our children gifts at other times. I don't have to have a holiday tell me when I need to give my children gifts! Birthdays are huge at our house and we usually celebrate the entire weekend. Our children aren't lacking one bit! We have a house full of toys. But for Christmas, our focus is Christ and serving others.

Kendal is getting quite defensive here. The woman just suggested that Kendal give her children gifts on Epiphany to emulate the Three Wise Men or the 12th Day of Christmas. Didn't she take away Easter a year or two ago, too? Wonder what Kendal's and Mr. Kendal's families think of them? I truly hope they do not get to adopt.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I think its kinda sad that shes making her kids give presents to other people and not even get any Christmas presents for themselves. Surely they can do both, young children dont even need expensive presents, she could buy a few cheap presents for each kid, and also encourage her kids to pick out some toys to donate to poor families.

I think its more of a control issue, she wants to take everything away from her kids. If it carries on, they will turn into the Maxwells.

[ElphabaGalinda]

I think its kinda sad that shes making her kids give presents to other people and not even get any Christmas presents for themselves. Surely they can do both, young children dont even need expensive presents, she could buy a few cheap presents for each kid, and also encourage her kids to pick out some toys to donate to poor families.

I think its more of a control issue, she wants to take everything away from her kids. If it carries on, they will turn into the Maxwells.

To the bolded, that's the only reason I can see that she would possibly be doing this. She can easily teach her kids that some families have less than them, pick a family to help by presents for (preferably anonymously), and still buy her children presents. The only reason to take away Christmas presents from children when they've had them previously if they can afford it is to make their children unhappy. It's probably just another way to punish the children, since she seems to like to do that. I'm convinced a lot of the fundies we snark on don't like children, but I really think Kendal actively hates her children.

[guidedbybobafett]

She could have made this such a happy time. Without taking presents and a nice dinner away from her kids, she could have sat down with them and said, "We've been really lucky because we have a nice house to live in and good food to eat, but many families aren't as fortunate as ours. So we're going to secretly put together a nice Christmas for Family X." Then she could have talked about the X kids and their ages, and what she'd been able to learn about them: "Let's go shopping together and buy presents for them! What kind of toy do you think an #-year-old boy/girl would like? How about their mom/dad? What's your favorite Christmas treat? Do you think they'd be happy if we baked some for them, too?

Agreed. But I'm going to disagree with a lot of the commenters here. While I generally find Kendull incredibly distasteful at best and incredibly abusive and horrifying at worst, I don't disagree with what she's doing. You don't have to buy presents for your children at Christmas, and I don't believe that foregoing this is as sad as everyone seems to think it is. I led a privileged childhood, and remember several Christmases where I received an enormous of gifts that I honestly never looked at twice. My family did a similar thing for about two years, where instead of receiving gifts we gave our gifts to charity. We still got stuff from family and friends, we still had a dinner, but we did not receive presents from our parents or Santa. I was not sad. Sure, when my parents introduced the idea I was upset, but I quickly got over it when I realized how exciting it was to know that someone who was not going to get presents was going to get something because of me. Sure, it was a childish way to look at it, but I felt good about it, and I was happy to do it. I think that automatically writing off the idea that privileged children, who already receive untold amount of material goods throughout the year, can benefit from a charitable act just because their mother is generally awful isn't fair. I don't think we would be reacting the same way if a commenter said she would be doing the same thing for Christmas this year.

[Witsec7]

Agreed. But I'm going to disagree with a lot of the commenters here. While I generally find Kendull incredibly distasteful at best and incredibly abusive and horrifying at worst, I don't disagree with what she's doing. You don't have to buy presents for your children at Christmas, and I don't believe that foregoing this is as sad as everyone seems to think it is. I led a privileged childhood, and remember several Christmases where I received an enormous of gifts that I honestly never looked at twice. My family did a similar thing for about two years, where instead of receiving gifts we gave our gifts to charity. We still got stuff from family and friends, we still had a dinner, but we did not receive presents from our parents or Santa. I was not sad. Sure, when my parents introduced the idea I was upset, but I quickly got over it when I realized how exciting it was to know that someone who was not going to get presents was going to get something because of me. Sure, it was a childish way to look at it, but I felt good about it, and I was happy to do it. I think that automatically writing off the idea that privileged children, who already receive untold amount of material goods throughout the year, can benefit from a charitable act just because their mother is generally awful isn't fair. I don't think we would be reacting the same way if a commenter said she would be doing the same thing for Christmas this year.

Kinda easy to say if one had a privileged childhood.

[clarinetpower]

The problem isn't donating or wanting to give to those less fortunate, or even stopping giving to your family (which is my favorite part of the the holiday--the time and thought goes into a very special gift designed to give joy, but I digress.)

The problem is that Kendal splashed it all over the Internet a month before hand. She wants attention, period.

Personally? I have already been donating so much food to the food bank, my husband gets upset because he can't find anything to eat. (Not true, make a sandwich, you lazy bum. Ha.) I have made Christmas Child boxes and sent them on their way. And I'll do an Angel tree gift, too. But you know what? Except for you, now, and my kids who helped me make them, NO ONE KNEW. I didn't got tweeting it, status-updating it, calling my friends about it, or proclaiming it from the rooftops. I did not adopt a needy family and GIVE them the special Christmas they'd never forget!!! GAH! That's not the point, and frankly, it's demeaning.

All about her.

[lilwriter85]

I also don't think what Kendull is doing is horrible. I know a few people who have done similar things like guidedbybobafett's family did. At the same time, I also think Kendull and her hubby over time will turn into the Maxwells like another poster said. I think Kendull could give her kids some small Christmas gifts while having them give gifts to other people. A small part of me wonders if Kendull is doing this to get some donations for the adoption.

[Jana814]

I have no words for this woman!! I totally get wanted to help a needy family but I have a hudge problem w/ not allowing her kids to get Christmas gifts from family. I agree w/ an above poster her family is going to turn into the Maxwell's. Does her family have a tree?

[lilith]

So she's allowed to choose to totally take over a less lucky families Christmas and give them the food and presents she thinks they should have (poor poor family. Imagine her attitude if they don't like the food she so generously provides), but her friends and family aren't allowed to choose to give her children the presents they want them to have.

Hypocritical on top of everything else.

[latraviata]

Agreed. But I'm going to disagree with a lot of the commenters here. While I generally find Kendull incredibly distasteful at best and incredibly abusive and horrifying at worst, I don't disagree with what she's doing. You don't have to buy presents for your children at Christmas, and I don't believe that foregoing this is as sad as everyone seems to think it is. I led a privileged childhood, and remember several Christmases where I received an enormous of gifts that I honestly never looked at twice. My family did a similar thing for about two years, where instead of receiving gifts we gave our gifts to charity. We still got stuff from family and friends, we still had a dinner, but we did not receive presents from our parents or Santa. I was not sad. Sure, when my parents introduced the idea I was upset, but I quickly got over it when I realized how exciting it was to know that someone who was not going to get presents was going to get something because of me. Sure, it was a childish way to look at it, but I felt good about it, and I was happy to do it. I think that automatically writing off the idea that privileged children, who already receive untold amount of material goods throughout the year, can benefit from a charitable act just because their mother is generally awful isn't fair. I don't think we would be reacting the same way if a commenter said she would be doing the same thing for Christmas this year.

Kendal's children are very, very young. I wonder are they not allowed to believe in Santa? And it is not about the abundance of (expensive) presents for christmas or the presents they get throughout the year. It is all about Kendal to begin with and to take away again all the normal childhood fun for the, again very young children.

Of course we want our children to be aware of others who are less fortunate, but I think it is unfair to ask them to 'sacrifice' or 'punish' them for the fact that they are more fortunate and it makes their mother look so good.

Is Kendal going to report on the internet how grateful the needy family was??

And no, I would comment on everybody who is taking away the childhood fun and magic from children.

We (the Netherlands) have not the tradition of gifts with christmas, we have St Nicholas (sinterklaas) December 5th.

Some enlightened parents tell their young children, he doesn't exists, it is all about a dressed guy and commerce. I can't stand that!!!! Let them have that magical moment! It is such an exciting tradition for children, christmas or sinterklaas presents.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinterklaas

[snarktastic]

Hey, I've got an idea.

Spoken to my teenagers, they're up for making Kendall's family the target of our Christmas giving.

You know, we could bust into their house, give her kids gifts, tell them the good news that hell isn't real and children have rights.

OK - I know - never going to happen. But I hope they have kind Grandmas to bring them gifts and nice neighbours to keep an eye on what happens in that house. Some intervention from the CPS could actually be the best gift her kids ever get. Given the nastiness that Kendall publicises to the world, I wonder what happens behind closed doors that even she would be ashamed to admit to.

On the plus side, my kids do now have evidence that I am not, in fact, the worst parent ever because I won't buy them £500 phones for Christmas.

[latraviata]

Hey, I've got an idea.

Spoken to my teenagers, they're up for making Kendall's family the target of our Christmas giving.

You know, we could bust into their house, give her kids gifts, tell them the good news that hell isn't real and children have rights.

OK - I know - never going to happen. But I hope they have kind Grandmas to bring them gifts and nice neighbours to keep an eye on what happens in that house. Some intervention from the CPS could actually be the best gift her kids ever get. Given the nastiness that Kendall publicises to the world, I wonder what happens behind closed doors that even she would be ashamed to admit to.

On the plus side, my kids do now have evidence that I am not, in fact, the worst parent ever because I won't buy them £500 phones for Christmas.

Great idea!! You better start knitting mittens right now!!

[JesusFightClub]

What a fucking cunt. Makes her kids feel like crap. Makes the parents of the needy children feel like shit (people helped me out a couple of times on holidays, and gave me the credit - I would have felt 2 inches high if they boasted about it). Make self look like a wonderful, caring... Well, no. She looks like a miserable bitch. Totally reminds me of the Christmas chapter in "Mommy Dearest", where the kids got to open hundreds of gifts from Mommy's fans (no gifts from Mommy)... and then give away every single one. Congrats, Kendal - you win today's "Mommy Dearest" prize from me! Don't get excited - it's a big fucking pile of nothing. Kinda like what your kids have to look forward to.

Er, this.

What means Kendull couldn't give her kids a present as well as the other kids? She's not badly off.

"Here are your presents and guess what! We got to give another family, who couldn't quite afford it, a present too! How nice for us!"

It is a gift to share. It's also a gift to provide your own children with gifts. This is a basic concept, really. I'm a Marxist and not struggling with this idea.

The ideological reason behind this is twofold. First of all there's a layer of meaning behind the phrase "There's nothing too good for the working class." There shouldn't be an issue of denial because it shouldn't occur. There ought to be (and are) enough luxuries for everyone to have a bit of luxury in their lives.

The concept of luxury is varied between different groups, of course. That's to do with how late stage capitalism works (and I am trying very hard not to bore you all, and feel I am failing. And also can't spell.)

Secondly, giving to another doesn't automatically mean depriving oneself. That's an idea from earlier Christian literature which has little relevance to the modern day. And I think it's unhelpful, because giving should be a happy act, not what feels like a punishment.

There's a technical third point here, but I am going back to bed before you all die of boredom hating me.

[Artemis]

It's fine JFC, we're used to you being our resident ideological expert :) on all things left of centre. No worries.

[OkToBeTakei]

First let me tell you that I have struggled more with letting go of that tradition. I grew up coming down to a room full of presents from "Santa" and I always envisioned doing the same for my own children. {minus Santa}

This is what I hate about these people. They make the decisions about how they will bring their kids up based on an ideal they did not experience themselves. Steve Maxwell denies his kids amusement parks and rides because he loved them so much. This one wants to deny her kids a special magical time although she had it. I truly hope when all these fuckedbyfundieparents kids grow up they also adopt the lets bring our kids up opposite to the way I was brought up to redress the balance. Mary Maxwell will buy her kids an amusement park. Kendull's kids will celebrate Christmas and Santa 364 days of the year.

Agreed. But I'm going to disagree with a lot of the commenters here. While I generally find Kendull incredibly distasteful at best and incredibly abusive and horrifying at worst, I don't disagree with what she's doing. You don't have to buy presents for your children at Christmas, and I don't believe that foregoing this is as sad as everyone seems to think it is. I led a privileged childhood, and remember several Christmases where I received an enormous of gifts that I honestly never looked at twice. My family did a similar thing for about two years, where instead of receiving gifts we gave our gifts to charity. We still got stuff from family and friends, we still had a dinner, but we did not receive presents from our parents or Santa. I was not sad. Sure, when my parents introduced the idea I was upset, but I quickly got over it when I realized how exciting it was to know that someone who was not going to get presents was going to get something because of me. Sure, it was a childish way to look at it, but I felt good about it, and I was happy to do it. I think that automatically writing off the idea that privileged children, who already receive untold amount of material goods throughout the year, can benefit from a charitable act just because their mother is generally awful isn't fair. I don't think we would be reacting the same way if a commenter said she would be doing the same thing for Christmas this year.

No. I'd say the exact same thing.

[Artemis]

I don't think we would be reacting the same way if a commenter said she would be doing the same thing for Christmas this year.

I can't imagine anyone on here a) doing what Kendal has done to their own children or b) bragging about it all over the internet to impress others with how Godly their behaviour is.

I can imagine people on here:

a) doing their best to provide joy at Christmas for their children no matter how hard-up they were

b) helping others out and shutting up about it because, frankly, it's pretty smug and nasty to make such a big deal of how amazing you are.

I think that automatically writing off the idea that privileged children, who already receive untold amount of material goods throughout the year, can benefit from a charitable act just because their mother is generally awful isn't fair.

We're not.

No-one has made any generic statement to the effect that privileged children don't benefit from charitable acts. What we have said is that IN THIS CASE Kendal has acted unwisely and unpleasantly.

She is unwise because her actions have been formulated in such a way as to impress upon her children not the joy that comes from giving, but a sneaking sense of resentment about the way in which she has manipulated them and deprived them. Differently handled, they could have been joyful givers, and understood their privilege.

She is unpleasant because she is making religion an excuse for her own self-glorification; an action very far from Godly.

[latraviata]

It's fine JFC, we're used to you being our resident ideological expert :) on all things left of centre. No worries.

We love you anyway :violin: :violin:

[latraviata]

I can't imagine anyone on here a) doing what Kendal has done to their own children or b) bragging about it all over the internet to impress others with how Godly their behaviour is.

I can imagine people on here:

a) doing their best to provide joy at Christmas for their children no matter how hard-up they were

b) helping others out and shutting up about it because, frankly, it's pretty smug and nasty to make such a big deal of how amazing you are.

We're not.

No-one has made any generic statement to the effect that privileged children don't benefit from charitable acts. What we have said is that IN THIS CASE Kendal has acted unwisely and unpleasantly.

She is unwise because her actions have been formulated in such a way as to impress upon her children not the joy that comes from giving, but a sneaking sense of resentment about the way in which she has manipulated them and deprived them. Differently handled, they could have been joyful givers, and understood their privilege.

She is unpleasant because she is making religion an excuse for her own self-glorification; an action very far from Godly.

Excactly my point. Self glorification at the expense of others, even her children.

Just read that sentimental fake drivel she produces on her blog. It is all about Kendal, she is so moved by her own godly goodness, it almost brings tears to her eyes.

She is a very unpleasant person.

[Peas n carrots]

It's just plain cruel. Nothing wrong (in fact it's great) to adopt a family over the holidays. Ill even go as far to say if the children were in their late teens this would be a good idea instead of traditional gift giving. But little kids that age won't understand, and they will see someone else receiving love and attention from their mother instead of them. My mother has pulled stuff like this on me (not over Xmas but taking/giving away my things) and it made me resent her. Kendall will have kids that might be obedient, but if she keeps this up she will never have their love.

[ophelia]

This shows again that they are going further down the road into total fundamentalism. Except from their "child-training" there were still aspects where Kendal and her family seemed to be more fundie-liteish..

And I can totally see that they have to cut off the presents due to the costs of their adoption process.