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Edens Year 4: Calling In Reinforcement!


neurogirl

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Welcome back to 66 Goodbook Avenue! At the beginning of Year 4, Eva practiced her crazy-eyed fundie love stare...

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and Exodus expressed his dismay at having a new brother.

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Which was really too bad because, as you may have guessed, the Edens cannot stay un-pregnant for very long. Congratulations Exodus! The Lord has opened your mother's womb again and you're going to have an even newer sibling soon! Everyone was SO excited! Especially Adam. 

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Although the Edens could manage their brood sometimes, that was only on weekends or the one day of family leave Eva begged her headship to take.

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When the holy penis-holder was away, Eva struggled with 3-in-3 and counting. Here, she takes a desperate nap as the toddlers play unsupervised outside and throw paint into the yard (where did they even get that?), dirty food begins to stink on the coffee table, and the baby cries in the background. #FAMILY (And yes, the Edens eventually sold that worthless giant teddy. The weird tree thing does a much better job of keeping the kids out of the way.)

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Realizing that she was failing as manager of her home, Eva called up her former umbrella of protection and asked them to PLEASE ship over a sister-mom. And they did. Yay! Meet Elsie Johnson, Eva's 16-year old sister. She's an aspiring cook, loves children, loves to clean, and of course has a servant's heart! (Also notice Eva literally PRAISING JESUS for Elsie's arrival)

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Elsie also totally graduated homeskool early so she can live with the Edens and help out full time. The Johnsons (Eva and Elsie's parents and some brothers) even went so far as to help the Edens build a little extension for Elsie's bedroom. How neat!!! (But don't mind Adam NIKE!!!!!!!!1!!!1!!)

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Elsie took to her duties right away- cleaning, gardening, soothing the baby, playing with and teaching the toddlers, and cooking. She is such a blessing! Eva was even able to find a moment of peace to write her newest work, "Boys are Boys and Girls are Girls: a fun book for families."

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Eva was also working very hard on her contentment (read: I was using cheats to max her motives) and their growing family was running very smoothly. Though Elsie was an overall net HUGE POSITIVE, she did not come to the Edens with any baking skills. So of course, this happened. Again.

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Only the stove and the violin of the newly set-up SOTDRT was burned. This time, the Edens grifted for a home sprinkler system and a higher-quality stove. They are getting really sick of this shi...opportunity of growth from the Lord. After the fire, Eva and Elsie enjoyed some precious sister moments during which Elsie did not at all regret her new season of life.

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And during the transition into the new year, baby Leviticus grew up! Happy birthday Leviticus! It totally makes sense that you got "clingy" for your toddler personality, since you were not AT ALL an easy baby!! (Lovely)

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As you can see, Year 4 ended with Eva heavily pregnant, but no new baby Eden. For those keeping track, in 4 years that's 3.85 blessings, 1 wrong-generation sister-mom, 3 fires, an entire home extension and thousands of dollars grifted, 3 open-and-affirming tracts published, and at least 5 instances of paint-splattered lawn. Keeping their fingers crossed for a good baby this time, Edens out!

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  • Posts

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      Posted

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    • noseybutt

      Posted (edited)

      33 minutes ago, hoipolloi said:

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      Shoshannaonyoungmarriagein2022..thumb.png.1d2cc6255fe1839a3685bb51a4800caa.png

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      Edited by noseybutt
      • Upvote 1
    • Marmion

      Posted

      18 hours ago, MariaariaM said:

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    • hoipolloi

      Posted (edited)

      3 hours ago, noseybutt said:

      we don't know, really, what opinion her parents had of it. I mean, we know that they are stridently anti-divorce in general terms BUT they are so two-faced that I wouldn't necessarily conclude they were anti-divorce in her situation. IOW, it's hard to know if she was going against her parents wishes or abiding by it.

      Well, we know what Mike said when James & Shoshanna married in 2004 & he seemed to think James was great then. Typically, neither Mike nor Debi has ever acknowledged Shoshanna's or Gabe's divorces, although they have been backpedaling on some of their hardline stuff in recent NGJ articles.

      Shoshanna's IG reel is so garbled it's hard to understand but she seems to be saying that, essentially, her divorce was good because she wanted it. This comports with the primary rule of the Pearls' teachings: Do as we say and not as we do.

      Re: Jeremiah's engagement. Not surprising -- and also not surprising that Shoshanna seems to have memory-holed all of her advice about not getting married too young.

      Shoshannaonyoungmarriagein2022..thumb.png.1d2cc6255fe1839a3685bb51a4800caa.png

      Jeremiah's cousin, Shalom Brand's oldest, Janelle, got married at 17 in 2022. It's what these people do. 

      Edited by hoipolloi
      • WTF 1
      • Thank You 2
    • Marmion

      Posted (edited)

      On 3/25/2024 at 12:29 PM, Cults-r-us said:

      I accidentally deleted my pic. Does anyone know what skirts-wearing fundie sect wears round, doily-ish head coverings? We saw them at a dinosaur museum. The girls had on white ones (assume single)  and the girl with kids had black, so I assume she's married

       

      Those have become rather generic among various head covering wearing Christian sects .  I have come to most commonly associate this style of headwear with the Beachy Amish-Mennonites I had played volleyball with several years ago .  I am still Facebook friends with one of the young women I'd met there , whom has since left the church . For reference,  here is a picture of one of them playing along side me .    

       

      image.png.e921cc84f7965e890d8c2c5e132ddbd2.png

      Edited by Marmion


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