Keeping Up With The Dunkels - Chapter 13: Drama at the Dunkels'

 

Happy Birthday to the first and only GrandDunkelDaughter, Charity Dunkel! She's the spitting image of Cara. By the way, Cara, shouldn't you be pregnant again? Your first kid is almost walking! You're not getting any younger, you know!

 

Things were going super well between George Midlock* and Anna Grace. As they Got To Know each other, they had deep theological discussions about whether women should cover their hair in church. They agreed about EVERYTHING! (Well, George gave his opinion, and Anna Grace made sure to agree with him.)

*Ummm, yes. Remember how excited I was last time that I finally figured out his name? Well, I still managed to get it wrong. It's Midlock, not Mitlock.

 

Before long, Anna Grace and George had entered into an OFFICIAL courtship! They were really enjoying side hugs and looking forward to everything the future had to offer (babies. babies. babies). Don't worry, the chaperones are just out of shot.

 

Back at the Miceli's, Adalyn's homemaking skills were really improving!

 

Hobart was so impressed by her improved housekeeping that one night he brought one of his fundie doctor friends home for dinner! He had called Adalyn to let her know ten minutes before they would be there. "Whatever you do, don't mention his brother," Hobart whispered over the phone. "Christian has an identical twin brother named Tristan who lives in the city. He works in the music industry like your heathen sister Abigail, and he's..... homosexual."

 

Well, Adalyn had no problem not talking about homosexuality, because it totally confused her anyway. She set to work cooking up a batch of grilled cheese sandwiches for the hardworking boys. She just loooooooooooooved being a wife! Hehe!

 

Even after being married almost a YEAR, going through SEVERE morning sickness, and having a SWEET baby, Adalyn was still sooooooooo in love with her wonderful husband Hobart!

 

That's probably why she let him knock her up again exactly 41 days after little David was born.

Cara? CARA? HELLO?! Your younger sister-in-law is about to lap you in the babymaking department! Have you no shame, woman? Your husband is a pastor! The fruit of your womb is his testimony! You'd better be sweetly fellowshipping like you've never fellowshipped before!

 

Adam and Mehrissa's second son, Braxton, soon grew into a child, and things were getting a bit cramped in that little starter home.

 

With their family so quickly growing, they needed more space, stat! Adam's fundie writing and speaking career was growing, too, and they were able to afford a big old farm house not too far from their old place. It needed some work, but it had enough space to accommodate all of them. For now.

 

Surprising exactly no one, Mehrissa fell pregnant again shortly after moving into the new house. 

Come on, Cara. This is getting embarrassing.

 

Three weeks after the start of their courtship, George came over for a chaperoned visit with Anna Grace. He dropped to one knee, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought he was proposing! Already! But instead he serenaded her with her favourite hymn.

 

"I know you love that song, Anna Grace," said George. "The lines about submission and meekness always remind me of you! That's why I wanted to serenade you with it, before I asked you..."

 

"...to marry me!"

The chaperones looked on excitedly. Anna Grace covered her mouth in shock. She had been waiting for this moment for WEEKS! But something strange happened. When George had dropped to his knee the first time and she'd thought he was proposing, she hadn't felt quite right. There were butterflies in her stomach, but more the vomit-y kind than the excited kind. And then she realized...

 

"I'm so sorry, George, but... I can't marry you!"

George hung his head, shocked and dejected. The chaperones looked away, confused and embarrassed.

 

"Anna Grace! Wait, come back!" George strode after her as she walked toward the house. "How could you do this to me? You told me I was your best friend! I bought a new sweater to wear just for this occasion!"

 

"I had some time to think while you were serenading me," Anna Grace explained, as the chaperones were forced to awkwardly stand by.

 

"Think?!" cried George. "Who taught you to think?!"

"Just listen," Anna Grace implored. "I realized that this isn't right, George. I was raised to value loyalty, putting Jesus first, others second, and yourself last. But you broke my sister's heart. You put yourself first. You decided Aimee Joy wasn't good enough for you, then turned around and started pursuing me. How long till you decide that I don't meet your standards, George? How long before you throw me away like a bad tater tot casserole?"

 

George was devastated (and extremely embarrassed), but nothing he said could convince Anna Grace to change her mind.

 

"Happy birthday to me... Happy birthday to me..." newly 18-year-old Abel whistled to himself in the midst of the insanity.

 

As Avalee exhorted her younger adopted siblings to be more Christlike in the living room, and Aliviah complained about how hungry she was in the hallway (Cathy kept all the girls on a diet to make sure they kept their slim figures), Aimee Joy and Anna Grace confronted each other.

 

"I'm so sorry, Aimee Joy," said Anna Grace, with tears in her eyes. "I never should have encouraged George. I was wrong. Can you ever forgive me?"

 

*Soaring violin music (courtesy of Aaron over there in the corner)*

 

"Oh, I'm so happy!" sobbed Avalee. "I'm just so, so, so happy! It's so WONDERFUL! Nothing is more important than sisterly love!!!"

"Avalee? Avalee?" said Anna Grace. "It's okay. Really. Avalee? Come on. Get it together."

 

Back in the Big Scary City, Abigail was totally positive that she was in love with Gilbert. He was just so hot wonderful! They weren't, like, officially dating yet, but she was sure they would be soon. He even promised to come to her show the next night.

 

She didn't see Gilbert in the audience, but her friend Tristan showed up to support her and told her she was doing an awesome job! "I know how hard it must be, coming from a background like yours," he told her. "I have an identical twin brother who lives a couple hours away and he's one of these hardcore Bible thumping dudes. He's nuts. And he's a doctor!"

 

Gilbert finally showed up later that night as Abigail was making the rounds, talking to fans. She was so excited to see him!

 

But Gilbert was NOT happy. "What the heck (remember, he's still a Christian), Abigail?!" he shouted. "I've been waiting around here for like EIGHT MINUTES, and you haven't even looked at me! What's so great about these other men you're talking to?! HUH?!"

"Gilbert, they're just fans - I'm trying to improve my career - "

 

"Oh yeah? Your career is more important than ME?! I'm not gonna sit around and watch as you CHEAT on me with these assholes!"

"Cheat on you?!" Abigail retorted. "What are you talking about? We're not even officially dating! We've never even kissed!!"

But Gilbert didn't care. He stormed out.

 

Abigail wasn't sure whether she was more depressed or angry. She thought dancing might distract her, but suddenly no man seemed interested in her.

"Uh, sorry, I heard you were a tramp," said trench coat man.

 

Abigail swore to herself that she wasn't going to let Gilbert ruin her life. At the music festival the next week, she struck up a conversation with a guy who was almost as hot as Gilbert, and probably a lot nicer!

 

Hmm... maybe not. "Uh, sorry, but I'm married," said trench coat man 2.0

Okay, well, I guess that's a decent excuse.

 

Abigail tried to laugh it off, but she was feeling more and more depressed. Suddenly it was like she was back in her old life, rejected over and over again! What had been the point of moving away to the city anyway? Everyone hated her!!!!!!!!

 

Abigail was feeling pretty sorry for herself and spent a little too much time drowning her sorrows, if you know what I mean. Later that night, she bumped into a woman dressed up for the festival, forgetting it was October 31st (because Halloween was obviously banned in the Dunkel household). "Oh my gosh, are you a WITCH?!" exclaimed Abigail. "Can you, like... okay, so, there's this guy I met today... I think he's the one, like seriously, I do... and I mean, he's married, but, like... you're a witch. Could you take care of that for me?"

 

To the witch's credit, she noticed Abigail was pretty drunk, and just laughed it off. "Hey, I love your music!" she said.

See, witches aren't all evil. Maybe Abigail will join her coven.

 

Back at the Dunkel household, Anna Grace was exhorting her littlest sister Addyson to always vote Republican when she grew up - when suddenly they heard a shout of pain! Everyone rushed upstairs to find...

 

Cara holding her brand new baby girl - Chloe Dunkel! 

LOL did you guys really think Cara wasn't pregnant? Nah, she's just SO modest that she decided not to announce it or even mention anything about it until she actually gave birth. So sweet!