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FJ Colorists Unite

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This whole book has been quite detailed.  I admire your commitment to  finishing a book in order (or at all lol)

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  • Posts

    • HarleyQuinn


      I was part of a scavenger hunt proposal once. I got so drunk during it that I had a blast. My friend at first thought she was just getting concert tickets she wanted. She and her now husband always do little games for each other. :pb_lol: I felt for Jessa during her proposal because she was clearly not having fun, but I thought that church at the end, and how genuine she and Ben were was beautiful.

      • Upvote 1
    • Briefly


      16 hours ago, Petronella said:

      Ugh, I'm not a fan of unschooling. And she sounds delusional. I TOTALLY AGREE with calling out lousy homeschooling. I just hate the "unless you have a teaching degree it should be illegal" thing. For the record, I have two degrees, and neither of them relate to my two careers. One of those careers is...teaching!

      I am not a fan of unschooling because I've seen the results a couple of times. I have a relative that homeschools but I strongly suspect that she is unschooling. And in her case, her kids are not doing any studying because they don't want to and she is not enforcing any. She was a school teacher for a few years before her kids came along, and she knows how to teach them. She just chooses not to. And they will suffer, although we also think they could well be another case like the Arndts - and stay home with mom and dad for the rest of their lives.

    • AnnaSofia


      Meanwhile, Beall and Liberty are in New Mexico for the Bataan Death March memorial. Somehow there's always enough money to show up at things like that. Plasma sales must be good.

      • Haha 1
    • Don'tlikekoolaid


      @Palimpsest If I could give you a hundred loves for that post I would.

      • Upvote 3
    • Palimpsest

      Posted (edited)

      @Jessesgirl, thank you for telling your story and hanging in there for more reasoned responses.  I am glad you are in contact with and sympathetic to your half brother.  I'm sure he values that relationship beyond belief.  And for your empathy and understanding for your mother's experiences.  I hope he can reach a similar understanding.

      @Satan'sFortress.  Fantastic posts on the subject.  Thank you.

      Also thanks to everyone else who has posted about the situations of unwed mothers during the Baby Scoop Era, especially in Ireland, and preached compassion and understanding.

      Adult adopted child here - adopted 1955.  I've posted this story before so I won't repeat it in depth.  All I will say is that I started to search for my birth mother and stopped.  Not all adoptees even feel the need to search.  

      I'd encourage all adult adoptee searchers to seek therapy before they search to explore their reasons for doing so, to consider the effect on their birth mother, to prepare themselves for rejection, and to seek guidance in how to approach their birth family if they ever find them.  Oh.  And how to deal with their adoptive family who may have major problems with the search.

      The reason I started a search was partly to try to find out medical information - but also a need to tell my birth mother that I was OK and that I hoped she was too. 

      I stopped searching when I discovered that the only two candidates to be my birth mother were 13 and 15 in 1955. I left a letter in a repository so that she can find it if she ever looks for me.

      I decided, there and then that her rights to privacy in a closed adoption, she was originally promised confidentiality, outweighed my all my rights to knowledge, even though UK law changed in 1976 to allow me access to my adoption file and to search.   It was my decision to let it go and I am fine with it. 

      That doesn't mean that I agree that adopted children do not have rights to this information.  Adopted children do have the right to know about their birth parents.  Adopted children's rights have been screwed by the system.

      On 3/22/2018 at 3:27 PM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

       And unfortunately her son needs to realize that, it isn't him that is the issue, but he's not really the victim here, his mother is.

      Bullshit.  They are both victims.  I have compassion for her but also for him.   They both have pain.  I don't shame either of them.  I see the pain.

      Adoption always represents loss for one or more of the adoption triad.  Have some respect for the fact that his rights to knowledge about his heritage and his medical information have been screwed.  He also has to deal with his birth mother's rejection and the knowledge that his birth was so traumatic for her that she can't even talk to him.  Sheesh, of course he is a victim.

      2 hours ago, Hisey said:

      I can’t imagine the rejection that kid must feel. I have two adopted teen girls. Their self esteem is slready fragile because they were “given up” for adoption. If they searched for their  birthmother and were lucky enough to find her, they would be devastated—absolutely devastated—if their birthmother refused to talk to them. I cant even imagine how much that would hurt them. 

      OP’s mom is not in Ireland any more. She is hurting her own child in order to spare her own feelings. That’s not what good mothers do. 

      I dont care whether it was society, the church, or patriarchy that was at fault for the adoption. It is always wrong to hurt your own child. 

      Jeez, she could write a note at the very least. That poor guy must feel so rejected. 

      Honestly, your first post response to @Jessesgirl was brutal but I took it as ignorance about the position of unwed mothers in Ireland in the 70s.  Your second post doubled down on the nastiness.  And this one fills me with horror.

      As the parent of adopted children, who may (not will) want to search in the future, and may (not will) be rejected, I suggest that you look into the valid reasons a birth mother might not want to reunite with a child.  Many of them have been explained above.

      Exploring some of those reasons with them might help soften the blow.  Telling an adopted child that their birth mother (their blood relative) is ipso facto a horrible person will even further damage their self esteem. They will fear their heritage from such a bad mother. Believe me. 

      Edited by Palimpsest
      • Upvote 4
      • Love 5