I just had one of those conversations where on my mental end it is far more amusing than what actually happened.  I do this.  I self-censor a lot.  

I go into my boss's office to tell him - yes I'm going to Food Pusher's birthday lunch (her name as I reference it online for purposes such as whining/blogging etc).  Yell when it is time to go (I am currently located on the opposite side of our office from him, something that should change in the near future).  

He starts to talk to me then realizes that he has cake in his mouth that he is chewing and starts.

Me mentally:  yes, chew first talk later because I would hate for workplace violence to occur because my inner Elise (one of my grandmothers) to come out over horrible table manners.  

He chokes his bite of cake down and then tells me that he has changed his vacation time planned for Christmas weekend.  (I had asked him more or less to get his act together and schedule his remaining vacay time so I could figure out when I am taking my remaining 1.5 days).  He was going to take off the 27th.  But now 'they' (wife) have decided to travel that weekend (to visit her family elsewhere).  But he doesn't mean that weekend because he is taking the 28th and 29th.  (we have the 30th off as an alleged holiday - we'll see how that week actually turns out).  

Me actually:  okay

Me mentally:  Great, great because you learned absolutely NOTHING from your deciding to take off Oct 31 and giving yourself too much work to do on workday 1 of October close (on Nov 1) because you were gone at the end of the month.  And this is year end and how much work are you going to have because auditors and year end processes and and and.  

He keeps shoving cake in his mouth.  

Me mentally:  the cake looks dry (I am coming up with excuses/reasons to stay away from the stupid cake - we'll get to the cake in a bit).  

Me actually:  You know that means that you'll only be there one day that week (we have the 26th as a holiday too).  

Him:  I know (yes, shoveling cake still)

Me actually:  Okay but I'm throwing you under the bus to anyone who needs you that week.  (with a reminder about auditors).  

Him:  okay.

Me Mentally:  And you will be in a tizzy on the first workday because you are gone these 2 days and I won't say it out loud but I will SO be thinking - I knew it.  

he shovels the last large bit of his cake in his mouth, chews maybe 3 times and swallows.  

Him:  That was good.

Me mentally:  I would hope so since you ate that piece in maybe 4 bites as if on a Steve Maxwell fast and you're just eating for the first time since.  

I got up and left at that point.  

As for the cake - it was for Food Pusher's birthday.  Food Pusher had gastric surgery a year ago.  She's done well with weight loss.  But Food Pusher works in another department now because of outsourcing.  Only she still keeps her food on our floor (because apparently, they are heathens downstairs with a nasty microwave and fridge but I think it is an excuse to visit people up here as well).  So someone (who has a last day at the end of the month due to the same outsourcing) brought cake in.  Only I seem to recall that she can't really eat cake because of dietary restrictions from the gastric surgery (sugar and such) so the cake isn't for her as much as everyone else.  Me, I don't want the cake (nor did I want the 3 day old Krusty Kremes someone brought in).  (I call her Food Pusher because she is one of the two - the other being the person who brought the cake today) who keep organizing the stupid food days in this department.  And the food she brings is often unhealthy even after her gastric surgery - it is okay for everyone else to eat it just not her).