Disclaimer: I'm starting this chapter at 12:15 AM my time, so apologies in advance for grammar and spelling failures. I probably won't get this finished before I pass out, but I'm gonna give it a go. Wine status: none.

The awesomely amazing @OnceUponATime has made us illustrations of our characters. This chapter will have Nosy Busybody, The Good Girl, and Asshole Plot Device. Here's an artist's rendering:

Nosy Busybody:

Asshole Plot Device:

The Good Girl:

These are quite possibly the funniest things I have ever seen, and I can not WAIT til we get to the point where we meet Salesman Headship, because his and Teh Ebil Whore's are COMEDY GOLD.

In case you were wondering, the image today is of a street with houses on. I have no idea why, because they are in the park again. Where I come from, the chapter illustration is supposed to, you know, ILLUSTRATE THE FUCKING CHAPTER, but apparently Mr. Ohlman (who is a creeper) lives in a different world.

We open today's chapter with Teh Good Girl and Asshole Plot Device arguing in the park. Wait, who told Teh Good Girl she could leave the house without a headship? She's just one step away from becoming a fallen Jezebel with no supervision, and to make it worse, she's TALKING TO A BOY! WITHOUT DADDY! I need some pearls to clutch.

Nosy Busybody wanders in because clearly someone needs to teach the kids how to act right or something. He asks what is going on, and Asshole Plot Device tells him that mean Good Girl refused to date him. Good Girl retorts that she won't date him because she doesn't date, she courts. Oh god. This is going to hurt, and it's almost 1AM. Asshole Plot Device comes across as the quintessential "nice guy that gets ignored by girls" here. He's all mad because he wants to date Good Girl and she doesn't want to go go out with him. I mean, HE is serious about wanting to to marry her, so OBVIOUSLY Good Girl is REQUIRED to date him. Gross.

Anyway, Good Girl tells Asshole Plot Device that it's not him, it's that she won't date anyone cos she is only going to court. Asshole Plot Device asks fucking Nosy Busybody to define courtship for him. Um, dude, the woman who said she only courts is RIGHT FUCKING THERE. Maybe you should FUCKING ASK HER, not a random dude you just met. If I haven't been to bed yet, does it still count as drinking too early if I go upstairs for a glass of wine?

Nosy Busybody points out that courtship doesn't appear in the Bible, which is accurate, and I would cheer if I didn't know that he was going to use that fact as reasoning for his fucking betrothal horseshit. Alas, I'm sure that is coming. SPOILERS!

Good Girl attempts to explain what courtship means with this lovely exchange:

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Maydyn: Well, you can find one definition on Bill Gothard’s website. Have you heard of Bill Gothard?

Sakal: Oh, yes. Even where I come from we have heard of Bill Gothard.

Maydyn: Well, we certainly don’t agree with everything he teaches, but he is very popular, and was at the forefront of the courtship movement. His definition goes like this: “Courtship is experiencing the blessing of God by loving the Lord Jesus Christ and honoring both sets of parents. The purpose of courtship is to determine a couple’s readiness for marriage and to discern the will of God for a covenant marriage that will benefit the world.”

First problem. I was raised fundie, and homeschooled, and I'd still never heard of Gothard before FJ, so the "even where I come from" (which is nebulous in the text, other than Middle East, and a comment is made early on that his attire matches that) makes no fucking sense. Second problem, if Bill Gothard is too fucking liberal for you, I can't even with you. Third problem, I'd like to argue the very popular point. Last I checked, he was booted out of his ministry for impropriety. Fourth problem, I still don't have any wine.

Nosy Busybody basically says that courtship sounds just like dating to him. I mean, in the courtship model, the kids have some sort of say in their lives, so clearly it's EXACTLY THE SAME as dating. SEND HELP AND WINE! Good Girl tries to explain that courtship is way different because all the parties involved are SERIOUS y'all. Asshole Plot Device butts in with a wait a minute, I'm serious about marrying you, how could you turn me down, and oh my god I want to smack him upside the head with a women's studies textbook. Of course, Nosy Busybody backs Asshole Plot Device, but that's mostly because he's trying to prove that courtship is the same as dating.

There's a stupid conversation about how courtship doesn't signify readiness for marriage, and a brief sojourn into covenant marriages. Nosy Busybody is condescending as shit to poor Good Girl, and of course, because she's a woman, and a stupid plot device, she can't adequately express the Biblical reasons for courtship. That could have something to do with the fact that they don't exist, but I digress. There's some boring bullshit about covenant marriage, but it's all really to serve the purpose of "proving" that courtship and dating are the same thing. It's basically two pages of nothing but them being passive aggressive and condescending at each other. Bright side: I'm not depressed like I was after chapter three, just tired.

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Maydyn: What?! I don’t know where you found this guy, Andrew, but he is crazy! [Maydyn storms off in a swirl of skirts].

Preach Good Girl, preach. This is the first time I've agreed with you, though again, I really hate the fact that both women in the story so far have stormed off after having a disagreement with Nosy Busybody. Way to play with the "women are overly emotional and irrational" sterotype. Fuck you and your misogyny again Mr. Ohlman (who is a creeper). And with that, this chapter is over, except for Asshole Plot Device making plans to meet up with Nosy Busybody to answer more questions. It's too late to even tell him to run away anymore.

It's 1:30 AM and I'm tired, and thank god this chapter is done because reading it is putting me to sleep. I reread for grammar and spelling, but I'm sure I missed stuff. I'll go through it again in the morning when I can see straight.