• Sky
  • Blueberry
  • Slate
  • Blackcurrant
  • Watermelon
  • Strawberry
  • Orange
  • Banana
  • Apple
  • Emerald
  • Chocolate
  • Charcoal

Totally Not A Blog

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
  • entries
  • comments
  • views

About this blog

Random snarking and venting about stuff happening in my life.

Entries in this blog


So some mentioned wedding photos and since I have one that allows us both to remain anonymous while still showing off our wedding kit I thought I'd share.


I also thought that I'd share some photos of my cats, since pet pictures are the best kind of photos.

I don't want to give my cats' names because they could make me identifiable to people who know be IRL so I will refer to them by pseudonyms. Not paranoid at all.

Photos P1 and P2: My Seal Point Ragdoll. Let's call him Chris Redfield. He's the sweetest cat you will ever meet (never bites or scratches, gives kisses) but we think he's missing a chromosome and he appears to be special needs. He once got outside onto my next door neighbour's driveway by going through a hole in the fence and proceeded to forget how he got there and began to cry and cry and cry because he was lost and frightened. I went out to get him. He was right next to the hole.
He will let you hold him as long as you like with only mild struggles, even though he doesn't really like affection. He's kind of aloof but when he wants some affection he'll sit still while I pet him for anywhere up to half an hour. He's extremely agile and loves to be up as high as possible.




Photos P3 and P4: My Domestic Long Hair. Let's call her Ada Wong. She's 17. She's blind and deaf but she has no trouble getting around. She ADORES my husband. She's a dedicated lap cat, who has never bitten or scratched anyone. I adopted her at the age of 10. I've never met such a snuggly cat in my life. She lives to snuggle up on people's laps, even back in the shelter she sat on my lap for a cuddle despite her being scared and in a lot of pain. She's fearful of Albert and Chris's playfulness annoys her. She has some health issues, but I'm doing my best to keep her as healthy as possible. She's a very special old lady.




Photos P5 and P6: My Manx. I'll call him Albert Wesker. He's very smart and very dog-like. He follows me around the house, he'll go to everyone to say hello, he'll lie down wherever people are so he can hang out in your company. He knows how to open doors with handles and makes bird call noises whenever he's stalking an outdoor bird from the windowsill. In spite of that he understands my birds are part of the family and even when they escape their cage and are alone and vulnerable he just leaves them be (as does Chris, but he shows an interest in playing with them. The birds peck his paw and he stops trying to play).



Albert is super photogenic. He'll stay perfectly still as you cram your phone/camera in his face so you can get crystal clear shots of him. Ada stays relatively still too, but she's not as expressive as Albert. Chris, despite being an absolutely stunning cat, cannot help but move as soon as you begin to take photos because he's fascinated by phone/camera. I could get him sleeping, but he has such gorgeous blue eyes that it's a waste to take sleeping pics of him.

My kitties are my kids and I absolutely adore them. I haven't lived without a cat in my life since the day I came home from the hospital when I was a baby.


Hope you guys enjoy!


The day is finally almost upon us. Tomorrow afternoon my fiance and I will say our vows in front of our immediate families and a small number of friends. All that's left to do is pack my overnight bag and have the shower to end all showers.


It's been a road fraught with anxiety but I love Mr. Vex with all my heart and even though I don't think weddings are a big deal, it means a lot to me to commit to him.  I never believed in soulmates, but I know that he's mine.

Here's hoping that it's worth missing the live airing of the new episode of The Walking Dead for (:

And ha. Beat Joy down the aisle.


RE: Resident Evil 7

I just want to preface this with the following: This game contains a literal hive vagina. My first thought was of Free Jinger (after I stopped gagging and crossing my legs).

I know this is very much not the place to make a rant about video games, but I need to get this out and it's the only blog I have. My fiance and my friends can only hear me whinge so many times.

I am a gamer. A casual gamer to be sure, but I love games.
In particular, I love a genre called 'survival horror'. Now, there are some atrocious survival horror games. There are also some outstanding games, and outstanding series.

Perhaps the best example of survival horror, in my opinion, is the Silent Hill series as made by Team Silent. That encompasses games 1-4. Silent Hill 2 in particular is an incredible piece of art. It is art. It tells a heart-wrenching story of love, hate, guilt, grief and loss. The ending of the game feels like a gut punch.

Resident Evil is another survival horror series. It predates Silent Hill by a couple of years. Although certainly atmospheric and creepy, it's much more of an action-based series. The puzzles are simplistic. Where Silent Hill demands you to sift through lengthy poems to deduce their meaning, RE asks you to find keys and solve basic visual puzzles. There are zombies - oh so many zombies - in place of Silent Hill's unique enemies, who are all conjured by the mind of the protagonist or other inhabitants of the titular town. Silent Hill has some narmy dialogue, but Resident Evil is straight up cheese, such as the infamous line "You were almost a Jill sandwich!"

They are very different, and I expect completely different things from them.

Silent Hill is grounded. It explores adult fears. It's highly psychological. It's far more concerned with story and atmosphere than combat. Its protagonists are every day people with no special skills. You play Silent Hill for the story and the journey.

Resident Evil is fantastical. It's about zombies and biological warfare. The story takes a backseat to action. The dialogue is hammy and protagonists give pithy one-liners. It has moments of fantastic atmosphere, but there are plenty of guns and the protagonists are generally elite special forces officers with army backgrounds.

They have always been two very distinct things.


Now Resident Evil 7 has come out, and the lines have been hopelessly blurred.

One of the main developers of RE7 came straight out of the most recent Silent Hill effort, Silent Hills. It was cancelled and they wound up on board Resident Evil 7.

And it shows. Oh, does it show.

The game feels more Silent Hill - specifically PT, the playable teaser for Silent Hills - than Resident Evil.
Gone are the things that made the series distinctive - the trained protagonist, the insane arsenal, the narmy charm and the one liners.
You still explore the halls of a mansion, but instead of hunting down its warped inhabitants, YOU are the prey. You run and hide from antagonists you cannot fight. In that way it feels more like Outlast than Resident Evil.
The puzzles retain that Resident Evil feel - they're very much in keeping with the series - but nothing else is. The save room music sounds like Silent Hill music. It's as if the game went out of its way to be as similar to Silent Hills as possible, right down to its first-person perspective and suspiciously-similar ghost girl. There's barely any hint of a connection to the wider universe of Resident Evil - it is there if you look, but I expect mostly it's hidden in the downloadable content episodes.

The worst part is the plot, because the plot has literally been taken from a Silent Hill game.

The plot of Silent Hill 2 is as follows: A man named James has received a letter from his wife, Mary, begging him to come to her in 'their special place'. The problem is that Mary has been dead for 3 years... or has she?

The plot of Resident Evil 7 is as follows: A man named Ethan has received a video tape from his wife, Mia, begging him to come to Louisiana and save her. The problem is, Mia has been dead for three years... or has she?

See the issue?

Resident Evil 7 has been met with tremendous acclaim. Much like when Resident Evil 4 was released it has revitalised the series, and for that I'm glad.
I just miss my Resident Evil. They finally listened to the fans who have been begging for a return to its horror roots, only they sacrificed everything that made Resident Evil itself to do so.

And I just can't get behind it.


Okay, so by some bizarre cosmic coincidence one of my very best friends (who happens to also be my only friend that still lives in my home town) is also getting married. She is also marrying a guy from overseas. Her fiance is also moving here. She also met her fiance online. She is also getting married rather quickly. Her fiance is also tall and skinny. They are also having a very low key registry wedding. They are also getting married very soon. They too are inviting only a handful of very close guests. It's pretty fucking weird how similar our circumstances are. However they have diverged with her unexpected announcement that she is expecting.

I'm happy for her but there's a very real and selfish part of me that feels cheated. Not long ago she and I were discussing children and how they weren't really on the cards for my fiance and I. She agreed that she had no pull towards being a parent. That made me happy because literally everyone else I grew up with except this friend has kids. It was a relief to have a close friend to navigate childlessness with. We could continue to make out plans to meet up whenever it was convenient. We'd continue our beloved traditions of trawling thrift stores and going to the market, meeting up on a whim. We could maybe sometimes do couple things and it would be great. Now that's all changing very suddenly. Mostly I feel very protective of her. She's going through some hard shit that I won't write about here, even on a totally anonymous not-a-blog. I know she won't be one of THOSE parents whose identity becomes their child. I still worry, though. I want my friend of over 20 years. I want her to be recognisable on the other side for MY sake, and for that I'm sorry.

I can't help but feel left behind.

I honestly don't know if I can ever carry a child to term, and if I did there's a strong likelihood they would be a very sickly child like I was. Still, the idea of having our kids growing up being friends the way we did is a tempting one. I have to remind myself that really isn't on the cards for me, and hey - maybe if I did have a kid our kids would hate each other.

She really needs a friend right now and I'll be there for her no matter my worries and selfish impulses. I can promise her that.

Wow, that got heavy. Ha ha. Wasn't expecting that because the whole point of this blog post was something a lot more light-hearted and far more frustrating: shopping for wedding clothes.

She and I went out shopping this morning at our favourite vintage store. My friend is gorgeous and very slim - even now she's pregnant - and found a billion different things to try. Sure, it was harder than usual because she had to accommodate the kid, but she managed to find this gorgeous blue dress. Good thing she did, because the wedding is about 10 days away!

I found a few things to try on but sadly vintage clothes just aren't made for busty girls. It doesn't help that the store mostly has sizes 6-10. Vintage 6-10s are even smaller than regular ones. Even in my teen years when I was a 6 I would have been too busty to find a good fit. Now that I'm a 12 it's hopeless. I tried on a 16 (and it was such a gorgeous dress!) and it was WAY too small for my chest, and swimming in other areas.
It's a shame because I LOVE vintage clothes. I have a few in my closet I could wear to her wedding but they're very much winter dresses and there's no way in hell I'm wearing anything wintery in the middle of summer.

So I'm calling bullshit on clothes shopping. I knew it would be painful. I wish I could just wear jeans and a nerd t-shirt like I usually do. Or even better, ripped jeans, my leather chucks and a flannel shirt (I'm not getting married 'til Autumn). In fact, my friend told me to go ahead and do it! But I have parents to placate and I think I'll look back with regret if I didn't dress up just a little.

I'm definitely not wearing a wedding dress, or anything white. I have ordered a dress but it's wholesale and from China and I have no expectations of it fitting in any way even though I ordered two sizes bigger than I am. It's more of a guideline for when I inevitably have to have a dress quickly made because my tits are too big, my legs too short and the rest of me too average.

It's not meant to be painful. TV and magazines say getting a wedding dress is a huge milestone in life, one to be witnessed by family and friends (and cameras!), a time when the blinders fall away and you realise in a moment from a fairytale just how beautiful you can be.

Bullshit. Not for me. I've been cheated and it's just not cricket.



I thought it might be a good idea to have a place to write about what's going on in my life, since big things are rapidly happening.

First thing is that I'm getting married April 2016. Possibly even March. It's happened pretty fast but there's really no reason to wait since we don't want a party or a big wedding, and the sooner we're married the sooner my fiance can apply for a spouse visa and live here full time. I'm so happy and excited to marry him, I wish we could do it even sooner. I really couldn't hope to find a better partner than him <3

Second thing is that I'm disabled and live with chronic pain. I've finally managed to get in to see a pain clinic that offers comprehensive treatment. That comprehensive treatment means 5 hour sessions with everything from psychologists, psychiatrists and surgeons. Three five hour sessions. That's going to be really hard for me. I hate talking to strangers, especially strange doctors because doctors have been so fucking useless to me for the past 15 years of my life. My fiance will be able to come to my final appointment with me (thank god), and my mother will come to the first (you have to bring a relative/partner to certain appointments) but I know she's going to say stuff that will humiliate me because she has zero fucking tact.

I'm also going to have to work on fixing up my apartment that I haven't lived in for 2 years so my fiance can move into it with me. It's going to be a bit of an adjustment, going from living by myself, being on my own all day to living with a partner full time.

He has a job lined up (not that he can be paid until his spouse visa is approved) that means in a few months when his tourist visa expires he'll be out of the house most of the day. I never really saw myself as the stay at home wife type, but here I am. Hopefully we can both finish up our degrees and one day I'll be in a position to work. I don't want him to have to be the breadwinner, that's too much pressure on top of having to move half a world away. He's prepared to do it because he's wonderful, but it's not what I want.

So yeah, got to fix up the apartment. Needs tons of cleaning (which I can't do, but my family is helping). I'll have to sort a lot of my shit into boxes and put the boxes... somewhere. God knows where. It's a lot going on at once for me and it's a bit overwhelming.

On top of all that I'm really sick at the moment. Like, can't get out of bed for more than a trip to the bathroom or kitchen for a glass of water.

If anyone actually reads this (which I doubt), don't worry. I'm sure I'll be on to bitterly eviscerating episodes of A Game of Thrones in no time at all. God damn, the writing on that show...

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

  • Blog Statistics

    • Total Blogs
    • Total Entries
  • Recent Status Updates

    • Maggie Mae

      Maggie Mae

      I've had enough of being an adult today. 
      · 0 replies
    • MargaretElliott


      Hey FJ. Just broke up with my SO. We'd been together for over five years. I could use some love from strangers on the internet right about now. I have tea and chocolate to help me, too.
      · 15 replies
    • Mrs Ms

      Mrs Ms

      Just got a phone call from my sister to say that our other sister is probably joining the 25 weeker premie club as we speak. It's after 10pm local time, so I probably won't get any more news until tomorrow.
      If that didn't already suck so bad, I'm 11weeks myself and was planing on telling my sisters about the pregnancy next week. No matter what happens with my nephew, no way will my news be good for either of them. (The other one has been TTC for over a year) Any good thoughts for my nephew and sister much appreciated!
      · 7 replies
    • CrazyLurkerLady


      Today I am participating in my favorite activity - online mockery of MRAs, wage gape denialists, and other blithering idiots.
      · 2 replies
    • louisa05


      Looked at another house...it was nearly perfect. But the imperfect part was a teeny tiny master bedroom that barely held the double bed, nightstand and dresser in it. Other bedroom was practically an oversized closet. We're trying not to be too picky, but we have to live in whatever we buy. And after a huge flood of houses last fall when we were not quite ready to buy, there is nothing much on the market. Hoping listings pick up as we get closer to summer. 
      · 4 replies