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Life on the Edge

A blog by Alicja in General

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About this blog

A blog about me trying to navigate the world with borderline personality disorder.

General content warning for talk of self-harm, suicide, and abuse.

Entries in this blog

ok, cupid?

i've been disassociating for about 2 weeks straight, which has really impeded on my studies. I took a Vyvanse today to see if that would help, and so far it's working.  anyways, so I joined OkCupid on a whim because a friend mentioned it casually in conversation. it's very LGBT friendly! moreso than I thought it would be. I've met several people from Iran. I went on an OkCupid date Saturday which went really well!! we went out to a coffee shop kinda near me and I had a great fruit smoothie.
Alicja

Alicja

2

today is very blah

aaaaaaaaaand the emotional instability is back! at least I have a job to look forward to
Alicja

Alicja

0

more good things!

this is the second week of emotional stability! woohoo! i'm so thankful for these brief periods where for a minute i can forget i have a life-altering mental illness. finals are next week! eeeeeee!!!!
Alicja

Alicja

0

some positive things

my boyfriend and I had a really long talk about what we need to change in our relationship, and I feel really good now. it was mainly about how we needed to adjust ourselves around my bpd. i'm so excited to actually like, implement some coping skills and learn how to function in a world that was not made for me. to me, i visualize it like code-switching almost, except instead of simply flipping between one language and another, i'm flipping between behaviours and un-learning the ones that are ha
Alicja

Alicja

0

ugh

nothing has been improving so far.   i'm so tired of trying to do the right thing, like communicate my needs to people, only to be shut down and dismissed. i'm so tired of feeling like my very existence is hurting the people i love. i'm just so tired.
Alicja

Alicja

1

Intro

I figure I should introduce myself. I'm Alicja. I developed borderline personality disorder due to abuse I endured as a child. I've been in a relationship for seven months, and it's been a strain on both of us, due to my intense mood swings and fear of abandonment. It really fucking sucks, because when it comes to him, I have no object permanence. When he's not near me, I think he doesn't love me anymore. We got into a fight today about it, and he's getting further and further away from me. I'm
Alicja

Alicja

2


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      Wishing I had a dollar for every time I burped on my back porch after dark and set off a neighbor's dog. The best part is that I'm sure everyone think it's my BF and not me, because it's surely not possible such a huge noise could come out of my body.
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