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singsingsing

The Dunkels - Chapter 14

Keeping Up With The Dunkels - Chapter 14: Dunkels Double Date

 

 

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Back at the Miceli's, Hobart brought his doctor friend home for dinner again one night, and one of Adalyn's sisters just happened to be visiting to help with the baby.

 

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Wow! Aimee Joy and Christian seemed to be hitting it off! "What do you think about an ice cream sundae reception?" she asked him.

 

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"Huh? That's crazy."

Hmm... maybe not.

 

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Uh oh... is there trouble at Adam and Mehrissa's new house?

 

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Nope! Apparently when you adopt a pet, the police are nice enough to bring it over. Er... sure. Why question it? Adam and Mehrissa's boys had been begging for a pet for ages, and their parents finally decided to get them a little puppy named Bear. Aww!

 

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With Mehrissa expecting another (hopefully) tiny blessing, it sure was going to be a full house soon! She wore her hot pink maternity pajamas, hoping God might take the hint.

 

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Not long after Aimee Joy was introduced to Hobart's doctor friend Christian Cwik, Anna Grace started talking to another young man from church, Waylon Menon. She was a little worried when he expressed his admiration for women who kept in shape - that wasn't her at all! But it COULD be her! 

 

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After Waylon left, Anna Grace jumped right on that treadmill. She got off to a rocky start, but she purposed to work out every single day, determined to win Waylon's affections, and soon she was physically fit!

 

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"Wow, I can tell you're a young lady with a heart for the Lord, who also LOVES to lift!" Waylon exclaimed, impressed, and promptly went to talk to her brother to see if he could start a group text.

 

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*To the tune of Butterfly Kisses* "I know the cake looks funny, Daddy... but I sure tried!

Oh... wait... my daddy's dead. And he wasn't my real daddy, anyway. Oh well."

:pb_eek:

 

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Guess what? Christian and Aimee Grace Joy (I am seriously surprised I don't mess up these names more often, folks) may have gotten off on the wrong foot (seriously, ladies, enough with the ice cream sundaes), but soon they were getting along just fine. In fact, little adopted brother Alexander was only too happy to chaperone as they started an OFFICIAL COURTSHIP!

 

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Aimee Joy was thrilled that her educated and employed suitor took her out on nice dates (don't worry, the chaperones are right there at the next table). She didn't mind at all that he had a gay brother in the city. What was one gay brother?! They were totally in sync on everything. They even discussed the sort of house they would move to if, Lord willing, they got married!

 

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Anna Grace wasn't far behind her twin sister. Her dates with Waylon were a little more low key, but she didn't mind at all. She was more than happy to show off her homemaking skills by impressing him with the most complicated meal any of her sisters had ever made: spaghetti and meatballs.

 

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Both sisters were totally sure they had found the men they were going to marry! FINALLY!!! Being single in your mid-20s is such a trial, ya'll!

 

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Back in the Big Scary City... Abigail was still fuming about the way Gilbert had treated her. She decided she was finally going to take the plunge and try online dating.

 

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Her first date was with a firefighter in a trench coat. She thought that was kind of weird, and she'd had bad luck with guys in trench coats - plus, all she could keep thinking about was how mad she was at Gilbert. But she decided to give trench coat man 3.0 a shot anyway.

 

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Sadly he turned out to be totally meh. All he could talk about was himself, and Abigail found herself far more interested in the basketball game on TV than him. She didn't even like sports!

 

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A couple weeks later, she had another date lined up with a guy named Neil. This guy seemed much more promising. He looked normal, didn't wear a trench coat, and didn't try to jump into bed with her on the first date (which is a good thing, since Abigail is still trying to get over her fundie upbringing and hasn't had the best of luck with dudes and, er, hasn't even kissed a guy yet. Shh...)

 

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WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS.

Abigail and Neil planned to meet up for another date the following week. When he texted her to let her know he was outside, she asked him to come in, because she was going to be about another five minutes getting ready. But when he walked in the door, he was dressed like THAT.

"Um, hey Neil, what's up with the outfit?" she asked with a light laugh, trying not to show her alarm. "Are you in a play tonight or something?"

"What? Nope, 'course not. I'm taking you out on a date. This is just how I dress. Haha! I know it may seem weird, but I'm part of a plant-worshiping group and we have to dress like this to do our rituals. It's not a big deal, we just have sexual intercourse with plants to gain their leafy powers for ourselves. I was hoping you'd come to tonight's meeting with me."

 

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Abigail kindly asked him to leave.

"Fuck you, Gilbert!" she thought to herself, as Neil walked out the door. Some misdirected anger there, I think, but okay.

 

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Things were going much better back at the Dunkel homestead. The twins' suitors coordinated between themselves to do a... double proposal! Oh my gosh! How sweet and how neat! 

 

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Aimee Joy and Anna Grace were absolutely ecstatic. This time they both say, "YES!" Looks like there's a double wedding in the (VERY NEAR) future!

 

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NIKE! Don't worry, Cara was alone in the privacy of her beige bedroom as she celebrated her third pregnancy. #Blessed!

 

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Adam and Mehrissa's boys were growing up. So far little Bryson was the only one with Mama's colouring.

 

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Bear grew up too! Good dog.

 

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Addyson liked to escape the Dunkel homestead now and then to visit her cousins' house, where there were only six people and a dog.

 

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Happy Birthday, Braydon! Time for a haircut, I think, little buddy.

 

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Much better!

 

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Just as Mehrissa put Bryson down for his afternoon nap, she went into labour for the fifth time. This labour was the fastest yet, and they didn't even have a chance to call the midwife! Thankfully that baby just slid right out of her, a mere 10 pounds even, and she was back on her feet making tater tot casserole that very same night! Meet...

 

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Brody Dunkel! Yep. It's another boy. Sorry Mehrissa - maybe next time! I mean, look on the bright side. There will definitely be a next time.

 

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Adalyn was soooooo enjoying being a mommy. It was the most precious thing ever! As she watched her little David grow into a toddler, all she could think of was how much he looked like his daddy. Where was Hobart, anyway?

 

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Out schmoozing, it seems. Look, the man is a DOCTOR, he has to make connections in the community. He can't be expected to sit around at home with his wife and kid all day. How else is he supposed to provide for them? And yes, he's at a disreputable establishment with GAMBLING, but that's where the work luncheon was held. He can't help that, can he?

 

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Okay, I know this looks bad, but Dr. Amanda [mumbled last name] is European, okay? It would be the height of rudeness not to greet her with a kiss!

 

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But it seems Hobart tried to do a little more than greet her, if you know what I mean. To her credit, she was having none of it. "Are you crazy, Hobart?" she exclaimed. "I know you're married! We're standing outside your own house, for God's sake! I'm out of here."

Hobart could only hope that this little 'misunderstanding' wouldn't get spread around town by his colleague...

 

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Meanwhile, inside the house, Adalyn was about to welcome their second precious blessing! "Hobart! Hobart?! Where are you?!" she called. 

 

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Oh well. Adalyn was sure he'd be along to welcome his newborn daughter Daisy to the world eventually.

 

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A few days later, Abigail was surprised to see Hobart out and about downtown, and at the sort of establishment fundies usually steered clear of. "Hobart? What're you doing here?" she asked. "Didn't Adalyn just have a baby?"

 

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Hobart laughed her off and told her he was there for a 'work event', but she watched in consternation as he sat down to play poker with some strange women, who seemed more than a little interested in how much money a doctor of his calibre made.

 

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Guess who? While Abigail was out and about and worrying about her brother-in-law, her "ex-boyfriend" Gilbert showed up outside her house AGAIN. Good thing she wasn't there to see him, because there might have been a throw down, and not in a sexy way.

 

So long for now! Hope you enjoyed today's update. Check back soon for... a Dunkel Double Wedding! And so much more. Maybe a Dunkel restraining order, too (take a hint, Gilbert)!

singsingsing

The Dunkels - Chapter 13

Keeping Up With The Dunkels - Chapter 13: Drama at the Dunkels'

 

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Happy Birthday to the first and only GrandDunkelDaughter, Charity Dunkel! She's the spitting image of Cara. By the way, Cara, shouldn't you be pregnant again? Your first kid is almost walking! You're not getting any younger, you know!

 

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Things were going super well between George Midlock* and Anna Grace. As they Got To Know each other, they had deep theological discussions about whether women should cover their hair in church. They agreed about EVERYTHING! (Well, George gave his opinion, and Anna Grace made sure to agree with him.)

*Ummm, yes. Remember how excited I was last time that I finally figured out his name? Well, I still managed to get it wrong. It's Midlock, not Mitlock.

 

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Before long, Anna Grace and George had entered into an OFFICIAL courtship! They were really enjoying side hugs and looking forward to everything the future had to offer (babies. babies. babies). Don't worry, the chaperones are just out of shot.

 

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Back at the Miceli's, Adalyn's homemaking skills were really improving!

 

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Hobart was so impressed by her improved housekeeping that one night he brought one of his fundie doctor friends home for dinner! He had called Adalyn to let her know ten minutes before they would be there. "Whatever you do, don't mention his brother," Hobart whispered over the phone. "Christian has an identical twin brother named Tristan who lives in the city. He works in the music industry like your heathen sister Abigail, and he's..... homosexual."

 

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Well, Adalyn had no problem not talking about homosexuality, because it totally confused her anyway. She set to work cooking up a batch of grilled cheese sandwiches for the hardworking boys. She just loooooooooooooved being a wife! Hehe!

 

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Even after being married almost a YEAR, going through SEVERE morning sickness, and having a SWEET baby, Adalyn was still sooooooooo in love with her wonderful husband Hobart!

 

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That's probably why she let him knock her up again exactly 41 days after little David was born.

Cara? CARA? HELLO?! Your younger sister-in-law is about to lap you in the babymaking department! Have you no shame, woman? Your husband is a pastor! The fruit of your womb is his testimony! You'd better be sweetly fellowshipping like you've never fellowshipped before!

 

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Adam and Mehrissa's second son, Braxton, soon grew into a child, and things were getting a bit cramped in that little starter home.

 

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With their family so quickly growing, they needed more space, stat! Adam's fundie writing and speaking career was growing, too, and they were able to afford a big old farm house not too far from their old place. It needed some work, but it had enough space to accommodate all of them. For now.

 

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Surprising exactly no one, Mehrissa fell pregnant again shortly after moving into the new house. 

Come on, Cara. This is getting embarrassing.

 

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Three weeks after the start of their courtship, George came over for a chaperoned visit with Anna Grace. He dropped to one knee, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought he was proposing! Already! But instead he serenaded her with her favourite hymn.

 

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"I know you love that song, Anna Grace," said George. "The lines about submission and meekness always remind me of you! That's why I wanted to serenade you with it, before I asked you..."

 

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"...to marry me!"

The chaperones looked on excitedly. Anna Grace covered her mouth in shock. She had been waiting for this moment for WEEKS! But something strange happened. When George had dropped to his knee the first time and she'd thought he was proposing, she hadn't felt quite right. There were butterflies in her stomach, but more the vomit-y kind than the excited kind. And then she realized...

 

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"I'm so sorry, George, but... I can't marry you!"

George hung his head, shocked and dejected. The chaperones looked away, confused and embarrassed.

 

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"Anna Grace! Wait, come back!" George strode after her as she walked toward the house. "How could you do this to me? You told me I was your best friend! I bought a new sweater to wear just for this occasion!"

 

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"I had some time to think while you were serenading me," Anna Grace explained, as the chaperones were forced to awkwardly stand by.

 

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"Think?!" cried George. "Who taught you to think?!"

"Just listen," Anna Grace implored. "I realized that this isn't right, George. I was raised to value loyalty, putting Jesus first, others second, and yourself last. But you broke my sister's heart. You put yourself first. You decided Aimee Joy wasn't good enough for you, then turned around and started pursuing me. How long till you decide that I don't meet your standards, George? How long before you throw me away like a bad tater tot casserole?"

 

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George was devastated (and extremely embarrassed), but nothing he said could convince Anna Grace to change her mind.

 

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"Happy birthday to me... Happy birthday to me..." newly 18-year-old Abel whistled to himself in the midst of the insanity.

 

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As Avalee exhorted her younger adopted siblings to be more Christlike in the living room, and Aliviah complained about how hungry she was in the hallway (Cathy kept all the girls on a diet to make sure they kept their slim figures), Aimee Joy and Anna Grace confronted each other.

 

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"I'm so sorry, Aimee Joy," said Anna Grace, with tears in her eyes. "I never should have encouraged George. I was wrong. Can you ever forgive me?"

 

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*Soaring violin music (courtesy of Aaron over there in the corner)*

 

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"Oh, I'm so happy!" sobbed Avalee. "I'm just so, so, so happy! It's so WONDERFUL! Nothing is more important than sisterly love!!!"

"Avalee? Avalee?" said Anna Grace. "It's okay. Really. Avalee? Come on. Get it together."

 

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Back in the Big Scary City, Abigail was totally positive that she was in love with Gilbert. He was just so hot wonderful! They weren't, like, officially dating yet, but she was sure they would be soon. He even promised to come to her show the next night.

 

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She didn't see Gilbert in the audience, but her friend Tristan showed up to support her and told her she was doing an awesome job! "I know how hard it must be, coming from a background like yours," he told her. "I have an identical twin brother who lives a couple hours away and he's one of these hardcore Bible thumping dudes. He's nuts. And he's a doctor!"

 

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Gilbert finally showed up later that night as Abigail was making the rounds, talking to fans. She was so excited to see him!

 

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But Gilbert was NOT happy. "What the heck (remember, he's still a Christian), Abigail?!" he shouted. "I've been waiting around here for like EIGHT MINUTES, and you haven't even looked at me! What's so great about these other men you're talking to?! HUH?!"

"Gilbert, they're just fans - I'm trying to improve my career - "

 

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"Oh yeah? Your career is more important than ME?! I'm not gonna sit around and watch as you CHEAT on me with these assholes!"

"Cheat on you?!" Abigail retorted. "What are you talking about? We're not even officially dating! We've never even kissed!!"

But Gilbert didn't care. He stormed out.

 

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Abigail wasn't sure whether she was more depressed or angry. She thought dancing might distract her, but suddenly no man seemed interested in her.

"Uh, sorry, I heard you were a tramp," said trench coat man.

 

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Abigail swore to herself that she wasn't going to let Gilbert ruin her life. At the music festival the next week, she struck up a conversation with a guy who was almost as hot as Gilbert, and probably a lot nicer!

 

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Hmm... maybe not. "Uh, sorry, but I'm married," said trench coat man 2.0

Okay, well, I guess that's a decent excuse.

 

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Abigail tried to laugh it off, but she was feeling more and more depressed. Suddenly it was like she was back in her old life, rejected over and over again! What had been the point of moving away to the city anyway? Everyone hated her!!!!!!!!

 

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Abigail was feeling pretty sorry for herself and spent a little too much time drowning her sorrows, if you know what I mean. Later that night, she bumped into a woman dressed up for the festival, forgetting it was October 31st (because Halloween was obviously banned in the Dunkel household). "Oh my gosh, are you a WITCH?!" exclaimed Abigail. "Can you, like... okay, so, there's this guy I met today... I think he's the one, like seriously, I do... and I mean, he's married, but, like... you're a witch. Could you take care of that for me?"

 

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To the witch's credit, she noticed Abigail was pretty drunk, and just laughed it off. "Hey, I love your music!" she said.

See, witches aren't all evil. Maybe Abigail will join her coven.

 

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Back at the Dunkel household, Anna Grace was exhorting her littlest sister Addyson to always vote Republican when she grew up - when suddenly they heard a shout of pain! Everyone rushed upstairs to find...

 

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Cara holding her brand new baby girl - Chloe Dunkel! 

LOL did you guys really think Cara wasn't pregnant? Nah, she's just SO modest that she decided not to announce it or even mention anything about it until she actually gave birth. So sweet!

singsingsing

The Dunkels - Chapter 12

Keeping Up With The Dunkels - Chapter 12: The Summer of George

 

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Just in case anyone was worried, Abigail was invited to Adalyn and Hobart's wedding. She spent most of the night inside, eating chips. 18 different people kindly pulled her aside at various points before the ceremony and during the reception and earnestly entreated her to return to the hedge of protection of her childhood home and her brother's church. She said, "Thanks, I'll think about it."

 

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Hobart got his way, and there were no ice cream sundaes during the reception. Adalyn smiled sweetly because she was a submissive wife now and wanted to be a good example to her unmarried sisters.

 

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Uh, yeah, I can't remember if I told you guys that Addyson grew up into a child but - she did! Yay! Cathy was of course devastated that her youngest child (and youngest adopted child at that!) had left the baby years behind her, but she was purposing as hard as she could to love this new season of life as a grandma.

 

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The Dunkels and their 1200 guests talked and laughed well into the night about Jesus, babies, and the evils of higher education for women. But finally it was time for the newlywed couple to depart and begin their new life together.

 

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Adalyn and Hobart would spent the night at a hotel for the ceremonial breaking of the hymen to get some much needed rest, then fly off on their honeymoon. Good luck, you two! Seriously. Good luck.

 

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A few days later, Aimee Joy attempted to patch things up with her friend George Mitlock (THAT'S HIS NAME, GUYS! I FINALLY GOT IT!) At first things seemed to be going well as they discussed the holy mission of the Republican Party.

 

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But alas, it was not to be. As their chaperone awkwardly fished a few feet away and pretended not to hear, George said, "I'm sorry, Aimee Joy. I just don't feel God leading me in this direction. I'm only trying to guard your heart. And you should really try to be less forward. Young ladies should be meek and let men pursue them!"

 

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Aimee Joy was devastated. She poured herself into her music, practicing for hours on the piano with Aliviah on the violin. She hadn't been in love with George - not even close - in fact, she found him unattractive and didn't really care for his personality. But she was almost sure he had been her ticket to marriage, and now he had rejected her. And told her she was too forward! She was so embarrassed and ashamed that she swore she would never so much as look a man in the eye again, and would patiently wait until the Lord sent a husband directly to her, or die an old maid.

*Cue sad violin music*

 

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After the wedding, all the sisters could talk about was when Hobart might impregnate Adalyn, and if she, Cara and Mehrissa might all be pregnant together that year. That would be SO sweet!

 

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Looks like they just might get their wish! Cara? Adalyn? You two better be joyfully available like your wombs depend on it!

 

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Adalyn and Hobart soon arrived back from their honeymoon and moved into their brand new house. Adalyn was so excited to be living in her own home as a married woman, but she had to admit, she thought that as a future doctor's wife her residence wouldn't be quite so... well... cheap. And grungy. And right next to the bridge. But she was sure that would change when Hobart finished his residency, and in the mean time this would do just fine for the two of them and a few little future blessings.

 

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Just a quick update on Abigail: she made a friend! He's WAY nicer than Gilbert! Too bad (for her) he's gay! But he's a pretty big deal in the music industry in the Big Scary City, and he promised to introduce her to some of the top dogs.

 

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Her friend kept his promise, and the music execs were so impressed with Abigail's talent and work ethic that they offered her a job on the spot. She was promoted to studio musician!

 

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Back at the Miceli residence... Adalyn spent most of her days admiring her diamond ring and giggling to herself about how she got to kiss and hug her future-doctor husband!

 

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Hobart always woke up very early and was gone long before Adalyn got out of bed in the morning, but she didn't mind much because she knew that he was working long hours to provide for their future babies.

 

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In the mean time, she made sure to keep a very neat and tidy house, one that Hobart could be proud to bring his boss or coworkers over to for dinner - not that he ever did.

 

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Then one morning, she ran to the toilet and was violently sick. "Oh dear!" she thought. "I must be... preggers!! Hehehe!"

 

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But she wasn't giggling for long. Adalyn was sick morning, noon, and night. She could hardly keep anything down, and was exhausted and miserable! "It must be twins!" she thought.

 

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She would never admit it, because it was sooooo unChrist-like, but she was SEVERELY jealous of her sister-in-law Mehrissa, who once again was having a smooth, uncomplicated pregnancy. Adalyn secretly hoped that Mehrissa would have an 11-pound baby this time. And that she, Adalyn, was having twins. All the puking would be totally worth it if she could be the first Dunkel child to pop out a set of twins.

 

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After his rejection of Aimee Joy, George Mitlock didn't disappear into the sunset. He stuck around and kept attending Limited Atonement Church every Sunday. One morning, Anna Grace noticed him noticing her as she stood at the microphone making Sunday School announcements. "Hmmmmmm..." she thought.

 

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George was of course invited back to the Dunkels' for Sunday lunch, and Anna Grace made sure to chat with him about every man's favourite subject: sports! Anna Grace didn't care about sports at all, but she knew George loved basketball, so she pretended to be riveted as he described the tournament his team had won in his senior year of high school, 12 years ago. (Yes, George is only 30. He can't help his receding hairline, folks!)

 

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George's receding hairline didn't bother Anna Grace. She thought he was quite dashing, and perfectly conservative, and obviously looking for a sweet and obedient wife. "That could TOTALLY be me!" she thought.

 

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And George made no secret of his fondness for Anna Grace. "I so admire that you've chosen not to work outside the home like SOME young ladies," he told her. "It's really neat that you care about your purity, and serving your family at home."

Anna Grace began to hope that George might feel the Lord call him to pursue her in courtship. She knew her twin sister Aimee Joy wouldn't mind - Aimee Joy wasn't allowed to mind. Aimee Joy would just have to be content. That was the law.

 

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Back at the Micelis', Adalyn spent most of her days reading Christian romance novels and watching TV. Just the cooking channel! Hobart had purchased a TV, telling her that he needed it to watch scientific documentaries, and of course she simply had to cheerfully submit.

 

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But Hobart wasn't so cheerful. He was sick of coming home to a house in disarray. "Adalyn!" he exclaimed angrily. "I don't care how queasy you feel! What are you doing all day? Filing your nails? What's the point of having a wife if she's not going to do everything a wife's supposed to do? When I get home tomorrow, I want this place spotless and sparkling!"

 

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Adalyn cried many bitter tears, but she got to work that very night, scrubbing and mopping long after Hobart was snoring in bed. Now that she was out of her first trimester, she was starting to feel a little better, and she was determined to be the godliest wife of all the wives she knew!

 

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Back on the old homestead, little Alizah became a teen. She really looked up to her big sister Aliviah and was determined to be just like her. Or maybe even better!

 

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She daydreamed about her future life while she served coffee in church on Sundays. "I wonder how old you have to be to adopt a baby..."

 

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"Oh my gosh. It would be sooooo neat if I got married BEFORE Aliviah!"

 

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Things were going well at Adam and Mehrissa's. The boys were BEST FRIENDS and it was SO SWEET to see them play together and to watch Benjamin encourage his little brother Braxton in his walk - er, crawl - with the Lord.

 

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Little Braydon was growing up, too! Mehrissa felt so conflicted as she watched her babies get older. She just wished she could hold onto those precious baby moments forever!

 

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Well, not to worry, Mehrissa. Those precious baby moments are just going to keep on coming. As the toddlers screamed to be let out of their cribs, and Adam was missing in action, Mehrissa went into labour for the fourth time.

 

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It's a......................................................................................................................................................................nother boy! Awwwwww! Adam was well on the way to having his own football team! Mehrissa was praising the Lord that little Bryson weighed in at only 8lbs 12oz.

 

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Adalyn found herself in the early stages of labour one morning a couple months later. "Hobart, call the midwife!" she shouted.

 

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"Please don't shout so early in the morning, Adalyn!" Hobart chastised her. "I texted the midwife and she'll be here in an hour or so. Now I'm really sorry, honey, but I have to go into work. I'm working on a huge project and this could finally get me that promotion. You want a bigger house and a garage and a trip to Silver Dollar City, don't you? Oh, and can you pick up those books you left on the floor? Thanks, babe. See you tonight."

 

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Adalyn tried to keep a sweet and submissive spirit as she held her newborn baby, David Miceli, later that afternoon, and waited for Hobart to come home and meet his first born son. Just the one son. No twins for Adalyn. But that was totes okay. She was getting really good at practicing contentment.

 

Thanks for reading! Tune in next time to keep following the craaaazy journey of the Dunkel kids and kidults! Is Abigail done with hot-but-creepy Gilbert? Will Anna Grace court George Mitlock and crush her twin sister's spirit? Will Cara get it together and get pregnant again (seriously, Cara, what's the problem here)? All this and more on the next episode of.... Keeping Up With The Dunkels! *Zany hymn music*

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The Dunkels - Chapter 11

Keeping Up With The Dunkels - Chapter 11: A Super Sweet Season of Life

 

Last time (like two seconds ago) on Keeping Up With the Dunkels, we saw the grand opening of Limited Atonement Church, Abigail settling in to life in the Big Scary City and navigating career and romance, Adalyn starting her courtship with future fundie doctor Hobart, and Aimee Joy trying to find contentment through getting to know Redhair MacBaldy (I will find out his name next time, I swear). Also, some half-forgotten children aged up and stuff.

 

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Abigail was on cloud 9 after her successful sort-of-date with Gilbert, so when he asked her to come out to a local club with him, she was ecstatic! Except he never showed up. Abigail was devastated at first, but then thought, "SCREW HIM!" And made up for all the dancing she was forbidden as a teen.

 

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But Gilbert wasn't done with Abigail! Oh, no. Not at all. He walked by her house twice that night as she was asleep, first just after midnight, then around 3:30 a.m. (I'm not sure if those flames around the thought bubble mean he wants to bang her or murder her, but either way, I'm getting distinct Edward Cullen vibes from this dude.)

 

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In the morning, Abigail found a note tucked into her mailbox. It was from Gilbert! "Dear Abigail," it read, "I'm so terribly sorry about missing our date last night. There was a family emergency and I had to go out of town right away and my phone was dead and my gerbil had the flu. Please forgive me. Yours truly, Gilbert." Abigail was so touched!

 

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The next day she played another gig. She was disappointed not to see Gilbert in the audience, but she figured he must still be out of town.

 

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After the gig was done, she spent some time dancing with friends. She was having such a great time, she almost forgot all about Gilbert.

 

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Until she sat down at the bar and an older woman sat down beside her. "You must be Abigail," said the older woman.

"Yeah, that's right," said Abigail, wondering how this lady knew her name - she didn't seem the type to be into Christian rock music.

"Oh, my son Gilbert told me all about you!"

"Umm..."

This was getting weird, thought Abigail. What was Gilbert's mother doing here? Did she come there to meet her on purpose? Did he send her?

 

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Back at the Dunkel household... OH BABY! Cara had a bathroom baby! Her sisters-in-law were soooooooooo excited to meet their PRECIOUS little NIECE, Charity Dunkel!

 

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Just a few weeks later, Hobart graduated with a degree in fundie medicine and came straight to the Dunkel household to pop the question to Adalyn. Check out that diamond! God must REALLY love her so much more than her sad spinster sisters!

 

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Their precious chaperone Aliviah gave Adalyn a big hug, and Hobart a quick side hug. She was soooooo excited for her sister, and hoped it would be her turn before too long. Aliviah was hoping to be the youngest of all her siblings to marry. If she could find a husband before she turned 18, even better!

 

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"Thank you sooooooo much, Aliviah!" Adalyn exclaimed as her younger sister congratulated her. "You're the best friend a sister could have!"

Meanwhile Hobart thought, "These girls are nitwits. Aliviah's really pretty, though. And she has better fashion sense than Adalyn, and seems like she'd be really sweet and would never argue with anything I say or do. Maybe I should've waited till she turned 18 and proposed to her. Oh well, too late now, I guess."

Uh oh...

 

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Happy Birthday to Adam and Mehrissa Dunkel's firstborn, Benjamin! Benjamin, I'm sorry sweetie, but we can't have a party for you because...

 

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Mama's in labour! Be a good boy and grab some towels and a pair of scissors! Adam! Time to wake up!!!

 

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Way to go, Mehrissa! You're really popping out those arrows for your husband's quiver! It's another bouncing baby boy! 10lbs 4oz! WOW! I'd say you're a rock star, Mehrissa, but you don't believe in rock music - you're a hymn star! Anyway, meet not-so-little Braydon Dunkel.

(No, the game does not give baby weights. I just like torturing Mehrissa.)

 

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Adam wasn't able to work on his Christian writing career quite as much as he would've liked, because he was actually a pretty decent father. Here he is holding little Braxton Dunkel, who hopefully won't be completely forgotten as his family grows... and grows... and grows...

 

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Pastor Andrew Dunkel was so concerned about his sister Abigail's soul that he drove to the big city to try to convince her to come back to the Lord and come home. But when he got there... she wasn't home! Andrew was baffled! "A woman... not at home? But who's cooking? Who's cleaning?" He stood outside for a little longer, certain that she would return any moment, but as the sun began to set he was forced to admit defeat and admit failure... for now.

 

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On the night of Adalyn and Hobart's dream evening wedding, something truly SHOCKING happened (besides Andrew boxing in his underwear, just try to ignore that). Hobart, already dressed in his wedding suit, tried to FRONT HUG Anna Grace! She was SCANDALIZED but had no idea what to do! Should she tell her sister? But Adalyn would be devastated! And the wedding was going to take place any moment! Anna Grace had been raised to never trust her own heart and to never raise a fuss, so in the end she just stayed quiet.

 

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Avalee wept bitterly. Not because she saw what happened between Hobart and Anna Grace. Because she couldn't believe her twin sister was getting married and leaving home, and no godly young man had ever so much as glanced at her countenance!

 

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It was a beautiful candlelit ceremony. The guests applauded and cheered with tears in their eyes as the young couple had their very first kiss.

 

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But unbeknownst to the guests (an unobservant lot), as soon as the vows were over, Adalyn and Hobart began to argue.

"It's time for our ice cream sundae reception!" Adalyn exclaimed.

"What?!" said Hobart. "Adalyn, I told you I didn't want an ice cream reception! It's ridiculous! Are you kidding me?!"

"But Hobart, I love ice cream - "

"Blah blah blah! NO ice cream, and that's final! What kind of a submissive helpmeet are you?!"

 

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But one person did notice the tension and shenanigans in the air at the wedding: Redhair MacBaldy. "I'm extremely upset and shaken to the core by the disturbing behaviour of some of your family members, Aimee Joy! I'm not sure this is the godly family I thought it was!"

Aimee Joy gasped. "But [mumbled name], please, wait! It's not what it seems, I'm sure!"

"Goodbye, Aimee Joy."

:o

 

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The Dunkels - Chapter 10

Keeping Up With The Dunkels - Chapter 10: A Really Neat Season of Life

 

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Life in the Dunkel household continued much as usual, even in the (tragic) absence of Abigail. Visitors from church seemed somewhat perplexed by the school of the dining room floor, but Cathy knew her homeschooling methods were a wonderful testimony (she figured, anyway - the older girls did all the homeschooling, of course, she hadn't run the SOTDRF in years.)

 

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Aimee Joy coached Adalyn on her violin screeching.

 

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And soon enough, twins Avalee and Adalyn reached courtin' age. Adalyn was still Special Friends with Hobart Miceli, Mehrissa's younger brother. But Hobart was away at Five Points University, a prestigious fundie college, to study medicine! Wow! Adalyn was so excited that she was totally-not-yet-courting-but-definitely-going-to-marry a future DOCTOR! Avalee was practicing contentment.

 

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The Dunkels reached a very exciting milestone: finally all the leaks were patched up, the asbestos was removed, the black widow nest was cleared out, the mold was painted over, and it was time for Limited Atonement Church's very first Sunday service! Pastor Andrew gave the message, and his sweet wife Cara played the piano. What a blessing!

 

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After the sermon, Cara and Aimee Joy led the congregation in singing hymns of praise. No modern worship music in THIS church! *Side-eyeing Abigail*

 

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They also held a Wednesday night 'Get Out of Debt' class at the church, which Andrew used to craftily charitably proselytize to the heathens.

 

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Meanwhile.... Abigail returned from her summer tour with the Christian rock band and settled into life in the Big Scary City! 

 

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Some of the people she met through the music scene were decidedly NOT fundie-approved.

 

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"You have HOW many brothers and sisters?"

"Yeah! You would not believe the number of people I had to cook for!"

 

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One day one of her band mates introduced her to some of his friends from Grace Rock Church, the cool hipster church that met in the basement of a downtown nightclub on Thursday nights. As soon as she saw the man in the blue shirt and khakis she was smitten!

 

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Reminding herself that she was an independent woman now, Abigail struck up a conversation with him. They got off to kind of a rocky start. "Wow, I usually hate red hair on girls,  but it actually looks okay on you," said Gilbert. "You would be a great brunette, though."

 

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"Oh, you're into music?" Gilbert continued. "I don't really care about music. I'm more into acting. You should come see me at Grace Rock on Thursday, I'm starring in a play based on Judges 19. It's pretty much like the most hardcore part of the Bible. Very Game of Thrones."

 

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Abigail was a little put off, but Gilbert was so handsome, AND he talked about how much he loved to cook! Obviously she had to give him a chance!

 

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Back at the Dunkel household, Hobart came to visit on one of his breaks from college, and he and Adalyn finally began their official courtship! Addyson seems a little young to be a chaperone, but who am I to judge?

 

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Precious little adopted child Alexander was growing up! You don't need camo to disappear in this house, Alex. It just happens naturally.

 

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And Aimee Joy was finally Getting To Know someone herself! Okay, so he was older, and kind of awkward, but being single was SUCH a trial, ya'll. This season of life was so, so, SO difficult. Especially watching YOUNGER siblings start courtships! She cried out to the Lord - how long was she going to have to wait? How OLD would she be before she was blessed with a godly husband? 25?!?!

 

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Back in the Scary Big City: Abigail had to admit that she was quite excited to be suddenly getting so much attention from men... but none of them held a candle to Gilbert! 

 

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He called her one day and asked what she was doing. "I'm playing a gig at the cafe around the corner," she told him. "Do you want to come?"

 

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Gilbert showed up for the gig, but he didn't seem all that interested. Plenty of other dudes did, though.

 

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Abigail was disappointed when she couldn't find Gilbert anywhere after her set, and half-heartedly chatted with some new fans who said they loved her style.

 

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But Gilbert reappeared, just as Abigail was talking about her future brother-in-law the doctor! "That's nothing!" said Gilbert. "My dad was a doctor, and so was HIS dad!" Abigail forgot to ask Gilbert what he did for a living.

 

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Abigail and Gilbert sat down for a late dinner. Abigail was tired, but Gilbert said he was really hungry, and she didn't want to blow her chance to get to know him better! "Who were those guys you were talking to, anyway?" Gilbert demanded. Abigail was so flattered that he seemed jealous!

 

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Abigail SO impressed by Gilbert's hotness character. She wondered if her family would come to the wedding. Gilbert was a Christian, after all, even if he was the 'wrong' kind of Christian.

 

NEXT TIME ON KEEPING UP WITH THE DUNKELS: Mehrissa and Cara both have babbies! Adalyn and Hobart progress in their courtship! Will wedding bells be ringing? Will Aimee Joy give her balding suitor a chance? Will singsingsing remember his name? Will Abigail realize that Gilbert is a tool? Will Cathy manage to keep all her children alive? Find out VERY SOON because I'm only ending this chapter now because I realized it was getting way too long and I'm splitting what was going to be one update into two!!!

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singsingsing

The Dunkels - Chapter 9

Keeping Up With The Dunkels - Chapter 9: Moving On

 

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There was soooooo much to celebrate in the Dunkel household: the opening of Limited Atonement Church, Andrew and Cara's engagement, and sweet adopted child Alexander Dunkel becoming a toddler!

 

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The Dunkels took the rest of the money from Wilbur's life insurance policy and put it into renovating the house. Well, tearing it down and rebuilding it from the bottom up, more like. 7 bathrooms, 8 bedrooms, and finally enough space for all. It was going to be such a joy for the Dunkels to invite all their friends and acquaintances over to show off how rich they were now fellowship!

 

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Meanwhile, Abigail was really progressing in her career as a musician. She was just biding her time till she'd saved up enough money and could skip town, and not have to dress like an old church lady anymore.

 

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Finally Andrew and Cara's special day arrived! The wedding ceremony was held in the Dunkels' brand new beautiful house that the Lord had so graciously blessed them with, because all of the guests couldn't fit in Limited Atonement Church.

 

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Such a blessing! Andrew and Cara purposed to save their first kiss for their wedding day. What a wonderful testimony!

 

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The guests cheered the newlywed couple. Except for Abel, pictured here wearing jeans and a winter coat and looking less than enthused. See, young Abel had a secret crush on Cara and was jealous that his brother got to marry her. Don't worry, Abel - you'll find your own young lady with a servant's heart! Eventually. I'm sure.

 

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In the midst of the wedding celebrations, precious adopted child Addyson had her birthday! Happy Birthday to the littlest Dunkel! Well, the littlest Dunkel who is Cathy and Wilbur's child. Not biological, though. Adopted. She's adopted, guys. They adopted TWO babies, and would have adopted more had Wilbur not gone home to be with the Lord. The Dunkels are just THAT wonderful! And I'm sure at least one of them noticed Addyson's birthday!

 

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Andrew and Cara decided not to buy their own home. Instead, they moved into a wing of the main Dunkel house. That way Andrew would be right across the street from his church, and Cara could help with alllllllll the children. 

 

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Abigail awoke one morning soon after the wedding to find that she was a woman in her 20s still sharing a room with prepubescent girls. But she was content. Why? Because she wasn't going to be sharing that room much longer...

 

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SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!! Check out Abigail's makeover! After years of hard work, patience, and perseverance, Abigail came to the attention of a Christian rock band while she was playing music with the worship team at the liberal Christian church across town. The band recruited Abigail, and she was going on tour with them all over the U.S. and Canada. After the tour finished, she wouldn't be returning to the Dunkel household. She was moving away to the big city to keep her music career alive. GO ABIGAIL!!!

 

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"lol bye"

Don't worry, we haven't seen the last of her.

The Dunkels were of course distraught and devastated by their eldest daughter's defection to the depravity of rock music, skinny jeans, short hair, and librul Christianity. Cathy lay awake at night, weeping at the thought of poor Abigail out there unchaperoned, drinking beer, reading Rob Bell and interpreting Genesis figuratively! But life must go on...

 

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Aliviah became a teenager soon after Abigail left, and swore to herself that she would NOT be like her HEATHEN older sister. She would pour everything she had into being the most godly, meek, submissive and sweet future helpmeet she possibly could! (So far Aliviah is the only Dunkel sister who has rolled the 'Family' aspiration.)

 

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And the Dunkels' 12th and last biological child, Aaron, left toddlerhood behind! 

 

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Adalyn and Mehrissa's younger brother Hobart weren't yet officially courting, but they were BEST FRIENDS! Meanwhile, Aimee Joy and Anna Grace quietly seethed that one of the YOUNGER twins might very well be married BEFORE either of them - by which I mean they humbly submitted their will to the Lord in prayer and worked on their contentment.

 

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Cara spent a lot of time practicing her future parenting skills on her young brothers- and sisters-in-law.

 

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And she was going to need those skills sooner than expected! Yep, though Cara wouldn't be able to boast a honeymoon hammock baby like Adam and Mehrissa, she was going to be a proud mama before her first anniversary!

 

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Speaking of Mehrissa... it wasn't long after she learned the blessed news about her newest little niece or nephew that she found out she was expecting again herself! 

That's right - TWO sweet little granddunklings are on the way! Unless one of the wives has.... TWINS!!!!

 

Next time: Babies, Babies, Babies! Courtships! Engagements?! Limited Atonement Church's first Sunday service (for realz this time)! And Abigail's journey of independence!  And who knows what else, because I don't control everything these people do and sometimes they do really weird stuff! :o 

singsingsing

The Dunkels - Chapter 8

Keeping Up With The Dunkels - Chapter 8: No Weddings and a Funeral

 

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Andrew and Cara still weren't officially courting, but they were soooooo in love, guys! But totally guarding their hearts!

 

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OH NO! Well, it was only a matter of time. Yes, it was time for Wilbur Dunkel to depart this world.

 

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As Wilbur drew his last breath, he hallucinated questionable beverages and scantily clad women - but his final thought was, "Do ya'll think I have time to adopt one more baby?" 

No, Wilbur. No.

 

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RIP Wilbur, founder of the legacy! His children were, of course, devastated by their father's passing. Cathy was wondering how she was going to take care of ALL these kids alone.

 

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Alizah: Hey, now that Dad's gone, do you think they might let us go to a REAL school?

Abel: Too soon, Alizah! Too soon!

 

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The stress of Wilbur's passing accelerated Cathy's aging process. Her grey hair and wrinkles only served to remind her that she would never have a precious baby in her womb again. Oh the tragedy!!! Er, the tragedy of her husband's passing... of course... that was what she was crying about. Yes.

 

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But it wasn't all heartbreak. Mehrissa quickly discovered that she was indeed expecting her second blessing!

Mehrissa: WHAT?! PREGNANT?! BUT HOW???? I haven't been anywhere near a hammock!!

 

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And as soon as Andrew and Cara had both turned 18, Andrew asked her to officially begin a courtship with him. She said.......................... YES!

 

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Andrew was really making up for his time as the forgotten child. Now that his father was gone and Adam was living far away next door, Andrew was the headship at the main Dunkel house. When Wilbur died, the Dunkel family received a substantial life insurance payout, and, after kindly consulting with his mother, Andrew decided to invest some of the money in opening up a new church! It was just a small church for now, but an extremely righteous and biblical one. Plus the love offerings and tax breaks would bring in some extra $$$ for the fam.

Welcome... to Limited Atonement Church!

 

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One month after the start of their official courtship, Andrew dropped to one knee and said, "Cara, I admire you so much. You're a young lady with a charitable nature and a heart for the Lord. You for some reason desire to be a pastor's wife. You want at least 25 children just like I do. Will you enter into a covenant marriage with me and be my wife?"

Guess what? She said NO! Hahahahahahahahahahaha just kidding. She said yes, of course!

 

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After another uncomplicated, unmedicated, Holy Homebirth, Mehrissa gave birth to her second son and was inspired to name him Braxton. He weighed in at a whopping TEN POUNDS! Hehe! Sorry Mehrissa!

 

That's all for now! Tune in next time to see Andrew and Cara's sweet wedding, Limited Atonement Church's first Sunday service, a brand new house reno, Abigail's journey as a musician, more budding courtships, more weddings, and more BABIES!!!!

singsingsing

The Dunkels - Chapter 7

Keeping Up With The Dunkels - Chapter 7: Baaaaaaaaaabes and Baaaaaaaaabies!

 

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Last time on 'Keeping Up With The Dunkels', we saw Cathy Dunkel give birth to her 12th child, Aaron, in the middle of preparing the wedding feast on the morning of Adam and Mehrissa's marriage. Then we saw Adam and Mehrissa say their vows and have their VERY. FIRST. KISS.

Later on at the reception, Asher Dunkel had his birthday party! Asher had now entered his teen years. Lawson Bates, is that you?!

 

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Adam and Mehrissa went straight from their reception to their honeymoon destination, a rustic mountain lodge.

 

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Hey hey hey! ;)

*Shudders*

 

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Now validated and secure in his manhood, Adam celebrated by grilling some hot dogs.

 

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Oh dear! Well, what do you expect when you can't even front hug till marriage? Adam and Mehrissa got a bit adventurous on their honeymoon by 'woohooing' in the hammock outside their cabin! Before anyone calls the morality police, it was a white married heterosexual Christian couple doing it in the missionary position, okay? And they were perfectly secluded! At most hammock sex has got to be a small fine. Please don't make them confess in front of the entire church!

 

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A few days later, Adam and Mehrissa returned from their honeymoon and moved into their brand new house! It was small but cozy, perfect for the two of them, and one or two future blessings. 

 

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And best of all... it was right next door to the Dunkels!!!

(I was thinking about keeping Adam and Mehrissa on the main lot and building them a little cottage out back, but nope. Adam was forced to leave and cleave. The big house was just too chaotic.)

 

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Adam originally planned to make a living by making and selling Christian toys (that was that weird machine you saw in the spare bedroom, btw) but it was just way too draining - almost like J-O-B! Adam quickly hit upon an alternative: he would write Christian self-help books! Telling other people how to live and think came super naturally to him, and as the eldest son of a mega fundie family who had just been blessed with a sweet wife, he had all the life experience he needed. His first book was entitled: Guard Your Heart: 14 Godly Ways to Improve Your Testimony

 

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Mehrissa had SUCH a fright when she accidentally lit the stove on fire trying to make pancakes and a FEMALE firefighter arrived to put it out! Mehrissa lectured herself. "If only my homemaking skills were better, this woman could be at home in her proper place, making babies and baking cookies!"

Not sure about that logic, but... okay.

 

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Days later, Adam and Mehrissa got a precious surprise: they were expecting!!!! Their little hammock baby would be arriving in a few short months. That's right, y'all - the first GrandDunkel is on the way!

 

MEANWHILE, AT THE BIG HOUSE....

 

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Abigail was focusing on her music. With so many babies, weddings, and teenagers, Cathy and Wilbur were overwhelmed, and they finally agreed to let Abigail get... A JOB! A very appropriate and respectable job for a young lady: Abigail was hired by different churches to play the piano, and she gave music lessons to children on the side. But secretly she was working hard to improve her skills and dreaming of more...

 

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Andrew was also dreaming of more. His special friendship with Cara was progressing marvelously, and he was anxious to make it an official courtship, but both sets of parents prayed on it and received a message from the Lord that they were to wait till their 18th birthdays. Meanwhile, they engaged in some chaste, godly, and all-American activities together.

 

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Twins Aimee Joy and Anna Grace celebrated their 18th birthdays soon after Adam's wedding. They were both very striking, yet modest, young ladies. Wilbur and Cathy prayed fervently that God would bless them each with a godly man ASAP because they were running out of space in the house and wanted to keep having babies young marriage is such a beautiful testimony.

 

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"Bye, assholes!" Abigail muttered under her breath as she jumped into the passenger seat. Alas, she was not leaving for good, but at least she got a nice break from the insanity every day at work.

 

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What's this? Why yes! Sadly, so sadly, Cathy finally entered that season of life where she was no longer able to conceive. The Lord saw fit to close her womb. But - joy of joys! - the Lord also saw fit to bless Cathy and Wilbur with an adopted child! Here comes little Alexander Dunkel!

(Yep. I'm not treating adoption like 'try for baby' - I'm not going to make them adopt a kid every single day because, uh, yeah - but whenever Wilbur rolls that 'have a baby' want, I'm sending him straight to the phone to call the adoption agency.)

 

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Now I understand why the Christian Sparkles Adoption Agency let these people adopt. The social worker dumped Alexander on the ground right next to the pond and then left.

 

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Abigail arrived home that day to yet another younger sibling, but this time she was smiling because... she got a promotion! Way to go, Abigail!

 

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Dudes, I was wrong. It wasn't Avalee thinking special thoughts about Mehrissa's younger brother, it was Adalyn, her twin sister. Could another special friendship be brewing? I see many chaperoned conversations in these two's future! His name is Hobart Miceli, by the way.

 

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Fire!!! It took the fireWOMAN *fundie side-eye* like an hour to get in the door to put it out, because all 5000 of the Dunkels were blocking it as they stood there panicking and waving their arms. It's a miracle no one died!

 

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"Happy Birthday to our LAST child that Cathy will ever deliver, unless the Lord miraculously opens her womb again, which she secretly prays for every night - Aaron Dunkel!"

 

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Alizah also grew into a child at this time. Unfortunately she was traumatized after experiencing the fire that almost killed her entire family but miraculously left the house undamaged and caused no injuries, and she was prone to tantrums. Alizah better get her act together or her parents might ship her off to Christian Maidens Boot Camp!

 

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Back at Adam and Mehrissa's, it was time for the blessed birth of the first sweet GrandDunkel!

 

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Benjamin Dunkel was born via an uncomplicated, unassisted, Christ-like homebirth, weighing 9lbs 10oz. Mehrissa looks like she might be regretting her life choices. Too late to back out now!

 

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A couple days later, Mehrissa and Adam went to visit Adam's family to introduce everyone to their precious baby boy. They also engaged in a lot of PDA to let their siblings know just how AMAZING married life was! (Just pretend the baby is inside with his grandparents - apparently you can't bring babies to visit on The Sims 2!)

 

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It wasn't long before Wilbur and Cathy welcomed their 14th child, and 2nd precious adopted addition, daughter Addyson Dunkel! (I'm not sure why the social worker is running and looks scared. I'm starting to suspect that these babies are kidnapped or something.)

 

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And don't worry, Cathy - Adam and Mehrissa are doing everything they can to make up for your barren womb! That's right, little Benjamin Dunkel is going to be a big brother before he can even say the word, "Help!"

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singsingsing

Wealth! Romance! Rejection! Fecundity! All that and more on today's episode of... Keeping Up With The Dunkels!!!

Subtitle: Dunkles By The Dozen

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Now that Adam was an adult, he was seeking the Lord's will in finding a godly young lady to pursue for the purpose of marriage. Unfortunately so far he wasn't having much luck. Not sure what's turning these women off - couldn't possibly be the idea of giving up all semblance of independence and critical thinking to become a robotic broodmare, could it?

 

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I have to admit, it took me a moment to figure out who this was. But, uh, yeah. It's Abel! He became a teen! 

 

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Meanwhile, rebellious Abigail turned 18 and fell into a deep depression. Other girls her age were leaving for college, and here she was, stuck in this crazy house, changing diapers, cooking meals, trying to homeschool a herd of unruly children, and hating life!

 

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Abigail clearly needed professional help, but all her parents could prescribe was MORE JESUS.

 

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She thought that maybe if she could meet the right man, she could get out of the Dunkel house. After all, she had been brought up to think a girl's only way out of the family home was through marriage. Unfortunately Abigail wasn't having anymore luck in the romance department than her older brother Adam...

 

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Er... Abigail? You okay? Actually, Abigail was a little too okay. She knew a girl through church who offered to sell her some black market anti-anxiety meds. She was still mostly miserable, but now she was mostly too calm to care.

(Sorry, this got kind of dark really fast, lol.)

 

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Amazing news for the Dunkels! Wilbur's father died! Uhh, wait, no, that didn't come out right. Wilbur's father went to be with the Lord, and as Wilbur was his only child (gasp!) he left his entire estate to him. The Dunkels now had enough money to properly furnish their house and live comfortably for the first time since Cathy and Wilbur married!

 

(Okay, so here's what happened: for some reason, I have no idea why - keeping track of a dozen different people is a bit distracting - this genie appeared and granted the Dunkels three wishes. Abigail wished for 'peace of mind' because she was basically in aspiration failure, and now she's in platinum aspiration, probably permanently, I'm not sure. Adam wished for 'wealth' twice, and several large bags of money dropped out of the sky. Woohoo!)

 

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Wait... could Abigail finally be hitting it off with a man?!

 

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False alarm.

 

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Here's the latest house reno, thanks to Wilbur's deceased father! As you can see, the Dunkels also finally purchased a computer. Perhaps Cathy or some of the girls could break onto the blogging scene! Of course, the computer was placed right in the main living space, to prevent shenanigans.

 

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Omigosh! BFFs forever!! The Dunkel girls made a new friend! Her name is Cara Gray, she's from their church, and she dresses soooooo modestly! She also believes in courtship and waiting for marriage for her first kiss! The only thing wrong with her is her unfortunately short hair. So sad. But the Dunkel girls will encourage her to grow it out. They were already planning to pray unceasingly that the Lord might direct one of their brothers to her...

 

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"Happy Birthday, Aliviah! You have brown hair and light blue eyes like the rest of your siblings. God bless you."

 

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"Happy Birthday, Alizah! Etc."

 

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On this episode of 'Everybody Hates Abigail"...

 

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Gasp! The Dunkel sisters' prayers worked! Oft-forgotten Andrew Dunkel and Cara were totally hitting it off. "Wow! You love the Lord and have a servant's heart? That's such a weird coincidence, so do I!!" It certainly looked like a Special Friendship could be brewing!

 

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Poor Adam Dunkel couldn't help but be a little distraught, seeing his YOUNGER brother possibly entering that sweet season of life before him.

 

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But Adam's luck was about to turn. He met Mehrissa (yes, that's her actual name) on a mission trip to witness to the lost Catholics of southern Italy. Mehrissa was there with her church group, but it turned out she lived only a few miles away from the Dunkels back in the U. S. of A. It's almost like it was meant to be!

 

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Adam and Mehrissa courted for two blessed months before Adam decided it was time to pop the question. With Mehrissa's younger brother chaperoning, Adam got down on one knee. "Mehrissa, you are such a diligent and godly young lady. You love the Lord and you have a servant's heart. Would you make me the most blessed man in the world by agreeing to be my helpmeet?"

 

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She said, "Yes! Totally!" <3

 

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The Dunkels gathered to celebrate the first engagement in the family! Hmm... could a special friendship possibly be brewing between Avalee(? I think this is Avalee? I'm terrible) and Mehrissa's younger brother? Maybe! (Okay, these people don't have a TV show, or even a blog, so I'm not sure what the point of being coy is. Honestly, idk if anything's going on with these two. MAYBE!)

 

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DRAMA at the Dunkel house! It was Adam and Mehrissa's wedding day, and the ceremony was to be held in the garden. Cathy had spent the morning baking a wedding cake, and was just about to start cooking the wedding meal (that's right, no snack food reception here! Chef salad for all!) when she went into labour!!!

 

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Only a beautiful BABY could make such a blessed day as Cathy's first born's wedding day an EVEN MORE blessed event! This baby's name is Aaron. I will try to remember.

 

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There was absolute pandemonium in the kitchen as family and wedding guests rushed in to see the precious new addition, and Cathy tried to deliver the placenta. 

 

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But everything was sorted out, and the ceremony went off without a hitch! Well, aside from the bride's extremely questionable attire, but to be fair, she had just had an intense shock, watching her mother-in-law give birth next to her wedding cake. (I should've moved her in and changed her wardrobe before making them get married, aha.) Adam was thrilled and relieved to have found a wife. Mehrissa was thrilled to have married into a family with money. Hmmm....

 

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The guests applauded in joy as Adam and Mehrissa exchanged rings. And then...

 

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THE FIRST KISS!!! (I'm sorry, I'm still cracking up at her dress. The side cut-outs! NIKE!!!!!)

 

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Not to worry. As soon as the ceremony was over, the Dunkel sisters rushed to Mehrissa's rescue and gave her a proper modern modest makeover. What a relief!

 

Next time on Keeping Up With The Dunkels: Adam and Mehrissa's honeymoon! Will married life be 'awesome', 'amazing', or both?! Where will the happy couple make their new home, and how long before they have a happy announcement? Will Andrew and Cara start courting? Will Avalee(?) become 'special friends' with Mehrissa's little bro? Will Cathy and Wilbur be satisfied with 12 children, or will they manage to squeeze out one or two more? Will Abigail find her way? #SoBlessed!

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Soon after baby Asher was born, twins Anna Grace and Aimee Joy became teenagers. Way to go, ladies. Modest is hottest!

 

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Meanwhile, problem child Abigail was still up to no good. Some friends from the church youth group came to visit one day, and Abigail was actually FLIRTING with one of the young men! Her siblings looked on, scandalized, and the young man in question was appalled, distraught, and dismayed.

 

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He had to step away to take a deep breath and regain his composure. He was horrified to think that Abigail's elder brother, who had witnessed the event, might have thought he encouraged her!

 

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But Abigail's siblings knew her well enough to know that the young man in question had done no wrong, and he was relieved when Aimee Joy approached him and assured him that he had acted in a very godly manner and she so admired a man who had a heart for chastity. 

 

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Ta da! Grifting was great and all, but it just wasn't bringing in the kind of money the Dunkels truly needed. Wilbur finally managed to save up enough simoleons to plant a garden. The Dunkels would sell the fruit and vegetables they harvested, along with the fish they caught, at the local farmers market and make a tidy profit. All 100% organic, GMO free, toxin free, chemical free, biblical produce, of course.

 

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More trouble with "friends"! Now that some of the children were entering that special stage of life known as puberty, Cathy and Wilbur were really going to have to keep a closer eye on them. Adam didn't quite know what to do with himself when a girl from youth group approached and struck up a conversation. Didn't she know that a godly man was supposed to pursue her? And while he gave her points for the denim skirt, her outfit as a whole was dreadfully defrauding!

To make matters worse, one of the younger twins (can't tell them apart), was talking to Miss Denim Skirt's younger sister about... THE OCCULT! Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Cathy, Wilbur? Maybe it's time to start a home church? Guard your hearts, children!

 

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If you were wondering what Cathy was drinking, well... As Cathy entered her late 30s, something truly terrible happened to her. She began to have trouble conceiving! Luckily, she discovered an all natural biblical Christian fertility treatment. Expensive? Well, yes. The children would all just have to make do with one less chicken drumstick for dinner. But they knew it was worth it for the chance to have more precious baby siblings!

 

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Cathy wept as her youngest baby Asher became a toddler. Could those glorious baby years really be behind her? Would the biblical fertility juice work, or had the Lord closed her womb?

 

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"Hey guys! It's me again, Andrew! I'm a teenager now, and I was hoping someone might, um... acknowledge my existence. Just for a minute. Guys?"

 

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This is the Dunkels' bread and butter. The fish pond. Bring a Dunkel a fish and they'll each get to eat about an ounce of it. Teach a Dunkel to fish, and they can avoid working for life!

 

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SURPRISE!!!! Are you surprised? The Lord saw fit to open Cathy's womb once more. Move over, Asher, your spot as the baby of the family is about to be claimed by...

 

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Aliviah Dunkel! It's like Olivia, but with an A, and an 'h' on the end to make it all unique, special, and totally biblical!

 

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"Mom? Dad? What are you doing in there? Can you come into the kitchen, please? There's no food left in the fridge."

Yikes. I guess this was bound to happen in a house that small with that many people. Good thing the Dunkel children won't know what sex is until the second before they leave for their honeymoon!

 

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"Happy birthday, Asher! We're so blessed to have you as our son! You sure do exist! Love you!!!"

 

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"Morning sickness is SUCH a blessing, ya'll!"

 

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The Younger Twins are now... teens! Wilbur better have that 50-page courtship application ready!

 

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Even more exciting - eldest son Adam turned 18! Adam was such a diligent and godly young man, and his parents knew that he'd find a sweet gal with a heart for the Lord to marry VERY SOON. College? No, of course not! They would not throw their son to the lions, send him to live in a den of SIN and DEBAUCHERY and have his innocent mind POLLUTED by the corrupt influences of the harlots and hipsters of the local university campus! No, he'd be staying put for now. Safe at home.

 

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Sweet baby Aliviah soon became a sweet toddler. So sweet!

 

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Another home reno! The Dunkels finally saved up enough from their grifting and gardening to put an addition on their home. They had to furnish it with the cheapest possible items to avoid going into debt, but they finally had windows.

 

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Really? I buy you guys a dining room table and you insist on doing your schoolwork on the floor right in front of the front door anyway?

 

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Not sure if they're freaking out over Cathy being in labour, or the girl in the absolutely defrauding outfit who for some reason decided to come in and watch. NIKE!

 

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Another girl! The Dunkels' 11th child, Alizah, arrived safe and sound, and Wilbur, exhausted, hit the sack immediately after the birth. Alizah is a unique and precious name, it's just like Eliza but with an A, and an 'h' on the end to make it extra neat and biblical!

 

Thanks for tuning in again! Check back soon to see just how many kids Wilbur and Cathy will manage to produce (Wilbur got his coveted 'have 10 kids' achievement and now wants 20 grandkids). Will Adam start courting? Will Abigail finally rebel and do something CRAZY like front hug a boy?! Will I be able to keep track of who's who, and will my game crash as I pack more and more sims onto the same lot? Oh the suspense!

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Before we begin, I have to apologize. I previously stated that Andrew Dunkel was Blessing #4, but I was wrong - he was Blessed Blessing #5! Despite what Wilbur and Cathy may think, the twins are not, in fact, a single entity.

Now, on with the show.

 

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House reno! Kids are expensive, but they're also great for grifting! It was slow going, but the Dunkels were gradually bringing in enough money from their hard earned grifting to at least survive.

 

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School of the dining room... floor?

 

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Adam became a teenager! "Happy Birthday, Adam! You are such a diligent young man who loves Jesus and has a servant's heart! We're so excited to see where the Lord leads you!" Adam took his role as eldest brother very seriously, and his most cherished dream was to follow in the footsteps of his father by finding a godly young woman to marry and then mercilessly impregnate over and over again for the next 25 years.

 

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Adam also enthusiastically embraced his family's grifting activities. He learned from the best!

 

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Cathy appeared somewhat conflicted to learn that she was expecting Blessing #8, but quickly corrected her countenance. Children are SUCH a blessing! Babies are like flowers, they wilt and die if you have more of them than you can care for. Wait, no, that's not it... you can never have too many flowers. Yeah, that's right - never too many flowers!

 

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Hey, remember the second set of Dunkel twins? Well, here they are becoming toddlers! Their names are Adalyn and Avalee, by the way. Don't worry, Cathy has a tough time remembering, too.

 

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"Hey, guys. Uh... remember me? I'm your son, Andrew! Your 4th 5th blessing! Guys? ...Guys? Does anyone have normal pajamas I could borrow?"

 

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"Happy Birthday, Abigail! You are such a sweet young lady with a heart for the Lord and a charitable spirit! We can't wait to see where God leads you!" Actually, the truth was that though Wilbur and Cathy tried to hide it, they were disappointed in Abigail and VERY concerned about her testimony. Whereas their precious eldest son Adam was everything they wished and more, Abigail complained about her chores, complained about having to homeschool the children, and seemed to want to do nothing more than play games and goof around. Her parents prayed fervently that the Lord would convict her to repent and be a proper young lady... (Adam rolled the 'Family' aspiration. Abigail rolled 'Pleasure'. Uh oh!)

 

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As Cathy went into labour, her concerned children raced into the room to assist with the delivery!

 

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Adam was thrilled to have a new baby brother, Abel Dunkel! No one else seemed to care.

 

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10 people living in one house with only one bathroom was beginning to take its toll. But Wilbur insisted that they not do more renovations until they had grifted enough to be sure of staying out of debt. If that meant peeing on the floor, so be it.

 

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Aimee Joy was very diligent about practicing her homemaking skills. She was going to make a wonderful wife and mommy one day (very soon)!

 

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Aimee Joy was also very diligent about helping with the family grifting. Wilbur and Cathy had great hopes that she would not turn out like disappointment Abigail, seen on the far left squandering time by playing with the toy car. Bless her heart!

 

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Wilbur entered a new season of life. He took it philosophically, content in the knowledge that his wife at least was still young enough to impregnate a few more times.

 

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"Yeah, girl! Work it! NO ONE rocks a pioneer dress like YOU, baby!" Oh dear. Abigail, on top of being lazy and disobedient, had now developed a nasty streak of VANITY. Her parents CRIED OUT TO THE LORD for her salvation, when they weren't busy babymaking or collapsing in exhaustion from dealing with their umpteen other children.

 

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Adalyn and Avalee had soon left the toddler stage behind them, and entered childhood. And not a moment too soon, because there were infants to care for, floors to sweep, and toilets to clean!

 

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Quick reminder that Abel exists and became a toddler.

 

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Yes, God smiled upon Cathy again and placed another precious gift to grow in her blessed womb. Nine months later, it was time to welcome yet another Dunkel into the world. There's nothing quite like going into labour and giving birth while five of your children surround you and shout in terror!

 

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"Oh God, not ANOTHER ONE," thought Abigail, as she was introduced to her brand new baby brother, Asher Dunkel!

 

Thanks for tuning in again! Next time on Keeping Up With The Dunkels: Will Cathy and Wilbur manage to produce the coveted blessing #10 before the Lord sees fit to close Cathy's womb? Will they remember that their non-twin children exist? Will Wilbur finally grift enough to put in a second bathroom and buy a kitchen table? Will singsingsing find a skin set to download so the men don't look like they're wearing eyeliner all the time? 

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Wow! Soooooo much has happened since we last saw the Dunkels approximately... 8 hours ago. For the Dunkels, I mean. Not for singsingsing. I mean, I deposited a cheque and talked to my grandma on the phone, so I was at least somewhat productive. And hey, I've had the worst insomnia and didn't get to sleep till 3:30 a.m. after spending way too much time reading about rare and terrifying medical conditions on Reddit, so there's that.

The Dunkels, on the other hand, have been very busy.

 

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When we last met Cathy Dunkel, she had just given birth to twins. The good news is that with their grifting efforts and Wilbur's job in politics, they were able to replace the bed stolen by the delivery man! (That's Adam, joyfully asleep on the ratty couch they found on the side of the road. He's such a dear!)

 

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And that bed is already coming in handy. Not a moment to lose - Wilbur wants AT LEAST ten children, and Cathy isn't getting any younger (or saner)!

 

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I'm not sure why she looks so surprised. That's right, the twins are going to be big sisters soon! Awwwwwww!

 

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I'm not sure if this picture adequately sums up the disaster that was life in the Dunkel household. Cathy was pregnant again and still a nervous wreck. Wilbur was about to pee his pants. Abigail was crying to get out of her crib, the twins were sleeping amidst the garbage on the kitchen floor, and the bathroom was completely covered in weeds.

 

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So... friends, I have a confession to make: I cheated. I used 'maxmotives'. It restored all their mood bars back to 100%. But seriously, things were bleak. Everyone had the flu. The kids were hungry and dirty and exhausted. Cathy was literally about to starve to death. I decided that I would allow myself to use 'maxmotives' ONCE every day at 6:00 a.m. And trust me... even with that, they're barely hanging on. (I also slightly cheated with the floors - realized I had downloaded a floor that cost $0, so you bet I used that sucker throughout the house. Bye bye bathroom weeds!)

 

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Happy Birthday to... everyone? Abigail aged into a child, and twins Aimee Joy and Anna Grace aged into toddlers. The Dunkels LOVED their busy, chaotic, wonderful, blessed life! They really, REALLY loved it! They loved it, okay? Please believe them. They need validation.

 

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Cathy found that she was most comfortable giving birth unattended in the kitchen, and by now she was an old pro at it. She even had a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches ready in anticipation of post-labour snack time!

 

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IT'S A BOY! Another Christian warrior for God's quiver! How sweet and special. Blessing #4's name is Andrew Dunkel. I like how he's trying to hide his face. It's futile, kid. Just wait till your mother starts blogging!

 

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Big brother Adam was thrilled to have a precious new baby brother to encourage and disciple in the ways of the Lord. Abigail seemed to be contemplating her fate as a sister mom.

 

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Not many pictures were taken of the twins during this tumultuous season of life, except for this one of Anna Grace being held by her daddy. Aimee Joy can be seen in the background. Both are, of course, modestly dressed. Godly young ladies in training!

 

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Wilbur was very pleased with himself, but at least this time he had reason to be: he got promoted to political lobbyist! He was so excited for this opportunity to spew judgement and hate all the live long day, and get paid to do it! Although Wilbur never thought of himself as a job-type person, his promotion had got him thinking. Maybe God was calling him to work to build a true Christian nation through politics? Maybe he was even calling him to run for... city council? State congress? The Senate? THE PRESIDENCY?!

 

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Besides Wilbur's inflated ego, one good thing to come of his promotion was a nice pay raise and bonus. The Dunkels were able to add another addition to their house, and put a pond in the yard. Cathy had been leading the children in Bible study, and when they read that fishing was such a godly profession, they were all absolutely desperate to go fishing. Also, they were really bored, isolated, and had nothing better to do.

 

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Cathy was happy to spend quality time with her eldest son Adam, talking about, what else? Babies and children.

 

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Happy summer days spent fishing seemed to cure Cathy of her depression and agitation. Wilbur thought it was a little strange, until he realized that they could sell the fish that Cathy caught and bring in some extra cash. Cha-ching! Cathy never felt more productive or at peace with the universe the Lord than when she reeled in a largemouth bass.

 

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Meanwhile, Wilbur changed up his wardrobe and hairstyle to suit his new political position and ambitions. He really wasn't a fan of his new look, but knew it was a necessary sacrifice to one day become president selflessly provide for the needs of his growing family.

 

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Happy Birthday, Andrew! Just a reminder that the Dunkels have a kid named Andrew. In case you forgot. Sometimes I do.

 

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Uh oh... there's that willful sin nature at work! Come on, Andrew, you're a toddler now! You should know better than to behave like a toddler! 

 

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Happy Birthday, twins! Yes, they do have names... There's Aimee Joy on the left, and Anna Grace on the right. But calling them 'the twins' is just sooooooo much cuter and soooo precious!! Besides, everyone knows who the Dunkels are talking about when they say 'the twins', unless they have ANOTHER set of twins, and that would be suuuuuuuuch a sweet blessing, but how likely is that?!

 

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Things still weren't quite all right in the Dunkel household. Having so many kids was just exhausting, ya'll. Who woulda thunk it?! While dad and mom snoozed inside, the twins and Adam played outside in the dark. Adam made a friend! It may be a cat, or a rabid raccoon. 

 

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Wilbur, the absolute arse of the century, came home one day celebrating that he had been FIRED from his job as a political lobbyist. Yep, that's right. Apparently his makeover was all for naught. He made another boneheaded decision and was fired from yet another job. But you see, he was happy, because this just proved that he really wasn't a job-type person. God clearly had another path in mind for him. He just need to take some time, like a few months or years, to figure out what that might be.

 

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And his timing could not have been better. Oh - did I forget to mention that Cathy was expecting again? Well, she decided not to announce this pregnancy because she'd gotten so many mean comments last time. People actually had the nerve to tell her that maybe she should stop having kids if she was constantly in a state of panic and despair, her husband couldn't keep a job, there was no paint on the walls and her children were running wild, befriending raccoons. Rude! Wilbur managed to sleep through most of the labour, but finally woke up to help Cathy deliver...

 

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TWINS! (Sorry about Wilbur's tighty whities. I just figured he would be the type of guy to wear tighty whities.) Welcome to the world, Avalee and Adalyn Dunkel. God help you, because your parents sure can't!

 

That's all this time! Join us next time to find out how the Dunkels manage with SEVEN kids, including TWO sets of twins! Will Wilbur figure out his God-given calling? Will Cathy turn more and more to fishing and leave Abigail to homeschool the growing herd of children? Will Wilbur manage to impregnate his wife with his coveted TEN babies? All this and more on the next episode of... Keeping Up With The Dunkels - A Fundie Legacy!

singsingsing

Howdy everyone! We left off with our (anti?)hero Wilbur Dunkel newly employed in politics, baby Adam having aged into a toddler unbeknownst to his frazzled parents, and Cathy Dunkel having just given birth to her second child, Abigail, and in the midst of a nervous breakdown.

 

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Hmmm... you know what that means! Yes, despite her ongoing existential crisis, Cathy is a proper fundie woman and is always joyfully available to her husband (seen sleeping soundly in the background). That's right - blessed blessing #3 is on the way!

 

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As if things weren't bad enough, they ordered groceries and didn't have enough to pay the delivery man, so he stole their bed!

 

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Wilbur found himself sleeping on an old beat-up couch they found on the side of the road, while Cathy slept standing up underneath the shower, amongst the weeds.

 

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She woke up in time for Abigail to age into a toddler. Two toddlers and a baby on the way? Who cares that the grocer stole our bed and we still don't have a floor? We're just #SoBlessed!

 

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Shhhh.... Mommy's sleeping. Aren't you old enough to start homeschooling yourself, anyway?

 

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The next morning Adam aged up into a kid. A kid with a very questionable haircut, wearing pink pajamas. Cathy, Wilbur? You'd better fix that boy's wardrobe and make him look like a PROPER BOY before you get a visit from your church's Gender Enforcement Committee!

 

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Things were getting really bad in the Dunkel household. The kitchen was littered with garbage. The weeds were spreading in the bathroom. Both Cathy and Wilbur were passed out on the floor/ground, with their children left to fend for themselves. So basically an average day in a fundie household.

 

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Here we go!!! Time to call the midwife. Or a random guy and his dog. Or just give birth standing up in the kitchen while your husband ignores you (at least he's feeding one of the kids). Whichever.

 

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It's a bouncing baby girl! Cathy handed little Anna Grace to Wilbur to admire. Despite her mother's mental state during her pregnancy, Anna Grace was perfectly healthy if a little on the small side. Wait - what's that?

 

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IT'S TWINS! Cathy returns to her labouring position in front of the stove and within minutes gives birth to another baby girl, Aimee Joy. What a blessedly blessed event! DOUBLE BLESSINGS, ya'll! So sweet and so neat!

 

Oh. shit.

 

That's all for now! Tune in next time to see how Wilbur and Cathy function with two small children AND newborn twins! Will Cathy run away to join a hippie commune? Will they all starve to death? Will the grocery man repossess any more of their furniture? Tune in next time for more shenanigans courtesy of the Dunkels! **Cue zany music**

singsingsing

I recently decided to dive back into one of my old favourites, The Sims 2, and start up a new legacy challenge! For those of you unfamiliar with a legacy challenge, the rules can be found here: https://www.simslegacychallenge.com/legacy-challenge-rules/sims-2-legacy-challenge-rules-core/ I'll be more or less following the rules, but I'm not going to keep score. Too complicated.

To make things more interesting, I decided this would be a Fundie Legacy Challenge. I'm starting with one guy, and his goal is to find a woman and begin reproducing. And reproduce he shall. For the purposes of the fundie challenge, I've added a few extra rules:

-Sims must be modestly dressed

-Women can only work outside the home before having their first baby

-Absolutely no 'woohooing' before marriage! (For the purposes of the game they pretty much have to hug and kiss if you want them to fall in love and get married, but for storytelling purposes I'll be editing it to make it seem like they're not participating in such shameful wanton acts - TLC ain't got nothin' on me.)

-Sims must always 'try for baby' when woohooing. After having a baby, they must begin trying for the next one immediately.

-Children can only move out if they're getting married

-The eldest son is the heir, and stays on the legacy lot with his wife and children

Right now I'm planning to play the families of the second generation as well, but I'm guessing it's going to get pretty ridiculous pretty quick.

Anyway... on with the show!

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Meet Wilbur Dunkel. He just moved into this shack on the edge of town and recently decided that the LORD is calling him to find a wife ASAP and start making babies. He's a family-orientated chap, and his goal is to create an entire town full of fundamentalists. Woohoo! (er, yes, there will be a lot of that going on.)

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A strange man came and gave him a computer, which I promptly sold to buy him a floor and a couple of windows. You're welcome, Wilbur!

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Some guests arrived to welcome him to the neighbourhood, including a matchmaker. Wilbur was beyond thrilled, because the women he'd met so far were very immodestly clothed and did not have particularly sweet countenances. He paid the matchmaker every last penny he had to find him the perfect young woman with a heart for the Lord...

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Meet Cathy. "Well," thought Wilbur, "hopefully she'll be convicted to change her wardrobe. Those shorts are nothing short of scandalous, and the baseball cap is not pleasingly feminine at all. But at least she's not a goth or an old lady."

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Success! Cathy and Wilbur hit it off! Uh oh... no side hugging going on here...

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Wilbur tossed and turned all night, eaten up with regret for front hugging Cathy. He vowed to keep himself in line next time he saw her. He woke up bleary-eyed for work the next morning. Wilbur isn't really a 'job-type person', but he knows he has to pay the bills if he wants to convince Cathy to marry him and help him make two dozen babies.

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It was a whirlwind courtship, and a few days later Wilbur and Cathy had a modest wedding in front of the chessboard. One old dude came to witness the ceremony, but he was inside the house on the toilet at the time.

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Despite their scandalous front hugging, Wilbur and Cathy waited to consummate their marriage until approximately two minutes after the ceremony was complete (they had to wait for the old guy to get off the toilet and leave).

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And here is Cathy's fundie makeover! I like that she's smiling here. She looks so cheerful and free. It won't last...

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These are the grifting trees. They represent Wilbur and Cathy's grifting. Because Wilbur and Cathy are poor and planning on having a zillion children, they regularly hit up their fellow Christians for cash. It's not much, but enough to keep instant meals and cereal on the table.

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Cathy was such an enthusiastic convert to fundamentalism that she got pregnant on her wedding night! (Side note: I know there's a mod that keeps sims in their regular clothes during pregnancy. Gotta find that one again.)

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Wilbur and Cathy put an addition on their house in anticipation of their new arrival. Unfortunately neither one of them is particularly bright, so they ran out of money before they could furnish it. Also, they have no roof, so it's snowing inside.

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NIKE! Cathy was scandalously dressed as she went into labour in the kitchen one night, but thankfully it was an unattended home birth, so no one was defrauded in the process.

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"Hello, world!" Meet Adam Dunkel. He has brown hair and blue eyes and has no idea what kind of clusterfuck he's been born into.

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Time to get to work on Blessing #2!

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Welp, that didn't take long... yes, as the baby peacefully sleeps on the linoleum floor next to the beat up old refrigerator and the moldy bottle, his mother discovers she is pregnant with her second. #Blessed!

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Meanwhile, Wilbur was fired from his job as a legal receptionist. His boss was waiting for a call from his wife and Wilbur, being a misogynistic tool, figured his boss didn't want to talk to his wife and stalled her on the phone. But it turned out his boss was waiting on crucial information about a case from his wife and was outraged that Wilbur interfered. Because of Wilbur's idiocy, the Dunkels now had no income, one baby, and one on the way. Things were really starting to deteriorate...

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In the midst of all of this, Adam became a toddler. Neither of his parents really noticed. Wilbur had gotten a new job in politics (of course), and Cathy was in the midst of a nervous breakdown. You see, Cathy is a sim with the 'knowledge' aspiration, and while fundamentalism seemed nice and shiny from the outside, she seems to be discovering that it's a rotten turd from the inside.

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Well, the good news is that Adam finally got a crib to sleep in. The bad news is everything else. There's still no floor in the bathroom or bedrooms. The kitchen is littered with dirty food and baby bottles. The toilet is overflowing. There are weeds growing underneath the shower. Wilbur is asleep. Tough day at the office.

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In the midst of her regular grifting activities, while Wilbur was at work, Cathy went into labour for the second time! This time she was attended by a random dude and a dog.

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It's a girl! Abigail Dunkel entered the world on a bright spring day and looks like she's already seen some shit.

 

That's all for now! Next time on Keeping Up With The Dunkels: More Babies! More drama! Will Wilbur manage to stay employed? Will Cathy avoid a complete nervous breakdown before Baby #3 enters the picture? Will they get a floor? A kitchen table (where else are they going to homeschool)? Stay tuned for all this, AND MORE! (Also next time: singsingsing will make the screenshots larger, figure out how to keep pregnant ladies in their modest clothes, and look around for a homeschooling mod.)

singsingsing

Game of Thrones shenanigans

I was up with the stomach flu last night and I drank two cans of coke today and now I can't sleep, so I'm going to try this.

For years people I know have been trying to get me to read/watch Game of Thrones, but I keep resisting. From what I've heard of it, I just don't think I'd like it. There seems to be far too much gross underage/incestuous sex, rape, brutality and general negativity for me to enjoy it. But I know millions of people absolutely love it, so I'm not dissing it, at all. Especially as I've never actually read/watched it. Many people I know absolutely rave about it, so, you know... that's awesome. I'm glad they're enjoying it. I hope they keep enjoying it. I know that they can enjoy it without me.

BUT I can't freaking escape it!

A few weeks ago I saw a little girl in the paper with a butchered version of my first name. I'm not going to say exactly what it was because I'm doing this thing where I'm pretending to care a lot about keeping my identity anonymous, but anyway, it was a version I'd never seen before. I even texted it to my mum, like, "Haha, check this out, what will they think of next??" It wasn't ridiculous or anything, just different. Well, I just found out that it's from freaking GAME OF THRONES. Who are these characters with my (misspelled) name running around in Westeros? Are they having sex with their brothers? Throwing children out of towers? Chopping people's heads off? Talking to wolves or dragons or whatever the heck is going on, I don't know, but I'm disturbed, highly disturbed I tell you.

One of my good friends also decided for some reason out of the blue that I was a Lannister. She INSISTED that I was a Lannister. Hello, even I know that the Lannisters are the super shady incestuous bad guys! So I went and took a Buzzfeed test and it told me I was a Stark. HA! Sweet justice. Now I know what my Game of Thrones name will be when I invade Westeros and set up a parliamentary democracy with a charter of rights and freedoms and ban winter forever, because I hear that's a big deal there.



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