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This fucking summer. This fucking year, really. So. My marriage, which limped along while I was super depressed because I just didn't care, is really rocky right now. I'm not sure he knows that it's total shit- I think he thinks everything is great. I mean, I finally stopped nagging him. I'm just really quiet all the time. I never ask him to do anything around the house anymore and just do it all myself. Because I'm fucking tired of having to tell a grown man, over and over and over again, that he needs to put effort into his own life outside of work. For the first time in a long time I'm thinking about the future and I'm just exhausted by the thought of however many more decades with him. I get one life and I'm not sure I want to spend it as someone's damn live-in help- there is no mystical property of a penis that prevents the owner of said genitals from cleaning the shower once in a fucking while, without being reminded six times, and without whining about it.
It all came to a head when one of his friends (who, silly me, I thought was my friend too- hahaha, no) told him that he's avoiding me on purpose (we're next door neighbors, it was getting pretty weirdly obvious) because he's got some Mike Pence flavored asshole ideas about the world. Well, the dude didn't acknowledge his own Mike Penceness, just said that he won't be alone with his friends' wives*. Like, what the fuck, dude, I'm a PERSON. I'm a PERSON. I don't BELONG to my husband, and I don't just drop my fucking pants every time I'm alone in a room with someone! As a matter of fact, the vast majority of times I have ever been alone with another human being, I was wearing my pants the whole time. The whole time!
*I'll note that this rule was clearly not in existence last year, before I lost 50 pounds.
Believe it or not I swallowed my rage (it took some serious swallowing) and did not make him eat his own mailbox. See? Agency. Choices. Not ruled by my emotions/gonads/instincts. Almost like I'm people or something.
Like, holy shit guys, I'm being treated like I'm an appliance with tits by basically all sides these days. This sucks and MANY things officially tasted better than thin feels.
And a pretty pretty Precious!
They really do seem to sleep in the oddest positions!! Totally separate naps on separate days.
Precious, The Dog Thing, finally went and had her "do" did. I'd let her grow out quite a bit because her fur was so brittle and thin due to a skin infection. Once it got to the 1982 Tina Turner phase, I called around and found a groomer. She got a good bath and brush and the groomer tamed the mane and added some bows. Those bows were out within an hour, she only looks prissy. Thor was unimpressed. And now there's another hooman in the mix??? Gaaaahhhhh. At least he feels right, the kitties didn't take long to warm up. He has a habit of leaving his bedroom door open and the boys are typically taking up space on his pillow and blanky.
Really I don't know. Just don't know. I'm Jewish. My daughter, brother-in-law, two nieces, many of my cousins and extended family are people of color. Where is this madness going? Where will it end? I've been listening to music songs which make me cry. Why you ask? Because I need it as a cathartic release. Crying my eyes out right now to
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I feel the need to get this off my chest, even if nobody really reads this.
Yesterday marked the end of a chapter of my life that was open for 16 years - since I was 16 myself.
When I was 16 I met someone online. We were the same age (or so I thought - years later she admitted she was actually 6 years older than me) and had similar interests and immediately clicked as friends. In fact, it turned into more than friendship and we started a long-distance relationship. I was infatuated, in love as only a 16-year-old could be.
I vividly remember our first fight. It was around the time of my 17th birthday. We had a mutual friend who was interested in a site called Furcadia. She'd invited us both to play with her but my girlfriend wasn't interested. I decided to give it a try, though. When she found out I'd been hanging out there with our friend she was furious. I was taken aback, but I placated her and it was over.
Thus began my dealings with a person suffering from psychiatrist-diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In the early years she broke up with me several time. Each time I was sobbing and heart broken. Each time I was told to get over it. At one stage I moved across the country to live with her. I had no car and no way of catching public transport so she promised to drive me around. Three days before my flight she dumped me. When I moved there, she refused to drive me around. My parents had to buy me a car and drive it cross country. Two months later she decided she didn't want to live there any more and broke the lease to move back home. I had to do the same.
She told me to move on because we were never getting back together. Eventually, I did.
I kept it from her, knowing that in spite of her telling me to move on she would be furious. I didn't lie about it, I just never mentioned it. I didn't really try to hide it. Enevitably she found out and the fallout was phenomenal. Eventually, we began talking again. She wanted to resume our relationship after mine ended, but after she had stranded me across the country without so much as a single apology for her actions I'd seen her true colours and could never feel the same about her. I was willing to be friends, but any love I'd felt had been crushed by the hurt I felt.
Despite not being in a relationship, she rewrote the history of mine. She accused me of being with him while I was still with her. She claimed that she'd never said to get over her and that she'd been trying to get back together with me while I was with him. None of that was true. After telling me so many times I had to get over things she'd done in the past, she never let go of my 'betrayal'.
Once I found out about the NPD I began to learn how to avoid the arguments and brush off the constant criticism. I was a bad friend, I made her wait too long when we talked online, my illness got in the way all the time, she made all the time in the world for me but I wasn't reciprocating. Somehow, amidst the constant barrage of criticism she kept hinting at us getting back together, but she wanted me to be the one to make the move.
That's when I realised - she didn't love me. I was her backup plan. When she had a better prospect she was happy to let me go, but when there was nobody else she wanted me. She took for granted that I'd wait around for her and ask to get back together and be grateful for the opportunity.
She was wrong.
A couple of years ago, I met someone new. Somebody whose love didn't come at the cost of my self worth. Someone who didn't complain about making endless sacrifices for me and ignore the sacrifices I made from then. In fact, I didn't need to make sacrifices for him at all.
It was a love different to any I've felt before, and the first time we met up I realised I couldn't imagine my life without him. Earlier this year, we got married and it was the best thing I've ever done. Naturally, I did not tell her.
I told him everything about her - how our relationship had started, the ways it had ended, and our continuing 'friendship'. I told him that she viewed us as being in a relationship even though I hadn't agreed to one. I was completely honest, and he was completely supportive. He encouraged me to disconnect with her, made me finally believe I didn't deserve the constant criticism, that even though I'd learned to deal with her and didn't rise to the bait it still negatively affected me. He didn't push. He just let me do it at my own pace.
Yesterday, I finally disconnected for good.
It was over something relatively minor in the scheme of our rocky relationship. I was going through something difficult and she was angry with me for being distracted by it because she was having problems too. I told her I was dealing with a potentially terminal illness in my family. Most people would at least offer some perfunctory sympathy. An 'I'm sorry', even if the next word was 'but'. But she didn't. She was just angry I wasn't asking about her issues.
And that's what did it.
I told her I had nothing more to say to her, and this time I truly meant it.
I know how different the story would be coming from her. I am a horrible person, a heartbreaker, cold and cruel. I am a cheater and a liar. I am not a saint and I know I've done things out of anger or hurt to lash out at her. I am not blameless. I feel genuinely sorry for what she's going through right now and it's very hard to not tell her so, but I can't get drawn back into contact. My words yesterday confirmed to her every bad thing she's ever thought about me and she will never forgive me. She'll hate me. I needed it to be that way. I wasn't cruel, at least I tried not to be. I wanted to say she was a narcissist and a hypocrite, but I didn't. I didn't get mad. I just said I could no longer be in contact - but that's all it will take. Ending things myself, on my terms - that's an unforgivable sin. I still feel guilty, despite everything. I hate hurting or upsetting anyone.
But at last, I can finally breathe.
By Maggie Mae,
To Make a Garden Grow: Chapter 8, Part 1.
I'm on page 127 for those reading along. (I don't recommend it at all.)
Cathy refers to Christopher as "my cheerful optimist," Which is weird. Christopher also states that "any day could see him gone. That is the way of heart disease. A clot could break free and find its way to his heart or lung and snuff him out like a candle." I stand by my previous assessment that Christopher Jr is a neckbeard.
Chris Jr orders her to have more determination to placate the twins and themselves, and be more creative and entertaining.
So they put on plays using the old clothing in the attic, which, for once, is a time honored tradition and age appropriate game. After a page or so of description of the moldy, smelly, old clothing and the play, Cathy trips and falls and Carrie demands to eat. Cory's hair has grown out and he wants to swing in the outside garden again. Poor kid. I know how this ends for him and it's not a happy story.
Christopher tries to make the best of it (after all, he's Cathy's cheerful optimist!) by using large words to the 5 year old Cory about "bring[ing] about a metamorphosis and turn[ing] the ugly caterpillar into a brilliant soaring butterfly." They decide to decorate the garden and ask the mother for supplies. The "mother" sneaks up mops, pails, brooms (how?), scrub brushes, and boxes of "soap powder" (?) Mother actually helps with the cleaning of the attic!
Cathy, in fact, is "marveled" that her mother knows how to clean! In Gladstone, they had a maid who came twice a week to "do all the hard, dreary things that would redden Momma's hands and break her fingernails." Oh poor momma! She has to CLEAN like a pauper.
I'm afraid that if Christopher the Half-brother and Uncle of Corrine had stayed alive in Gladstone, his children would have grown up to be damaged in a different way. Chris would remain as neckbeardy and arrogant, but it would be excused because he's attractive. Cathy would grow up to be just as much as a dingbat as her mother. The twins ... Probably similar.
Back to the cleaning of the attic! Riveting stuff! They swept up buckets of dead spiders and other insects. They saw droppings of mice and rats. Once it was clean, Momma brought plants and a Christmas amaryllis. Cathy realizes that she doesn't want to be in the attic at Christmas. Momma says they will bring it with them. Don't listen to her! She's a liar!
Momma also tells her kids who are locked into an attic that she is going to a movie that night but she'll bring them raisins. She's going with a friend she grew up with, who happens to have two brothers. It's a musical.
Every chapter has this * * * breaking it up into different acts. It's weird and old fashioned.
In act 2, which is very short, we learn that the mother is bringing them paper, coloring books, and other craft supplies. They use this to make paper flowers for the attic.
In act 3, Cathy describes her mother. She's still beautiful and radiant and healthy and has lots of shoes and jewelry. She's also unable to type without looking at charts of which key is which. It's really not. that. difficult. Get it together. You have 4 children to take care of.
We are treated to this:SpoilerQuote
Yes, men take typing. Momma explains that some are journalists, writers, or have some other good reason. She says "good reason." as though there are bad reasons for someone wanting to learn how to type. Anyway, so Mrs Brady is divorced and apparently likes to flirt with the younger men. AND to make this even worse, momma complains about the man that Mrs Brady is interested in as being 'too short' and how she could pick him up and carry him over the threshold. They all laugh because obviously short people are hilarious and no man who is 5'2 is worth anything at all.
Chris is upset that the idea of remarriage has even occurred to momma.
Act 4 of this chapter.
Cathy complains about the quality of art that the twins are turning out. Chris calls it "modern art" because obviously non-traditional art styles are hilarious too. Also they are 5 and still working on coordination.
Momma comes up and admires their work. She then brings them some sequins and beads.
Carrie tattles on Cathy for forgetting about lunch on occasion. What 4 year old cares that much about food?
Cathy wonders why momma needs to wear so much jewelry to secretarial school. Momma says that the kids need to make animals for the garden. Momma introduces Cathy to the concept of books. Is Cathy 12 or 8? I swear I knew all about "how to draw" books by the time I was 8.
Chris goes for a realism approach, while Cathy decorates her animals with polka dots & plaids. Cory made a snail that Cathy quickly insults in her head while simultaneously giving him praise. Christopher, being the horrible person that he is, brings down the room by correcting their language and boring them all to death with some information about taxonomy. He's 5, Chris. He doesn't care that it's a member of the mollusc, nor what traits make it a mollusc or how it feeds. I took zoology in college and I don't even care that much. It's a cardboard cutout of a snail. Let him have his moment. (Actually I do care but only because I find invertebrates to be somewhat fascinating; especially the nautilus which lives in the deep sea. However I wouldn't bore a 5 year old with that knowledge.)
Carrie is working on something, which Cathy describes as a "purple thing" and that her method is "slapdash." Carrie "ruthlessly" stabs at her paper. Apparently it's a worm. Be nice to your bad-at-crafts sister, Cathy. It's not her fault. Crafts are boring.
Momma, at least, tells Carrie that the worm is gorgeous. She's a little more critical to Cory. Cathy then "ruins it" (come on, Cathy, you didn't ruin it, Your shitty mother has locked you in an attic) by asking her about school. Momma is not doing well at school. Or she quit as she doesn't have answers to "how fast can you type" and how fast can you take "dictation" (?) Cathy is told to be patient.
Act.. I don't know. It's another act. Just split it up into smaller chapters!
On Fridays they have to erase their existence from the room, so Cathy strips the sheets (do they ever wash the sheets?), rolls them up, puts the bedspreads (quilts?) over the mattress covers. Chris puts away the toys. Grandmother brings them food and orders them into the attic. Cathy has wiped way fingerprints and shined the mahogany. Grandmother uses the vacuum bag to make everything dull again. They can hear the maids cleaning up, and are scared that they will be discovered. BE DISCOVERED. What is the worst thing that can happen if you are discovered? OMG YOU WILL BE A POOR.
I'm seriously wondering what damage this book did to me. Did it affect my psyche in some way? Is it part of the fire that burns in me to eliminate social classes? There is so much classicism in the USA and it's heavily tied into racism, but it's also so easily overlooked. I mean, you can dismiss it all you want, and I know it's not a popular issue around here, but ... ugh. Come on world, get better.
Carrie was given new ruffled panties and enjoyed showing them off. She decides she also wants to be a ballerina. Stop worrying about skipping lunch, then, Carrie. I know, she's five. But jesus, this kid is annoying. Oh, she falls and hurts herself and changes her mind.
And yet another * * *
Where did the grass go? God took it to Heaven. Daddy likes to mow the lawn. Apparently the Grandmother likes to try and catch them doing something "unholy" or "wicked." The kids are smart enough to realize that while Grandmother likes to open the door as silently as possible and watch them through a crack, she doesn't go up into the attic.
Momma has a new expensive looking green suit and a new hairstyle. This is VITALLY IMPORTANT INFORMATION.
Oh, and Grandmother has claustrophobia, which is described as "an emotional affliction" Cathy is surprised to hear that Grandmother was once young and small. Oh, and she probably isn't claustrophobic, because it sounds more like PTSD and small spaces are a trigger, but who's being neckbeard now?
We get our first "Good Golly" in two chapters! It comes as a criticism from Cathy about how "even the rich had to be stingy." How do you think rich people stay rich? They make their neighbors buy their fine fabrics by the bolt! Or they run for president so they can use their connections to stay in power and have foreign contracts. Or they start a war as president so their friends can sign government contracts to build helicopters.
Cathy runs into the grandmother while trying to get to the bathroom. Literally. Grandmother yells at her and asks a bunch of strange questions about what she is doing and why. Then it gets really strange. Grandmother wants to know why Cathy is waiting on Christopher; why he can't get his own water for painting.SpoilerQuote
In response, Grandmother smiles sarcastically (I'm picturing a Cersei smirk) and tells her to ask Christopher, as the male of the species is born knowing everything.
Grandmother brings back a plant for them and gives it to them unwarmly.
AND YET ANOTHER ACT in this chapter. WILL IT END?
Spoilers: Not for a really long time. I'm going to leave this non-proof-read blog here and come back to it later.
Questions to ponder: Will they get out of the attic soon? (no.) Was grandmother showing a softer side? (I honestly don't know / remember.) Is "momma" a crazy bitch? (yes.) If you were trapped in an attic with your siblings, would you be able to hide and not get caught? Or would you all get caught because someone threw a temper tantrum over lunch vs arts & crafts? What would the "servants" do if they did suspect that there were children living in the attic? When will the people of the US wake up and demand Universal Base Income & Universal Health care? Automation IS coming and we are going to lose jobs but be more productive (or something.)
I have actual, non-interesting work to do. I'll try to get the rest of this chapter done this week but it might be a week.
Links to previous recaps
I went tonight to the Grand Opening of my friend's bar.
It was great. Lots of people, good live music, great food -including a roast suckling pig. I reckon it cost her at least 10,000 baht - about $350. Doesn't sound a lot, but here it is. I live on about 30,000 baht a month.
There were LOTS of people there. Some were fellow bar owners, there to wish her luck - they won't be back, they have their own bars to run. Some were friends and family, who don't usually go to bars - but came to show support.
Many were what we call balloon chasers - when a bar is having a party, and giving away free food, they put balloons outside. Some people go from balloon to balloon, to avoid paying for food. I saw some come in, eat, have a glass of water or a small beer, and leave. One table had three different groups in less than 90 minutes.
And then there were some who are and will be customers. I''m just not sure there were enough of them. Out of maybe 150 people all night - I was there from shortly after it started at 7pm until nearly midnight - there were maybe 20 to 30 who will be regular customers - and they won't be there every day.
I'm her friend, and was there with some of her relatives. We'll probably go as a group about once a week. I'll go another night with other friends.
I'm just not sure it's enough to sustain her business. She has three employees, whose wages must add up to at least 40,000 baht a month. Tonight, she had four extras, because she knew it would be super busy.
I really want it to work for her, but the freeloaders tonight upset me.
So I'm feeling a bit down.
Flashback to 1999/early 2000s when this song was everywhere. Remember that your choices are half chance! (So are everyone else's!)
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Hey everyone! Thought I'd come back with another recent book haul. This is an accumulation of multiple Goodwill trips, as I've noticed my local stores' book collections have not been so good as they used to be. There is also a library book thrown in there, and an Advanced Reader Copy that I got at the library on their "pay as you wish" cart.
On top is My Documents, by Alejandro Zambra. I actually checked this book out from the library last September, but I never got to it, so I took it out again and read it. It is a collection of short stories from a Chilean author. I loved it.
Next is Flight Behavior and Animal, Vegetable, Miracle both by Barbara Kingsolver (one of my favorite authors). The latter is a non-fiction/memoir about her foray into growing food, I believe? Not her usual style, but I love her fiction, so I thought I'd pick it up.
The next book is a historical fiction novel set in WWII called Those Who Save Us by Jenna Blum.
Then is The Girl With All the Gifts by MR Carey. I heard this one described as kinda like the Walking Dead, which intrigued me. I definitely don't usually read books like that, but we'll see how this one goes! I think there is also a movie about this book, and a prequel novel has just been released, as well.
I recently got The Girls by Emma Cline just a few days ago. I'm probably most excited to have gotten this one, as it was fairly hyped when it was released last year (?). It is about a Mason-esque cult, which immediately piques my attention (as it probably does most of us on this site).
Lastly is the ARC, which is called Idaho by Emily Ruskovich. I honestly don't remember much what this is about but I know it was on my Goodreads want to read list so I picked it up.
Let me know your book buying habits! I almost exclusively buy my books from thrift stores (because I am cheap and I enjoy the thrill of the hunt!). I also rely heavily on my library. The fact that I acquired this many books recently is funny, because I am moving next weekend and was supposed to get rid of things! Oh well...
From the beginning of my pregnancy I wanted a home birth in water. I knew my son was going to be my last child, and I truly wanted that experience. Until I hit 34 weeks. March 23rd I called my primary physician & told her something didn't feel right. I had a ton of pain in my abdomen and my baby wasn't moving much. She referred me to the only OB practice in the area that takes my insurance & they basically told me "pregnancy sucks, you're fine, get over it." The weekend passes and I feel him moving less and less, but I was starting to get labor pains. I called the hospital near me & they told me 34 weeks was too early and despite my concerns, they would stop my labor and send me home.
Monday the 27th I was in labor and worried about my son. My mom took me to a different hospital to get a second opinion. They did an ultrasound and hooked myself and my son to the monitors, the on call OB determined he needed to come out because his placenta had begun to die, and he wasn't getting enough nutrients, something the OB I was referred to could've caught if they had listened to my concerns instead of brushing me off. I starten on pitocin and walked & bounced on the birth ball.
6 AM on March 28th I begged for an epidural. My first birth had been 12 hours of labor, 20 minutes of pushing, and medication free. I had wanted to do that again, but at this point after laboring 48+ hours on my own, my body was worn out. I was shaking uncontrolably and crying. After they placed it, my water broke and I knew things were going to go quickly from there. I texted my husband telling him the baby was coming within the next few hours & to try and make it. I napped off and on thanks to the epidural until I felt intense pressure and realized it was time to push.
After two pushes and 5 minutes, Woodrow-James Digger Godwin made his way into this world at 11:43 AM. He weighed 5lb10Oz & was 18.5 inches long. He was placed on my chest for a moment, and then once we realized he was wheezing and struggling to breathe, he was whisked off to NICU. My mom followed him while the nurses stitched me up. I texted my husband again "baby is here but he's in NICU"
It was 4 days before I could hold him & 7 before he came home.
He's now 5 weeks old & finally putting on weight and has adapted to life outside the womb very well.
I know I haven't updated in a while, but I hadn't had much inspiration.
HOWEVER, I thought of something recently.
Rebecca"discovers" a "new" fundie blog. This is of a fictitious family ofc. The fictitious family (Bakers) lives in a town near Rebecca. Their oldest daughter, Mary, is 22 and courting, and their youngest daughter, Emily, is seven months. The kids all have Biblical names; Emily isn't Biblical but it's a traditional name anyway (they felt 'led' to use an E name) and her middle name is Faith anyway.
Maybe Rebecca could encounter this new family sometimes? Maybe I could do a few parody blog posts about the Bakers?
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Until recently, I foolishly assumed that since the laundry area shelves and brackets were 1.5 inch thick solid wood, that they had been properly anchored to the wall by the previous owners.
Long story short, they weren't!
They are now, and I'm extremely grateful that no one was hurt when one of the brackets holding up a fully loaded shelf pulled itself out of the wall.
Everyone, please check to make sure your shelves are secure!
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This post is brought to you by the amazing homemade ice cream at Good N Plenty and dedicated to @Mela99 .
This does not make up for my bitterness about not going to Shady Maple.
Today was........something. I'm remembering why I don't sign up for church-related things anymore. As a child, I always wanted to see a show there and I figured you're never too old for cute goats. I was slightly confused when I found out we would be seeing a production of Jonah but it ranks pretty low on the "potentially problematic" bible stories for me.
BOY WAS I WRONG.
I'll start off by saying the set design for the show was FANTASTIC. I want to hug the entire production team (especially the stage manager calling all those cues!) and feed them the baked good of their choice. The music is sung live over a pre-recorded instrumental track so there were a few timing issues but nothing that made the show unbearable.
I'm lying, there's one song where the harmonies are really grating.
Anyway, I'm sitting semi-enjoying the show, smelling too many roasted almonds, and crying over the worst $3 cup of watery iced coffee for all of act one. I shoot off a few texts to family members who I thnk would enjoy the show and settle in for act two. Now they open the show by explaining that they take some creative license with the storyline, biblical purists need not apply. Cool. I was not prepared for what was coming next.
(White) Jonah is projected out of the whale and onto.....an island full of brown natives. These are nice natives (they give him a donkey and clothes!) but they're definitely presented as an "other". Ok...slightly perturbed but we can still recover.
S/N: Being surrounded by whale stomach acid for 3 days turned Jonah's hair from brown to boyband blonde. Seriously, it's in the script.
Jonah Timberlake rides up to the gates of the city full of "evil people with no good in their hearts" who live by the motto "For the honor of Ninevah NEVER SHOW MERCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" full of condensation general disgust. Hmm, I wonder what kind of evil no good people he'll find within the city limits?
People in shades darker than "HOA Beige" because of course brown people are ALWAYS THE PROBLEM amen.
The king and queen of Ninevah (and their brown child) are the only major speaking roles portrayed by persons of color in this entire damn show.
I'm pissed. I'm literally shaking.
The Ninevites sing songs that are more gospel than musical theatre. I just shake my head.
Honestly, don't ask me any of the finer plot points of this section because I was about 300% done by then. After Jonah's little vine dies I'm hoping they do an awkward curtain call and call it a day. Of course, you can't end the show on this wonderful (seriously, the moral is prophet or not- don't be an asshole) without having an appearance from the most important figure in American Christianity.
White Jesus™ shows up.
That's right folks! No longer relegated to the much shorter New Testament, White Jesus™ makes an appearance just in time to teach Jonah a lesson and then walk off, hair blowing in the breeze.
If I had been any closer to an exit I would have walked out. They sing one last song in true curtain call form and then White Jesus™ makes another appearance just in time for the final pose. Then they do an abbreviated altar call.
TL;DR White Jesus™ is white and colored folks are evil.
This is my approach today...I'm feeling it...Spoiler
And how will I look doing it?Spoiler
And if people (one person) doesn't appreciate my efforts perhaps he should know that...Spoiler
what should happen as the result of my epic courage?Spoiler
Why should this happen?Spoiler
If it doesn't happen?
And why not just go through with your faux engagement to @Destiny ?Spoiler
@clueliss was totally right, my brain was getting dangerously pintresty and version of me can kick no ass...I gave the cryBuffy part of my brain some icecream and told her to sit this one out.
How do I really feel?Spoiler
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I have suddenly become one of those people who constantly takes pictures of their food! I know it's not cool anymore. I feel like my FIL who struts around in a white track suit wearing sunglasses, or with his sweatshirt tucked into his jeans.
I made a mushroom melt on pumpernickel bread with a Greek cheese I can't spell, much less pronounce.
Here is my cute cat picture I promised to show. It's a dirty click bait trick. I know very few FJers can resist cutepet pictures.
It's the last full chapter YAY, so let's get this moving.
Luna status: I've been abandoned in favor of mister destiny because he has string cheese and apparently a kitten has to have her priorities. I feel so unloved. :-P
Wine: naw, just my water bottle. I might have a glass with dinner tonight to celebrate being done with this shitshow, but haven't decided yet.
New character today! George Wakefield. He's the pastor of the local Baptist church. Let's call him Pastor Confused. Artist's rendition (as usual, courtesy of @OnceUponATime):Spoiler
We are back in the fucking park. I hate this park! AUDIOS FUCKING PARK I WILL NEVER HAVE TO VISIT YOU AGAIN SOON. Nosy Busybody is chilling in the fucking park AGAIN, and Pastor Confused comes over. He wants to chat. I'm not going to bother recapping most of the conversation because it's all big words like hermeneutics (which I have personally never heard a Christian use in conversation ever) being used to compare Biblical penis size. Spoiler: I think George wins. He actually makes sense and doesn't take crap out of context. Of course, this means that Nosy Busybody is going to act like he is stupid and talk down to him. Pastor Confused basically says, "Dude, you are talking weird ass shit, and you are basing your conclusion on stories, not commands, fuck off with this stupid shit." Pastor Confused, marry me!
They go back and forth for a couple of pages, rehashing the stupid arguments of the whole book, so I'm just gonna keep turning the pages, k? I flipped through a couple of pages, and found this:Quote
George: But I haven’t trained my daughter to marry a fornicator!
Sakal: Why not? I have. I have trained my daughter the way an army trains its new recruits... for a battle, not a vacation. I have no idea what difficulties she might face in marriage: an unGodly husband, life on a mission field, barrenness, even abandonment. So my job is to train her for the worst possible scenario, the hardest possible situation.
Look at the women of Scripture, the truly Godly women in Scripture. Which of them married the perfect man and had the perfect life? Esther, who became part of a pagan king’s harem? Mary, who was always known as a fornicator? One of the many wives of David?
It seems to me that you are seeking a life for your daughter that God hasn't called her to, and rejecting God’s commands: for her and for you.
George: Those are horrible comparisons! I want my daughter to have a happy life!
Sakal: But maybe that isn’t God’s highest priority. I Corinthians 7, and I Peter 3, both speak of daughters married to unGodly men, and both show them blessing their husbands. None of us want our daughters to marry such men. We all dream of them having the perfect, fairy tale, marriage. But none of our marriages are like that. And in our quest for the perfect, we are missing not only the good, but God's commands. And it is our obedience to those commands, not the perfection of the to- be-married couple, that will lead to the ‘perfect’ marriage.
That, in a nutshell, is what is wrong with this book. I've given more than enough fucks about this misogynistic horseshit, so just imagine what I am thinking, and you probably have it about right. Sigh. They go back to fighting about the Bible and how wrong Nosy Busybody is, and OMFG there is still 6 more pages of this shit. Send help.
Asshole Plot Device and The Good Girl wander in now, hand in hand. THOSE WHORES ARE TOUCHING BEFORE MARRIAGE SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME PEARLS TO CLUTCH! For some stupid reason, Asshole Plot Device introduces The Good Girl to Pastor Confused as his WIFE. What the shit, did I miss a wedding? Oh hey, Pastor Confused said the same. I like Pastor Confused. Can we keep him?
Awww, FUCK. This shit is about to raise my blood pressure. Wait, no it isn't, cos this is THE LAST CHAPTER! :-D Asshole Plot Device is all, "oh, we aren't married yet, just betrothed" and I want to reach into the screen and slap him upside his arrogant head. Pastor Confused says he shouldn't call The Good Girl his wife if they aren't actually married yet, because it will confuse people, and Asshole Plot Device is all, "well, she's betrothed to me, so she can't back out like a fiancee could," and OMFG I HATE THIS GUY.Quote
George: No, not really. You haven’t been married, you know. Andrew: Well, I haven’t taken her home yet, but we are in covenant.
George: Oh, you mean... you mean you actually have your marriage license, and a pastor has performed a ceremony? Why then do you say you haven’t married her yet?
Andrew: No, we haven’t done any of that, we aren’t going to do any of that. But even without that we are in covenant. Her father gave her to me. [He looks lovingly at Maydyn, who grins at him and squeezes his hand.]
I guess that this answers the "do they get marriage licenses and have real weddings in this cult" question. Sigh. So, there's no protections for the women in this system, other than any common law things that might exist in the state. Let's marry a child to another child, then not have any legal protections for either of them if things go badly or something happens. Nothing can go wrong with that. At all. Separately, the wedding day is a huge day in a fundie girl's life, and what a fucker to take that one day that's all about her away. FUCK THIS GUY.
Pastor Confused, to his credit, is appalled at this state of events. He's shocked and horrified that they were forced to marry, but because this book exists to fuck over kids in this system, no one is going to listen. I hate this book but it's almost done. After The Good Girl and Asshole Plot Device wax philosophical about what a precious gift of husband / wife they were given, the chapter drops off into a hole.
Next up is an "interlude" that sounds like a courtly love sex scene. There's shit about someone looking for a garden for his friend, and uh, I'm walking away cos I can't even with the idea of a woman being called a fucking GARDEN.
This is the final "story" chapter of this shitshow:Quote
Sakal: She called you, from her honeymoon?!
Isha: [Laughing.] It wasn’t a long call, just a quick ‘thanks’. She said Andrew had stepped out to get them some food and told her to ‘rest’... which she said she couldn’t do, so she called me.
Sakal: So, did it sound like she was well on her way to 'doing good and not harm’?
Isha: She admitted that he seemed to be enjoying their honeymoon, and that they were spending an amazingly little amount of time outside.
Sakal: [Laughs] Good! Perhaps her father will get his grandchild soon!
Isha: I hope so. Speaking of children...
Oh dear. From the implication that Nosy Busybody is either getting laid or has gotten his wife pregnant, to the quotations around 'rest', to the gross speculation on a newly married couple's sex life, I'm so glad this shit is over.
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I have been rebuked by a fellow FJer for doing the cleaning post wrong. So, here's an attempt at doing it right.
Today was the day of the week where my job makes us clean the ceiling fans. My boss took the initiative, telling me I'd better get off my cell phone and do some actual work if I was interested in getting paid. I purposed in my heart that I would dust the ceiling fans.
While I went to the office to flip the switch that would turn on the fans, I thought about death. Would death be preferable to cleaning ceiling fans? If I fell off the ladder and broke my neck, did I know where I was going? What would happen if I fell of the ladder and broke my ankle? I would just have to trust in the lord that everything would be ok.
I purposed in my heart to be brave, and prayed that God would give me the courage to climb that ladder, for lo, I do not like heights.
I took the long handled dust mop, climbed the ladder, and wiped the blades with the dust mop. Since we clean our ceiling fans for Jesus every week, there wasn't much dust to begin with, and I forgot to take pictures. The before and after ones would have looked the same anyway, since everything here gets cleaned all the time.
After getting off that really high really scary ladder, I spent all the rest of the day praying for forgiveness for all my sins. Praise the Lord.
There, was that better? Sort of? I really do hate that stupid ladder, but I exaggerated exactly how much it freaks me out. Well....sort of.....
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I haven't posted because I've had a hell of a time eliminating everything I need to in order to give this experiment a fair shot, primarily chocolate. And Diet Coke.
The good news (I guess) is that I can tell now that those foods make me sick, so I have even more reason to cut them out. The GAPS Diet prescribes lots of fermented foods, so I was hoping to come up with a homemade, fizzy, fermented drink to replace the soda, like fermented lemonade or beet kvass, but I haven't had much luck with that. Here is the Jinger (heehee) bug that I starved to death.
And an attempt at an apple cranberry kvass that went moldy on day three, so I refuse to continue with it. Some sources say to remove the mold and keep going, but that's just too squicky for me.
So I've been eating a lot of homemade chicken soup with sour cream or yogurt stirred in, and I like it. It makes me feel healthy and like I'm taking good care of myself. I got an Instant Pot for Christmas so I plan on trying to make my own yogurt soon.
Has anyone had good results with small batch fermenting at home?
I've recently been playing around with watercolors a lot (mostly because I wanted to paint something nice for my bestie for her birthday) and I just kinda wanted to show off some of the things I've done recently. So this post now exists.
Most of these are from my #drawweirdaleveryday project (which I gave up for a long while but am now doing again) but the cat is my friend's cat Khéops. I painted that for her birthday.
I've got one more I could show, but it's not quite done (it's also meant to be a surprise yet and its recipient hasn't seen it yet).
So this is the beginning of a blog. Just something I can write out that may or may not be interesting. I am Sadie. I am 30. I work in the local hospital, providing care for psych patients. I am also a mom of 3. My oldest has autism and my youngest is hyper as heck. I am married to Micah, a die hard atheist who is an engineer. Probably the most interesting of all things is that we were raised in a religious cult until we were adults (ish. I was 17.) So there will be posts of the struggles that everyone goes through when they leave. It can be hardcore.
So basically today I'll just go into a bit of it. It was patriarchal, women were oppressed hard. We were subjected to four hour long church services, multiple times a week, and were beaten if we did not comply. My family decided to leave when I was 17 due to them trying to marry me off to my husband, as a minor, and because of the disrespect my mom was given. We've never looked back. My husbands family left probably five years ago, because of how my mother in law was treated. My father in law is still struggling. It should also be pointed out that my husband's grandfather is now the leader. We will go into all of this later at some point because oh how I've got stories.
Other things I will probably blog about are my patients (without violating HIPAA) and how I am in a quest to find a way to help the ones with dementia a bit more than, I already do, fashion, or my lack of, music, because oddly enough I sing opera and am a huuuuuuuuuuuuge music nerd, Maybe some books, definitely my kids, and stuff like diet and all that crap. So please enjoy. I promise I'll try to be a regular at this.
Tonight's song I've been listening to over and over is "I'm Not the Man" by Ben Folds. I am basically trying to find every live version I can on youtube. I have been obsessed with this song since the album came out. It gives me a lump in my throat when I listen to it sometimes. In February, I'll be seeing Ben live with a local orchestra. I have no clue if he'll play this one but I might go a bit crazy if he does.
A lovely live version is behind the spoiler tag.Spoiler
In high school, I liked the song "Brick" by Ben Folds Five. But I never really listened to Ben Folds much until around maybe 2010 or so. Since then, I've been kind of obsessed. I listen to him almost every single day. I'm not sure if that's healthy or not...ha! He just has so many great songs. The one I posted above is from his most recent album. I've only seen him perform live once in 2012. We're finally seeing him again next year and I am so freaking excited about it. As dumb and cliche and it sounds....his music has really helped me get through tough times. This won't be the last Ben song I post here.
It's done!! Oh friends we are so happy it's done! It looks fantastic! Our new wall tree came too and we got it put up and our coats on it. Now just waiting for the floor to acclimate and we'll get it down probably next week. We do have a few more things to hang in the front room, some photos and the Jolly Roger flag over a window as well as a ships wheel and some nautical themed lights.
Call me crazy .... But I'm thinking the PP feud might be over KJV. On the front end of all the Denlinger Cray Cray, KJV only seems to be a major theme.
But at some point, I think I heard him say otherwise. He also had KJV written in big letters with black sharpie taped to the front of his bible. And then he didn't. Also a video titled "correcting a teaching error" or something.
And whenever he changes his mind and does a 180, the party line is: "We prayed about it." These nitwits give some serious Philosophical Whiplash. So much what the hellery.0
11 hours ago, ViolaSebastian said:
Guys...guys. I do not have time for this. Somebody stop me.
No wonder she didn't pass a Psych evaluation!! Loopy. Nuts. Insane.
I will not go down that rabbit hole. I will not go down that rabbit hole ....................
Thankyou ViolaSebstian. I think?!!!!!1
18 hours ago, Cartmann99 said:
This is from a satirical website, but I could see Bakker saying something like this
Yeah, if you'd put that quote without context, I would've seriously had to Google if it was a joke or not!0
On 8/19/2017 at 5:31 PM, Beermeet said:
Jinger looks great. Love that outfit, something I would wear. I do wish Jeremy would stop buttoning all the buttons. Undo one or 2. Makes him look uptight and shirts tight around my neck drive me nuts. I can't do it.
Maybe Jinger tells him to do it, she doesn't want to share her chest playground with anyone else.0