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Welcome back to 66 Goodbook Avenue! I'll be honest...it was a rough year. Fortunately this means there were no dentist visits involved, but yeah the Eden facade is beginning to crack.
Since it's year 10 though, let's first have a little recap of where the Edens have been. To start, Eva Johnson married Adam Eden in January of 2010 when they were both 20 years old. Adam works for the blessed company Hobby Lobby, and has been regional manager for the last 5ish years. Eva is manager of her home, except when Adam says otherwise of course! (Though he's a pretty hands-off headship.) Eva also runs a successful blog that serves as encouragement to other like-minded godly women, and brings in modest supplemental income. Finally, Adam and Eva grow their own fruits and vegetables, which has been such a blessing during those time the Edens are too poor or too lazy to feed their children. Ahem.
Adam and Eva were so excited and blessed by a honeymoon baby, Genesis, in Oct 2010. She was a fussy toddler, but has since been training to be a godly future wife and mother who loves to glorify the Lord through instrumental praise. Eva was so blessed to have Irish twins when first-born son Exodus arrived Sept 2011. He was a silly little kid, who wishes he could still be a goofball, but since he's 8 its now time for him to put away childish things and take up the mantle of fundie princedom. Second son Leviticus was born Nov 2012. He craves attention, and went from a clingy toddler to an outgoing young man (age 7) whose heart burns to turn others towards Christ. His parents are praying that Leviticus will become a preacher, and if he does we may have a brotherly fight for dominant Eden offspring. After Leviticus, second daughter Numbers was born Feb 2014. She was an independent toddler and now an introverted child. While this is very helpful to the Edens right now, she will never find a man that way, so we will see how long she's allowed to do her own thing.
While Eva was pregnant with Numbers, her teen sister Elsie moved in to the Eden household to help Eva manage the growing quiver. She was valued above rubies, and has a particularly close relationship with Leviticus, whom she basically raised into school-age. Elsie met Cale in the summer of 2014 and began getting-to-know him, entered into a courtship Dec 2016, was engaged Nov 2017, and fulfilled her godly destiny by becoming his helpmeet in March 2018 at age 20 (Cale 21). The Lord and food brought this couple together, so it is no surprise that Cale is a food critic. However, it is surprising that Elsie is cooking in a restaurant, and they have no children yet!!! Pray for them.
The younger set of G-B-B-G Edens (fundies love patterns!) began with Deuteronomy in May 2015. What a precious girl she is. A charming toddler, and as you will learn in 2019, now a cheerful lass with a servant's heart. She makes her parents so proud with her mild demeanor and feminine appearance. Third son Joshua arrived June 2016. He is an angelic toddler who rarely cries, and turns to his siblings for everything since his parents barely know who he is. Then came the largest gap between children (16 whole months!!!) before fourth son Judges was born Oct 2017. He is inquisitive and, like Joshua, mostly left to his own devices, which is honestly the best scenario for a curious fundie child. Finally, precious baby Ruth was born Jan 2019 and is apple of her mother's eye. With that, let's report on the happenings of 2019!
None of the younger Edens were happy about little Ruth, and the bad behavior followed quickly and furiously.
The courting bench quickly became the timeout bench, and was put to good use.
Beyond assigning punishment, Adam and Eva didn't really care and got right back to enjoying that sweet, sweet, unprotected fellowship.
Leviticus is being
a PItAtempted by Satan, and it seems Ruth is about to be replaced by a New Blessing due early in the new year!!! Praise Jesus!!! (sorry Ruth)
Over at the Tobiaseseses, Cale and Elsie were also working on their sweet fellowship. They tried for a baby, but were unsuccessful. Still no word on whether Cale and Elsie had trouble getting going in the intimacy department, are experiencing fertility problems or are preventing, but people are definitely talking about the state of her womb now. (And even I don't know the truth!)
While there have been too many tantrums to count, and possible infertility or rebellion for a beloved sister, the Edens also had two great triumphs in 2019 in addition to a new fetus.
The first is that charming Deuteronomy grew into a cheerful 4-year-old who loves to look feminine and do dishes. Adam and Eva are so proud of her meek and mild servant's heart, and honestly she may be the best suited to fundie life of all the kids so far!
The second triumph is even more cause for rejoicing- the little Edens convinced Billie to join them for Saturday afternoon youth group at True Believer's Baptist Church!
Ok, ok so they bribed her with cake, but she still came!
Responsibility fell to eldest girl Genesis to testify to Billie about sin, death, and Satan's hold on both their hearts. Speaking of Satan's hold...
Jesus Christ Leviticus! On church property even?!?! No more cake for you.
And that's the end of 2019! Eva is about ready to pop with Precious Blessing #9, the Blessings she already has are running amok, the wee Edens are proselytizing to unlucky neighborhood kids who just wanted cake, and Eva cannot wait until Genesis can become a sister-mom. It's gotta be soon right? Enjoying a rare moment when everyone's actually asleep, Edens out!
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We start off in the original house. Mackenzie has grown into a child. She's in another crudely-edited-by-me dress.
You can't see it particularly well, but Malachi has black hair. Here's a photo of Karen teaching him to walk. She's wearing the Thinking Cap and he's under the influence of Smart Milk. Skills are consequently learnt incredibly fast.
Karen realised that she was pretty much at the end of her baby-producing years, so she adopted two pets; a kitten, Daniel, and a puppy, Luke.
Malachi grew up. Here he is with Karen and his brothers eating lunch/dinner (I forget which exactly).
Eventually, it came to Karen and Martin's birthdays. The whole family turned up to celebrate!
Now, we pop over to Madison and Paul. Hmm... is that... could it be... a PREGNANCY??
Yep! God saw fit to open Madison's womb!!
Paul got a job as an architect. Madison reckons he looks super cute in his suspenders.
Madison raked up the leaves in her yard. She decided to set fire to them. FWOOSH! You can also see their fancy car.
Madison was bored whilst her husband was at work. So she decided to invite Karen over.
Madison also decided to adopt a puppy! Here's Polly (if she's visible of course...)
Ooh! Madison's going into labour!
Yep! Madison invited Karen over again.
And.... it's a girl!! Welcome to the world, Ashlyn! I decided to go for an alphabetical theme, with slightly unusual names.
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Despite keeping Jill away from David as much as possible when Steve and Steve 2 were at work, she still liked-liked him more. Steve was too boring and the other Steve was too angry for her tastes.
David and Mrs David - not Ms. thank you very much! - got married in a Godly church, and are currently waiting for God to bring them their first child. In the meantime, David is spending his days fishing in Gods green gloryness, and Mrs David is spending her time singing Godly tunes to praise Him. She hopes that God will provide a guitar and piano, though she wonders how a piano will fit in the RV since there is barely enough room for the crib. Darn Sims baby is required to sleep in a crib even though their bedroom with attached private bathroom has more than enough room for a cage.
(I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this. I was playing it with the hopes she would end up with someone else, so the gameplay would be more interesting and less... real.)
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I'm jumping ahead a bit in time here, but hopefully, I'll be able to do some catch-up posts in the next couple of days. Anyway, the Lord has decided to bless the O'Hurleys with twins. In addition to the two toddlers already in the house. Thankfully, Matthew is only one day away from aging up. I caved and used the free real estate cheat to buy them a nice big house in Brindleton Bay. Now, I'm off to look into the MC Commander mod since we've almost got a full house already!
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One of my closest friends is getting married this weekend. Since her initials will become PBJ, I made her this card. Now I have to figure out what to write inside. I feel so much pressure!
There’s also a memorial they visit every time they are in town and is the location where her fiancé proposed. So nce it’s small I couldn’t find any souviners online as a gift, so I contacted park services. I spoke with someone there and got them a magnet and postcard, which I’m putting in the envalope as well.
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Mother's day is a special day for mothers; it is a celebration honoring the mother of the family. Many places of the world will celebrate this day on various days, March or May. Children and fathers around the world will mark this special day by offering flowers, cards, presents, chocolates and many more to their mothers and wives. The handmade presents are the most significant gifts for moms. They will let children and fathers express their creativity and love for Mom and wife. Help children make mother feel special with a creative and unique present from the heart.
Welcome to this post and supplies you with some handmade ideas for Mother's Day.
1. Mother's Day Cards
Make your mom smile and happy with homemade cards that are easy to make and create fun for children to color. You can make a card with a boy with a big heart, a girl with flowers and many more. This is a nice idea and an intelligent way for kids to make beautiful pictures for their moms.
What to do: Just simply choose your favorite pictures, download, print out Free Printable Coloring Pages and then using crayons, colored pencils, markers or more to color for these coloring sheets. Fold it in half, write words inside. Are they beautiful presents for your moms? You will try it.
2. Beautiful Bouquet
All women love flowers and giving a beautiful bouquet is a lovely idea for kids. And to make this presents more unique, kids like to use bubble wrap to wrap their gifts. Fresh blooms will look lovelier when wrapped in this paper. The things you need to prepare to make a bouquet wrap: bubble wrap, tape, flowers, ribbon, acrylic paint. Apply paint to bubble wrap, place flowers on a diagonal and then fold bubble wrap, using ribbon to tie the bottom of the bouquet.
3. Heart Cookie Box
It is sweeter with a heart cookie box for mothers. The kids can decorate cookie box with contact-paper cutouts and paint.
4. Handprint Heart
Your children give a handprint heart for you, it will be yours forever! Handprint heart is a super quick craft gift for Mother’s Day and makes a lovely keepsake.
Preparing: Paper and Pink and purple paint
Instructions: Place fingers together on a purple paint, print it on the centre of the paper. And then adding a handprint of pink paint overlapping on the purple handprint.
5. I Love My Mum Flower
This craft present will encourage kids to think about the most characteristics about their mom. This is a treasured possession for moms.
Preparation: Pens, scissors, glue, colored card and printable coloring sheets
Instructions: Draw a circle and some petals on the card, writing I love my Mum because in the middle of the circle or you can find and print out templates of Coloring Sheets to the card. Cut out flower parts; write a reason why you love your mom on each of petals. Using glue to stick the petals. Glue your flower to a card or tapes a straw.
6. Family Meal
Make a delicious meal for moms; give her a voucher for a meal together as a family. It is more precious time spent together.
Will you be celebrating Mother's Day this year? Will you make handmade presents for your mom? I do hope. Happy Mother's Day!
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Final semester of school, spent a smidge of financial aid money on a pretty fabulous new stone setting tool.
Apparently the box it was shipped in is super comfortable.... even with the item.... still... in... the box. He squoze his little chubby butt into the remaining space, pushing down all the packing paper
If I fits, I sits.
Last pic is from about a week ago. I just couldn't resist those faces.
By Maggie Mae,
If you don't know about Black Mirror yet (and you are into TV shows that make you feel depressed about the future, bleak about technology, and occasionally just meh about humanity) then get yourself to Netflix ASAP. If you DO know about Black Mirror and haven't seen it, congratulations! You might still have hope for the future!
That being said, some episodes are better than others. I'm here to try and rank them according to my rather arbitrary standards. SPOILERS. (Also, this is really difficult, as I REALLY like almost all of the episodes, but for different reasons/in different ways.)
19. "The Entire History of You" (Season 1, Episode 3)Spoiler
This episode resonated with a lot of people. Just not me. It's actually the only episode I never finished. It's also the only episode I've started watching over 5 times. The technology is frightening before they even get into how it could be misused (if that's what happens.) The idea of an implant that records everything I do? No thank you. I don't need to replay awkward moments on a screen, I do that in my head too much as it is. I believe that my biggest complaint about this episode, thought, is that I just didn't find it entertaining. The characters and their drama weren't interesting to me. I need a real conflict.
18. "Playtest" (Season 3, Episode 2)Spoiler
I enjoyed this one. The one and only time I watched it. It was scary and draining and then just utterly pointless and somewhat devastating. I didn't find the "twist" ending to be all that original. It comes it at number 18 because it rarely comes up when talking about Black Mirror, and I had completely forgotten about it until I looked up the list of episodes. I don't know if it was just too good or I'm a wimp but I found it scary enough that I don't want to ever rewatch it.
17. "Metalhead" (Season 4, Episode 5)Quote
I wanted to like this one, especially after reading a large amount of comments of whiny people who hate black & white. I thought the monochrome made sense (and kept it from being OTT with the gore). But the story felt incomplete and lacked depth. It was a very well done episode and it was entertaining. It just lacked any sort of explanation for the collapse of civilization, where the dogs came from, or even if civilization is collapsed, really. Is it just an Amazon warehouse that Bella is trying to break into? Do the dogs work for someone?
Visually it was interesting and it was basically an action film with not a lot of depth.
16. "Men Against Fire" (Season 3, Episode 5)Spoiler
I should probably swap this one with "Playtest", but that sounds like work. This is a story of genocide and propaganda. The thing is, we don't need the technology in the episode to convince soldiers to kill civilians. This is also not a new concept in science fiction. Many, many, many works have been written about dehumanizing people so that soldiers can fight the unending wars and a select few people can profit. Maybe it was too close to modern day, maybe it just seemed like heavy handed social commentary on war, but this episode just didn't do it for me.
15. "The Waldo Moment." (Season 2, Episode 3.)
This is one of the least popular episodes. The first time I watched it, I couldn't quite see why it got so much hate.
Tried to watch it again and it just didn't hold up. The idea of a cartoon character winning a popular election hits a little too close but is also unrealistic at the same time. Perhaps it's because I'm American, but the commentary on populist politics was just uncomfortable. Maybe if they had made this episode a bit more fun to watch? Make the comedian actually funny? Explain why he's depressed? I just didn't really feel a connection with the main character & Waldo doesn't seem to be something that could be popular both in the UK and the USA. The future is weird.
14." Hated in the Nation" (Season 3, Episode 6)Quote
I've finally reached the point in this pointless exercise of ranking episodes from a somewhat popular TV show where it's more difficult to think about what I didn't like. This was an excellent episode and I feel bad that it's so far down the list. Yes, it was about 15 minutes too long and somewhat predictable. It was still better than a lot of tv shows that I watch.
This episode touched on very real issues - colony collapse and social media harassment. Of course humans found a solution to the colony collapse - instead of saving the bees, we just made drones that looked like bees. Pretty cool idea. Not sure what the antagonist was trying to do with all of the murders, though. He obviously was trying to prove a point, but I guess the real question is why? And what did he hope the outcome would be? Or is he just a neckbeardy guy who was angry and wanted to kill people and didn't really have a reason but thought this would make him sympathetic? I do not know.
13."Crocodile" (Season 4, Episode 3)Quote
I love the setting of Crocodile. Obviously filmed in Iceland, this was a basic slasher horror story in a beautiful setting, with a pretty white woman knocking down minorities (and a white male) left and right. The idea of a world with no lies is not new. The idea of constant surveillance is not new. It was emotionally draining to watch and I probably won't watch it again. The only reason I marked this one higher than Hated in the Nation is because I love Iceland and thought it was visually spectacular. The "twist" at the end was kind of dumb, although I'd like to see how pets process images. My guess is that the guinea pig probably wouldn't be very good evidence, but I'm not a guinea pig expert.
12. "The National Anthem" (Season 1, Episode 1)Spoiler
This was the first episode I ever watched. I had NO idea what I was going into. I had only hear that Black Mirror was highly popular, dark, and from the UK. It was also on Netflix. Watching this episode was fun, entertaining, and the social commentary was on point. When it ended and I moved on to the next episode, I was confused. I thought it was going to be an ongoing show about UK politics, and the characters I'd invested in. I was disappointed.
That being said, I will never watch this episode again and when I tell people about Black MIrror, I tell them to skip this one. Mostly because I don't want people to judge me on this one episode. Furthermore, it's hard to explain to someone in a professional environment water cooler moment why the show is awesome but please skip the first one and/or never mention it again. Also, no I can't tell you why. Let's talk about Game of Thrones some more.
11. "White Bear" (Season 2, Episode 2)Spoiler
I loved this episode the first time I watched it. It was interesting, the social commentary was good. I am an advocate for prison reform and I can get on my soap box about prisons with very little notice or preparation. I can also be judgemental about the US and the cultural need for revenge and hate vs reform and compassion. Sometimes the murderer is a victim as well. There are terrible people out there with no remorse over killing, but sometimes it's a defense mechanism and sometimes it's survival, and sometimes it's just bad situations. Sometimes criminals convicted of crimes are innocent. We'd have fewer prisons if we could engineer a change in our culture that values education over "jobs." It's also the "make money fast and spend it on dumb shit" culture - but I digress. The idea of doing something like this to a prisoner is torture - or is it? If she can't remember, is it torture? Do they do this until she finally dies of exhaustion? Does she get a break? This theme ties in to the season 4 episode "Black Museum."
However, this episode wasn't that interesting on the rewatch. The twist actually took me by surprise the first time. On rewatch the flaws of the episode bring it down a bit, as it's harder to be sympathetic to someone who murdered a child. Or filmed why the child was murdered. I wish they would have gotten more into Victoria's motives. Was she brainwashed by the boyfriend? Did she enjoy the torture? Did she need money or stability? I am a person who likes to know motives, which is probably why I'm so fascinated and frustrated by unsolved mysteries.
Don't get me wrong. I actually do love my sister. Except when I do not. And she has made it really really hard to love her in the last (doing the math here) 3.5 years. (no really last 'contact' was June 2014 in a cryptic 'stand down, I'm alive' Facebook post - oh and this was in the period when I was getting Mom diagnosed with dementia and dealing with drive-offs and actually needed to talk to her).
And yesterday was her birthday. And Facebook likes to remind me of this because her birthdays are turned on (for the record, mine is not because I don't always react well to 'everybody' screaming happy birthday at me for days) - even though her last post was June 2014.
I assume she is alive. That assumption is based on statements I receive (no, really) regarding her storage unit when the payments are late. My means of communicating with her is via facebook messages that indicate no receipt but trust me they are getting through somehow (I care not how) because a few months ago the storage unit threatened to sell her stuff and I communicated that to her and for a month or so no notice. In the mail today - yup, another notice about late payment. So I just sent another message and the lovely I miss you pangs have reverted back instantaneously to I hate you.
My suspicion based on a limited about of internet research/stalking is that she's having financial issues and hiding from creditors (because that is always a great way to deal with issues). And I cannot help her if she doesn't want to be helped (as indicated by her hiding from everyone).
I did not wish her a public happy birthday yesterday because in the past that has resulted in friends of hers, some dating back to high school coming out of the woodwork and then I have to go through this whole weird explanation of I have zero clue what is going on or where she is. Which always feels so sad and stupid. I'll also admit to not attending certain family functions (mainly on the paternal side) because my uncle is going to ask about her and really I want him to leave it (and about half dozen other subjects) alone but he won't. (and really dude, you are my father's brother and you know how he was so whey the hell are you of all people expecting me to know or figure out or get through to my sister who is acting the same way he did)??
The positive news of the morning from the same batch of mail is that the Recovering State of Brownbacistan has renewed Mom's Medicaid for another year.
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I was perusing the forum on one of my days off a few
weeksmonths ago, and saw a comment where someone had asked about eyeshadow application. I started firing off an answer... before I looked up and realized the post was at least four months old - if only I'd gotten over my weird forum social anxiety sooner! I scratched the post, but it's kind of hung with me since. What do!? Then I saw there were blogs. Hayyyy.
Anyway, hi. You can call me AJ. As you may have seen from the blog description, I am a Walgreens employee who, until the restructuring of the Cosmetics department, worked primarily the Cosmetics department. Up until I started working that department, I didn't give a rip about makeup. Tomboy to the fullest, I am. I like NASCAR and baseball, I never gave a shit. But, when I started working Cos, I realized that I was intrigued, and that I could give better advice to my customers if I wore makeup myself. So, I bought some inexpensive makeup, dove into YouTube tutorials, and now I wear makeup daily. I feel pretty when my face looks nice.
Since makeup and makeup skills improve the more you do them, my skills and the things I like to use have been ever evolving. Trends evolve too. But once you know the basics? You're set.
Since I am headed to work very soon, I'll start diving more into this in earnest soon. What are some things y'all would like to know? Eyeshadow seems to be a popular one, as does contouring. The basics of makeup tools? Maybe some recommendations on specific products? Buying cruelty-free on a budget? Let me know!
I was home sick today (cough cough) but braved the world to run out when one of the boys needed a ride home.
I'm awesome like that.
Bonus I got to see my buddy the giant despondent lumberjack. We've been trying to figure out what's got him so down.
Christmas is over, New Year is gone, I'm out of excuses. Back to weekly posting plan.
And, so, what's going on in Ranford household?
To be honest, not much. Life continued in familiar, chaotic misery.
Viola started a new parenting strategy. You put a crying baby on floor and lecture it. Very fundie-like, and very unproductive.
She decided to share this wisdom to the world with her first book. Basically, it’s a collection of her blog posts, but readers now must pay money for it.
Smart life choices!
Reed is a bit of a bully towards Huckleberry. He gets along with twins and doesn't care about quads yet, but every time he sees Huck with a toy, he takes it away.
Zachary and Viola would encourage Huck to give Reed his favorite childhood position, but, unfortunately, Huckleberry doesn't have anything that belongs just to him.
But Reed has a good side, too. He catches more fishes in one day than Zachary has managed to catch in his entire life.
The fishes Reed provides is the main food source for entire family now.
And he remembers to pick up all the old bottles from kitchen floor. And, trust me, there are lot of bottles.
#StoryTime: During one night a total stranger entered a house!!! Viola was busy potty training Huckleberry and didn't notice until it was too late!
The ungodly stranger turned out to be a hobby instructor! They are almost as bad as social workers, running around and telling kids that it's ok to enjoy something!!
(Apparently, Forest likes this one particular toy so much he has gained enough enthusiasm to be in zone. And he is only toddler. I'll take it as a sign.)
And, yes, no pregnancy announcement from Ranfords... Have Lord closed Viola's womb? Without giving her a precious little baby girl? Or is this just temporally hardship that will be overcome with combination of praying and sweet fellowshiping? Viola sure hopes so.
Currently trying to find what gets vaseline out of a toddlers hair my toddler joy got into the vaseline and I'm wondering how the heck im going to get this out of her hair. How many washes will this take to come clean this is gonna be a long night
Hey everyone! In advance of Thanksgiving, I thought I'd share a family turkey recipe! Fair warning, this takes FOREVER to cook. I do it in advance of the big day. Enjoy.
Sauce: Enough for or a 15 pound turkey or smaller
Relajo (spice mix).. you can find this at some Mexican grocery stores in a little baggie or make your own
3 chopped onions
2 Red bell peppers chopped
1/2 small can tomato paste
12 peeled tomatoes (from a can, buy two large cans and use 12, plus juice)
2 cartons Chicken stock
Toast the relajo on a frying pan until its fragrant
Cook the onions until transluesent, add bell peppers and relajo
Add tomatoes and tomato juice
Cook low and bubbly for 30 min
Blend the sauce as fine as possible (you can use regular blender, but let it cool before blending, or immersion blender)
Add half carton of chicken stock and cook for 20 min
Get another pot. Place a fine strainer over the empty pot, and slowly strain the sauce into the pot using a spoon to push the sauce against the strainer and squeeze as much juice out as possible. This juice should be thin and red. Place the pulp into a bowl and repeat until all the thick blended sauce is strained.
Now take the pulp and put it back in the original pot, adding another half carton of stock. Cook for 20 min.
Repeat the straining. Cook one more time with more broth. Strain again. (so three rounds of cooking and straining)
You can throw away the pulp, and what you have left in the pot is your sauce! Season to taste. If its too sour, mix in some brown sugar
For the turkey:
· Worcestershire sauce
· 1/2 cup white wine
· Stuffed spanish olives
The night before, poke the turkey with a fork. Rub the butter, mustard, and worcestershire sauce all over the turkey and get inside the skin
Put the turkey in a pan with the sauce, olives and capers drained, white wine, paprika and cook in oven.
Make sure you baste often it while its cooking
The sauce gets its final flavor from the turkey. After cooking with the turkey, it can be frozen used as sauce on other things. Also, a good Salvadoran post-thanksgiving meal is pan con pavo/ pan con chumpe, which is a turkey sandwich with the sauce, radishes, and cucumbers. Use a crusty bread.
Sauce can be made a week in advance, and keep in Tupperware in the fridge. Or freeze if holding for longer.
Throwback to last year's stuffing recipe:
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If you’ve read my posts on FJ for a while, you’ve probably heard me mention that I have scoliosis. I underwent a spinal fusion when I was fourteen, and I’ve had a fourteen-inch titanium rod with screws and hooks holding it into place against my spinal column. As you can imagine, this sometimes gets uncomfortable.Spoiler
Now, from what we can tell now, I inherited the gene from my mother’s side of the family—because guess who also has scoliosis? That’s right, everybody’s favorite, Aunt PJ. To be clear, the difference between my scoliosis (and subsequent surgery) and Aunt PJ’s scoliosis is something like this:
Necessary disclaimer: I don’t doubt that Aunt PJ’s scoliosis causes her discomfort—I’m sure it does. But, as you can see, it’s akin to comparing a deep paper cut with someone who just cut their finger off in a cigar cutter. I can't tell you what I wouldn't give for a ten percent curve, even after my surgery. That doesn’t stop Aunt PJ, though, and she wants you to know she’s in horrific. pain. every. day. Of course she does.Spoiler
Given that we have the same diagnosis, it should come as a shock that when I had my surgery (and subsequent lengthy hospital stay and recovery time), Aunt PJ didn’t reach out to me once, either through card or phone call. But that’s Aunt PJ for you—if it’s not about her, it’s not important.Spoiler
After the death of my grandmother, my mother moved back to her home state and moved into the family home to help settle the estate. As I’ve mentioned previously, Aunt PJ also lived there with two of her three children. This was also my first year in college, and I couldn’t come home from school to visit my mother. Why, do you ask? Because there wasn’t a decent bed available to me to sleep in, a requirement in my life post- surgery. That’s right, a woman with scoliosis wanted me to just sleep on a cot. I ended up not visiting my mother for a year, until she moved. Four beds in the house and no one could give one up for a couple of nights so I could sleep and still walk in the morning.Spoiler
Over the years, Aunt PJ’s scoliosis has supposedly gotten worse. She posts frequently about her pain and discomfort on Facebook and in person, eliciting sympathy from kinder-hearted folk than me. She now visits a chiropractor and refuses to sit on soft seating such as sofas and armchairs. Several times, Aunt PJ sat on a dining room chair and explained to me that her scoliosis kept her from sitting on the couch…while I was sitting on the couch. Trust me, Aunt PJ, if my twisty straw of a back can handle it, so can yours.Spoiler
So each and every visit I have with her, I get to hear about her wretched, pain-filled life (in which she is healthy enough to travel long distances, sit and stand for extended lengths of time, and participate in physical activities like yoga and going to the gym--you know, stuff that is difficult for me to do). And does she ever ask me how I’m managing? Yeah, you have two guesses and the first one doesn’t count.Spoiler
Keeping Up With The Dunkels - Chapter 14: Dunkels Double Date
Back at the Miceli's, Hobart brought his doctor friend home for dinner again one night, and one of Adalyn's sisters just happened to be visiting to help with the baby.
Wow! Aimee Joy and Christian seemed to be hitting it off! "What do you think about an ice cream sundae reception?" she asked him.
"Huh? That's crazy."
Hmm... maybe not.
Uh oh... is there trouble at Adam and Mehrissa's new house?
Nope! Apparently when you adopt a pet, the police are nice enough to bring it over. Er... sure. Why question it? Adam and Mehrissa's boys had been begging for a pet for ages, and their parents finally decided to get them a little puppy named Bear. Aww!
With Mehrissa expecting another (hopefully) tiny blessing, it sure was going to be a full house soon! She wore her hot pink maternity pajamas, hoping God might take the hint.
Not long after Aimee Joy was introduced to Hobart's doctor friend Christian Cwik, Anna Grace started talking to another young man from church, Waylon Menon. She was a little worried when he expressed his admiration for women who kept in shape - that wasn't her at all! But it COULD be her!
After Waylon left, Anna Grace jumped right on that treadmill. She got off to a rocky start, but she purposed to work out every single day, determined to win Waylon's affections, and soon she was physically fit!
"Wow, I can tell you're a young lady with a heart for the Lord, who also LOVES to lift!" Waylon exclaimed, impressed, and promptly went to talk to her brother to see if he could start a group text.
*To the tune of Butterfly Kisses* "I know the cake looks funny, Daddy... but I sure tried!
Oh... wait... my daddy's dead. And he wasn't my real daddy, anyway. Oh well."
Guess what? Christian and Aimee
GraceJoy (I am seriously surprised I don't mess up these names more often, folks) may have gotten off on the wrong foot (seriously, ladies, enough with the ice cream sundaes), but soon they were getting along just fine. In fact, little adopted brother Alexander was only too happy to chaperone as they started an OFFICIAL COURTSHIP!
Aimee Joy was thrilled that her educated and employed suitor took her out on nice dates (don't worry, the chaperones are right there at the next table). She didn't mind at all that he had a gay brother in the city. What was one gay brother?! They were totally in sync on everything. They even discussed the sort of house they would move to if, Lord willing, they got married!
Anna Grace wasn't far behind her twin sister. Her dates with Waylon were a little more low key, but she didn't mind at all. She was more than happy to show off her homemaking skills by impressing him with the most complicated meal any of her sisters had ever made: spaghetti and meatballs.
Both sisters were totally sure they had found the men they were going to marry! FINALLY!!! Being single in your mid-20s is such a trial, ya'll!
Back in the Big Scary City... Abigail was still fuming about the way Gilbert had treated her. She decided she was finally going to take the plunge and try online dating.
Her first date was with a firefighter in a trench coat. She thought that was kind of weird, and she'd had bad luck with guys in trench coats - plus, all she could keep thinking about was how mad she was at Gilbert. But she decided to give trench coat man 3.0 a shot anyway.
Sadly he turned out to be totally meh. All he could talk about was himself, and Abigail found herself far more interested in the basketball game on TV than him. She didn't even like sports!
A couple weeks later, she had another date lined up with a guy named Neil. This guy seemed much more promising. He looked normal, didn't wear a trench coat, and didn't try to jump into bed with her on the first date (which is a good thing, since Abigail is still trying to get over her fundie upbringing and hasn't had the best of luck with dudes and, er, hasn't even kissed a guy yet. Shh...)
WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS.
Abigail and Neil planned to meet up for another date the following week. When he texted her to let her know he was outside, she asked him to come in, because she was going to be about another five minutes getting ready. But when he walked in the door, he was dressed like THAT.
"Um, hey Neil, what's up with the outfit?" she asked with a light laugh, trying not to show her alarm. "Are you in a play tonight or something?"
"What? Nope, 'course not. I'm taking you out on a date. This is just how I dress. Haha! I know it may seem weird, but I'm part of a plant-worshiping group and we have to dress like this to do our rituals. It's not a big deal, we just have sexual intercourse with plants to gain their leafy powers for ourselves. I was hoping you'd come to tonight's meeting with me."
Abigail kindly asked him to leave.
"Fuck you, Gilbert!" she thought to herself, as Neil walked out the door. Some misdirected anger there, I think, but okay.
Things were going much better back at the Dunkel homestead. The twins' suitors coordinated between themselves to do a... double proposal! Oh my gosh! How sweet and how neat!
Aimee Joy and Anna Grace were absolutely ecstatic. This time they both say, "YES!" Looks like there's a double wedding in the (VERY NEAR) future!
NIKE! Don't worry, Cara was alone in the privacy of her beige bedroom as she celebrated her third pregnancy. #Blessed!
Adam and Mehrissa's boys were growing up. So far little Bryson was the only one with Mama's colouring.
Bear grew up too! Good dog.
Addyson liked to escape the Dunkel homestead now and then to visit her cousins' house, where there were only six people and a dog.
Happy Birthday, Braydon! Time for a haircut, I think, little buddy.
Just as Mehrissa put Bryson down for his afternoon nap, she went into labour for the fifth time. This labour was the fastest yet, and they didn't even have a chance to call the midwife! Thankfully that baby just slid right out of her, a mere 10 pounds even, and she was back on her feet making tater tot casserole that very same night! Meet...
Brody Dunkel! Yep. It's another boy. Sorry Mehrissa - maybe next time! I mean, look on the bright side. There will definitely be a next time.
Adalyn was soooooo enjoying being a mommy. It was the most precious thing ever! As she watched her little David grow into a toddler, all she could think of was how much he looked like his daddy. Where was Hobart, anyway?
Out schmoozing, it seems. Look, the man is a DOCTOR, he has to make connections in the community. He can't be expected to sit around at home with his wife and kid all day. How else is he supposed to provide for them? And yes, he's at a disreputable establishment with GAMBLING, but that's where the work luncheon was held. He can't help that, can he?
Okay, I know this looks bad, but Dr. Amanda [mumbled last name] is European, okay? It would be the height of rudeness not to greet her with a kiss!
But it seems Hobart tried to do a little more than greet her, if you know what I mean. To her credit, she was having none of it. "Are you crazy, Hobart?" she exclaimed. "I know you're married! We're standing outside your own house, for God's sake! I'm out of here."
Hobart could only hope that this little 'misunderstanding' wouldn't get spread around town by his colleague...
Meanwhile, inside the house, Adalyn was about to welcome their second precious blessing! "Hobart! Hobart?! Where are you?!" she called.
Oh well. Adalyn was sure he'd be along to welcome his newborn daughter Daisy to the world eventually.
A few days later, Abigail was surprised to see Hobart out and about downtown, and at the sort of establishment fundies usually steered clear of. "Hobart? What're you doing here?" she asked. "Didn't Adalyn just have a baby?"
Hobart laughed her off and told her he was there for a 'work event', but she watched in consternation as he sat down to play poker with some strange women, who seemed more than a little interested in how much money a doctor of his calibre made.
Guess who? While Abigail was out and about and worrying about her brother-in-law, her "ex-boyfriend" Gilbert showed up outside her house AGAIN. Good thing she wasn't there to see him, because there might have been a throw down, and not in a sexy way.
So long for now! Hope you enjoyed today's update. Check back soon for... a Dunkel Double Wedding! And so much more. Maybe a Dunkel restraining order, too (take a hint, Gilbert)!
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Okay, so it's not really a poem. But here is a list of everything that sucks right now. No particular order of importance.
- Five children died in a fire and people are terrible in the comments
- The largest statewide newspaper was sold to a Republican politician who just might be running for office in 2018. Everyone is terrible in the comments.
- Wildfires are not uncommon but they definitely are much worse because of human activity and policy.
- Hurricanes. I'm not linking. You already know.
- Mexico's earthquake & Trump's response. Why does he hate mexicans so much?
- Pizza Hut. It's disgusting and no one should ever eat there. Also they treat their employees terribly.
- The Bears lost. Again.
- I've gained weight. Do not tell me that it's OK. It's not OK. I need to get my butt in gear with some tough talk right now, not acceptance. I do not accept this.
- I don't know what I'm doing at my job. I have so many tasks and I'm completely overwhelmed with personal shit and work tasks and I feel horrid all the time (probably because of weight gain) and with my family situation and crippling loneliness from not being around, working out with people, and now I can't because I am too far out of shape to just hop back in to swim and spin.
- I really don't know what I'm doing at work. I can't seem to break it down to manageable tasks and instead spent the morning being depressed about the state of the union and world and possibly universe. I'm sad that this guy is dying. I remember when he was launched and thinking that I would never see any of his images.
Things that are OK.
- These cats are alive and still catting it up in a beautiful house and entertaining guests.
- I have a shiny new phone - Note 8; it's awesome.
This fucking summer. This fucking year, really. So. My marriage, which limped along while I was super depressed because I just didn't care, is really rocky right now. I'm not sure he knows that it's total shit- I think he thinks everything is great. I mean, I finally stopped nagging him. I'm just really quiet all the time. I never ask him to do anything around the house anymore and just do it all myself. Because I'm fucking tired of having to tell a grown man, over and over and over again, that he needs to put effort into his own life outside of work. For the first time in a long time I'm thinking about the future and I'm just exhausted by the thought of however many more decades with him. I get one life and I'm not sure I want to spend it as someone's damn live-in help- there is no mystical property of a penis that prevents the owner of said genitals from cleaning the shower once in a fucking while, without being reminded six times, and without whining about it.
It all came to a head when one of his friends (who, silly me, I thought was my friend too- hahaha, no) told him that he's avoiding me on purpose (we're next door neighbors, it was getting pretty weirdly obvious) because he's got some Mike Pence flavored asshole ideas about the world. Well, the dude didn't acknowledge his own Mike Penceness, just said that he won't be alone with his friends' wives*. Like, what the fuck, dude, I'm a PERSON. I'm a PERSON. I don't BELONG to my husband, and I don't just drop my fucking pants every time I'm alone in a room with someone! As a matter of fact, the vast majority of times I have ever been alone with another human being, I was wearing my pants the whole time. The whole time!
*I'll note that this rule was clearly not in existence last year, before I lost 50 pounds.
Believe it or not I swallowed my rage (it took some serious swallowing) and did not make him eat his own mailbox. See? Agency. Choices. Not ruled by my emotions/gonads/instincts. Almost like I'm people or something.
Like, holy shit guys, I'm being treated like I'm an appliance with tits by basically all sides these days. This sucks and MANY things officially tasted better than thin feels.
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I feel the need to get this off my chest, even if nobody really reads this.
Yesterday marked the end of a chapter of my life that was open for 16 years - since I was 16 myself.
When I was 16 I met someone online. We were the same age (or so I thought - years later she admitted she was actually 6 years older than me) and had similar interests and immediately clicked as friends. In fact, it turned into more than friendship and we started a long-distance relationship. I was infatuated, in love as only a 16-year-old could be.
I vividly remember our first fight. It was around the time of my 17th birthday. We had a mutual friend who was interested in a site called Furcadia. She'd invited us both to play with her but my girlfriend wasn't interested. I decided to give it a try, though. When she found out I'd been hanging out there with our friend she was furious. I was taken aback, but I placated her and it was over.
Thus began my dealings with a person suffering from psychiatrist-diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In the early years she broke up with me several time. Each time I was sobbing and heart broken. Each time I was told to get over it. At one stage I moved across the country to live with her. I had no car and no way of catching public transport so she promised to drive me around. Three days before my flight she dumped me. When I moved there, she refused to drive me around. My parents had to buy me a car and drive it cross country. Two months later she decided she didn't want to live there any more and broke the lease to move back home. I had to do the same.
She told me to move on because we were never getting back together. Eventually, I did.
I kept it from her, knowing that in spite of her telling me to move on she would be furious. I didn't lie about it, I just never mentioned it. I didn't really try to hide it. Enevitably she found out and the fallout was phenomenal. Eventually, we began talking again. She wanted to resume our relationship after mine ended, but after she had stranded me across the country without so much as a single apology for her actions I'd seen her true colours and could never feel the same about her. I was willing to be friends, but any love I'd felt had been crushed by the hurt I felt.
Despite not being in a relationship, she rewrote the history of mine. She accused me of being with him while I was still with her. She claimed that she'd never said to get over her and that she'd been trying to get back together with me while I was with him. None of that was true. After telling me so many times I had to get over things she'd done in the past, she never let go of my 'betrayal'.
Once I found out about the NPD I began to learn how to avoid the arguments and brush off the constant criticism. I was a bad friend, I made her wait too long when we talked online, my illness got in the way all the time, she made all the time in the world for me but I wasn't reciprocating. Somehow, amidst the constant barrage of criticism she kept hinting at us getting back together, but she wanted me to be the one to make the move.
That's when I realised - she didn't love me. I was her backup plan. When she had a better prospect she was happy to let me go, but when there was nobody else she wanted me. She took for granted that I'd wait around for her and ask to get back together and be grateful for the opportunity.
She was wrong.
A couple of years ago, I met someone new. Somebody whose love didn't come at the cost of my self worth. Someone who didn't complain about making endless sacrifices for me and ignore the sacrifices I made from then. In fact, I didn't need to make sacrifices for him at all.
It was a love different to any I've felt before, and the first time we met up I realised I couldn't imagine my life without him. Earlier this year, we got married and it was the best thing I've ever done. Naturally, I did not tell her.
I told him everything about her - how our relationship had started, the ways it had ended, and our continuing 'friendship'. I told him that she viewed us as being in a relationship even though I hadn't agreed to one. I was completely honest, and he was completely supportive. He encouraged me to disconnect with her, made me finally believe I didn't deserve the constant criticism, that even though I'd learned to deal with her and didn't rise to the bait it still negatively affected me. He didn't push. He just let me do it at my own pace.
Yesterday, I finally disconnected for good.
It was over something relatively minor in the scheme of our rocky relationship. I was going through something difficult and she was angry with me for being distracted by it because she was having problems too. I told her I was dealing with a potentially terminal illness in my family. Most people would at least offer some perfunctory sympathy. An 'I'm sorry', even if the next word was 'but'. But she didn't. She was just angry I wasn't asking about her issues.
And that's what did it.
I told her I had nothing more to say to her, and this time I truly meant it.
I know how different the story would be coming from her. I am a horrible person, a heartbreaker, cold and cruel. I am a cheater and a liar. I am not a saint and I know I've done things out of anger or hurt to lash out at her. I am not blameless. I feel genuinely sorry for what she's going through right now and it's very hard to not tell her so, but I can't get drawn back into contact. My words yesterday confirmed to her every bad thing she's ever thought about me and she will never forgive me. She'll hate me. I needed it to be that way. I wasn't cruel, at least I tried not to be. I wanted to say she was a narcissist and a hypocrite, but I didn't. I didn't get mad. I just said I could no longer be in contact - but that's all it will take. Ending things myself, on my terms - that's an unforgivable sin. I still feel guilty, despite everything. I hate hurting or upsetting anyone.
But at last, I can finally breathe.
I went tonight to the Grand Opening of my friend's bar.
It was great. Lots of people, good live music, great food -including a roast suckling pig. I reckon it cost her at least 10,000 baht - about $350. Doesn't sound a lot, but here it is. I live on about 30,000 baht a month.
There were LOTS of people there. Some were fellow bar owners, there to wish her luck - they won't be back, they have their own bars to run. Some were friends and family, who don't usually go to bars - but came to show support.
Many were what we call balloon chasers - when a bar is having a party, and giving away free food, they put balloons outside. Some people go from balloon to balloon, to avoid paying for food. I saw some come in, eat, have a glass of water or a small beer, and leave. One table had three different groups in less than 90 minutes.
And then there were some who are and will be customers. I''m just not sure there were enough of them. Out of maybe 150 people all night - I was there from shortly after it started at 7pm until nearly midnight - there were maybe 20 to 30 who will be regular customers - and they won't be there every day.
I'm her friend, and was there with some of her relatives. We'll probably go as a group about once a week. I'll go another night with other friends.
I'm just not sure it's enough to sustain her business. She has three employees, whose wages must add up to at least 40,000 baht a month. Tonight, she had four extras, because she knew it would be super busy.
I really want it to work for her, but the freeloaders tonight upset me.
So I'm feeling a bit down.
From the beginning of my pregnancy I wanted a home birth in water. I knew my son was going to be my last child, and I truly wanted that experience. Until I hit 34 weeks. March 23rd I called my primary physician & told her something didn't feel right. I had a ton of pain in my abdomen and my baby wasn't moving much. She referred me to the only OB practice in the area that takes my insurance & they basically told me "pregnancy sucks, you're fine, get over it." The weekend passes and I feel him moving less and less, but I was starting to get labor pains. I called the hospital near me & they told me 34 weeks was too early and despite my concerns, they would stop my labor and send me home.
Monday the 27th I was in labor and worried about my son. My mom took me to a different hospital to get a second opinion. They did an ultrasound and hooked myself and my son to the monitors, the on call OB determined he needed to come out because his placenta had begun to die, and he wasn't getting enough nutrients, something the OB I was referred to could've caught if they had listened to my concerns instead of brushing me off. I starten on pitocin and walked & bounced on the birth ball.
6 AM on March 28th I begged for an epidural. My first birth had been 12 hours of labor, 20 minutes of pushing, and medication free. I had wanted to do that again, but at this point after laboring 48+ hours on my own, my body was worn out. I was shaking uncontrolably and crying. After they placed it, my water broke and I knew things were going to go quickly from there. I texted my husband telling him the baby was coming within the next few hours & to try and make it. I napped off and on thanks to the epidural until I felt intense pressure and realized it was time to push.
After two pushes and 5 minutes, Woodrow-James Digger Godwin made his way into this world at 11:43 AM. He weighed 5lb10Oz & was 18.5 inches long. He was placed on my chest for a moment, and then once we realized he was wheezing and struggling to breathe, he was whisked off to NICU. My mom followed him while the nurses stitched me up. I texted my husband again "baby is here but he's in NICU"
It was 4 days before I could hold him & 7 before he came home.
He's now 5 weeks old & finally putting on weight and has adapted to life outside the womb very well.
Until recently, I foolishly assumed that since the laundry area shelves and brackets were 1.5 inch thick solid wood, that they had been properly anchored to the wall by the previous owners.
Long story short, they weren't!
They are now, and I'm extremely grateful that no one was hurt when one of the brackets holding up a fully loaded shelf pulled itself out of the wall.
Everyone, please check to make sure your shelves are secure!
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This post is brought to you by the amazing homemade ice cream at Good N Plenty and dedicated to @Mela99 .
This does not make up for my bitterness about not going to Shady Maple.
Today was........something. I'm remembering why I don't sign up for church-related things anymore. As a child, I always wanted to see a show there and I figured you're never too old for cute goats. I was slightly confused when I found out we would be seeing a production of Jonah but it ranks pretty low on the "potentially problematic" bible stories for me.
BOY WAS I WRONG.
I'll start off by saying the set design for the show was FANTASTIC. I want to hug the entire production team (especially the stage manager calling all those cues!) and feed them the baked good of their choice. The music is sung live over a pre-recorded instrumental track so there were a few timing issues but nothing that made the show unbearable.
I'm lying, there's one song where the harmonies are really grating.
Anyway, I'm sitting semi-enjoying the show, smelling too many roasted almonds, and crying over the worst $3 cup of watery iced coffee for all of act one. I shoot off a few texts to family members who I thnk would enjoy the show and settle in for act two. Now they open the show by explaining that they take some creative license with the storyline, biblical purists need not apply. Cool. I was not prepared for what was coming next.
(White) Jonah is projected out of the whale and onto.....an island full of brown natives. These are nice natives (they give him a donkey and clothes!) but they're definitely presented as an "other". Ok...slightly perturbed but we can still recover.
S/N: Being surrounded by whale stomach acid for 3 days turned Jonah's hair from brown to boyband blonde. Seriously, it's in the script.
Jonah Timberlake rides up to the gates of the city full of "evil people with no good in their hearts" who live by the motto "For the honor of Ninevah NEVER SHOW MERCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" full of condensation general disgust. Hmm, I wonder what kind of evil no good people he'll find within the city limits?
People in shades darker than "HOA Beige" because of course brown people are ALWAYS THE PROBLEM amen.
The king and queen of Ninevah (and their brown child) are the only major speaking roles portrayed by persons of color in this entire damn show.
I'm pissed. I'm literally shaking.
The Ninevites sing songs that are more gospel than musical theatre. I just shake my head.
Honestly, don't ask me any of the finer plot points of this section because I was about 300% done by then. After Jonah's little vine dies I'm hoping they do an awkward curtain call and call it a day. Of course, you can't end the show on this wonderful (seriously, the moral is prophet or not- don't be an asshole) without having an appearance from the most important figure in American Christianity.
White Jesus™ shows up.
That's right folks! No longer relegated to the much shorter New Testament, White Jesus™ makes an appearance just in time to teach Jonah a lesson and then walk off, hair blowing in the breeze.
If I had been any closer to an exit I would have walked out. They sing one last song in true curtain call form and then White Jesus™ makes another appearance just in time for the final pose. Then they do an abbreviated altar call.
TL;DR White Jesus™ is white and colored folks are evil.
I have suddenly become one of those people who constantly takes pictures of their food! I know it's not cool anymore. I feel like my FIL who struts around in a white track suit wearing sunglasses, or with his sweatshirt tucked into his jeans.
I made a mushroom melt on pumpernickel bread with a Greek cheese I can't spell, much less pronounce.
Here is my cute cat picture I promised to show. It's a dirty click bait trick. I know very few FJers can resist cutepet pictures.
I figured out that the Heathen Husband was going to propose in front of our families after my college graduation. I am not down with public proposals so I told him without saying it that I couldn’t handle that. He proposed in my college apartment kitchen instead. It all worked out because my stepfather was being a gigantic douche because he didn’t want to be there and hated not having the attention on him. Later, when my now husband upgraded my ring to something bigger, he wrapped it up as a birthday present and gave it to me in his parents kitchen. Must be something about kitchens with us...
I just asked my grandma how my grandpa proposed to her, and she said she can't remember. But she said she remembers him coming to ask her father if he could marry her. She and her mother were in an adjoining room, standing on a chair and listening through a hole in the wall where the stove pipe used to be (apparently it had been taken out for cleaning).
Mr Xtian asked my kids what I'd do if he proposed. They told him I'd say yes...so he took them with him to pick out my ring. He and the kids went over to my mom's where I met them after I got off work (all nasty, sweaty and pizza doughy). He got down on one knee there in my mom's living room...and we got married less than 2 months later. Since then, he's upgraded my rings twice. I'm now sporting a 3/4 carat solitaire with a wrap...it's for our 20th. Seems that he upgrades my rings every 10 years, but he won't let me upgrade his wedding band.
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese can a kind sister stop laughing for a wee minute and post Bro Gary's sales video??????